Title: Imperfection Is Sweet
Summary: Remus Lupin has always viewed himself as an imperfection, a flaw. Not even many years surrounded by friends has changed this opinion, because only three know why he is an imperfection. Can one young wizard change his opinion? One-shot.
Pairings: RL/SS
Feedback: All feedback is appreciated, as long as it is not needless flames. Those you can keep to yourself.
Rating/Warnings: PG/K+ for kissing and general fluffiness. Oh, yes, and slash.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: I'm stuck in a Marauder-era fic I'm writing, and this idea just popped into my head and I decided to write it down. It is a sort of prequel explanation thing about Remus and Sev from a story I haven't uploaded yet, called Making Tomorrow Yesterday. Only it's AU to that, because Sev already knows Remus is a werewolf. Just in case no one read the Rating/Warning, or summary, this is SLASH. As in, two males like/love each other. You have been warned.
On a final note, this is my first attempt at semi humor. I say semi because I'm not a good judge at what's humorous, especially when it comes to my own work. Things I mean to be serious foten crack my friends up, and my jokes often make people direct towards the nearest hospital...ahem. And although my Sirius in this is extremely...odd...I don't believe he was truly like this. I just adapted him to fit into my story.
Imperfection at its Sweetest
"Astounding, Lupin. Despite your 'O' in Potions on your O.W.Ls, you have nearly managed to screw up a first year potion multiple." Remus glared with emotion he wasn't feeling and pulled back the hand that was about to add a bezoar stone.
"I can't help it armadillo bile smells so foul I can't concentrate," he said, though his voice came out weird because he was pinching his nostrils in an attempt to avoid the smell. However, breathing through his mouth made him dizzy and so that didn't work as well as he hoped. He tried cupping his hands over his mouth and noise tight enough to not smell but he ran out of oxygen, and fanning his face was completely ineffective.
Severus muttered something incoherent and added the powdered bicorn horn. "If you didn't run around at night..." he said meaningfully, and a bit too loudly as it attracted the attention of Hogwarts' gossip queen, Violet Brown, though neither of the two conversing noticed.
"That has nothing to do with it!" he denied. He hated that Severus Snape knew about him. His flaw. But if being a werewolf was who you were, and being a werewolf was an imperfection, didn't that mean he was an imperfection?
'Stop,' he chided himself. 'At least you've never killed anyone. Yet.' The yet he couldn't help, even though he hated himself for it. He would rip his own throat open before he allowed himself to harm someone as the werewolf.
"Lupin? Class is over." Remus looked over at Severus and blinked. Was that a note of concern he detected?
"What?"
"Get your lazy arse out of this classroom before I hex you," he snapped. "I have tutoring of first years to do."
"It sounds like your teasing me," Remus grinned. "I didn't know we were that close." Violet, standing just outside the open doorway, agreed.
I'm Touched...in the Head
"REMUS LUPIN!" Remus barely looked up at the yell, used to Sirius raising his voice over miniscule things. However, several first and second years in the common room jumped. "I heard a RUMOR about you." The way he stressed rumor worried Remus, and he stopped talking so that his Dictator quill fell down and rolled, leaving a tiny trail of ink that he cleaned up with a wave of his wand.
"A rumor about me? I'm touched. Normally they're about you or James," he said, grinning and trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work, seeing as how Sirius glared harder and James came bounding up, eyes wide and cheeks red.
"You're screwing Snivellus?" James asked in horror.
"WHAT?" Remus was utterly horrified. Maybe he'd had the occasionally fantasy about the Slytherin, but how could he not? Severus' voice, even when it was insulting or mocking and such, was absolutely heaven to his ears. It was past perfection, and every time he heard it for the first time in a day his heart twinged and his stomach tightened. But that was before he remembered how vile and nasty Severus was. And he smelled so damn good. Like he bathed in chocolate and champagne, both of which were Remus' favorite smells. It didn't hurt that the darker side in Severus drew Remus' werewolf side - his most primitive instincts - to him.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Sirius said earnestly, breaking Remus form his ponderings on his supposed arch enemy. "You're not, are you?"
"What would you do if I was?" he asked lightly. There was a very heavy silence, before James spoke up.
"Of...of course we'd still be friends and all...it's just...Snivellus? You could do better. Right Sirius?" James elbowed his best friend, who had looked ready to protest.
"You guys don't have to worry about it," Remus said with a grin. "I'm not with Snape."
