I can still feel his fingers around my neck and his sword against my throat.
Thin fingers stroked past the skin of her neck, before the hand rested on her chest. Eyes averted towards the clock – five hours had passed since he'd gone – and shifted back to the ceiling. The red rims around her eyes gave away that she'd been crying, but the tears had dried on her face by now and all she did was lie on her back on the wooden floor and stare.
Why should I keep on loving? All that ever brings is a broken heart and a lot of tears.
Even though she had decided to give up on men entirely, she just couldn't forget Zoro. Sure, she'd had her troubles with Luffy too and her relationship with him had been happy and blissful until they'd stopped loving each other.
If I ever stopped loving, I wonder where it all began…
Closing her eyes, she could feel tears welling up again, but she didn't bother to try and hold them back. There was no one who'd see her there anyway and even if someone would: she wasn't ashamed of her sadness, she just didn't want to bother anyone else with it. Perhaps if she'd keep it all to herself she would still have a chance at finding someone who'd start to care for her and who would ever like a depressed woman in her twenties with three children? Hardly anyone. The children were bad enough as it was, so at least if she'd seem cheerful and happy, perhaps someone would think of her as desirable.
What if Zoro was right? What if she was only meant to be the nakama? The fuck for a drunken moment.
She rolled to her side. It had always been like that and her virginity had been taken away when she was raped. Legs were pulled up and arms wrapped around herself in an attempt to make herself feel more comfortable, but she only ended up sobbing and feeling very alone.
I wonder… If you look into my eyes and see how you've shattered my heart, does it break your heart too? Even crack it a little bit? … I'm sure not. You probably don't even notice.
How often had she been raped? Three times? Four times? She couldn't even remember anymore and even the memories of those moments weren't as painful as knowing that the one she loved would never feel the same about her and fall asleep by the side of another woman.
It's hard to pretend to love someone when you don't, but it's even harder to pretend you don't love someone when you really do.
"Mommy? Why are you crying on the floor?" Nami sat up swiftly and smiled brightly at the little girl in the door that looked so much like Luffy. "It's nothing, sweetheart. Mommy's just a little bit tired." The girl stepped into the room and when Nami stretched her arms out, she walked into them and let herself be hugged. "I love you, my darling."
Do I really? Can still even feel that? Maybe… maybe it's better to just give up.
She closed her eyes and held her child close. "I'm so sorry sweetheart, mommy hasn't been taking care of you very well, has she? Everything will be better soon, okay?" She held her child away from her and smiled encouraging. "Now go play with your brothers." The girl smiled and kissed her on the cheek before running out of the room, leaving Nami alone once more.