A/N: I know, this is going WAY back in time. It was actually written in the summer following Grave Danger, but writer's block and life got in the way of it being posted in a timely manner. I just found it again, sweeping through files after a computer crash, and figured better late than never!
Spoilers: A blink-and-you'll-miss-it mention of Nesting Dolls
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, they aren't mine… just having some fun in the universe of TPTB
--
In a daze, Sara watched as the activity around her slowly subsided. The cadets, officers, and other personnel who had come to help in the search for Nick were gradually clearing the area, returning to their vehicles and heading home or back to work. With the adrenaline no longer pushing her forward, and Nick already on his way to the hospital with Catherine and Warrick, she was at a loss for what to do next. All she wanted to do was collapse in tears from the stress the ordeal had put them through, but technically she was still on the job, and breaking down was not yet an option.
She was aware of Brass to her left, and of Greg accepting his offer of a lift back to the lab. She also noted Ecklie and Grissom, deep in conversation, drifting slowly from her right. She fervently hoped she hadn't been imagining it when she heard Grissom ask for his shift to be put back together. If there was one thing this ordeal had shown her, it was how much she missed working with Catherine and the guys.
The next thing she knew, Grissom was standing in front of her, his arm extended, palm up. Touched by his gesture, she now knew it would be impossible to stop the tears already stinging her eyes. As her left hand reached for him, her right hand came up in a futile attempt to stop the tears from finally falling. He tugged gently on her hand, and she fell into his embrace. He stood silently, giving her the time she needed to shed her tears and pull herself back together.
"Come on, I'll take you home," he whispered softly in her ear, once he felt that her light shaking had subsided. She slowly pulled away, but before she could get too far his hand was on her back, lightly guiding her towards his car.
The drive was comfortably quiet, and before long they had reached her apartment. She realized she should probably say something, thank you at the very least, but before she could get the words out he was once again at her side, opening the door and helping her out. A small voice at the back of her head told her she should be telling him she could do it herself, but standing on weak knees, the rest of her wasn't so sure. And once again, his hand found its way to the small of her back, gently guiding her into the building.
With only minimal fumbling, she found the right key and opened her door, then turned to face Grissom.
"Thank you," she said.
For once she didn't feel the need to overtalk, instead hoping that her gaze would convey the sincerity with which she spoke those words. He had a Ph.D., he didn't need her to spell out that she appreciated the ride home. And if he chose to interpret a deeper meaning, well, who was she to argue?
Grissom, for his part, merely returned the gaze steadily. She found it unnerving the way a man usually so socially inept could hold eye contact like that. Eventually his intensity forced her to look away, and her gaze drifted slowly around her apartment.
Suddenly the tears were back.
She did her best to hide it as she turned back to face him, but tonight… maybe everything with Nick had made him more in tune with his sensitive side.
"Sara? What is it?"
"Nothing, I just… I really don't want to be alone right now…" She stepped back and opened the door a bit wider, afraid to actually ask. Looking at the floor nervously, she waited to see if he would accept her silent invitation.
She didn't have to wait long before he agreed, taking a tentative step forward.
"Me neither."
She tried to look up at him, but the tears spilled over and she looked away again in frustration. "I'm sorry," she said, wiping at the tears. He moved in to comfort her, but she held up her hand. "No, don't, I'm okay, I'm fine. God, I hate crying! I'm sorry!" Her hand rubbed again at the tears.
"You don't need to apologize, it's okay to cry," he said, hoping to soothe her.
"No, it's – can I get you something? Anything? A drink? No, food… when's the last time you ate? I don't even remember the last-"
"Sara, stop. Whatever you're having is fine."
She headed for the kitchen. "I'm not even hungry," she mumbled into her fridge. She grabbed two bottles of water and, in case he was hungry, the container of grapes she'd been washing for…
And the damn tears were back. She'd washed those grapes so she'd have a snack after work... right before Nick…
She slammed the fridge shut.
Grissom had taken a seat on her couch. She handed him one of the bottles, and set the grapes on the table in front of him. "Sorry, I know it's not much… I haven't gone grocery shopping in a while," she said, sitting in the chair next to him and pulling her legs up to wrap her arms around her knees.