"But would you like to be?" The question was unexpected and came from behind him, where Violet was standing. She was a Ravenclaw; how did she get there? "You actually went along with it for a bit. Snape hexed the person who asked and stormed up to his rooms." Her voice was calculating, her eyes slightly narrowed.
"Gross!" Sirius whined, faking a gag before clamping his hands over his ears and humming to himself. "I don't want to hear any more. If Remus is suddenly and mysteriously in love with Snivellus - and I didn't even know he was gay - that's fine with me. As long as I can completely ignore it." Remus gave a sigh of exasperation as James 'escorted' Violet out of the common room. The werewolf reached over to pull Sirius' hands off his ears and met his eyes firmly.
"Sirius. Listen to me. I have not, am not, and will not ever be, involved with Severus Asopos Snape." Sirius' only response was to wonder why Remus knew his middle name and how appropriate it would be if the first and middle name were switched.
Better than a Broom Closet
The next day, Remus was surprised, to say the least, when he was going to Transfiguration only to be pulled into an empty classroom and hear a locking spell muttered. When he turned around, his heart stopped beating for a second of stunned amazement. "Lupin," he greeted with a sharp nod of his head.
"Severus," he breathed before he could help himself. Normally, it would be 'Lupin, I would like to thank you personally for screwing the rest of my day up with your presence' or 'Lupin, where are your permanently attached body-guards - no, wait, you're the inhumane beast so you protect them...' or-anyway. To hear his name uttered with a degree of civility from that god-like voice made his mind and body go numb in a way nothing else did.
"Lupin, tell me you did not start those utterly...completely...rumors," Severus demanded, stuttering to find proper words to describe what he felt, his eyes narrowing. But Remus did notice two faint spots of red had appeared on his cheeks when he had called his so-called archenemy by his first name.
"Would you be upset if I did...Severus?" He was careful to say the name in his best imitation of Sirius when he was charming a girl. Remus was not sure why he was flirting with danger, literally, but seeing the other wizard's eyes go hazy for a fraction of a second sent a thrill through him he wanted to feel again...and again and again and again.
"Lupin! If you told people we were-"
"I didn't, Snape," he cut in, smiling faintly in an odd way. "Violet Brown did. But I wouldn't mind proving them right." Severus' jaw flapped uselessly for several moments, and Remus suspected he had never been speechless before. After all, the Slytherin seemed just as shocked at his words as his own actions, as a hand reached up and pushed his chin up so his mouth stayed closed.
"Lupin," he finally bit out, "I have no desire to fulfill any...fantasies you may have." Instead of verbally responding, Remus took a step forward and pinned the taller boy against the wall.
"Tell me again after this," he whispered and stood on tiptoes. The kiss was hesitant at first but when Severus applied the tiniest bit of pressure, Remus reached up and wound a hand through the long black hair and darted his tongue out, surprised in the still sensible part of his mind when his tongue met another. However, the sensible part of his mind was pushed back very, very far - repressed in a way it never had, not even when he joined in Sirius and James' pranks. He was on sensory over load - the delicious taste and smell of Severus were crowding him, and every once in a while an a moan could be heard, hands exploring underneath clothes.
After what felt like an eternity but was really roughly five minutes, Remus pulled away and looked into the dilated pupils of his long-time enemy. "That...we...I..." Apparently, his tongue did not want him to speak. His tongue wanted to be touching Severus again. As did many other parts of his body.
"I think," Severus said slowly, "we should meet after dinner at the Astronomy Tower and talk. If you want." The words held no malice or spiteful cunning or irritation. Just...confusion and hesitancy. Remus liked the change.
"Sure," he agreed. "Seven alright?" He licked his lips in an attempt to regain the moisture his mouth had lost. It did not work very well on that aspect, but he did succeed in having Severus wrap him up in another kiss.
Nighttime Hurts in More than One Way: Part One
The rest of the day, Remus was nervous and jumpy, part of his mind screaming in protest whenever he saw Severus walking through the halls, being casually brushed by many students as they hurried past him, unknowingly setting off the werewolf in him. If it was closer to the moon, he surely would have jumped and beaten at least one student by that time. Most likely many more.
But thinking his depressed him. Undoubtedly, Severus was going to say he held no feelings for him, especially because he was a werewolf. For some reason, this excuse stuck out the most. Never mind they'd fought (well, James and Sirius had fought him and Remus had been cowardly and insecure enough to refuse to stand up for him), they were both male, and he was a Gryffindor. The fact he turned in a murdering, blood-thirsty monster once a month mattered the most. It had to...though...there were rumors Severus was a Death Eater. So maybe he didn't mind the killing...
