Julia

by felixthecatt

An unconditional love between two sisters, a love between best friends and a love between a boy and a girl that will leave you spellbound.

"You have so many pictures." Claire whispered while flipping through my photo albums.

She was lying on the floor and kicking her feet around while chewing gum. I was sitting in my favorite recliner just staring at her. She reminded me so much of myself at her age.

"You have so many pictures of when you were little and of when you were like twenty five but you don't have very many of when you were a teenager. Why is that?"

I didn't answer her question. The answer would only bring back memories. Memories that I liked to keep to myself. Memories that were both beautiful and horrible. Memories that played like a movie in my head, so clear and vivid. As if, they had happened yesterday.

"I mean there a few of you here of when you were like my age and you are absolutely gorgeous. See?"

She tilted the album towards me and I looked at the picture as she pointed to it.

"But there are only like six or seven of them." she complained.

I got up without saying a word and went to my bedroom closet. I pulled out a small box and held it close to my chest. I walked back to Claire who was still flipping anxiously through the albums and I handed her the box.

"What's this?" she asked.

"What you're looking for. Open it."

She sat up, crossed her legs, set the box on her lap and opened it.

"Wow! These are awesome pictures. Look at your hair. It's so cool!"

I smiled and enjoyed every expression she made as she looked at the pictures.

"Why don't you have these in the albums with all the rest?"

My smile faded and I looked away towards the window. The bright morning sunlight was coming in beautifully and a mockingbird stopped to look inside. I could have sworn it was looking straight at me. I turned to Claire who was still waiting for my answer.

"They are my special pictures. They bring back very special memories that I like to keep to myself."

Claire must have seen the change in my expression when I said this because she stopped smiling too but continued flipping through the pictures.

I caught a glimpse of the pictures as she looked at them. I remembered each picture. I remembered when and where each of them was taken and each memory brought me immense joy. I guess that's why I had set those pictures aside. They brought me happiness.

"Can I hear your story?" Claire asked. "I know you have one. I can see it in your eyes and I can definitely see it in your pictures."

I looked at her innocent face. The same 16-year-old face I had once had. It was hard to say no to her but did I really want to go back there?

Telling her the story would bring back so many memories. It would bring me back to my happy times but it would also bring me back to my sad times. Times I tried not to remember.

"Please?" she begged. "I promise not to interrupt."

She got up and leaned down to give me a kiss. She sat down in the loveseat in front of me, put her legs up, put a pillow behind her, and made herself comfortable. She had a huge grin on her face. The same grin my sister had when she knew she was about to get what she wanted. I couldn't help but grin back.

"O.K, I'm ready," she said.

"Me too."

Angry, helpless and empty. I had become all of these things but I wasn't always like this. I used to be happy. I used to be normal.

My name is Julia and this is my story.

Chapter 1: HAPPINESS

My sister and best friend Kaitlyn was exactly one year older than me. I was a little mistake that showed up when my sister was three months old. My parents were right out of high school when my mom got pregnant. They got married right away and my dad moved in with my mom and our grandma Elizabeth. When I was a year old, my parents decided to go to college together, which left us with our grandma all the time. We were not allowed to actually address her as grandma because she said she was too young for the word. Instead, we called her Lizzy.

Lizzy was not even in her fifties and was so very beautiful. She was tall and thin with long dark wavy brown hair and hazel brown eyes. Her skin was light and soft and she made it a point to always look her best. She always wore dress pants and dress shirts with estee lauder perfume. She said she hated

wearing dresses or skirts but had to only for church. She had the usual laugh lines and the crows' feet around her eyes but other than that, she didn't look like any other grandma I knew. Her voice was very elegant. She never yelled or even raised her voice. She was our mom and dad. She was my everything.

We never really saw our parents. They worked all day and studied all night. When they were home, they were locked in their room studying. We didn't mind though because we loved being with Lizzy and she loved being with us. She took us to school and picked us up every day. Lizzy had a car but hated using it. She said driving gave her a headache so we walked most of the time with Lizzy.

Everyday after school we took a different route home. Lizzy liked looking at other peoples gardens on our way home. My favorite was when we would stop to get an ice cream cone and walk over Hoover St. Bridge along the railroad tracks. I liked walking on the small rocks next to the tracks, mostly because I liked the noise they made when we walked on them. I loved sitting on the huge fallen tree trunk with Lizzy and Kate and watch the train pass by and scare the birds out of the trees and the lizards on the ground. There were many trees there and I loved trees because they always gave me a sense of protection. Lizzy and Kate would cover their ears when the train passed by but I never did. I felt safe there with them. As long as I was with them, nothing would ever scare me.

Lizzy grew up in Paraguay, South America and came to the United States with an aunt when she was fifteen. She was supposed to return to Paraguay when she was eighteen and knew enough English to get a good job over there but instead met my grandpa, the love of her life and stayed. When she was twenty, she had my mom. My grandpa was of German and according to Lizzy the most handsome man she ever saw and she had his pictures all over the house to prove it. My grandpa died when my mom was thirteen. Lizzy never really recovered. My mom once told us that the real reason she made us call her Lizzy was because that was what my grandpa called her.

Lizzy taught us Spanish and even though she spoke to us mostly in English she made it a point for us to learn to speak Spanish correctly. We cuddled next to her every night to watch Spanish soap operas with her. Tuesdays and Thursdays were Spanish lessons at home after school. It came very easy to me but it was a bitch for Kate.

We lived in a 4-bedroom two-story house that belonged to Lizzy and my grandpa. Lizzy had the master bedroom, which was downstairs. My parents had the second bedroom upstairs and Kate and I shared the third across the hall from my parent's room. The fourth bedroom was a playroom for Kate and me. It was the biggest and most beautiful house on our block. Every room was elegantly decorated. Lizzy had plants and fresh flowers and pictures in every room. She had pictures of my grandpa and my mom over the mantelpiece, pictures of Kate and I filled the rest of the walls. She even had naked pictures of when we were little in the bathroom. The house was always clean. You would never find one dust mite even if you tried. Lizzy's garden was like walking into a Disney movie. She got up every morning at five just so she could tend to it. She had flowers of every color and her grass was such a beautiful shade of green that it reminded me of the scenes from The Wizard of Oz. She had statues all around her garden, even one of a little naked boy that peed out water. That one was my favorite just because it made me smile every time I looked at it. My grandpa had owned a trucking company and had sold it right before his death, which left Lizzy with a whole lot of money that she definitely invested in that garden. Anyone who passed by our house would stop to admire it. Once a stranger knocked on our door just to tell Lizzy that her garden was the most beautiful she had ever seen. She loved that garden mainly because she always said that it reminded her of my grandpa. She said that my grandpa bought the house especially because of the garden, just for her. No one was allowed in the garden, not even us.

Every year at Christmastime Lizzy, my parents, Kate and I would travel to Paraguay. I looked forward to this all year. Paraguay was beyond beautiful. It was my own personal playground and it was summertime there, my favorite time of year. I loved it there. It was like stepping into another world. A world full of wide-open fields and rivers and my family there owned farms with lots of animals. My favorite part was the cows that I got to milk. Paraguay just meant lots of fun for us. We had so much family there and everything there was exciting, at least to us it was. We would come back after New Years and would have tans. It was awesome.

I didn't have much family here in California. My dad was an only child and his mom passed away when I was just a baby. His dad had died when he was only eight. Lizzy was the only one of her family that was in the United States. Her brothers and sisters were in Paraguay. It was pretty much just us here but I loved it anyways. I loved my family more than anything in the world.

Chapter 2 SADNESS

Sept 1989

It was the first day of third grade. Lizzy came into our rooms at exactly six and got us up. It was so hard to get up. The whole summer Lizzy allowed us go to bed whenever we wanted to and now six a.m. felt painful.

I did not want to go to school. I was a good student who got mostly B's but I did not have many friends. Actually, I had none. Every year at recess, I just hung out with Kate and her friends who did not mind me being there. See, I was made fun of for being the tallest in the class; "Daddy Long Legs" were their exact words. I hated them. Kate had gotten into a couple fights defending me but they still picked on me. I just wanted all of them to go away.

Kate on the other hand was my complete opposite. She made friends wherever she went. Everyone always liked her. She even had boys crushing on her. She was beautiful. Long straight light brown hair, sparkling blue eyes and a face that belonged in a Sears catalog. She was also tall but no one ever made fun of her. See, even though she looked like a young model, she was tough. She was good with standing up for herself whether it be with fists or mouth. She had a very foul vocabulary and she knew when to use it. I think she got it from all the movies that we used to watch when Lizzy took her naps. Well, lets just say they were movies that no other kid our age got to watch. She didn't care whom she fought with, boy, girl, or even adult. Poor Lizzy had gotten so many calls from school after Kate had gotten into trouble.

Kate was the tough one and I was the weak one but I didn't care. She was my hero.

"Hurry up and finish your cereals girls or you're going to be late for your first day of school," Lizzy said from the kitchen.

"Good," I whispered to Kate so Lizzy wouldn't hear.

"Don't worry, everything will be ok and if anybody bugs you just tell me and I'll kick their ass," Kate whispered back.

I smiled at her. She always knew how to make me smile.

We got to school 10 minutes early. Lizzy had to drive us because it was raining. Actually it was pouring. Hardest rainfall I had ever seen in my life. Lizzy parked the car in the school parking lot and we all walked to the quad together, each holding our own umbrella.

"You girls be good this year, I don't want any problems just good grades. Kate, do you hear me?" Lizzy said firmly when we got to the main corridor of the school.

"I'm always good Lizzy. I don't know what you are talking about," Kate answered with a smirk.

We all laughed.

We finally got to the main playground where every year we waited for the bell to ring and our teachers to pick us up and take us to class. We already knew who our teacher would be. The list had been posted up a week ago and Lizzy had walked us to school to check it out. I had Mrs. Farley. I didn't recognize the name so I guessed she was new. I did however recognize the names of my classmates who were not new at all. The same idiots I had known since kindergarten. The same buttheads that had made my life miserable year after year. I got teary eyed just thinking about the idea of third grade.

As I looked around that morning, all I could see were open umbrellas. That was fine with me because that meant I could hide under mine. Kate immediately saw some of her friends and ran to them, splashing water as she ran and bumping into other people's umbrellas as she went by them.

I stayed with Lizzy.

"Try to make some new friends this year," Lizzy said from under her umbrella and looking down at me.

"They're all the same kids Lizzy. They hate me and I hate them. It's going to be horrible Lizzy." I answered while holding back tears.

"Well, just try Julia." She said with a sigh. She knew I was a lost cause when it came to school.

The bell rang and I jumped up startled. I squeezed Lizzys' hand and fought back tears that were winning in the battle. Kate ran back to us and gave Lizzy a kiss and a hug.

"I love you Lizzy," she said before running back to her friends. "See you later."

I wish I could be that enthusiastic.

There was so much noise around us, mostly from the kids yelling and the raindrops hitting my umbrella. I could not take my eyes off the ground. I just stared as the raindrops made tiny circles on the puddles. I did not want to look up. My new shoes were already all wet and my socks were slushy. I was not really thinking about anything. My mind was blank. I was terrified!

Just then, Lizzy bent down and looked at me in a way she never had before. Like she was afraid too, as if she felt my pain in some way.

"Julia, I love you and Kate more than anything in this world. I want you to go out there, be strong, and try to make the best of things. Do not ever be afraid of anything or anyone. Do not ever let anyone tell you to do or say anything that you don't want to. You are your own ruler, only you rule your life. Only you will make yourself happy. Sometimes people will try to choose your happiness for you but only you know what will make you happy. No matter what people say or do to you, you must always choose your happiness. Do you understand Julia?"

I nodded. I heard her but it would be years before I really understood her.

I was staring right at her as she continued, "You have something wonderful. Something most people never have in their lifetime. Do you know what it is?"

She continued before I could answer.

"Your sister. Promise me that whatever happens you will always stick together. You must always protect each other and be there for one another in good times and in bad. She is strong willed Julia, but you are stronger in many other ways. Promise me now!"

"I promise Lizzy," I said a little bit confused. I wasn't quite expecting this pep talk.

"Now go before you're late, I love you baby," she said while giving me a hug.

"Bye Lizzy, I love you too," I answered and gave her a kiss.

I began walking towards the other kids on the playground, holding my umbrella as low as possible so no one would notice me. I looked back at Lizzy who waved and blew me a kiss, "I love you" I saw her lips say. I smiled at her before turning around and walking into what was usually my own personal hell.

I finally found the very wet sign that said MRS. FARLEY. I then saw all of my old classmates making a line behind it. They didn't see me yet mainly because my umbrella was so low that it was hurting the top of my head.

It did not last though.

"Hey, here comes Julia Long Legs," said Jimmy Watson. The most annoying of all the buttheads. He was the one that invented all my nicknames. He was also the most popular. All the girls liked him and all the boys wanted to be him.

I gave him a dirty look and walked to the back of the line passing alongside all the kids who were now looking at me and laughing.

I heard a voice say, "Come on children. Let's get to class before we get too wet out here." I didn't look up; I just followed the feet in front of me. We got to the classroom door and I closed my umbrella and put it on the floor next to all the others. I must have been doing this slowly because Mrs. Farley who was standing at the door waiting for me to come in said. "Come now. Don't you want to come in? It's freezing out here."

I looked up at her as I walked in. She was young. I never had a young teacher before. All my other teachers were probably older than Lizzy. She was also very pretty, like one of those girls that came out in Lizzys favorite soap opera. She was tall, thin with pretty hoop earrings and bright red lipstick that looked very nice with her black hair and dark eyes.

"Go find your seat," she said kindly. "The tables are labeled with your names."

Once in the class, I looked around and finally found my name on one of the desks. Julia Miller it read in red marker. I was pulling out my chair when I saw the name that belonged to the person who was assigned to sit next to me. I almost threw up when I read Jim Watson.

"Are you kidding me?" was all I could think. I looked around to try to find him and saw that he was asking the teacher something or more like begging the teacher for something. I think I knew what he wanted. He didn't want to be next to me just as much as I didn't want to be next to him.

Everyone was still standing around talking to each other, sharing stories of their summer vacation, laughing and giggling. No one talked to me. It was as if I was not even there. This was going to be a very long and horrible year.

The day was a repetition of every first day of school I ever had. The introductions at the beginning were the worst. When it came to my turn, I was so scared that I tripped over my own foot. Everyone laughed and Mrs. Farley was annoyed. Every one made funny faces at me while I was in front of the class stuttering out sentences.

It was still raining when it came to recess and lunchtime and we were on a rainy day schedule, which meant we couldn't leave the class and I couldn't see Kate. The day dragged on and it seemed that 2:30 would never arrive but when it finally did, I hurried as fast as I could to get the hell out of there. I was the first one out the door and I ran to find Kate. I was running pass room 14 when I heard Kate call out for me.

I turned around and felt a sigh of relief when I saw her under her umbrella. I realized then that I ran out of my classroom so quickly that I completely forgot to get my umbrella. I was drenched.

"Where is your umbrella?" Kate asked.

"I forgot it," I answered with a smile. I was just so happy to see her.

She yanked me under her umbrella and gave me a hug. "You're a dork, you know that?" she said and we both laughed.

We walked back to my class to pick up my umbrella and then walked to the front of the school to find Lizzy but she wasn't there. This had never happened before. Usually she found us before we found her. We waited there for what seemed a very long time.

"Where could she be?" Kate asked

"Maybe she can't find parking." I answered. There were so many cars in front of the school. None of the parents got out of their car. I guess they didn't want to get wet. We waited and waited. After a while, there weren't any more cars and we were the only ones left. I wanted to cry. We sat close together watching the puddles gather rain in front of us. We didn't say anything. All I could hear were the raindrops and an occasional car that would pass by and sprinkle us.