"It's fine, Sara. I'm actually not that hungry. Grapes are probably about all I need for now." He grabbed a couple and popped one in his mouth.
"Those were supposed to be my after-work snack," she said sadly.
"Hmm?"
"For yesterday, I got them ready before work, thinking it would be an easy night… we just had that case with the twins, I'd be home at a decent hour…but then…" she choked on the rest of her sentence, covering her eyes to stop the tears from falling again. It was then that she noticed, the two of them were sitting exactly as they had that night, after she'd been suspended - the only thing left was for Grissom to reach for her hand.
The thought made her leap up. Bad enough what had happened to Nicky, she didn't need to be thinking about all that now too. Grissom looked startled. Well, as startled as the man had ever looked. She began pacing.
"Sara?"
"I'm fine… I just can't stop thinking about it. About him. All the horrible stuff he went through. All the what if's... I can't imagine…"
"He's ok, Sara, we got him. He's going to be fine," Grissom tried to reassure her.
"I know that, I do, but still," she hugged her arms across her chest. "I can't help thinking about it… it was so random… I was so worried about him."
"We all were."
"And seeing him on that web-cam… that was the worst part of all – how will I ever get those images out of my mind?!" she questioned him.
"I don't know. I'm sure we all have a lot of sleepless nights ahead of us. But think of it this way: if we hadn't had that camera, it would have taken us longer to find where he was buried. Horrible as they may have been, those ants were very helpful. We found him, he's okay, Sara." He seemed to be trying to convince himself as much as her.
"I know, I just wish…"
"How about I call Catherine, she can update us on how he's doing," Grissom said, reaching into his pocket for his cell phone. He hit the speed dial and put the phone to his ear. Sara stopped her pacing, gazing out the window as she listened to one side of the conversation.
"Good… That's good to hear... Thanks, Catherine."
Sara looked up as he pocketed the phone.
"He's okay, he's resting. Catherine's headed home to check on Lindsay, but Warrick is with him, and he's going to be fine," he told her.
This time, they were tears of relief. Grissom went to her, slowly wrapping his arms around her. She clung to him as the silent sobs shook her, grabbing fistfuls of material and burying her face in his shoulder.
"Griss…"
"Hmm?"
"What's really upsetting me, now that we know Nick is safe?"
He leaned back to look her in the eye, but she suddenly felt uncomfortable again. Yes they'd been getting along tonight, the comfort was what they both needed. But should she really be bringing this up now? Maybe it would be best to just enjoy the moment as it was.
If this moment was all they had, though, didn't she want him to know? If nothing else, Nick's situation had definitely reminded her of her own mortality.
"What is it?" Grissom prompted, noting her hesitation.
"Well…"
"Go on," he gently prodded.
"It was so random. What if… if it had been a few hours later; it would have been our case."
"We'd have found you too-"
"No Griss, no… what if…" She pulled him back to her, reburying her face. "What if it had been you?"
The question hung in the air.
Then Grissom's arms slowly tightened around her. Another moment passed, and then she could just barely make out his whisper.
"I'm still here. I'm right here… and I'm not going anywhere."
She gripped him closer, then slowly pulled back, gazing into his eyes. His gaze wasn't quite as steady as it had been – his eyes were occasionally darting downwards. Even seeing it coming like that, she was still mildly stunned when his lips met hers; but she easily melted into his warm embrace.
It was perfect – soft and slow and gentle, exactly what she needed to calm down and relax. She also had the fleeting thought that it was over way too soon.
But he was here, and that was enough for now – there would be plenty of time for more of that later. For the moment, she needed to get rid of the twenty-pound weights attached to her eyelids, and she was sure Grissom could use a good nap as well. Not quite willing to break the moment so soon, she laid her head on his shoulder and they enjoyed the silence together.
Then, with a quick peck to his cheek, she whispered, "Time for sleep." Fingers entwined, she led him to her bedroom. They quietly kicked off their shoes, and Grissom laid back on her bed. She arranged herself beside him, snuggling into the crook of his arm.
She was almost asleep when one last thought occurred to her.
"I'm not going anywhere, either," she whispered.
His arm tightened around her as they both drifted off into a sound, peaceful sleep.
The End