But could Remus ignore the willing murders, if Severus was a serving the You-Know-Who? Of course he could. It would bother him and if anyone found out he'd be hated and scorned. But if the heavenly smelling, godly sounding wizard would have him, he could ignore it. After all, that would mean Severus would be ignoring his Imperfection. His Mistake. His Fault.
"Remus...you okay?" His head snapped up, startled, to see Lily Evans looking at him in genuine concern. She'd actually had a crush on him for a while in fifth year, but now she was with James and the two had become close friends. She had been the first one he'd 'come out' to. Though, she didn't know about his Imperfection.
"Yes...why?"
"You're crying." Startled once more, he reached up and pulled away at the feeling of wetness. "Oh, Remus, do you need to talk?" He glanced across the hall at a furious looking Severus, glaring at a third year who had accidentally knocked pumpkin juice on his robes. Then Severus looked up and their gazes met and his face softened for a fraction of a second before he returned to intimidating the younger student. A wide grin had spread across his face and looked down, flushed.
"Thanks, Lily, but I have an appointment tonight. I'll get plenty of talking done then." He beamed at her confused face, ran a hand through his sandy locks, and stood. "But you know what? I haven't spent some time with you in a long time. Would you like to got Hogsmeade with me next Saturday?" Lily, who didn't know about the Map or cloak but knew they had ways of sneaking in, nodded and smiled.
Remus went upstairs and jotted down a note for James, apologizing for borrowing the cloak with so little notice and not to wait up for him. Then, wrapped in the cloak, he made his way to the Astronomy Tower. He arrived five minutes early, but expected Severus would be a little early. After all, he had a reputation as being punctual.
However, fifteen minutes went by and still no sign of Severus. Remus didn't notice as he was absorbed in a book he had brought, but by eight thirty he knew it had been long since their agreed time. At nine, he quietly left and, upon reaching the dormitory, placed the folded up cloak back in James' trunk and crawled into bed without changing, staying awake the entire night, eyes wide.
Nighttime Hurts in More than One Way: Part Two
The next night, at six, Remus went back to the Astronomy Tower, thinking - hoping? - maybe the time had been wrong. Or the day. Or both. He didn't concede defeat until his watch read midnight and the clock tower rang out twelve times, in the silence of the night. The next night, he came once more but only stayed until eight. The fourth night - coincidentally the night before the full moon - he arrived at eight and waited two hours before tearing out, curfew disregarded as he ran blindly, tears blurring his vision. When he hurled himself into bed and began to sob into his pillow so loudly the entire dorm awoke (it was a Monday, after all, and that was when sleep was needed most) James and Sirius slipped into his bed and spelled his hangings so they would not be disturbed or hear.
"Remy...Moony...what's wrong?" James asked in concern. "Did the bloke you've been seeing do something?
Sirius, picking up where James left off, added encouragingly, "I'll hex him into next week, if you want." Remus sat up and let out a strangled half laugh, half sob.
"I wasn't seeing anyone, and that was the problem. S-someone-"Remus was thankful his tears hid his stumble of almost saying 'Severus'-"said they'd meet me Thursday night. When they didn't show up, I thought maybe I'd gotten the time wrong, or the date. So I went back...and I went back...and I went back." He sighed and wiped his eyes, ignoring the furious looks his best friends were exchanging. "Just as well, he knows about my Imperfection-" He broke off, eyes widening. He had never let anyone know what he referred to his lycanthropy as. Thankfully, they refrained from commenting.
"But the only one besides us who knows about you is..." James trailed off, eyes widening in comprehension, while Sirius reached for Remus' pillow and screamed into it, though the scream was more a slightly high-pitched, growly sort of bark.
"No!" Remus protested, half hysterical. "He saw me going out to the Willow and knew I disappeared every month, and he's really smart and he connected the dots."
"Can't be that smart if he let you get away," James muttered and Sirius, who had lifted his face at this brightening - 'Brightening to who?' Remus wondered darkly - piece of news, nodded firmly.
"Just tell me who he is and I'll storm into his dormitory and dung bomb his bed." Remus smiled slightly at the image of Severus waking up and finding himself encompassed by foul-smelling clouds. It would serve him right...but he couldn't very well say who it was after he'd so vehemently denied the truth. His smile died at the thought and he shook his head.
