A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MASTERHAND
Zell: Ok this is a humor fic about the super smash bros. boss known as Master Hand, and this fic is about what he does when he's not battling the SSBM characters…though we'll have a bit of that to. There's a little bit of language and a few sexual implied jokes.
Disclaimer:…..I don't own Nintendo or SSBM or anything else mentioned here….I think?...no no last time I checked I don't…
10:04 am.
The beloved Master Hand who resides outside of the SSBM universe had just woken up.
Master Hand: Yawn! Grr time for me to wake up and have to go face another meleer hoping to rise to fame and glory by kicking my sorry ass…wait I'm a hand, I don't have an ass. I don't even have a mouth! So why am I talking!...and I don't even have ears so how can I hear myself speak! And I'm the only one in my bedroom so I'm wondering why I'm speaking out loud, pondered the evil Villain.
Deciding he didn't want to hurt his head trying to think of the logic behind this story, he then made his way into the Kitchen to have some waffles.
Master Hand: Let's see…only one left good thing I got to it before Crazy Hand
(Master Hand and Crazy hand were both brothers who rented a small apartment, though Master Hand never got along to well with Crazy Hand….he was sort of the black sheep of their family). At that second Crazy hand came down to the kitchen and grabbed the waffle from his brother's hand
Master Hand:Yo! Leggo my Eggo!
Crazy Hand: Muahahaha! Never! I'm going to go feed this to my gerbil….then when he gets big and fat I'm going to cut him up and then feed his skin to my snake.
Master Hand:….Man Crazy…your just not right in the head…
Crazy: I know I'm not right….I'm left.
Master Hand deciding he'd let Crazy keep the waffle he went over to the computer…for some err educational reading. Suddenly Master Hand noticed a pop up….
Master hand:…Princess Peach picking turnips!...rated X….o man she can pluck my vegetables anyday!
Looking around, Master Hand realized he was alone and watched the video….then went to the bathroom…for whatever reason he went….
43 seconds later (use your imagination if you wish)
Master Hand came out feeling refreshed err for whatever reason he was in there…. And nodded to himself in agreement and said.
Master hand:…Yes I am the Master.
Deciding he would go on his instant messenger and chat he logged on. Noticing someone named Shroom-addict had added him.
Master Hand: Hey who is this? He typed.
ShroomAddict :….Yo dude what's up?
Master Hand:….Whose shroom-addict?
Shroom-Addict:…..yo…..whose this?
Master Hand: What! You added me!
Shroom-Addict:…. Man just mellow out for a sec…your killing my vibe
Master Hand:….Grr this better not be you Kirby
Shroom-Addict: What's a Kirby?...can you smoke it?...anyhow just to tell you Toad I'm going to need you to deliver those mushrooms straight to bowsers castle….If I have any chance of beating him I'm going to need those shrooms(think steroids)
Master:Hand….huh?What? Toad?...whatever.(Master Hand's mouse quickly shifted over and clicked on the block button).
Noticing that another person by the name of SexiPrince-ESS69 had added him.
MasterHand: Oh boy! Finally Zelda added me! I've been waiting for so long for a chance to ask her out!
SexiPrince-ESS69: Hey what's up you sexy beast.
Master Hand: Hey Zelda! (wow she called him sexy) I know this may seem a little out of the blue but…do you think maybe you'd like to go out some time and go for a drink or something?(Master Hand waited for a few seconds for her reply
SexiPrince-ESS69:….Zelda? NO this is Marth…
Master Hand looked at the text for awhile in horror…then the horror turned to shock…then the shock turned to being grossed out….then his mouse shifted over and pressed the block button.
Tired of Chatting Master Hand decided to go out for a walk when an alarm sounded through out his house…what he thought! But today is a holiday! I get the day off from fighting smashers!...NOOO! Not today! He decided he'd need to have a talk with his Union for Villain rights. Though still, he proceeded to teleport to the Final Destination stage to have a word with the asshole who'd dare try to fight him on his day off.
Master Hand: What the hell are you doing here! (Master Hand yelled to the young Hylian boy)
Young Link: What? I've come to fight you! You better be careful because your in for an ass whooping!
Master Hand:…Didn't you get the memo! It's a holiday!
Y. Link:…What holiday?
Master Hand: Villain Appreciation day!
Y. Link:…O…..well could we fight anyway? It took awhile to get here.
Master Hand: Fine….now screw off(Master hand proceeded to slap him off the side of the arena)….good thing I used my strong hand to take care of that twirp….(wait he thought… I only have one hand….O well).
Master Hand teleported back to the house where he saw Crazy hand sacrificing a small herd of goats to a random Asian god he never knew existed…deciding it better to not ask he went outside to find a large group of the smashers playing soccer.
Master Hand: Mind if I play?
The smashers all looked at each other nervously…. And finally Samus said
Samus: Sorry Master but uh….you don't have any legs and every time you play you always "hand ball" it.
Master hand:….o… he said seeming depressed. I understand….
And he walked off sadly, contemplating some things for awhile
Master Hand: Why oh why did my Mother have to marry a hand! Grr figures I'd get my fathers physical features…grr I guess I'll go home now.
Just then he got a call on his cell from a police officer saying a man named Mario was arrested for possession and attempting to buy and use illegal drugs outside of Bowser's castle, and Mario had said Master Hand would be his attorney in court.
Master hand:….Grr fine I'll be right over.
Looks as if a day in the Life of Master Hand is not an easy one…..having to get his ass kicked by smashers…o wait….no ass right… err having to get beat up everyday by smashers. Also to fight day in and day out, as well as help them sort out all their legal problems. Next time you go up to fight Master hand….please go easy on him
This has been a public advertisement for Concerned Villains paid for by the Villain's Right's Union.
Remember to read and review…also tell me if you liked the story and if you think I should do something similar….any ideas are also welcomed.