I wanted to see Lizzy. Hug and kiss her. I didn't like this. I did not like the feeling I was having. The feeling of desperation, of not knowing what was going on but at the same time knowing that something was wrong.

Just then, out of nowhere my dad appeared in front of us. What the heck? My dad in all the years we had been in school had never picked us up.

My dad was a tall thin man. He was 6 foot 1 to be exact. He had light brown hair that grew very straight. He kept it very short because if it got too long it grew straight to the sides and he looked a lot younger than he really was. He looked like the pictures that were in Lizzys family album of when we were babies. I personally liked it but he said it looked unprofessional. See, my father was the assistant manager at a local factory that made car parts so he always wore a suit and tie. My father wasn't much of a talker but he loved playing with us when he had the time which was almost never because he worked full time and went to school part time in the evening. He was working on getting his master in what he said was business administration. He loved talking about all the stuff he learned in school but it was all mumble jumbles to me. He always had a smile on his face. A smile that was exactly like Kate's. I never saw my dad unhappy or angry. He never raised his voice to us. He was a cool dad (back then).

Something was wrong with him that afternoon though. He had puffy eyes and his usual porcelain white face was now rosy pink.

"What are you doing here dad?" I asked surprised.

He didn't answer. He just reached out his hands for ours and we started walking to the car parked across the street. The windshield wipers were on and the car was running. As soon as we got inside Kate started asking so many questions all at once.

"Where is Lizzy?" "Why are you here?" "Is something wrong?" "Dad, why aren't you answering me?"

He didn't answer any of her questions. In fact, he didn't speak at all. I looked at Kate who was sitting beside me in the back seat of the car. My heart felt like it stopped when I looked at her and all I saw was fear in her eyes. I knew it was fear because I was feeling the same thing. We held each other's hands. Usually that made me feel better when I was scared but not at that moment. Nothing could help with what I felt right then. Nothing.

I felt numb and at the same time, I felt tiny prickles all over my body as if I was being stabbed with tiny needles. It got a thousand times worse when I saw my dads face in the rear view mirror with tears running down his cheeks. His eyes were bright red and his face looked like it had been beat up.

I knew then what had happened. I knew I would never see my beautiful Lizzy ever again.

I felt empty inside. I felt nauseas.

I stared out the window not realizing that we had gotten home. I didn't realize that Kate had already gotten out of the car. I did not even hear when my dad opened the door for me. I barely felt his hand on my shoulder when he picked me up in his arms. All I heard was screaming. Screaming that was so loud that it was painful to hear. A scream of anguish. Where was it coming from and why didn't it stop? Make it stop!

My dad carried me in his arms. I felt raindrops on my face but then they stopped. We must have been inside now. However, I still heard the screaming. I still felt the pain all over my body.

"What happened?" I heard my mom say.

"She started screaming and hasn't stopped," my dad yelled.

"Did you tell them?" my mom asked. I felt her yank me out of my dad's arms.

I didn't hear my dad answer.

"Shhh baby, its ok. Its going to be ok….mommy's here for you," she said but I didn't want to open my eyes. I shut them tight and all I saw was Lizzy. Her beautiful face. It seemed every memory I had of her flashed around in my head. I saw her smiling at me. I saw her as if she were still there. I felt her and I heard her too. "I love you," she said. It was like an echo. Far away but I still heard it clearly.

Then it happened. I opened my eyes, just for a second because I heard her. "I love you." I heard her say.

It was there that I saw the reality in front of me. The screaming stopped and I heard the sadness all around me. I couldn't stop crying. I looked at my mom who was still holding me tight, rocking me back and forth and she was unrecognizable. Her beautiful face was red, the ugliest shade of red I had ever seen. Her eyes were swollen and she had water coming out of her nose. We were on the sofa and Kate and my dad were kneeling next to us. I did not dare look at Kate. I didn't want to see her suffering. I shut my eyes and begged for this to be an awful nightmare. I wanted to wake up. Please wake me up. This wasn't happening.

I don't remember when I stopped crying. It must have been when I fell asleep. I opened my eyes, which was hard to do because they hurt. They felt thick and swollen. I was in my parents' bed. It was dark except for my dad's desk lamp that was on in the corner of the room. I felt Kate's hand around me, hugging me. I heard her heavy breathing in the back of my head. My stomach grumbled. I was so hungry. I heard my mom come in and I turned to look at her. She immediately came and gave me a kiss on my forehead.

"How are you feeling baby?" she whispered while stroking my hair.

"I'm hungry mom."

"Come on, Ill make you a sandwich," she said and helped me out of bed carefully so we didn't wake Kate.

I sat at the kitchen table. The clock on the stove said 4 a.m. I watched my mom try to fix me a sandwich. It seemed like such a hard task for her. I saw her struggling so I got up and helped.

"Thank you," she said.

My mom was not as tall as my dad was. She was of average height. She made it up to my dads' shoulders. She was thin and very pretty. She had light brown curls that ran down her back. Her face was small and thin. She had blue eyes that she got from her dad. She worked as a professor's assistant at a university teaching History. She was always well dressed and wore the highest heels imaginable. I loved trying on her heels and walking around in them. She was also like my dad still in school part time. She wanted to become the lead professor of her own class someday. I loved that I had young parents. All my classmates' parents were older, some even Lizzys age but mine were not even in their thirties yet. I thought that was so cool.

I stood there helping my mom make a sandwich for me. She didn't know what I liked in it. She didn't know that I didn't want lettuce and that I wanted extra tomatoes with lots of mayonnaise and mustard. That I wanted turkey instead of ham. She didn't know that the turkey was for me and the ham was for Kate. She was clueless to the fact that I wanted apple juice and not orange juice. She didn't know because she had never done it before. She had all the ingredients spread out in front of her on the counter. She looked at them and gave a sigh.

I saw the frustration in my moms face. She felt bad. This was a tiny task and she was having such a hard time. Seeing her that weak made me feel strong. I felt Lizzy all around me. I felt her presence. I remembered her last words to me "Be strong. Do not be afraid. Make the best of things."

I turned to my mom and hugged her as hard as I could. "I love you mom," I told her.

"I love you too sweetheart."

She sat with me at the table and I started eating my sandwich. I must have been hungrier than I thought because I devoured that sandwich in seconds. My mom smiled at me and said, "Now I know how you like your sandwiches. Next time you won't have to help me."

I didn't answer. I was too busy picking and eating the crumbs from the plate.

When I was finished and about to ask my mom for another one she asked me the most difficult question anyone had ever asked me before. "Julia, don't you want to know what happened?"

Suddenly I wasn't hungry anymore.

I wasn't ready yet. I felt strong but not that strong.

"I'll wait for Kate to be with me so she can hear it too."

"She already knows sweetie. We told her when you fell asleep."

"Oh. Ok then," I whispered while looking down at my lap and fidgeting with my hands.

I was scared to death to hear this story.

My mom began. I could hear her voice begin to crack. "Well, she had a doctor's appointment right after she dropped you girls off at school. She was driving and it was raining heavily. She was going through a green light and a car ran a red light on the other side of the intersection. He hit Lizzy right on the drivers side. The paramedics said that she was gone when they got there." My mom started to cry.

I sat there not knowing what to do. I was frozen. Then all of a sudden tears starting coming out. I felt the pain in my body again. The numbness and tingling came back.

I looked at my mom and I saw her pain. Seeing her like that made my pain somehow go away. I immediately got up and hugged her. I don't know how I did it but I felt strong again. She held me tight and I closed my eyes and saw Lizzys beautiful face. I refused to let myself imagine the accident. I didn't want to have that image of Lizzy. It was a very difficult task though. It tried creeping into my head more than once but I didn't let it.

The days that followed were hard on everyone. We cried a lot and everyday I missed Lizzy so very much.

Kate and I missed school the entire week. My parents didn't go to work either. They had not yet started school so they didn't miss any classes.

Everyday was a harsh reminder that Lizzy was gone.

Kate and I made our own breakfast. We had to eat fast food everyday too because my moms cooking was disgusting.

No one was there to make us pancakes in the morning, pour our milk in our cereal bowl, or make us spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.

We made our own sandwiches and even made some for our parents who were getting stomachaches from the pizza and awful cheeseburgers and fries that we were all having.

No one read us stories at night before bed or taught us Spanish on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. We didn't watch soap operas at night anymore. Everything was different.

Lizzys funeral was the hardest. We got up very early that Sunday morning. Kate and I had to actually use our alarm clock. We never had to before because Lizzy was our own personal alarm clock.

My mom had taken us on a quick run to the mall the day before to buy us dresses. She bought us matching black and white velvet dresses with a huge red bow on the back. She also bought us black stockings and black shiny shoes. I hated them. I didn't like wearing dresses especially dorky looking ones like those. Kate was even more annoyed than I was but we agreed to the dresses just to make my mom happy. She was sad enough already. We didn't want to make it worse.

It was seven a.m. and Kate and I were all ready. We were sitting in our rooms just staring at each other. Neither of us wanted to go out with what we were wearing. Kate was so angry that I felt the need to break the ice. I hated seeing my sister like that so I got up and started twirling around in the middle of our room holding my dress out like a princess would do in the movies only I did it in a very sarcastic manner. I finally stopped and bowed in front of Kate.

"So, how do I look?" I asked.

"Like a freaking penguin," she answered. She couldn't help hide a grin though. Well, at least I made her smile a bit.

It wasn't only that we didn't like what we were wearing but we definitely didn't like where we were going.

I sat next to her on her bed and put my arm around her. We were silent for a few minutes until my dad knocked and then came into our room.

"Oh, I see you girls are ready. Good. I thought I was going to come in here and have to drag you out of bed," he said amused.

His comment didn't bother me because I knew he was just kidding but Kate was obviously offended by it.

"We are not irresponsible dad. We were taught better than that. Why would you think that?" she said angrily. "Gosh!," she mumbled

My father was surprised. Kate had never spoken to him like that before.

He didn't know what to say. He stood in the doorway and stared at us. It was very awkward.

Finally, he said, "Ok well, um, you two go get some breakfast. We have to be at the chapel at 10." Then he left.

"Why did you do that Kate? He was just kidding, you know." I said

"I know. I just don't want to go. I don't want to wear this stupid dress. I don't want to be in this situation, " she answered. " I want her back."

"Me too, but we have to be strong. Please be strong. I can't do this without you Kate. I need you." I begged.

She looked at me and nodded. "Ok" she finally said and gave me a hug.

I sat next to Kate and my mom in the chapel. It was a small chapel that looked like a tiny church that was located in the middle of the cemetery. There were not a lot of people that showed up, just us and a few neighbors and my parents' coworkers and classmates. We weren't there for long. The priest said a few prayers and then all of us went outside to where there were pretty white chairs aligned perfectly around Lizzys coffin which was surrounded by flowers of every color.

I don't remember much about her funeral. I just remember sitting next to Kate and holding her hand tightly. I tuned everything out. I didn't even want to look at her coffin. I don't know what happened or what the priest said. I just remember looking up at the beautiful blue sky and not really thinking of anything. I did not pay any attention and I did this on purpose. I did not want to remember any of it. I didn't want to be there. I wanted to remember Lizzy as she was before and not in a coffin or at the cemetery.

Once it was over, Kate pulled my hand that was still stuck to hers and we walked to a small room that was set up with tables filled with donuts, cookies, tiny sandwiches, coffee and juice.

My parents introduced us to everyone that we didn't know. They kept on saying "Sorry for your loss."

I tuned a lot of that out too. I was becoming very good at tuning things out.

I was relieved when we finally got in our car to go home. I was able to take off my stupid shoes that were giving me blisters. I was so annoyed. More than I had ever been before. It was as if I was mad at the world or something. The world that had taken away my Lizzy.

Kate must have noticed that something was bothering me because she grabbed my hand and held it tightly in hers. I looked at her as she smiled at me. "I love you" I saw her lips say. Just like Lizzy used to do.

At that moment, as I looked at her, a feeling of relief came over me. A feeling I felt every time I was with Lizzy.

It was at that moment that I realized that I had lost Lizzy but that I still had my beautiful and wonderful sister.

I laid down on my sister's lap, closed my eyes, and remembered Lizzys last words to me, "You have something wonderful. Something most people never have in their lifetime. Your sister. Promise me that whatever happens you will always stick together. You must always protect each other and be there for one another in good times and in bad. Promise me now!"

"I promise," I whispered.

CHAPTER 3:

Unexpected Change

After the funeral, my parents let us miss one more week of school. My dad went back to work but my mom took the week off to stay with us. I guess she was trying to figure out what to do with us. We didn't exactly have a babysitter anymore.

She made many phone calls the following days.

"Yes, I have two daughters, 3rd and 4th graders," she would say to whoever she was speaking to. "How much would that cost?" was usually the following question. She wrote down all the information she got and then discussed it with my dad as soon as he got home. They would close their bedroom door so we wouldn't listen to what they were saying. We knew that whatever they were talking about was about our possible future and yet we were excluded. Lizzy never excluded us from anything.

One night as we lay in our beds I asked Kate, "I wonder who is going to take care of us."

"I have no idea but I hate the fact that mom wont even tell us what's going on. It's as if she doesn't even care. All she wants to do is go back to work and have someone else deal with us. So convenient for her."

It made me angry that Kate spoke this way about our mom, but after thinking about it, I had to agree with her. All my mom did that week was make phone call after phone call, trying to get some daycare to accept us. She didn't even cook. We had to make our own breakfast, lunch and dinner. When she did get something to eat, it was pizza or Chinese food that was delivered to our house.

It was on Thursday morning when my mother finally decided to sit us down and talk to us.

We were anxious to hear what she had to say but at the same time, I felt nervous about what was to come. I hated that feeling because every time I felt that way bad news usually followed.

My mom had a huge smile on her face as she started to speak.

"Well girls, I know it's been tough but we have to find a way to move on. As you both know, I have to return to work and I have been trying to work out a schedule that will work out for everyone. Your father and I have both decided that we do not want to hire a babysitter because we really do not have anyone trustworthy enough that could take care of you in a responsible manner that you are used to," she paused for a few seconds before continuing, as if to catch her breath or something.

"Uh, oh," I thought to myself…"here comes the bad news."

She continued, "Unfortunately your school does not have an after school program and a day care facility is too far away. They could come pick you up but that would be too much of a hassle. I don't want you girls moving around too much."

She paused again and took in another deep breath.

"You are going to go to a new school that has an after school program that you could attend until your father or I pick you up."

There it was. THE BAD NEWS!

I didn't say anything. I really didn't care. I mean it couldn't be any worse than my current school where I had no friends and I was made fun of on a daily basis.

Kate on the other hand was horrified. "WHAT?" she immediately blurted out.

"Let me finish," my mom interjected. "It's only a few more blocks away from your current school. You know it. We pass by it whenever we go to the mall. St. Martha's Academy."

Kate got up and was already crying. She started yelling like a mad person.

"There is no way I am going to that school. It's a private school. They wear hideous uniforms. NO, NO, NO! Ill get made fun of by my friends!" she yelled.

I wanted to get up and grab Kate, hug her and try to calm her down but I couldn't move. She was right. We would have to wear uniforms. They had like an extra hour and a half more of school than we did; at least that's what I had heard. It went up to eighth grade instead of sixth and my mom said that we would have to stay extra after school and wait to be picked up. This sucked more than I thought it would. I definitely did not see this one coming.

"Kate, if they make fun of you then they are not your friends!" my mom said.

"And you are going there whether you want to or not. You both are. You start on Monday. Tomorrow we will go and get you the uniforms and that is that. I don't want to hear anymore complaining or you are both going to be grounded! Do you understand?"

