Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater. Just my own imagination.
Everything turned out great. We had taken down the Kishin, no one on the team was hurt, and I even made Soul a Death Scythe-'The Last Death Scythe.' We had called a truce with the witches so we would no longer hunt them down, as long as they no longer caused any trouble. Everything should be all right, right?
No. There still lingers the memory of what we had lost- who we had lost. Chrona, Lord Death. So many innocent lives throughout the years because of the mistakes of others. But we were the ones that paid the price. I paid the price.
Can you blame me for not being completely happy? I grew up with Lord Death and had been the closest to Chrona. If you think about it, it's totally normal that sleep is sometimes hard to come by. Especially when Soul leaves on his Death Scythe missions. Especially when the fact is that when I close my eyes, they are all I can see.
Don't even get me started on my dreams. In them all I hear is their cries. I'm too slow. I'm too weak. What about all my training? What about my special anti-demon wavelength? Nothing I do is good enough. Nothing I do can save them.
I know it's not my fault. I can't take the blame. They made their own choices- I've heard it all before. I've been hearing it since Soul got his scar from Chrona. But I can't help it. I know that if I had done more, things could have been different. Maybe then, I could get some sleep. But not now. Not in this empty apartment.
'Desperate times call for desperate measures' I think to myself as I ring the doorbell. Tsubaki answers the door and in a second her face splits into a kind smile. She looks genuinely happy. When was the last time I felt that way?
She ushers me in, asking if I want a drink. I look at her, but can't remember asking her if I can spend the night, since Soul is away again. Next thing I know, she's setting me up in her room, talking about visiting her family's home and that she's sorry she can't stay. I reply that it's all right; her train won't wait for her.
She writes a note and leaves it on the table for Black*Star. Then she closes the front door saying Black*Star will be home soon so I won't be lonely. Little does she know that even when she was here, I still felt alone. This guilt eats away at me, every second of every day. I close the door to her bedroom, allowing the darkness to take over until I'm unconscious.
I don't hear the front door slam open announcing Black*Star's arrival. All I can see is blood. Red and black, mixed in a large pool in front of me. I don't' breathe or speak as I look into their eyes. My friends. Lord Death. My papa. They're all gone. I don't feel the Kishin behind me until his fist is through my chest. Then all I can do is scream.
I feel like something is shaking me, but I can't hear anything above my screams. Soon, the shaking is so bad that I snap my eyes open in pain. A set of green eyes filled with anxiety brings me back and I realize that Black*Star is trying to calm me down. I stop screaming, but my body continues to tremble. Black*Star doesn't say anything, but instead wraps me up in his arms. It's comforting, and I return his embrace.
Silent tears continue to fall as I try to regulate my breathing. He whispers soft encouragements in my ear, stroking my back and hair until I am finally silent. We make eye contact again and I'm struck by this side of Black*Star. We haven't been this close since we were children. He looks into my eyes and I can see his need to understand what reduced me to fear. Me-Maka- the girl who constantly preached about bravery.
I silently nod my consent and begin to share my feelings of guilt and the truth behind my nightmares. Throughout the explanation he remained silent, a first for him. As I finished, I was back in tears as I shrieked about how weak I was. I yelled at him, saying the team doesn't need me, how both Kidd and him are stronger than me, and how I'm the reason they died.
Black*Star grabs my face and yells at me, saying how I'm weak because I have allowed their deaths to take control over my life. If I wanted to get stronger, I needed to continue training. For them. For those who lost their lives to protect me. I needed to catch up to Kidd and to him. Because without me, there isn't a team.
I feel shock at his declaration. I make us a team? Me- flat-chested, bookworm Maka? I am confused. Then shocked again. Then…elated? Elated at the fact that for once in Death knows when, I feel something other than guilt.
I throw my arms around him and thank him over and over again for bringing me back. I can always count on him to give me a swift kick in the face whenever I need it. Black*Star laughs and makes sure I'm asleep before returning to his room.
In the morning, I head over to Shibusen Academy's training room. Mirrors surround the room so I see myself from every angle. Before, I would train in here to prove that I was the best meister in history. I would train to surpass my mother and show up my father. I would train to surpass anyone who stood in my way.
Now I look at myself and see their faces. I remember all the wonderful times we spent together. I remember how they wanted the very best for me. With a smile, I begin my training.
I was back.
A/N. –Hey everyone. This is a different kind of story from what I'm used to. Kinda sad, right? But it just hit me, and the story kind of wrote itself. R&R!