"No, I'll get over it. After all, I was the one who pinned him against the wall to snog him." James' eyebrows disappeared under his shaggy bangs and Sirius let out a strangled scream and clamped his hands over his ears as he had in the common room a few days previous.
"Too...much...information...Lupin," he ground out. Remus merely smiled. The sadistic side in him - his werewolf side, his Imperfection - enjoyed Sirius' disgust, more than James did at least - which was a friendly, laughing sort of way. He sighed and fell back against his pillow and his friends, understanding, slipped out and left him to sleep.
How Many Ways Can YOU Explode the World?
The next day was, unfortunately, Potions. For Remus, Potions meant sitting beside Severus and ignoring his presence, though this time for an entirely different reason. Before, it had been to ignore his occasionally and undue biting remarks but now he had to ignore Severus under the pretense that their heated kisses and plans to meet had never taken place. He wasn't sure if he could, but he would try.
"Lupin...Remus...I need to talk to you," Severus said urgently as Remus took his seat.
"You had four nights to do that." Onyx eyes went wide.
"You waited four...Remus, you must listen. I would have talked to you earlier, but I didn't have any classes with you and you'd run off if I confronted you anywhere else. Please just hear me out, and then you can tell me to bugger off and indulge in as many childish, vengeful pranks you wish," Severus explained and the ice barrier around Remus' heart melted. He'd never heard Severus Snape utter 'please', not even sarcastically. He nodded his consent and began working on the potion, simply to distract himself from staring into Severus' face, which would only make him instantly forgive the Slytherin. "You see, the night I agreed to meet with you was the eighth anniversary of my older cousins' murder. Serena and Salene were kidnapped but only Serena was abused. Technically, Salene - her sister - committed the murder, but it was only to save her from continuous torture and so I view it as entirely as the Muggles' fault." He paused and Remus found himself staring in saddened disbelief at Severus, who was now talking to their shared cauldron. "My aunt and uncle, while still holding the Muggles at fault, also blame my cousin - the one that lived. They have despised her ever since, and she is intending to run away and attend Hogwarts next year.
"Returning to the point, that day always causes Salene immense emotional pain, and there is no one to comfort her but me. I received her owl as soon as I left dinner and I flooed to Durmstrang, as I have always done in the past. I would have owled you, but I didn't realize until I was in Bulgaria and I was only allowed to floo there and back, once each.
"Remus...I know I let you down and I would've returned to the tower the next night if I'd known you'd be there. I'm...very sorry." There was a very heavy silence and Remus, finding nothing to say despite his well-nourished vocabulary, sprinkled in the powdered thestral blood.
"I forgive you," he said quietly, smiling faintly at Severus' exhalation of relief. However, the sigh turned to a gasp of alarm when Remus reached out to drop in the vampire fangs. His hand closed around Remus' wrist, but far too late, as the world exploded and the explosion flipped Remus into the air and he leaned, stomach first on Severus, their lips colliding with force. A hand went to his lower back, and Remus, in the final throes of consciousness, decided the world had exploded in more ways than one.
An Epilogue Of Sorts
"How can you possibly like me?" The question surprised Remus and for a second wondered who had asked it. Then he realized he had.
"To me, you're the epitome of perfection," Severus said after a moment's consideration. "Even your faults are perfect. Like magically growing your hair when you're moody. It's...sexy." To hear the word 'sexy' said in Severus' voice made Remus flush, even as he considered the words. Even after being together five months, Severus still surprised him.
"What about my...Imperfection?" Severus realized what he was talking about and knelt before him, gripping him by his upper arms.
"I am truly sorry for ever insulting you about being a werewolf. It was purely a case of bad timing and unwise decisions on your parents' part. They're both wizards and it was full moon and you lived near a magical forest. They should have realized the consequences of letting you out. You were four when you were bit, and you couldn't predict it. And I've seen you in wolf form, thanks to Potter's prank. And if you get past the snarling and cringe inducing jaw-snapping, you're very cute and cuddly." Severus' choice of words made him laugh out loud, albeit in a teary way.
"I love you, Severus," he breathed, hugging the Slytherin tightly to him. The words had never been returned, and he didn't need them to be. The little speech Severus had just given proved his feelings in a way three little words couldn't. "I love you so very much." The werewolf was just held tighter.