We didn't answer. Kate ran to our room and slammed the door so hard the wall shook. My mom just stood frozen in the middle of the living room not knowing what to do. She had never yelled at us like that before. In fact, no one had. She turned around to look at me but I didn't say anything. I got up and went outside. I sat on the small wooden bench that was in Lizzys garden. It was just there as a decoration, one of many in the beautiful garden. I sat there for the first time, buried my head in my hands and started to cry.

As my mom had planned, we went uniform shopping the next day. I kind of felt bad for my mom. She was trying to be nice and make the experience a pleasant one but it was just not working out for her. Kate was being a pain the whole time and I tried to be good but it was so hard to do especially when we had to try on the ugly uniform.

Kate and I went into the same dressing room to try on the dark green and burgundy plaid skirt, a white blouse with a dark green cotton vest that went on top, white knee high socks and to top it all off, penny loafer shoes. I didn't even know what penny loafer shoes were until that day. Ugh!

Kate and I both looked at each other with the uniforms on for a few seconds and started laughing so hard that tears started coming out of our eyes.

"You look like the queen of all dorks." Kate said

"Shut up." I whispered while looking at myself in the mirror. I stood there and contemplated my new look. I could still hear Kate chuckling behind me.

"Maybe Ill actually fit in now that I will look like everyone else." I said in a low voice.

None of us said anything for a few minutes. I just stared at myself in the mirror and Kate sat bored in a chair in the corner of the fitting room.

"Do you think it will be ok?" I finally asked Kate.

"What?" Kate asked confused.

"The new school. I mean, do you think we'll be ok?"

She got up and stood right behind me. I looked at her through the mirror as she said, "We will make it ok for us. Don't worry about anything. It'll be ok."

"I hope so," I whispered.

That Monday morning was a complete blur. I was so nervous that I do not even remember getting dressed or even having my breakfast. Our mom drove us to school and got out with us to take us to the school office. She spoke to the school secretary who told us to take a seat and wait for the principal. I could tell my mom was impatient. She kept on sighing and looking at her watch. She was definitely going to be late for work.

The school office was really nice. There were pictures of saints and Jesus and even the Pope on the walls. Everyone was speaking in a low voice and it smelled like potpourri. It was very different from my old school office which was dirty, smelled like dirty sweat pants and was always so noisy.

Finally, after about five long minutes an older woman dressed in nun clothes came to greet us.

"You must be Julia and Kaitlyn," she said while shaking both our hands. "Welcome to St. Martha's. My name is Sister Sue. I am the principal. We are all very happy to have you with us," she said with a huge smile.

She was a tall woman probably in her fifties. Her voice was kind and loving and she never stopped smiling. She had a few words with my mom and then a very loud bell rang.

"Time for class. I will go and show you to your classes,' Sister Sue said while leading us out the door.

My heart was beating so fast that I felt like I was going to pass out. I held on tight to my mom's hand.

She let go of my hand and looked at both Kate and I.

"Can I have a minute with my daughters please?" she asked Sister Sue

"Of course dear," The old nun said and walked away.

"Girls, I know you are nervous but I promise that you'll like it here. You'll get used to it in no time. You'll make new friends and you'll be happy…I promise."

I felt the tears coming out but I fought them and I won. I wanted to cry more than anything in the world but at the same I did not want to walk into a new class with a red face and puffy eyes.

Neither Kate nor I said anything to my mom. She just kissed us, said goodbye, and walked away. I looked at Kate and she smiled. "What a pep talk," she said sarcastically. It was true. My mom sucked at making us feel better.

Kate held my hand as Sister Sue walked us to our new classrooms.

My teacher was an older woman who was also dressed in nun clothes. Her name was Sister Mary Ann. She introduced me to the class and showed me to my seat. We each had individual desks, which I liked very much because that meant that I didn't have to sit too close to anyone else. There was an open prayer book on my desk and everybody started praying so I followed along. I was grateful that I didn't have to stand in the front of the class and talk about myself.

The day went on smoothly. At recess, nobody really spoke to me. Some kids came up to me and asked me about my old school but that was it. They invited me to play handball and kick ball but I politely said "NO". I wasn't about to make a fool out of myself on the first day of school. I looked for my sister but I was crushed when I learned that third and fourth graders had different recess times.

I sat under a tree that was right in front of where the other kids were playing kickball and I watched them. I was minding my own business when a girl that I recognized from my class came up to me.

"Hi Julia. My name is Rebecca but everyone calls me Becky." She was with two other girls that I also recognized from the class.

"This is Susie and Nora. Would you like to come play hopscotch with us?" she asked.

"Sure," I said. Hopscotch was harmless anyways.

I could tell right from the start that Becky was the leader of the threesome. She gave orders like a general gave orders to soldiers. "I'm first," she pointed to herself, "Your second," she pointed to Susie, "You're third," she pointed to Nora, "And you're last," she finally pointed to me. I was beginning to regret my decision to play with her.

I watched as she played and cheated most of the time. She gave herself second and third chances just because she felt like it. Even after cheating, I was still winning her and I kept on thinking to myself that maybe I should lose on purpose. I didn't want her to be upset that the new girl had beat her. I definitely did not want an enemy on the first day either.

When my turn came again, I was ready to lose. I was on my second jump when I pretended to lose my balance. I was ready to fall down on purpose when I felt a hard shove from behind me. I fell to the ground on my hands and knees. I turned around as quickly as I could and saw that Becky was standing right behind me and laughing.

"You lose, I win as always," she said. I saw Susie laughing too but Nora was just staring at me. I started to cry, not because they were still standing there laughing at me but because my hands and knees felt like they were on fire. I slowly got up and saw that my knees were bleeding and my hands were scraped. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know where the nurses office was and I didn't want to walk to the main office alone. No one offered me a hand or even came to console me. I walked to some empty benches that were close by and I sat there until the bell rang and then I walked to class with the rest of my classmates. The teacher didn't notice that anything was wrong with me and some of the kids didn't even know what had happened.

I sat in class with bloody knees and my hands hurt especially when I had to write. I felt so alone. At lunch, I had to go outside again. I sat at the lunch tables surrounded by kids who wouldn't even speak to me. Becky was speaking so loud and everybody paid attention to her as if she were some sort of queen or something. I ate my lunch as fast as I could and went to the bathroom to wipe my knees with cold water. I did the same to my hands. The cool water felt so good on my burning hands.

After a few minutes of being in there by myself, Becky and her musketeers walked in. "Oh, hi Julia. How are you?" she asked while laughing. "Would you like to come and play with us again?"

I turned away and was about to walk out when she said, "Hey Julia, you better not tell anyone about what happened or else…"

"Or else what?" I snapped back.

"Well, you'll find out. You obviously don't know who my parents are. I get to do whatever I want around here. I never get in trouble."

"Well good for you then." I said and walked out.

The final bell finally rang at 3:45. An hour and fifteen minutes later than my old school bell. An hour and fifteen minutes more of torture for me.

All the kids rushed out of the classroom except for me. My knees hurt so badly that I was limping.

"You're in the after school program Julia so you have to go to the Learning Center. Do you know where it is?" Sister Mary Ann asked before I walked out of the class.

"No." I nodded.

She walked me to the side of the school right next to the main building. There was a building there that was as big as the main school building except it was newer. She introduced me to another teacher Mr. Nielson who was the after school program coordinator. He explained all about the after school program and walked me through all the different activity classes. There was an arts class and a music class and there was even a swimming class that we could take. He told me that we used the high school swimming pool, which was right across the street.

"Which class do I have to go into?" I asked impatiently.

"You could go into any of the classes as long as you're with your same age group." He explained. "But your mom told me that she wanted you to be with your sister, so we will allow you to be with her." he said.

I was relieved when he said "sister".

I wanted to see her so very badly.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"She asked me the same thing when I was showing her around too." he smiled.

"Come on, Ill take you to her," he said. "I think your sister liked the reading room because that's where she is. Right in there." He pointed to an already open door. "If you need anything just ask any of the adults that are in each class. My office is right across the hall from the arts class I showed you".

"Thank you." I said and walked into the room.

It was like a tiny library. It was decorated with posters of different books on the wall and there were kids sitting at the desks as well as on the carpet with a book in their laps.

There was a corner with tiny chairs that were probably for the smaller kids. There was a woman that was organizing books who smiled at me when I walked in.

I looked all around to find Kate but she wasn't there. I walked back out and peeked in all the rooms when I heard her call my name in the hallway behind me. She ran to me and gave me a hug. It hurt my knees when she did but I didn't care. I was so happy to see her.

"I was looking all over for you," she yelled out.

"Me too."

"Let's go outside," she said and grabbed my hand.

"Ouch!" I cried out.

She turned to me startled. She grabbed both of my hands and looked at them. I showed her my knees too.

"What happened?" she snarled.

I didn't answer.

"Julia, what happened?" she asked again.

I started crying like a baby. I think that's what I had been wanting to do all day, just break down and cry.

She put her arms around me and led me into a bathroom that was close by.

She got a wet paper towel and put it on my face.

"Ok, now tell me what happened." She demanded.

I started speaking, telling her everything in detail. Absolutely everything. What had happened with Becky, what happened at lunchtime, what Becky had told me in the bathroom, and how shitty I had felt in the classroom the entire day.

She didn't say a word to me when I was done telling her the story. She just held me in her arms and kept wiping my tears away.

When I finally calmed down, we went outside for some fresh air. At five o'clock, they gave us some cookies with milk and apple juice and at six thirty, my dad came and picked us up. I didn't say anything about what happened to my parents but at dinner, my mom noticed my knees. Kate jumped right in before I could say anything and said that I fell at the after school program when we were playing.

My dad took us to school the next morning. He didn't even get off. Kate and I both walked together to the playground where she sat next to me and asked.

"So, who is Becky?"

I turned to her but didn't answer.

"Kate, what are you going to do?" I asked

"I asked you first. Who is Becky?" she asked again.

"Kate, please. You'll make it worse if you do something. You'll get in trouble and it's not worth it. Ill just keep away from her and she'll leave me alone."

"If you don't tell me, Ill find out myself," she said angrily.

I knew she wasn't going to let it go. I searched the playground but I didn't see her. "She's not here yet." I said

"Ok, we will sit here until you see her, then you will show her to me and that's it. You do not have to worry about anything ok," she said this so calmly that it scared me. I regretted telling her about it. I should have just lied and told her I fell while running or something.

About two minutes later I saw Becky walk to the cafeteria benches with Susie. I stared at her wondering if I should tell Kate. I thought about it for a few seconds and decided I should. She would find out on her own anyways.

"She's over by the benches. She's the one with the light pink back pack."

I looked at Kate and saw her staring at Becky. She was plotting something. "Please tell me what you're going to do Kate?" I pleaded.

She put her arm around me and said. "Look, I don't want you to worry about anything ok. I just want you to know that no one is allowed to mess with you like that. No one!"

She got up and walked to some girls that I didn't know. Probably some friends she had already made.

The day was pretty much the same. I kept to myself at recess and in the class speaking only to the others when we were put into reading groups.

After lunch we all came back to the class and took our seats.

Sister Mary Anne asked us to take our prayer books out because we were going to learn a new prayer…and that's when I heard it.

"Sister Mary Ann, Becky is not here." Susie said,

I immediately turned to see her empty seat.

"Susie, will you please go down to the office to see if maybe she's there?" Sister Mary Ann asked.

Susie left right away.

I had seen Becky on the playground. She was with Susie and Nora. I hoped she was just in the bathroom or something. I really didn't want to think that Kate had anything to do with her not being in the class.

That thought didn't last long because at that moment Becky opened the door looking like she had been through a storm or something. Her hair was messed up and her arms and face were scratched up and bleeding. She was sobbing.

"What happened?" sister Mary Ann cried out while running to hug her. Everyone's face was in complete shock. Everyone was whispering to each other except for me because I knew exactly what had happened. I looked around as everyone got up from their seats and formed a circle around Becky and Sister Mary Ann.

I stayed in my seat with a huge smile on my face.

I didn't really get a chance to talk to Kate after school that day. Mr. Nielson took me to the high school that was across the street for swimming classes. He told me that it was included as part of the after school program but that many kids chose not to do it. He wanted to see if I liked it and if I did, I would be able to do it every Tuesday and Thursday. He said that other kids from other schools would be there too not necessarily just kids from our school. I didn't have my own swimsuit so I had to use a spare swimsuit that Mr. Nielson gave to me. I knew how to swim thank goodness because Lizzy took us for swimming lessons every summer at the YMCA. I was actually pretty good at it.

Our swimming instructor was a young and very pretty girl named Aja. Mr. Nielson introduced us and she told me to get in the pool and show her what I knew. I dove in and did a lap of freestyle. I guess she liked it because she asked me to show her again.

We swam; at least I swam for one hour. The other kids sucked at swimming. They didn't even know how to dive. I was just there doing nothing while the other kids were learning how to do kicks in the water. It was frustrating but at the same time, I liked the feeling of outshining others. I never really got to have that feeling.

After class, Aja called me aside and told me that she would speak with Mr. Nielson because she thought that I should be with the bigger kids who swam at my level. She also asked if I would jump in the pool and show her more laps. She said she wanted to time me and so I did. She was very impressed after I had finished. Even the other kids who were sitting at the end of the pool watching me were impressed. I was proud of myself. I was finally good at something.

Aja had to give me some bandages to put over my knees because the water had made my wounds tender. She asked me what had happened and I told her I fell.

I wanted to see Kate and tell her about swimming and how I kicked ass in the class but most of all I wanted to ask about what she had done to Becky. That thought alone brought a huge smile to my face.

When I finally got back to the school and saw Kate I told her all about how good I did in swimming. She congratulated me and said she would go and see me swim the next time. I didn't ask her anything about Becky. I figured I would wait until we were at home and could talk about it better.

That night after we finished our homework, took our showers, and said goodnight to our parents, we went to our room. I laid next to Kate on her bed.

"Kate, tell me everything. I want to know everything in detail. PLEASE! You have no idea how funny it was when Becky walked in the class looking like she had just been through a hurricane or something."

Kate laughed…"That little bitch got what she deserved. She'll never bother you again."

"Yes Kate…but how did you do it? I mean, I was there and I didn't see you anywhere. No one else saw you either."

She smiled and began to tell me the story.

"Well, I was in class and I asked for permission to go to the nurse's office when I heard the bell ring that told me your lunch recess was over. I told my teacher I had to throw up so she let me go right away. She asked me if I knew where the nurse's office was and I said "yes" and ran out the door. I didn't want her to send anyone with me. I ran to the playground and saw you and your classmates lining up to go to class. Becky was with another girl and I didn't know how to get her all by herself. I was ready to just wait until tomorrow because I knew that the other girl would tell on me if I did something in front of her, but just when I was ready to give up I got lucky. Becky walked to the water fountain and I went to stand right behind her. .

"Hey, aren't you Rebecca Campbell?" I asked.

By this time, you and your classmates were already walking to your class.

"Yes! Why?"

"Oh. It's just that I saw some awful writing about you in the bathroom wall just now. Someone must really not like you," I told her.

"What? NO WAY!"

"Yeah, come on. Ill show you so you can erase it if you want." I said.

"What did you do to her when you got to the bathroom?" I asked.

"I first made sure there was nobody in there and then I beat the crap out of her."

"Do you think she'll tell on you or something?" I asked worried

"We'll just have to see but I am positive that she won't say a word. See, I remembered what you told me she told you, about not knowing who her parents were and how she could do whatever she wanted. I said the same thing except I warned her about me and how I could also do whatever I wanted to her whenever I wanted to especially when she messed with you."

We both stayed silent for a moment.

"I love you Kate." I finally said. "Thank you for being the best sister in the universe."

