"Everything you are." The sound of those three words resonates in my mind as I watch the interview on the screen above me. Peeta is there alongside Caesar. Their natural rapport keeps the audience rapt, but it's obvious that something is different. We're no longer the star-crossed lovers of District 12, we're the two that could never be, the tragic love story doomed to a horrific end. There is no Seneca Crane anymore, no one to bend the rules. It is certain that survival for one means death for the other.
I lurch awake, my clothing sticking to my body in sweat. I feel around next to me. He's still here. Always. After all this time, I'm still not used to feeling him next to me, I'm not used to him protecting me.
I'm moving too much and I feel him stirring. He opens his eyes slowly, blinking as he adjusts to the dim light of the early morning. "Katniss," he whispers. I rest my forehead against his. It's quiet for a while, only the sound of our breathing filling the air.
I love him, I really do. He understands that conversation isn't my strong suit, so he lets me lie there in silence. He understands that I don't need verbal reassurance; I just need him there. Always.
After a while he falls back asleep, leaving me to stare into the soft skin of his eyelids. I worm my way further into his embrace, my head finding a nook within his bent neck and chest. I press my lips to his shirt. Just being so close to him makes reality more manageable.
I wake up again, this time at a more reasonable hour. He's awake already. I can hear him downstairs with Finn and Prim. I walk into the bathroom and run a brush through my hair before braiding it straight down my back. I quickly run my fingertip across the spot where Clove's knife cut me. I can no longer see the scar, but I can feel the small bump where it would be had the capitol not rid me of my imperfections.
As soon as I open the door into the hallway, the familiar scent of cheese rolls greets me. I allow myself to smile - taking joy in the little things is necessary to my sanity – and I walk down the stairs. They don't even hear me come in, but then again, they never can. Years of hunting have trained me to walk quietly and quickly, it's a habit that is hard to break. Finn sees me in his peripherals and perks up, he gives me a toothy grin. "Mama!" I walk over and kiss him on the forehead, ruffling his hair as I pass him. I lean down and do the same to Prim, who is engrossed in a book. "Good morning," I murmur as Peeta gives me a quick peck. He rubs my arm and I give him a shy smile.
"Do I smell cheese rolls?" I ask, eyeing the pan cooling on the top of the oven. "Papa made them! He said they'd make you smile!" I look over at Finn and let out a soft laugh, "well it worked." I steal one from the pan and sit down across from Prim. "What are you reading, sweetie?" "Some book about herbs, I found it in the office." Peeta squeezes my shoulder, Prim, the original Prim, my beautiful sister, used to read that.
Peeta wipes his hands on his apron and grabs Finn and Prim's book-bags. "Come on, we're going to be late if we don't leave now." Finn jumps up, taking his plate to the sink he skips over to get his bag. He's still at that adorable stage where he looks forward to school. Prim closes her book, looking at it longingly as she takes her bag and her brother's hand. She's about to walk out the door when Peeta stops her. "Hey, you're forgetting something!" She rolls her eyes, trying to hide the smile on her face, and groans "Dad!" He grabs her and Finn in a big bear hug before sending them on their way.
Peeta's always been better at the whole father thing. He knows how to talk to them, how to relate. He knows how to act around them and how to comfort them. I, on the other hand, am still learning. After 9 years, there's still so much I have to learn about being a mother.
"You're so great with them." I smile sadly in Peeta's direction as he goes about cleaning the kitchen. "As are you." Peeta comes over and leans down to give me a kiss. "Not like you are," I retort. He shrugs, "and yet they still adore you, so obviously you're doing something right." I finish the last of my roll and walk over to where he's standing at the sink. I wrap my arms around him from behind, leaning my cheek against his shoulder. "Thank you for the rolls," I whisper. "What was it about last night?" I sigh, turning so that my forehead rests on his shoulder now. I speak into his shirt, but he can still hear my muffled words, "do you remember the quarter quell?" That's a stupid question, of course he remembers. He just nods. I continue, "for some reason I dreamt about your interview with Caesar." He turns around, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I'd rather you dream of that than the actual arena." He looks down at me. Those piercing blue eyes still make my heart stop, make me have to catch my breath. "All of your feelings then, they still apply now, right?" He let's out an exasperated sigh and nods, kissing me on my forehead. You'd think that after all this time, I'd be completely certain about his love. But the truth is, I'm not, and I'm not sure I'll ever be.