"I love you too Julia and you're welcome."

We both laughed.

Chapter 4:

Justin

Kate was right. Becky didn't get her in trouble. In fact, Becky didn't say a word to anybody. For the first two weeks after the incident, her mom walked her to class, came again for lunchtime, sat with her, and then came again after school to pick her up at the classroom door. It was ridiculous. I finally found out who her mom was. She was a member of the city council and her dad was a lawyer that had won a very famous case a few years back. They donated a lot of money to the school and that was why Becky and her brother Max who was in 5th grade got special treatment at school.

Becky stayed away from me. She never even looked at me. We were once put into a reading group together and I couldn't help laughing at her every once in a while. She didn't even have the guts to defend herself. She just shot dirty looks at me. I once told her, "Be careful, I might tell my sister that you gave me that dirty look."

I was surprised that I even said that but it felt good. She hated my guts but couldn't do anything about it.

Christmas was no fun that year. It just reminded us that Lizzy was not with us. My parents did not even decorate the house and our Christmas tree was shorter than I was. It was never like that when Lizzy was around. She went all out for Christmas. Her decorations were the most beautiful on our block. Our Christmas tree was huge and filled with presents under it. It didn't really matter anyways because we always traveled to Paraguay. We spent Christmas and New Years there in the hot summer sun with all my aunts, uncles, and cousins running around in the warm fields.

All we did that year was watch TV and eat take out on Christmas.

I was happy when we started school again. I never thought I would feel that way but being at home was getting to be too depressing.

The first day back was the same as usual. My dad dropped us off in the front of the school and Kate and I walked to the playground. The bell rang and we went to class. We were saying our morning prayers when principal Sue interrupted by opening the door. She was standing there with a boy by her side. The boys' eyes and face were bright red as if he had been crying for a very long time. Sister Mary Ann brought the boy in and introduced him to the class.

"Boys and girls, this is Justin and he will be your new classmate," she said

The boy was sobbing as she was speaking. Tears were running down his face and he was shaking. I couldn't help but remember my first day at this school and how I wanted to cry my eyes out too. He sat in an empty desk right next to mine in the back of the class. Everyone kept staring at the poor kid who was still crying as if he was hurting or something.

We continued with our morning prayers and with our day and yet Justin would not stop crying. I was beginning to feel very bad for him. Sister Mary Ann kept trying to comfort him but that made it even worse. Every kid in the class was laughing at him and I knew that he was doomed. He was such a scrawny kid. Smaller and skinnier than any other boy in the class. This was not a very good beginning for him.

I had to do something. I leaned over, touched his shoulder, and said. "Calm down and stop crying. You'll be fine. Just stop crying please."

He looked at me with his red eyes and nodded a "yes". I gave him a smile and pulled my desk closer to his. I shared my book with him and even grabbed him a few tissues from Sister Mary Anne's desk. Everyone stared at us but I had to help him. I had to do for him what no one had done for me.

At recess, I grabbed Justin's hand and led him to the boys' bathroom. "Go wash your face. I'll wait for you out here." I told him.

After he came out, I showed him around. I pointed to the cafeteria, the office and the nurse's office. I figured I had done my job by helping him out and walked to my usual spot for recess, a bench by the cafeteria just next to the baseball field that no one used because it was muddy. I liked sitting there and reading a book.

I was just opening my book when Justin came and sat next to me.

He didn't say a word; he just sat right next to me.

"You don't say much? Do you?" I asked him

"Can I sit with you?" he asked

"Sure, but if you do you probably wont make any more friends around here." I warned.

"Why? Do you have coodies or something?" he asked

"I guess you could say that. It's just that I am not very popular around here. No one really likes to hang out with me." I said

"I'll hang out with you if you want." he said

"Sure." I answered

"Thanks for being nice to me Julia." he whispered

"Sure." I said again

I never thought I would make a good friend let alone a friend that was a boy but Justin turned out to be the best friend I had never had at school. I always had Kate but I never really had anyone else. It didn't even seem like he was a boy. He liked doing everything I did. Playing everything I wanted to play. He even liked watching the same cartoons I liked. Cartoons that other boys wouldn't be caught dead watching. I never thought he was weird. To the contrary he turned out to be the best little person ever.

We were made fun of a lot from the other kids for hanging around each other but he didn't seem to mind and I didn't care either.

He also had to go to the after school program so we were basically together all day except he was picked up at 5:30. He got along great with Kate who was very happy that I had finally made a good friend. The three of us became inseparable.

Justin and his family had moved into a house that was only two blocks away from mine so on weekends his mom Nancy would walk him over to my house and he would spend the entire afternoon with Kate and I. His mom was such a nice person. She worked as a cook and ran a catering service from her home on the weekends. She always brought us delicious food over whenever she brought Justin over on the weekends. That was a plus because we always had sucky food at our house.

Justin's parents had recently gotten a divorce and that was why he moved to our neighborhood with his mom. His dad still lived in the valley, which was like an hour away. Justin had two older siblings. His eldest sister Jessica was 14 and his older brother James was 11. James would sometimes pick Justin up from my house when his mom could not. He always had a skateboard with him. We would all watch as he did cool tricks on the street. James also turned out to be a nice friend. Even though he was three years older than I was, he was still cool and very nice. James liked that Justin finally had a good friend like me. Like Kate, James was overprotective of Justin. He never left Justin alone and would do anything for his little brother. I liked that about them. They were like a boy version of Kate and I.

Jessica and James both went to public school. Justin was the only one that went to private. I once asked him why he also didn't go to public school. I thought it was weird that he would want to go to a school that made you wear hideous uniforms and had nuns as teachers. He told me that he never really fit in at any school that he went to so his mom thought that he should try a smaller school with lesser kids because maybe it would make it easier for him to make friends.

"I'm glad that I started at St. Martha's." he once told me, "Because I got to meet you."

CHAPTER 5:

Independence

Four years had passed since the very sad day we lost Lizzy. I still missed her so very much. I needed her so much it hurt to think about her. Sometimes I felt that my parents just thought of her as a memory. As something that happened and disappeared and that was it. I still had her in my everyday. I still dreamt of her. I still had her in my heart. She was still alive in me.

So many things had changed. At home, my parents moved into Lizzys' room and I moved into my parent's old room. This was not something I had decided. My mom said that Kate and I needed our own space and that it would be a good idea for us to have our own rooms. That plan backfired because I never left Kates' room. I still slept with her and was always in her room. I think the main reason was that I was a little bit scared to be in my new room. It was the same size as Kate's but it had two French style doors that led out to a balcony. I always felt that someone would walk in or something.

As for my parents, they had finally finished their schooling. My mom was now a full time lead History professor for college students and she and my dad opened their own book store called K & J's. It was a surprise to both Kate and I when they opened the bookstore but then again we didn't really care. We liked it after a while mainly because we never really saw much of my parents especially our mom who had all of a sudden become a huge pain in the butt. She never liked anything that Kate or I did. She hated the way we dressed and was horrified by the type of music we listened to but since she never really had time to even take us shopping she just gave us the money that allowed us to buy whatever we wanted.

My dad was also always mad at us. He couldn't understand that we had changed so much or that we were growing up. I remember having a good relationship with my father but now it was none existent. He ignored us and we definitely ignored him.

Kate was now 14 and I was 13. She was still the usual Kate except now she was even more beautiful. We were both tall and skinny and looked very much alike. People that did not know us were still confusing us as twins. We didn't look our age at all. Everyone always told us that we passed for 15 or 16 year olds.

Both of us had long hair although Kates' was a bit curlier than mine. Our hair was a different color every week. Purple bangs were Kates' favorite. This was all thanks to Jessica, Justin's sister who was now a hair stylist. She loved working on Kates' hair but said my hair was her favorite. I didn't let her play with it too much which always annoyed her. All I always asked for was pitch-black dye and that was it. Sometimes she would beg and I would let her put a little green or purple in it but that was only when I was feeling very generous.

My parents didn't really say anything about our hair styles anymore. At first, when Kate and I started showing up with different color hair and makeup they would freak out and ground us but I think they finally figured out it was just easier to bypass it. It wasn't worth the fights, the yelling, and the cursing coming from us whenever they grounded us. They had also gotten used to our dark clothing, cut up jeans, short skirts and Dr. Martens. I was more into the cut up jeans and shorts with boots but Kate loved to show more skin than necessary. This was what really pissed my dad off and had sparked hundreds of fights.

We still went to the same boring school that literally was our home away from home during the week. We still had to go to the after school program which was ridiculous because kids our age were already allowed to walk home from school but I guess it was probably better than being at home. At least Justin was still there too. He had become like a brother to Kate and I. He had also come out of the closet that year. I guess I always knew he was gay but I didn't really care so I didn't pay much attention to it. I loved him no matter what his sexual orientation was. He was such a handsome boy. Tall and skinny, with light colored skin and the most beautiful blue eyes. He would have had tons of girlfriends but he was to busy checking out the boys instead. The kids at school knew too. Justin never really said anything to them but they figured it out. They messed with us a few times but eventually learned to leave us alone.

I still swam three times a week. I was part of the school swim team and this year I got to be with the high school swim team. It was weird being with all the older kids but they were nice to me. Some of the boys were really cute so I loved it. We had our competitions every other Saturday. I had many first place ribbons and never got anything below second place. I loved swimming. I loved that I was better than everyone else. I was even better than the high school seniors that were on my team. It was also the only thing that my dad liked about me. He always took me to the competitions and was always in a good mood at the end of each one mainly because I was always the winner. It was really the only time that all three of us had a good time together. He was so proud when I got to go to Florida the year before to swim for the junior swimming league of our state. Kate and Justin also never missed any of my competitions. They were my own personal cheerleaders, always screaming to the top of their lungs whenever it was my turn to swim. My mom never made it to any of my swim meets.

I didn't have any friends at school besides Justin. Becky and her crew still hated me. Four years had passed since "the incident" but I still brought it up whenever I could. It was fun making her miserable. Whenever the teacher told us to pair up with somebody for any kind of work, I sometimes chose her just to bug her. She had become such a girly girl, always dressing in pink. She was captain of the junior drill team and couldn't wait to get to high school and be a cheerleader. I'm not going to lie though, she was very pretty, in a preppy sort of way. Long blonde hair and pretty blue eyes. Her boyfriend Peter was a freshman in high school and was in my swim team. Becky was always present at the swim practices and the competitions so I had to deal with her more than I wanted to. Peter was a nice guy. He was cute but not my type, but that didn't stop me from flirting with him whenever I knew Becky was watching. I always hugged him and jumped on him whenever I finished my swim and came in first place then I would purposely look at Becky with a grin. I did this to piss Becky off but he obviously liked it. I loved taunting her and it was something I did very well.

Everyday after school, my dad would pick us up at 6:30. This seemed stupid since the bookstore was only 20 minutes away and he could have easily just picked us up earlier and took us there with him. Then again, that is probably why he didn't do it. Justin's mom picked him up an hour earlier than we were picked up so when we got home he was already sitting on our porch waiting for us. He stayed at our house until about eight and then James would pick him up. Kate had a huge crush on James who was now 16 years old. They had actually kissed and made out a few times. Kate was hooked on him. He was gorgeous. Long dark brown hair with hazel brown eyes and the best-looking arms ever. Kate was very flirtatious with him and he always took advantage of it. He was always picking her up and they were constantly touching each other.

On Friday nights, we would go to Humphrey Park, which was about five blocks away from our house. We would watch James do his cool skateboard tricks and then when it got dark Kate, Justin and James would smoke cigarettes and a joint or two. I was the only one that didn't do it because it would come out in my monthly drug and nicotine test that was required for the swim team. I didn't mind and besides Kate wouldn't have let me do it anyways. She was always telling me that it would screw my swimming up. Even though I didn't get high I still had the same fun.

One Friday night we were all sitting under our tree at the park. It was the biggest tree there and it had been ours every Friday for the past year. Justin even named it Potty because he said it got high off the pot too. It was November and it was cold. Justin was sitting against the tree and I was lying down with my head in his lap. Kate and James were right next to us in the same position.

"Hey Justin, did you tell them the news already?" James asked

"Nope, not yet big mouth." Justin said annoyed.

"What are you talking about?" I asked

"Justin doesn't have to go to that stupid day care anymore." Justin said.

Kate and I sat up immediately.

"WHAT?" We both yelled out.

"Yeah, I got home today and my mom said that she was taking me out because it's too expensive and that James has the task of picking me up after school from now on. He gets out an hour before we do and it's on his way so…"

I didn't let him finish.

"NO WAY! If you're not going anymore then neither are we." I shouted. "I hate it there anyways and we could walk home with you. I go to swim practice across the street from there anyways and Kate can come with me…" I rambled on

"Calm down and breathe a little Julia." Justin said

"We'll ask mom and dad tomorrow Julia." Kate said, "We'll beg if we have to ok. It'll be fine."

It wasn't fine. It was a huge fight the next day when we asked my overprotective parents for a little bit of independence.

"NO!" my mom said right away.

UGH, it was so frustrating

"Are you serious mother?" Kate screamed. "We'll walk with Justin and James and we'll all be together. Jessica will sometimes pick us up too." she lied

"Don't you trust us?" I shouted. "We get good grades and we're not bad or anything and you have known Justin and James since forever…PLEASE mom. I don't want to be there without Justin. Kate is going to be in high school next year anyways. We're good, aren't we?" and I broke down and started crying. I actually started sobbing. I had to make them feel guilty.

"Fine." my dad finally said.

I looked up at him. "Really?" I asked.

"Yes." he said, "We trust you girls. Just promise us that you will always stay together and that you Julia will never miss a swim practice because it will be your responsibility now. No one is going to be reminding you or taking you like they did there. "

"I promise dad!" and I got up and hugged him.

I gave my mom a hug too and so did Kate. I could tell that my mom was stunned. Obviously, it surprised her that my dad made this decision all by himself.

That night was one of the happiest nights of my life. I felt so independent. Kate and I were ecstatic. Kate was happy because she could spend more time with James. I was just happy, period. Too bad I couldn't say the same for my mom who spent the entire night yelling at my dad.

Chapter 6

Off Guard

A month had passed since our after school independence started. For the first few days, my mom was completely paranoid about it. She would call the house every 10 minutes when we got home from school. My dad also showed up once while we were on our way home and gave us all a ride. He said he had forgotten something at home and was in the neighborhood but it was obvious he was checking up on us.

After a couple of weeks, things finally calmed down. My mom didn't call anymore and my dad was getting used to not having to pick us up. We were usually home alone until about 7:30 in the evening when my mom got home but then she went to the bookstore to help my dad close up. Kate and I loved it. They trusted us so much that we were practically on our own. Sucking up did help a lot. We cleaned the house, we even made their bed and when they got home at night all they did was relax. Of course, what they didn't know was that we did all those chores in less than half an hour and the rest was fun time. Even James and Justin would help us out so we would finish quicker. We didn't have to go to the park any more for them to smoke. They had the whole house now.

Everyday after school, James would already be waiting for us in front of the school with his skateboard in one hand and a cigarette usually in the other. Kates' eyes sparkled every time she saw him and he now greeted her with a kiss. They all came with me on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays to my swim practices. At first they always yelled out my name and cheered me on but my coach eventually threatened them with not letting them back in unless they kept quiet. Now, every time I looked at them, Kate and James were either making out or lying on the bleachers and Justin was either reading or drawing in his sketchpad. They never complained and I loved having them there.

I had gotten used to this routine, in fact I loved it. I had no idea that something was about creep up from behind me and catch me off guard.

It was December 2, 1993 when everything that was normal to me changed forever.

Kate and I were walking out of school as usual to meet with James. It was cold and I had only brought my thin sweater to school because it wasn't so cold in the morning.

"I think I'm going to skip swim today. It is the last practice anyways and I know I'll do fine this Saturday at the meet. I'm freezing my butt off and I want to get home."

"ARE YOU CRAZY?" Kate said angrily. "That's the first condition dad gave you. If he finds out, he'll be pissed. I'm not letting you skip it."

"JEEZ! You sound like mom. Fine, Ill go but only if you give me your jacket afterwards."

"Yeah right…it's freezing!" she laughed.

"Thanks a lot Kate."

When we got to the front gate, I saw that James was not alone. He was with Justin and another boy. Kate and I walked up to Justin and immediately James came to give Kate a kiss. The boy was right behind him.

I froze when I saw him. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was so good looking. He had straight shoulder length dark brown hair. His eyes were green and his lips were a beautiful shade of light red as if he were cold or something. He was wearing ripped jeans and Dr. Martens boots with an army green flannel jacket and a Nirvana shirt underneath. He was perfect! He looked like a rock star.

"Hello! Earth to Julia!" I heard James say.

I turned away from the beautiful boy and looked at Kate who was giggling. I felt my face turn red and I was so embarrassed.

"Yeah, I was saying that this is Richard. He's new to my school and also new to our neighborhood so he walked with me today. Richard, this is Julia, Kates' sister and Justin's best friend."

Kate punched James and he laughed.

"Ok. Ok. Ok. She's my best little friend too"

I looked at the gorgeous model type boy in front of me. "Hi" I said and turned away quickly. I felt so stupid. What was I, ten years old?

"Ok, come on. Julia has swim now. We'd better go." Kate said and grabbed me and started crossing the street. Justin followed us. We were a few steps ahead of James and his new friend when Kate started talking.

"What the hell is the matter with you? What happened back there?"

"Oh my God, I don't know." I said. I felt Justin's arm around me.

"He's cute," he said to my ear.

"He's gorgeous." I whispered and they both chuckled.

"You should have seen yourself back there…it was HILARIOUS!" Kate said

"Shut up! I am so embarrassed!"

"Don't worry." Kate said. "He probably didn't even notice."

"Yeah right, I don't think so." Justin whispered.

"UUUGGGGGHHHHH!" I screamed and ran into the locker room.

In all the years that I had been swimming, I had never felt nervous about it. In fact, everybody always praised my confidence when it came to swimming. So, I didn't understand why I was feeling so anxious now.

I kept glancing over to where my audience was sitting. I usually never did that. I always knew they were there. Sometimes they looked at me and sometimes they were bored out of their minds just waiting for me to finish but that day all their eyes were on me. Kate and Justin were giggling and whispering in each other's ears. James was fidgeting with his skateboard and Richard was staring at me. Every time I looked at them which was every minute, he was just looking at me. It was making me very uncomfortable. When it came to my turn to dive in and swim, I was actually nervous. I came in first place as usual but I never had to try so hard before.

After what seemed like forever, practice was finally over. I ran to the locker room and took much longer than usual. Kate came in to see if something had happened. Any other day I would have just put my awful uniform on top of my wet bathing suit and put my boots on without even bothering to tie them and my hair, well lets just say I didn't care what my hair looked like after practice.

"What are you doing? You are taking forever!" Kate yelled at me. "Are you putting make up on?" she asked surprised.

"Can you please speak a little louder; I don't think people in Africa heard you Kate." I said angrily.

She must have noticed my attitude because she walked up to me and started helping me out with my hair.

"Sorry Julia. You look beautiful already. Are you really doing all this for him right now?

"Has he said anything about me? I asked

"He said that you're an awesome swimmer. He asked how old you were. He looked surprised when I told him 13. He said you didn't look your age. Then again he said the same thing about me."

"How old is he?" I asked

"I didn't ask but I'm guessing that he's probably the same age as James."

She was standing right behind me fidgeting with my hair. I could see her through the mirror. Now, was one of those times when I wished I had her personality. Never scared of anything. She always knew how to face these types of situations.

"We better go Julia. James is freaking out and it's cold. Let us just go home and you can invite him in and talk to him. You look very pretty."

"Thanks." I said and took in a very deep breath.

"`What the hell, Julia? You took such a long time. Don't you know its freezing out here?" James complained.

I saw when Kate punched him and pulled him in front of us.

"Hey Kate! Wait up! I need to ask you something." Justin yelled out and ran to her. He gave me a childish smirk as he left.

I knew that this was his way of leaving me alone with Richard. I was going to have to kill him later on.

"You are a fast swimmer." Richard said.

"Thanks." I said while looking down at the ground.

"How long have you been swimming?" he asked.

"Since the third grade."

"That's cool."

I had my backpack over one shoulder and my arms crossed around my chest. I was very cold. I tried not to show it but I think that my nerves along with the cold were literally making me shiver. I couldn't make my lips stop shaking. I was going to kill Kate for not giving me her jacket.

"You look like you're freezing." he said.

"I'm ok." I lied

I did not notice when he took off his jacket, probably because I was avoiding eye contact.

"Here, you could borrow this. It will help you out. I'll feel guilty if you catch a cold or something," he said while handing me his jacket.

I stopped and looked at him. He must have noticed the shock in my face because he smiled and looked confused. He took my backpack and put his jacket on me. I waited for him to give me back my backpack but he never did. I couldn't believe it. Was I dreaming or something?

We didn't say much on the walk. Once in a while Kate and Justin would turn around to look at us. At least they didn't laugh or anything. I was still going to kill them though.

When we finally got to the house, Kate opened the door and they all went in. I took off the jacket and gave it to him. He handed me my backpack.

"Thanks for not letting me freeze and thanks for carrying my backpack." I said. This time I was actually looking at him.

"No problem."

We stood there without saying a word.

"Ok well…Ill see you around," he finally said.

"Um…you could come in. We just sit around and do nothing but you're welcome to join us. They smoke together. I don't but they do…" I stuttered. I couldn't believe that I gotten the courage to invite him inside.

"Hey Rich. Come on dude. We're going to light some up right now!" James yelled out from my front door."

"A little louder James. I don't think my neighbors heard you!" I yelled back.

"Sorry!" he said before walking back inside.

"I don't smoke." Richard told me.

"Me either, but its cool to see them trip." I whispered back. "Come on; let's make fun of them together." I grabbed his hand and led him inside. I couldn't believe I did that too.

My room was the usual place for them to smoke weed. I didn't particularly like that arrangement but my room was the only room with the balcony. Outside the balcony was a huge old tree that was half fallen and covered most of the balcony, so it was nearly impossible for the neighbors to see what we were doing.

"You want some Rich?" James asked while holding out a joint.

"No, it's cool. I quit but thanks anyways."

"He's a keeper Julia," my sister said.

"He sure is." added Justin

I gave them both a dirty look.

"Yup, I am." Richard said sarcastically. He was looking at some pictures I had on my desk.

"Sorry about them. They turn stupid when they smoke. Come on, let's go get something to eat." I had to get him out of there before they said anything else.

"You have a nice house," he said while we walked downstairs to the kitchen.

"Thank you."

"Is this you?" he pointed to a picture of Kate.

"No, that's Kate with our grandmother. This is me." I pointed to a picture of me and Lizzy."

"You two look like twins."

"Yeah, we get that a lot."

I handed him a bag of chips and a soda and we sat on the sofa. He sat on one end and I sat at the other end. I still couldn't believe this was happening. He was actually with me.

"So, what about you? Do you have any brothers or sisters? I asked

"Yeah, I have a brother who is your age and a little sister."

"That's cool." was all I said.

I had to do something. I had to keep asking questions. I would just be mad at myself later on if I didn't take advantage of the situation.

"So, I heard James say that you were new to the neighborhood."

"Yeah. My parents got a divorce recently so we moved in with my grandma for a while until my mom figures out what to do. It's only a few blocks away from here actually."

"So, you and James met at school then?"

"Yes. We have almost all our classes together. I've known him for a couple of days now but I didn't know we lived so close to each other. I was actually taking a different way home when he told me to come with him today. He wanted me to meet his friends. He spoke very well of all of you guys."

"We have known each other for a long time now." I said.

"Is Kate his girlfriend or something?

Why did he just ask me that? Did he like Kate?

"Something like that. They fool around a lot. They have fun but its nothing official or anything. WHY? I asked.

He must have noticed the urgency in my question because he grinned.

"Just asking. He didn't really mention her as a girlfriend or anything but I saw them kiss. That's why I asked."

"Oh." I said embarrassed.

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"Can I ask you something?" I finally asked again.

"Yeah." he said.

"How old are you?" I was curious. He seemed so mature. He wasn't like James or any other guy I knew. There was something different about him.

"Seventeen," he answered, "I'm supposed to be a junior in high school but I had some health problems when I was a kid so I had to do 3rd grade twice. I had really bad asthma attacks so I got an operation that made me lose lots of school so I ended up repeating that year."

"Oh" I said again. I really needed to figure out another word to use besides "oh" before he really thought I was stupid or something.

"And you are 13?" he asked

"Yeah…"

"You don't seem thirteen and you definitely don't look thirteen. You look fifteen or even sixteen."

"JEEE thanks…I look old."

"No, I mean that in a good way," he said right away.

Then he said three words I will never forget. Three words…that was all it took for me to fall for him.

"You are beautiful," he added.

I didn't smoke any weed that day but I was flying high, walking in the clouds the whole night.

Kate wanted to know every single detail of what had happened when she wasn't there. Everything from our walk home from school to our sofa conversation. She knew everything after that since all three of them interrupted us and literally never left us alone again.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed after I finished with the detailed account.

"I am so freaking happy for you Julia. He likes you!" she yelled.

She gave me a hug and pinned me down to her bed.

"But listen," she added. "He is 17. I want you to be careful and mom and dad cannot know about him. They'll freak out! If he does anything to hurt you, I swear I will cut off his balls!"

"Ok mom…" I said sarcastically. "Ill be careful mommy. You don't have to worry."

"I'm serious Julia!"

"Calm down Kate. I barely met him today. It's not like I'm going to marry him. I think you smoked too much weed!"

I didn't sleep much that night. In fact, I didn't sleep at all. I wanted to see him again. I thought about everything we talked about earlier and I thought about his face, his eyes, his everything.

The next day was Friday. As soon as I got to school, Justin grilled me the same way Kate had the night before. I had to tell him everything in perfect detail and even after I finished he still had a million more questions. I didn't care though. I loved any reason that made me talk about Richard.

After school, Justin and I went to the restroom together for a quick stop. He always went in with me. He didn't care what others thought of it. He had gotten in trouble for it a few times but still did it anyways.

"You look gorgeous already Julia." he said while I was looking at myself in the mirror.

"What if he doesn't even come?" I asked.

When we walked to the front gates, I searched for them in a hurry. I did not see any one of them, not even Kate.

"Where are they?" I asked Justin who was holding my hand.

He squeezed my hand so tight that it went numb.

"Over there." he pointed to the corner of the street.

They were looking at us and signaling us to come to where they were standing. All three of them. Kate, James and Richard.

"He came." I whispered.

Justin put his arm around my neck and pulled me close to his chest.

"Why wouldn't he?" he whispered back.

"What the hell? Where were you guys?" We were looking for you." Kate asked.

"I had to go to the bathroom." Justin lied "And Julia waited for me. Sorry!"

I looked at Kate who winked at me and had a happy smile on her face.

"Hey Julia." Richard greeted me. His voice gave me goose bumps.

"Hi Richard." I answered happily.

Kate and James walked ahead of us that day but Justin stayed. I had begged him not to leave me alone anymore but it didn't last. About five minutes into our walk, Kate called him and he ran to her.

I couldn't help but smile to myself. I knew my sister all too well to know that she didn't really need him for anything.

"So, you don't have swimming today?" Richard asked.

"No. My practices are Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. My competitions are every other Saturday." I threw that in there even though he didn't ask me.

"Do you have one tomorrow?" he asked

I turned to look at him. He was looking at me too. He took my backpack off my shoulder and I didn't object to it.

"Um, yeah actually I do. It's the final one before winter break."

"Can I come?" he asked

He wanted to come. Wow.

"Sure. Justin and Kate always come. James sometimes comes too but I think he doesn't really like to." I said.

"I'll ask him to go with me." Richard said.

"Oh. Ok. Sure." I was so happy and so very surprised.

"I'll write down the directions for you when we get to my house. It's not that far from here." I added.

I actually slept in my room that night. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. My beautiful new thoughts.

I had found out a lot about him and vice versa.

His mom was a nurse who had gotten a job at the nearby hospital and his dad owned his own auto body repair shop. He confessed that he used to smoke weed but that he quit because of some trouble he had gotten into the year before. He had been pulled over by a cop while driving high and the cop found his stash in the car. As a result, his driver's license was suspended. He could get it back when he turned 20 provided he kept his record clean.

He said that it hurt his mom so much when he got arrested and that he promised himself he would never do anything that stupid ever again.

"My mom trusted me and I screwed up. I promised her that I would never put her through anything like that ever again," he confessed.

I asked him about his grandma and he said she was a little coo-coo. Then he laughed.

"She's awesome. She's a very hip grandma. She goes to the gym everyday and even goes out on dates. She recently broke up with her last boyfriend of over a year." he said, "She is very happy having us with her now. She helps my mom out a lot with my brother and sister."

He didn't talk about his dad that much and I didn't ask either.

I was getting used to asking him questions when he started asking me some too.

I told him about Lizzy and even showed him pictures of her. I talked about my parents and how they had gone from cool to very uncool in the last couple of years. I told him about how I met Justin and about how he was like a brother to me.

I was surprised of what a chatterbox I was being.

Kate, Justin and James did a good job of giving us privacy but that didn't keep Kate from walking by to supposedly get something from the kitchen every once in a while.

"Your sister is funny," he told me after her fourth checkup.

"Yeah. She's cool. She's a little too over protective though."

"That's a good thing," he said.

Time went by so fast that I didn't even realize it had gotten dark outside until James and Justin came to say goodbye.

Justin said bye and gave me a kiss before walking out. James didn't even bother to say good-bye. He and Kate were too busy making out in the doorway.

"Ok guys…can you please go somewhere else and do that?" I begged. They looked at me and went outside.

Richard was now standing right next to me. His arm was almost touching mine. I took a few steps away from him and turned to look at him.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning." he said and starting walking out the door.

"Um…Richard. I need to tell you something."

He turned to look at me. He looked at me in a way that kind of distracted me for a few seconds.

I finally got my thoughts together again and started to speak.

"My dad is really weird when it comes to boys. He is used to Justin and James and likes them but he'll be weird about you. So um…please don't take this the wrong way but I won't be able to talk to you tomorrow."

He smiled.

"Don't worry. I get it. I'll still be there though."

And he walked away.

Kate, Justin, my dad and I got to the competition earlier than usual. There were some people already in the stands and around the Olympic size indoor pool. I searched for Richard but couldn't find him.

"Don't worry; we'll give you some sort of signal if we see him." Kate whispered.

"Yeah. Just don't worry about it and kick ass ok." Justin added.

"Ok" I said.

"Julia, we're going to go get some front row seats before they fill up," my dad said. "Good luck!"

"Thanks dad."

My coach rounded us all up and started giving us his usual lecture. I didn't pay much attention. I was too busy looking at the people walking in at the main door.

"Julia, are you even listening to me?" my coach shouted.

"Yes coach!"

"Everyone in the pool for laps. Freestyle and back stroke." he ordered.

I dove in and did my laps. I had stopped looking for him. I figured he wasn't going to come.

Peter kept on talking to me and giving me high fives whenever we got out of the pool. I asked him if Becky was there and he said yes, and then pointed to her. She wasn't hard to miss. She was wearing all pink and looked like she belonged at a party and not at a swim competition. I stared at her for a few seconds then looked at Kate and Justin who at first I thought were trying to say hi to me but then I figured out were trying to show me something. Justin was hiding his hand behind Kate so my dad wouldn't see and was pointing upwards.

I looked up and saw Richard at the very top of the bleachers, exactly four rows on top of my dad. He was sitting right next to James who was yawning and couldn't look anymore bored.

He must have noticed me staring at him because he waved. I waved back and saw my dad wave at me. My dad must have thought I said hi to him. I laughed. It was a very funny and awkward situation.

The competition ended exactly two hours later. We won first place and I got the best swim time.

My coach gave us each a hug and a high five. Peter hugged me and kissed my cheek.

"Congrats on your time!" he said

"Thanks!"

A few days ago, I would have taken full advantage of his flirtatious attitude. I would have been all touchy and flirty with him because I knew Becky would be watching but now it bugged me that he did what he did.

Instead, I looked at Richard who was still staring at me. He gave me a thumbs up and I smiled.

Chapter 7:

15

It was Sunday September 24, 1995. My fifteenth birthday.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Julia. Happy birthday to you"

It was seven in the morning and my family decided to wake me up by singing happy birthday to me.

I sat up on my bed. I had been sleeping in my own room for the past few months now.

They gave me my gifts. Kate got me a brand new pair of boots and new makeup. My parents each gave me one hundred dollars.

"Thank you." I told them and they each hugged and kissed me.

"Go back to sleep sweetie." my mom said. "Your dad and I are going to open the bookstore but we'll be back to take you out to lunch. Love you!"

"Bye" I said and laid back down.

Kate sat down next to me and played with my hair.

"So, do you want to just lay here or do you want to see what I have in my room for you?" she asked.

"What is it?"

"Come and see." and she got up and pulled me with her to her room.

"Sit on my bed and close your eyes. "She ordered.

"Oh, come on Kate. Seriously?"

"Do it!" she ordered again.

I closed my eyes.

"Ok. Open your eyes." she said after a few seconds.

I looked at her and she pointed to a small package that was right next to me.

"This was Richard's idea. He told me to tell you to close your eyes. He gave this to me yesterday and told me to give it to you today. He knew he wasn't going to be able to see you and he didn't want you to think he forgot. "

I looked at the small package on the bed. It was tiny and wrapped in black paper that had tiny balloons on it.

"What are you waiting for? Open it! I want to see it already!" Kate said impatiently.

It was a necklace. A beautiful silver necklace with a "J" pendant hanging on it. It was a sparkly black "J" made of tiny black crystals. It was beautiful.

Kate got it out of my hands and put it on me.

"Its even more beautiful than he described it," she said

"You knew about it?

"He asked me if you would like something like this and I told him yes."

"It's beautiful." I whispered.

I got up and looked at it through Kates' closet mirror. So many feelings were running through me but the one that overpowered every one of them was HAPPINESS. I felt immense happiness.

"Ok well, I have to go over to Justin's. We are all going to make you a cake.' Kate said.

"Oh crap, I shouldn't have told you that. Don't tell them I told you ok?" she added.

"Ok." I laughed.

"See you in a bit." she said and left.

I laid down on Kates' bed. I couldn't stop touching my necklace. I closed my eyes and thought of Richard.

It had been almost two years since I met Richard. Every day was basically the same routine. He and James would pick us up from school and we would all come to my house to hang out. He never missed any of my swim practices or competitions. He had become one of us. A part of our group and a huge part of me.

Sometimes both of us would just hang out together. We would go out for walks or go to his house. I met his grandma Sofia who was the funniest old lady I had ever met. She always greeted me with a hug and was always either exercising or playing video games with Richard's brother Mark. Mark was my age. He didn't look anything like Richard. He was chubby and blonde. He didn't really pay much attention to me while I was there. This was mainly because he was too busy eating, watching TV or playing video games. He would sometimes have some friends over which was uncomfortable for me because his new friends were my old enemies from my old elementary school. They weren't exactly mean to me anymore; to the contrary, they were very flirtatious and gross. Richard hated them and so did I.

His little sister Clarissa loved me. She was six and I always felt her age every time I was around her. She always brought out every single toy she owned when I came over and I ended up playing house or Barbie with her. She loved playing with my hair especially when it had different colors in it. She always requested that I put some pink in it but I never complied. Surprisingly, I didn't mind having to spend time with her. She made me laugh and I made Richard laugh. I felt sorry for her because she had two big brothers that could never play the way I did with her.

I knew that somehow Richard liked me. I was just waiting for him to show it in some way.

When Justin and I graduated from middle school, his mom had a party for us at his house. My parents were also there so I couldn't be around Richard as much as I wanted to. He was very careful about staying away from me the whole time by just hanging out with James. After all, my parents still didn't even know he existed.

That didn't stop us from looking at each other every once in a while.

I was standing with my parents and Kate in the back yard listening to them talk to some neighbors when I saw Richard staring at me from the back door. He had a smile on his face and he cautiously signaled me to him. I excused myself and went inside. I felt his hand grab mine and he led me into Justin's bedroom. He closed the door and I put my back against it. He was right in front of me. So very close to me.

"I just wanted to say CONGRATS!" he told me and gave me a hug.

Hugging him made my heart literally stop. When we pulled away from each other, our faces were even closer than they were before. I wanted to kiss him so badly and I could tell that he wanted it too but none of us did anything. He touched my face with the back of his hand and I could feel his breathing. I put my hands on his waist and closed my eyes. I felt him get closer to me and waited for a kiss but instead he pulled away.

"We should probably get back to the party." he said, "Your parents will start wondering where you are"

I sighed.

I didn't care what my parents thought. At that moment, all I wanted was him. I wanted to jump on him and kiss him all over. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him but instead, all I did was just stand there like an idiot. He opened the door for me and I walked out. I didn't look at him for the entire night. I was so angry with him. I was mad at myself for not taking the chance when I had one and mad at him for not wanting to kiss me.

That summer was fun. Everyday, as soon as my parents went to work, Justin and James would come over to my house. Richard got a summer job at the hospital where his mom worked and didn't get out until three but he always made it to my house before he even made it to his.

I had not forgotten about what had happened at the graduation party but I did put it behind me. I was happy with just seeing him everyday. He never tried to kiss me but he did put his arm around me now and we even held hands when we went out. He never left me alone and always did and went anywhere that I wanted to go without complaining. Anyone who saw us together would definitely think he was my boyfriend and many people had seen us together already. Becky saw us at the movies once and her jaw dropped. I mean who wouldn't be surprised. He was gorgeous.

In July, my parents took Kate, Justin and I on vacation to Hawaii. Justin was so excited to come with us and I was surprised but also very happy that my parents had invited him. I guess they thought of him as part of the family too.

"You know what you have to do Julia?" Justin asked me while we were sunbathing on the beach.

"What?" I asked. I thought he was going to tell me to put more sun block on or something.

"You have to make him jealous!" he said.

I looked at him surprised. So did Kate.

"What are you talking about?" I asked confused.

"Oh come on. You know Richard likes you and you are definitely in love with him too but he is afraid. He thinks he is too old for you. I mean you are literally jailbait for him," he said.

Kate and I started laughing. "What?" we both shouted at the same time.

"How do you know this?" I asked.

"I heard him talking to James ok. They thought I wasn't home and I overheard them talking about you."

"And you didn't tell me right away?" I was pissed. Justin knew that he had to tell me everything he knew about Richard.

"They didn't know I was listening in to their conversation and when they realized I was they asked me not to say anything. James actually threatened me if I did. "

"Well, tell me! What did he say?" I demanded.

"Spill it!" Kate ordered.

"Ok. Calm down." he smirked "He basically said that he liked you so much it hurt. As corny as that sounds, that is what he said. James asked him if he wanted something serious or if he just wanted to hook up. Richard got really ticked off when James asked him that and told him that he would never do anything to hurt you. He said that the reason he hasn't gotten serious was because even though you don't look or act your age you are still too young for him. James told him that if he didn't act quickly that you might find someone else. That you were very pretty and could get anyone you wanted whenever you wanted to."

"And what did Richard say?" I interrupted. I loved Justin to death but he was a very slow storyteller.

"He said that he could not bare see you with someone else and that he would only blame himself if that happened."

We were all quiet for a few seconds.

Justin continued. "He loves you Kate but he's going to be 19 in September and you're barely going to be 15. If your parents find out, they could send him to jail. I am pretty sure he has thought of all that especially after knowing how freaky your mom and dad are. I mean, Kate is even scared to tell them about James and he is only two years older than she is and they have known him for a while now. Imagine what they would think of a nineteen-year-old going out with their fifteen-year-old baby. Especially a nineteen year old that looks like Richard does. Think about it."

"Look, you have known him for two years now Julia" Kate said. "He likes you and you like him. If he is scared, if he is a chicken then we have to wake him up. You have to scare him. And in this case, jealousy is the best policy!"

The rest of our vacation went by very quickly. I think it was because I didn't pay much attention to anything we did. All I thought was about everything Kate and Justin had said and most of all I was flying on cloud nine because I finally knew for sure that he liked me.

Everything went back to normal after our trip. I didn't act differently in front of Richard or at least I think I didn't. The summer was awesome and that was all that mattered to me. He was all that mattered to me.

CHAPTER 7:

APPENDIX

I finally started high school. I mean its not that anything had changed much. I still had the same classmates that I had since the third grade and some new ones too. The high school was located right in front of the middle school so it was not that much of a difference. I guess what made it better was that I could hang out with Kate on our breaks since we all had the same break times. The school was small with and an entire student body of 450 students. My classmates were older and more mature. They didn't bug Justin or me anymore. The only real problem was still Becky and her Barbie friends. I must admit that Becky had gotten even more beautiful. She looked like those girls that appeared on the cover of magazines.

Kate, Justin and I were always together. None of us really had any other friends. It was always just us but we didn't mind it. We had found our own little hiding place at school where we spent our breaks. It was underneath a tree near the softball field. No one really went that far out for their breaks so no one ever bothered us. It was great for Kate and Justin who were able to smoke freely.

Richard and James were now seniors and still went to the local public school. Our routine never changed. They still picked us up after school and we all walked to my house together.

I was sure that after my birthday, things would change between Richard and me but they did not. The Monday after my birthday, Richard and I were walking home together. He had his arm around me and was carrying my backpack. I thanked him for the beautiful necklace and he squeezed me closer to his chest and said, "You are welcome. "

I don't know what exactly came over me but I kissed him. He was as surprised as I was that I did. He let go of me and we continued to walk without saying a word to each other. I couldn't believe that I had kissed him but I was even more perplexed that he could just brush it off like that and not even say anything about it.

"I'm sorry." I said when we got to my house.

"Don't be." he said.

I was actually apologizing for kissing him. I felt so stupid. It was the first time in two years that I did not want to be around him. In fact, I didn't want to be with anyone.

Something snapped in me that day. I don't know what but I didn't want to feel ashamed. Not by him or not by anyone else.

The next day at my swim practice, I was a little bit friendlier with Peter than usual. I knew Peter had a secret crush on me ever since I could remember. He was still dating Becky off and on. They were always getting into fights and breaking up every month or so. I knew when they were together because Becky would show up to the practices and competitions and if they weren't, she wouldn't.

Kate, James, Justin and Richard were at my practice like usual. I had already told Kate and Justin about my plan that day at school so that they could make sure that Richard would pay close attention to me at practice.

As soon as we all got in the pool for our usual laps, I made sure to be in front of Peter so that when he got out of the pool I was always waiting for him with a high five and a hug. I was extremely flirtatious with him, even more than I should have been. I think it caught him by surprise but he loved it. He couldn't take his hands off me and neither could I.

"Hey Peter, I challenge you to a race. Fifty-yard freestyle. What do you say?" I asked him after our practice was over.

He gave me a weird look like he thought I was crazy or something.

"Oh come on!" I said. "Are you scared or something?"

"What does the winner get?" he asked.

"The winner gets carried like a baby all the way to the locker rooms." I said. I actually think I sounded sexy.

I knew I could beat him in a heartbeat and with what I just offered; he was going to want to lose.

"Alright…hope you got enough in you to carry me," he laughed.

We both got on the diving blocks and before I put on my goggles, I glanced at my crowd who were on the bleachers just staring at me. Even James was paying attention. I knew what Richard looked like when he was angry. I had seen him fight with his brother and he once almost got into a fight with a guy who had said something gross to me at the mall but nothing compared to his face that day. It was of pure fury. It was like he wanted to kill someone.

I smiled a devilish smile because I knew that I had done what I had set out to do. Make him jealous.

Of course, I won the race and Peter was ok with it. He picked me up against his wet body. His hands were on my thighs and back and I held on to him as hard as I could as he took me away like a princess.

Richard didn't say much on our way home that day. I was surprised when he offered to carry my backpack. After all I had just done with Peter, I was expecting him to ditch me or something. When we got to my house, we all went in except for him.

"I can't stay today." he said, "I have to go help my grandma do something. Ill see you guys tomorrow."

He looked so hurt. He no longer had that angry face that I had seen earlier but instead he looked like a little boy who had just received some really bad news. I knew then that I had gone too far. I had hurt him.

I felt horrible.

"What the fuck was that all about Julia?" James asked angrily when we were all in the living room.

"What?" I yelled at him

"You went a little bit too far Jules." Justin whispered.

I threw myself on the sofa and put my head in one of the pillows.

"Oh my God, oh my God, Oh my God!" I cried out. "What did I do?"

I felt so bad about what I had done that night that I didn't sleep. What if he never wanted to see me again? What if everything changed because of what I did?

I promised myself that I would never do anything like that ever again. I would apologize to Richard for acting so childish. All I wanted was to see him again.

The next morning I could hardly get out of bed. At first, I thought that it was because I had only gotten like two hours of sleep but I felt crappy the entire morning at school too.

My stomach was killing me. I even had to go to the nurse's office to get some Tylenol.

"Julia, you should have the office call dad. You look horrible and you are burning up." Kate told me at lunchtime.

"No. I already went to the nurse's office and she gave me something. I feel better." I lied.

I didn't want to go home early. I wanted to see Richard. I wanted to hold him and tell him why I did what I did. I wanted to say sorry for everything. I wanted to be honest with him.

When the last bell finally rang, I had to force myself to get out of my seat. It felt like my stomach was exploding. My back was wet with sweat and I was cold.

"Julia, what's wrong?" Justin asked

"I don't know. I think I am getting sick or something."

"You look so pale and you're so hot," he said while touching my forehead.

"I'm ok. I just need to walk a little."

I made myself walk. It felt like I was telling my legs how to move.

When I got to the front gates, I couldn't help but smile when I saw Richard standing with James and Kate.

"Hi Richard." I managed to say because even speaking was painful.

We started to walk and I was happy that he walked next to me like usual.

"Are you ok?" he asked, "You don't look good."

"I have a stomach ache." I lied. This was beyond a stomachache. I felt like someone was tearing my insides apart.

He held my hand.

"You're so hot. You have a fever Julia."

I couldn't speak. I felt my lips begin to shiver. I tried to make them stop but I couldn't. I felt so cold. I let go of his hand and put my arms around my stomach. I knew I was slouching but it was the only way to relieve some of the pain.

He put his jacket around me but I was still freezing and the pain was getting worse every second.

We were only a block away from my house now. I wanted to get there so badly. I wanted to lie on my bed and cry. The pain was immense. I felt so weak. I felt like I was going to fall.

"JULIA!" I heard him scream and then everything turned black.

I remember bits and pieces of what happened. I remember being carried and I remember sirens. My sister was screaming my name and I was in an ambulance.

I opened my eyes and I was in a hospital room. It was dark except for a dim light coming from a half open door. A nurse walked in and checked my vital signs. She assured me that I was fine and that they would move me to another room now that I was awake.

"Try not to move sweetie." she said, "You had your appendix removed but it ruptured so your wound is not completely closed yet."

What did she mean ruptured? I didn't understand what she was talking about but I was too exhausted to be asking any questions. Even without moving, I felt the pain coming from my stomach so I wasn't planning to move at all.

They moved me to a room where I finally got to see my parents and Kate.

"Oh baby. How are you feeling?" my mom asked. She gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm ok mom," I whispered. "Just thirsty."

She poured some water in a plastic cup from a jug that was next to my bed and held the cup for me while I drank through a thin straw. The cold water felt so good going down my throat.

Kate sat on the chair right next to my bed. She held my hand.

"You scared the crap out of me!" she said and kissed my hand.

"Sorry."

The nurse came in again.

"Mr. and Mrs. Miller. You need to sign some paperwork at the front desk please."

"We'll be right back baby," my mom said and they both walked out. My dad gave me quick kiss as to reassure himself that I was fine.

I looked at Kate and smiled.

"I don't know what is so funny," she scolded. "I almost had a heart attack. I was scared to death!"

"I don't really remember." I whimpered. "I remember walking and I remember the ambulance but other than that I can't remember everything, just bits and pieces I guess."

She looked at me and I saw her pale face. She didn't have any makeup on ad her eyes were puffy. She came closer to me and started whispering.

"You were walking with Richard and you fainted. He was able to catch you and he actually carried you all the way to the house. He ran actually. Justin called the ambulance and they brought you here. I told them I was your sister and they let me ride with you. When the doctors saw you in the E.R, they immediately gave you some heavy painkillers that pretty much knocked you out and as soon as the tests came in and the doctor knew what you had, they took you into surgery. Mom and dad were already here by then."

"What about Richard?" I asked

"Justin and James came with Nancy and Richard came with them. Even Jessica came. They were here up until around eight and they all had to leave because visiting hours were over. Only we were allowed to stay. You had been out of surgery by then so they knew you were fine."

"Did mom and dad see Richard?" I asked worried.

"Yes, but they didn't pay much attention to him. They thought he had come with Jessica."

Kate laughed and I managed to also laugh a bit even though it hurt like hell when I did.

"He was so worried about you Julia. I have never seen him like that. It was as if he was going crazy or something. He finally calmed down when you came out of surgery and the doctor said you were ok.'

"Did mom and dad notice it?"

"No. They were too worried to notice it. We all were. Plus, Justin, James and Jessica took him as far as possible from mom and dad just in case. Nancy stayed with mom and dad."

My mom and dad walked in again with the nurse by their side.

"Sweetie, we have to go. Visiting hours are over and we only had special permission until you woke up. Your dad and I will come early in the morning before work and Kate will stay with you all day."

I looked at Kate. "What about school?"

"What about it?" Kate smirked. "I am just not going."

"I love you guys."

"We love you too," my dad said.

They all gave me a kiss and walked out.

The nurse stayed and told me she was going to put some pain medication through my I.V that would make me fall asleep. It was very painful. I could actually feel the medicine burn the inside of my arm as she was putting it in.

After checking my pillows and my wound she eventually left and closed the door. The room was dark except for some light coming from behind the curtain, probably from a streetlight. There was a glow in the dark clock next to the TV on the wall that said it was ten thirty. My eyelids started getting heavy and I felt weak.

The next thing I knew I opened my eyes and looked at the clock that now said it was two in the morning.

I tried to move but I felt something holding my hand. I turned my head and I saw Richard sleeping on the chair next to me with his arm resting on the bed and holding my hand.

I froze. I closed my eyes for a second and then opened them just to see if maybe I was dreaming this.

"Richard?" I whispered and squeezed his hand.

He woke up and got up so quickly that it frightened me. He leaned down and gave me a kiss on the cheek. He didn't say anything.

"What are you doing here? How did you get in here?"

"SHHH…we have to be very quiet Julia," he whispered in my ear. He was so close to my face that I got goose bumps.

"My mom works here, remember," he said. "I have connections. I just had to wait for your parents to leave before I came in."

"You've been here since they left. Why didn't you wake me up?

"No way…and miss your snoring." he chuckled.

"I don't snore." I said embarrassed.

"Just kidding."

"I had to see how you were doing. I was worried. I couldn't really ask any questions in front of your parents."

"Well, I'm glad you're here." I said.

He sat back down but brought his chair closer to me. His face was right next to mine resting on my pillow.

He was touching the side of my face and running his fingers down my neck. I could feel my eyelids getting heavy again. I didn't want to fall asleep. I wanted to be awake with him but I felt like I hadn't slept in days. The way he was caressing me was not helping either.

"I am so sleepy." I muttered

"Go to sleep. I'll still be here," he whispered.

It was 8:30 in the morning when I finally woke up again. Kate was sitting next to me playing with the remote control and bitching that there wasn't any cable. It was nice to have her with me. Having Kate around me always put me in a cheerful mood.

She explained that my parents had come to drop her off and did not want to wake me up.

She brought a couple of books to read which was a good idea because I would knock out every time the nurse came in to inject my pain meds.

I didn't tell Kate about Richards visit because I wasn't quite sure it was true. I wasn't sure if it was a dream or not. Regardless, it brought a smile to my face when I thought of it.

Justin and James came to visit after school. They explained that Richard wanted to come too but wasn't sure if my parents would all of a sudden show up. It was nice to see them. They brought me flowers and a cute teddy bear.

My parents came after work and all of them stayed until eight. I didn't like the loneliness that stayed when they left. Kate left the TV on for me and to my surprise, I stayed up a couple of hours watching the news and a few sitcoms. It was eleven o'clock when I saw the door open and Richard peek in. I couldn't believe it. It was true. He came in and kissed me on the forehead.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Better."

"Sorry, I didn't come earlier. I didn't want to run into your parents."

"It's ok."

He sat close to me again and just stared at me.

"I'm glad you are here." I admitted, "This might sound corny, but I wasn't really sure if you were really here last night. It seemed like a dream."

He smiled.

"I'm here. I will always be here."

"I know. Thank you."

I was in the hospital for 9 days after my surgery and every night Richard came to stay with me.

The last two nights were my favorite because I didn't feel so much pain and I was able to move around with much more ease so he laid beside me on the bed. He hugged me and we would fall asleep together. I couldn't believe that he was there and on my hospital bed. He left every morning at six and my parents would come at seven. Kate stayed with me the first couple of days but I insisted that she go back to school after that and so did my parents. Not one day went by that Justin and James didn't come visit me. They would even sneak me in some cheeseburgers because I was getting tired of the gross hospital food.

I never told anyone about my nighttime visitor. I wanted it to be my secret. I asked Richard if he had told James about it and he said no, so I knew that he felt the same way.

Chapter 8:

Break In

Six months had passed since my hospital visit and Richard and I were back to our old routine. He was the perfect boyfriend to me without actually being my boyfriend. I had thought that our time together at the hospital had changed things for us but it didn't . It was frustrating for me every time he put his arm around me or hugged me or even touched me because all I wanted to do was kiss him and jump all over him.

I didn't want to try the jealousy thing again because it had only backfired on me the last time. I had to deal with Peter hitting on me whenever he saw me and Richard getting pissed off about it. I have to admit it was somewhat flattering though.

Kate finally confessed that she was having sex with James. At first, I was very curious and asked all kinds of questions but I backed off on the Q&A's after a while because it was getting to the point where she was giving me a little too much info. I think James was catching on to the fact that she was telling me everything because I couldn't help but giggle every time I saw him. I got used to it and was very happy for my sister as well as for James. They loved each other very much and by the way they couldn't keep their hands off each other, I could see that they were happy too.

Justin was still the same Justin. He was our rock. The one who always gave us advice and the one that always made us laugh. He was getting better at his artwork everyday. He was even going to the local community center to take painting classes every Wednesday and Friday night. He loved it because he was the youngest and best student there and he was able to check out every single guy. I think that was his favorite part. He was sure that he wanted to become a tattoo artist and he even designed us each a tattoo that he was going to make for us someday.

It was March 16, 1996 when things between Richard and I changed forever. I remember the exact date because it was James 18th birthday.

It was Spring break and we were all hanging out at Richard's house. His grandma was out of town and Mark and Clarissa went to visit their dad and his mom was working so we had the house to ourselves.

Kate, Justin and I were sitting in his back yard just fooling around with each other and Richard and James had gone to the mini market a few blocks down to buy some cigarettes and snacks.

The one thing I didn't like about Richards house was that Becky lived right next door. I had always been careful that she not see me when I was there just because I did not want her big mouth to blab about it at school. The less people knew about Richard, the better. After all, he was a legal adult and I was still considered a kid. Kate always told me that everyone knew anyways. After all, Richard was always with us and he was always very close to me. Anyone who saw us together would think we were together even though we were not.

I had never been inside Becky's house but I knew it already. I definitely knew where her bedroom was. It had a balcony that overlooked Richard's back yard. That had always bugged me because it seemed like on purpose she would hang out there whenever I was around as if she was spying on me. She would go out there with her cordless home phone, talk, and stare at us. Sometimes she would talk so loud that we would be able to hear her conversations. She hated me more than ever now because of Peter. He had broken up with her and she couldn't stand that he now flirted with me (thanks to my jealousy prank).

As we were lying on the grass, we saw Becky come out to her balcony with her phone. She sat there, whispered into the phone, and stared at us the whole time.

"Ugh! I hate that little bitch!" Kate said loudly so that Becky heard. Becky gave us a dirty look and flipped us off.

"I would get up and go kick her ass but I'm kind of lazy." Kate said

We heard Becky's mom pull her car out of their driveway.

"Come on Becky, we have to go pick up your brother and then go to your grandma's house." she yelled.

"Coming!" Becky yelled from her balcony. We heard as she got in the car and they drove off.

"I would love to go in her room and snoop around. Find her diary or something." I joked.

"Yeah right Julia. You don't have the guts to do something like that. That would be Kates' job and you heard her…she's too lazy!" Justin said.

I don't know what got into me but I got up and ran to the tall wooden fence that separated Richard's back yard from Becky's back yard and I jumped over it.

"Julia! Get back here. What are you doing?" Kate yelled.

"I have guts. Don't ever say that I don't have guts!" I yelled at the two of them who were popping their heads over the gate.

"I was just kidding Julia. Come over here. You're scaring me!" cried Justin.

"Just be on the look out." I said. "I won't be long."

I easily opened a window and I crawled in.

"Julia!" I heard my sister scream.

I peeped out the window and waved.

I was standing in the dining room. It was like walking into one of those furniture catalog magazines. Everything was very beautiful. I walked around the dining table carefully. I didn't want to knock anything over. I walked into the hallway and stopped to look at the pictures that were on the wall. There were a few family pictures and some of Becky's school pictures. The same pictures that I had scratched off in my yearbooks. I walked into the living room and looked at some more pictures that were on the coffee table. This time it was a picture of Becky and her brother. I quickly went up the circular stairs and peeked into the first bedroom, which was decorated like it belonged to her parents. Then, I passed a bathroom and another bedroom that was obviously her brothers because it had dirty posters on the wall and smelled like sweat. I kept on walking and finally reached her bedroom. It was huge, probably even bigger than her parent's room and it was completely pink and looked like it belonged to Barbie. I walked to her balcony doors and pulled open the curtain.

I saw Kate, Justin and James staring at me with terrorized faces. I looked for Richard but could not find him. Kate was hysterically pointing and trying to tell me something but I could not make out what it was.

I turned around and started snooping around, opening every drawer that I could find very quickly. Finally, when I opened her nightstand drawer and moved her panties and bras around I found exactly what I was looking for.

There were like 10 pictures of Becky wearing only a bra and undies and posing for the camera. The last two were of her not wearing a top and covering her breasts with only her hands. I laughed to myself. I put them in my back pocket and closed the drawer.

That's when I almost had a heart attack. I heard footsteps coming from the hallway. They were running. I wanted to run and hide but I didn't. Two seconds later I saw Richard walk into the room.

"What the hell are you doing Julia?"

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked him

"Come on." he said and grabbed my hand. "We could go out through the balcony and jump."

"Are you crazy?" I yelled.

"I should be asking you that," he yelled back.

He opened the balcony door and we saw Becky and her mom getting out of their car. Kate, Justin and James were freaking out on the other side of the fence. I think Kate was crying.

We heard the back door open and someone walk up the stairs.

"Hurry up and get ready you two." we heard Becky's mom say. "Your dad will get here at seven and we have to be ready to go by then."

"OK" moaned Becky's brother and we heard a door slam.

Richard slid open the closet door, pulled me in and closed it again. It was a huge closet, a walk in closet to be exact. Even though the doors were closed, it wasn't very dark. Her closet doors were the exact same kind I had. The kind that supposedly ventilated the closet and had openings that let light in as well. Becky had not yet come into her room so we were able to squeeze into the far back of her closet, behind a folded sleeping bag and some blankets. He got behind all the junk and sat Indian style on the floor. I opened my legs and sat on top of him. I moved some hung dresses a little bit so they would cover my head and carefully put the blanket and sleeping bag over our feet. We were completely hidden unless she decided to use one of her dresses that night, then I would be exposed.

I was right on top of him. Our faces were only an inch apart from each other and if we were having sex, this would probably be an awesome position.

"I'm freaking out Richard." I whispered

"Shhh…her mom said they would be out by seven so we just have to wait here for a couple of hours." he whispered back. "Calm down."

We heard Becky walk into her bedroom. She was on the phone with someone. She was explaining that it was her grandma's birthday and that she had to get ready because they were going to go out for dinner. Then, we didn't hear her so she must have walked out of the room.

"I'm so sorry." I said

"What were you thinking?" he asked.

"I don't know. I thought it would be quick. I thought I would be out of here before you even got back."

We heard Becky walk in again. She was quiet but she was in her room.

We were quiet for what seemed like at least an hour. Then Becky's mom came in the room and told her to hurry up.

"Ok mom, I'm going to take a shower now. Jeez!" Becky shouted. She made some noise and then she left. She slammed her door on her way out.

Richard moved some stuff that was hurting his back and lied down. I got on top of him. We covered ourselves again but this time we did it better.

I was now in a much better position than I was before. I was right on top of him. My lips were inches away from his. My chest was against his and I could feel his heart beat. I stared at him and he gently put his hands on my back. None of us said a word. I felt his hand going up my back slowly until it got to my head. He got my hair from the sides of my face and pulled it back.

He stared at me for a couple of minutes then he said the words that I had been dying to hear for the past two years.

"I love you Julia Miller."

I was so close to him that I felt his breath on my lips.

"I love you too."

I put my lips against his. I had dreamed of this moment so many times but this was much better than any of my dreams even though we were in a closet and might get caught and thrown in jail.

I felt like I was flying. My mind was going in circles and my breathing was intense. His kiss was gentle and his tongue was smooth. He kissed my neck and nibbled my ear. He picked up my shirt and caressed my back. I wanted to touch him all over too but I was stuck. I couldn't move like he did because I would have to sit up and make noise but I didn't mind. His touch was what I yearned for.

I was so carried away that I hadn't noticed that Becky was back in her bedroom until he suddenly stopped kissing me and put his hand over my mouth.

The closet door opened and I froze again. I didn't even want to breathe. I felt the tears come out of my eyes and land on his cheeks. We were statues on the floor of the closet.

Becky was going through some of her clothes then got some shoes. She was quick and walked out but right when we were catching our breath, she came back in. She started searching for something on the top shelf of the closet. She was only inches away from us. I turned my head and could only see her tiptoeing trying to reach something. She finally found whatever she was looking for and walked out again. She didn't close her closet door so we had much more light coming in.

I put my head down and hugged him. I was terrified. He didn't say anything but he hugged me as hard as he could. I couldn't stop shaking and tears were rolling down my face like crazy.

We heard her walk out of her room and I was able to move again. I grabbed a shirt that was on the floor next to me and wiped my face and nose.

"Shhh…it's almost over. I am sure they are almost leaving. Just try to calm down," he told me.

I nodded and hugged him again.

She came back in her room and we could hear her footsteps and when she opened and closed her drawers. After a while, we were able to hear her mom and dad talking in the hallway. That was a good thing because that meant that her dad was home and they would leave soon.

"Come on Becky, we have to go now." her mom yelled.

"Ok. Ill be down in a minute."

A few minutes later, we heard her leave and everything went silent. We waited for about ten more minutes just in case and we quietly got up. My legs were so stiff that it was painful to stand up. We got out of the closet and carefully walked to the balcony. It was dark outside and as soon as we opened the curtain, we saw Kate, Justin and James standing next to the gate in Richard's back yard. They were giving us the thumbs up and signaling us to come out.

Richard opened the door but I stopped him.

"I'm not going to jump Richard." I warned. "Let's go out through the window downstairs."

He looked at me and thought for a second.

"Ok. Follow me." he said and led the way through the hallway and down the stairs without ever letting go of my hand.

He got out of the window first and then helped me out. He closed the window behind me and we started running to the gate. He helped me get over it. Kate and Justin were waiting to catch me on the other side.

I was so happy to be there with them. We hugged each other and then out of nowhere Kate punched my arm.

"Are you crazy Julia?" she shouted. "I didn't know what to do. I was going crazy out here. I almost went in there but what was I going to say? Oh, excuse me but my sister is hiding somewhere in your house, can I look for her?" she went on and on and was obviously upset. I had never seen her like that before. I felt bad for making her feel that way and I felt my whole body weaken.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think anything like this would happen. I'm so sorry Kate." I said and I started crying again.

She held me tight and walked me in the house. She took me to the bathroom and put cold water on my face.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I was just so worried and I literally couldn't do anything. When the cops didn't show up I figured you were hiding with Richard and I was glad he was there with you but I was still going out of my mind. I had to call mom and dad and tell them that Jessica was taking us to the movies and that we would get home late but I didn't know what time you were going to get out of there and I was freaking out. What if you stayed there all night, and then what was I going to tell mom and dad. All these awful thoughts were going through my head." she paused and looked down. "I love you so much Julia. "She finally said again.

"I love you too Kate and I promise I will never do that to you or me again."

She handed me a towel and fixed my hair and we walked out again.

Everyone was sitting on the back porch talking.

As soon as I walked out James started laughing.

"I can't believe you did that Jules," he laughed out. "I didn't think you had it in you."

"Leave her alone James." Kate said and sat on his lap. "She's been through a lot tonight."

"Yeah shut up James," Justin added. "You don't even have it in you."

I leaned against the doorway and looked at Richard who was looking at me but had not said a word to me since we got back. He smiled, got up and slowly walked to me.

I looked up at him and put my hands around his waist. He put his hands around my back and pulled me closer to him.

I closed my eyes and felt his warm lips against mine.

"What the hell?" I heard Kate and James say.

All of them were giggling.

"FINALLY!" Justin shouted.

We didn't stop kissing even though I kind of smiled at Justin's remark.

"Ok guys. We get it! Get a room." Kate said.

We both laughed. He stopped kissing me and I opened my eyes. His beautiful green eyes were still right in front of me.

"Julia, will you be my girl?"

"Oh my God Richard. Can you get any more pathetic?" James interrupted.

"Shut up" Kate and Justin said at the same time.

I stared at him and gave him a peck on his lips.

"I have always been your girl Richard." I answered. "And I will always be."

Chapter 8

PROM

The past 2 months with Richard have been everything I ever dreamed of and more…definitely more.

It was so nice to not have to hide what we felt for each other anymore. Everyday he kissed me as if it was our first time. He never went one day without telling me that he loved me. He made me feel the most special girl in the world when I was with him.

Kate, Justin and James didn't stick around anymore for my practices after school; they left that to Richard now.

Richard was sure to make it clear that he was now my boyfriend especially around Peter and the other swim team guys. I made it clear that he didn't have to be jealous because he was the only guy I wanted so he eventually calmed down.

One day while we were cuddled up on my couch I asked him what he thought of the time I flirted with Peter. I explained why I did it and tried to laugh about it but he didn't find it funny.

"I have never been as sad as I was that night Julia," he said. "I thought I lost you. Oh, and I wanted to break Peter's legs too."

I laughed and he hugged me closer to his chest.

Every time we were alone our make out sessions got more and more intense. I wanted so much to go all the way with him but for some reason he always stopped just before we got to that part. I knew that he wanted it too but it was always him that stopped it from happening.

I finally snapped one day when we were in his bedroom. No one was home and we had the house all to ourselves. He pushed me away after things got too hot to handle and I got upset. I got up without saying a word, grabbed my things and ran out the door. I walked home by myself and I was surprised but also relieved that he did not follow me. Surprised, because he never before let me walk home alone and relieved because halfway down the street I felt embarrassed for storming out the way I did. An hour later, he rang my doorbell and was standing on my front door with a huge flirtatious smile on his face.

"Did you calm down yet? Because I could leave if you'd like," he whispered.

I smiled back and gave him a hug and a kiss.

"I'm sorry Richard." I said. "That was very childish of me to do. "

"Let's go to the park," he offered.

"Ok…let me just let Kate know."

My sister was in her room with James so I knocked and told her I was going out.

"Ok" I heard James answer.

"Sickos!" I yelled back.

We got to the park and sat under our tree. He put his arm around me and held me tight.

"Julia, I love you so very much…you know that right?"

"Yes" I answered.

"And you know that I would never do anything to hurt you? Right?"

"I know." I whispered.

We were quiet for a few minutes. I watched some kids playing on the swings and an old couple walk around the park.

"Julia, I'm not a virgin," he confessed. "I've been intimate with a girl before. Before I moved here and before I met you."

I couldn't move. He was still hugging me and my head was still resting on his shoulder. I wasn't surprised but I just didn't know how to answer to that. I never knew for sure because he never really talked about any past girlfriends he had.

"Why are you telling me this?" was all that came out of my mouth.

"It was with a girl that I knew from my old school. It wasn't anything serious. I guess we were both just experimenting. We only did it a few times and it was usually when we were stoned. We were both virgins and I know it hurt her when we did it the first time. It hurt me too. I am telling you this because I want you to understand that I'm scared to hurt you Julia. I love you too much to hurt you in any way. Believe me when I tell you that backing away from you is hard for me to do."

"Then don't" I interrupted. "You won't hurt me."

"I am so sorry if what I just told you hurt your feelings in any way. I just had to tell you the truth," he said. "I don't want you to think that I don't want to be with you."

"I don't think that Richard." I said. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way too but I have to admit that it does piss me off when you do push me away. "

He turned around and faced me.

"I just need to know that you are completely ready. I do not want you to feel pressured. I don't want to have sex with you Julia; I want to make love to you."

"I love you with all my heart Richard. I am completely ready for you. Today, tomorrow and always. I want to be with you forever."

"Me too." he said.

I hugged him and he put his back against our tree again. I put my head on his shoulder again and he kissed me. We were quiet and just watched the sun go down together.

"Julia?"

I looked up at him.

"I want to ask you something and you have to promise not to laugh."

"What?" I laughed.

"See, you're already laughing." he said embarrassed.

"Ok. I'm sorry." I put on a straight face again. "What is it?"

He waited a few seconds and then with a huge smile on his face he asked, "Will you go to prom with me?"

I couldn't help myself. I laughed but only because I thought he was kidding.

"I knew you were going to laugh."

"Are you serious?" I asked. I didn't get it. "I didn't think you were that kind of guy. I mean, a prom guy." I joked.

He laughed too.

"I'm really not. James' mom asked him if he was going to his prom and he said no. I guess she was a little disappointed because she wanted to have prom pictures of him in a tuxedo or something. Something where he looked decent."

I laughed at the thought of James dancing at a prom.

"So, what does that have to do with you?" I asked

"I guess his mom put a guilt trip on him because he agreed to go. He asked me if I would go too because he didn't want to go alone and I think his mom is renting a limo and doing all these crazy things." he laughed and then continued. "I told him that I would only go if you were my date."

I broke out into laughter. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt.

"What's so funny?" he looked confused.

"Of course Ill go with you." I finally said. "I'm just laughing because that means that he is going to ask Kate and she's going to freak out. The two most anti prom people in the world are going to go to prom together. "

When I got home, my parents were in the living room watching TV.

I explained that I was with Justin doing some homework even though Justin wasn't even home. He was at his art class.

I walked to Kates' room with a smirk on my face.

I opened the door and she was lying on the bed just staring at the ceiling. I knew she was pissed because she didn't even say hi to me. She looked like a five year old that had just thrown a tantrum.

I closed the door behind me and stood next to her bed. I couldn't control myself and started laughing.

"Hello Mrs. Prom Queen." I said and started tickling her.

"Shut up!" she shouted but then joined me in laughter.

"So I take it Richard asked you too."

"Yeah, but I said HELL NO!" I lied. She believed me because next thing I know she was freaking out and started rambling like a crazy person.

"Kate, I'm just kidding. Of course, I'm going." I had to admit so she could calm down.

She looked at me and laughed.

"Now we have to figure out what we're going to tell mom and dad," she whispered.

Kate finally got the guts to tell our parents about the prom a couple of days later. James even came to talk to them.

My parents were still clueless about Kate and James relationship but they believed Kate when she lied about going as friends. She told them that she felt sorry for him because he didn't have anyone to go with and they agreed with that. Kate knew that my parents liked James as our friend but that would totally change as soon as they found out they were together. James was still two years older than Kate was and that alone would freak them out.

They would absolutely die if they knew about Richard. It was funny because it seemed that everyone else knew about Richard except for them. Nancy knew and so did Jessica. Richards' family knew about me and they didn't mind. His grandma loved me and his mom was never really around but when she was, she was nice.

Nancy knew that my parents didn't know about Richard and she was good about keeping it a secret. My parents didn't have friends around our neighborhood that could snitch on me so I was never worried.

I told my parents that Jessica was going to take Justin and me to a concert the night of the prom. Jessica actually did me the favor of coming over and lying to them about it. She told them that she had an extra ticket for me and that it would be great if I could go. She told them that we would be back early the next morning.

The weekend of the prom just so happened to be my parent's anniversary and since Kate was going to be at prom and I was supposedly going to a concert, my parents decided to plan a weekend getaway to Las Vegas. They would leave on Saturday after Kate and I left and come back on Monday afternoon. They even spoke to Nancy about us staying at her house on Saturday and Sunday. Everything had worked out perfectly.

My mom and I took Kate dress shopping the Saturday before the prom. Kate literally took all day picking out a dress. She was meticulous to the last detail. The good thing was that whenever she tried on a dress I did too. My mom thought it was just because I was bored and I did make it seem that way but the real reason was that I was picking which one I was going to come and buy the next day.

Finally, after trying on about thirty dresses Kate finally picked one. It was a beautiful long dark purple strapless dress.

I picked out a short strapless silver dress with black flowers embroidered all around it. The sales woman that helped us out thought we were seniors and that we were going to our prom. She didn't believe us when we told her the truth especially when I told her my age. She looked at me and said, "I wish I looked that hot when I was fifteen."

On Monday, Richard went with me to the mall to buy the dress I had picked out. He waited outside the dress shop while I went in to pay for it. He insisted he wanted to go in with me but I told him I wanted the dress to be a surprise for him.

"I don't care what you wear as long as I'm with you Julia," he said while hugging me tight.

"I know, but I still want it to be a surprise."

When we got back to my house Kate and James were not there. There was a note on the door that said "Went to Justin's, be back later. Love, Kate."

I went to my room and hung up my dress. Richard was standing in my room looking as beautiful as ever. I walked to him, put my arms around him, and kissed him. He held me tight and picked me up. He took me to my bed and was on top of me. My hands were all over his body. It was our usual make out scene except he didn't stop this time, not even when I took off his shirt. I got on top of him and he took off my tank top. We had never gotten this far before.

I don't remember what was going through my head except for the heavy breathing and the tingling sensation all over my body. I remember his smell and his gentle kisses and his hands all over my body. I remember my hands running through his beautiful hair and his naked chest. It was what I had dreamed of so many times before except in my dream Kate and James didn't all of a sudden show up and knock on my bedroom door.

Richard stopped and looked at me. We were both missing our shirts and our shoes. His belt was almost off and my jeans were open. I yelled at Kate to go away and I lay down next to him. I put my head on his bare chest and he put his arm around me.

"On Saturday, I want it to happen on Saturday." I whispered.

"What?" he asked and kissed my head.

"You know what."

He didn't say a word for what seemed like forever. I looked up at him.

He looked at me with his beautiful green eyes and smiled my favorite smile.

"Me too." he whispered back.

Saturday finally arrived. Jessica came over at about noon and did Kates' hair and makeup. When she finished with Kate, she continued with me. I had already taken all of my clothes to her house the day before. The plan was that about an hour before Kate left, she and Justin would come and pick me up to go to the concert. I would then go to her house to get ready.

At five o'clock, my sister was ready. She never looked so beautiful like she did that night. She was sparkling. My parents took tons of pictures of her and when James came over with Jessica, Justin and Nancy he was forced to take a million more pictures. James looked so grown up in his suit and even his tie was the same color as Kates' dress. They were both beautiful. I couldn't wait to see my date.

"OK Julia, we have to go." Jessica said loud and clear in front of my parents.

I said goodbye to my parents and gave Kate a huge hug. I also said goodbye to Nancy even though she knew the truth. She gave me a weird look like telling me to be careful or something.

"Have a good time." my mom said when we all got in the car.

"You too mom…bring back lots of Las Vegas cash for me." I joked.

"Ill try." she said as we drove off.

We drove around for a few blocks and finally went back to Justin's house. I was happy because everything was going according to plan but I also felt bad about lying to my parents but I knew that they would never understand if I did tell them about Richard.

"He is already waiting for you inside." Justin said when we got into his garage.

That brought a smile to my face. Anything that had to do with Richard made me happy. He was worth lying to my parents. I would do anything for him.

"You can't see him until you're also dressed." Justin said before I walked in to the house.

"What?" I shouted. "We are going to prom, not getting married."

"I'm serious Julia. I'm going in and I'm going to hide him whether you like it or not so just give me a minute."

I couldn't say no to Justin.

"Fine." I groaned.

I waited outside his front door for a couple of minutes until Justin opened the door and told me it was ok to go inside. I rolled my eyes at him and he laughed.

"Hi Richard!" I yelled out when I got to the living room.

"Hi babe." I heard him answer from James' room.

I looked at Justin again and rolled my eyes before I went to his bedroom.

I got dressed quickly and Jessica fixed my hair and makeup again.

"You look gorgeous," she said when I was ready.

"Thanks."

I got up, looked in the mirror, and smiled at my reflection. I turned to look at Justin who was standing right next to me. I gave him a huge hug.

"I love you so much Jules." He said.

"I love you too Justin. I love you with all my heart."

"Have fun tonight." he said.

"Yes, have lots and lots of fun Julia." Jessica interrupted. "Now come on, let's go show your prince charming his princess."

"Yeah, come on." Justin agreed and led the way to the living room. He stopped at the end of the hallway and told me to wait there.

"Close your eyes." I heard him tell Richard.

"No way." I heard Richard answer.

"Just do it!"

"Ok Julia, come out." Justin ordered a few seconds later

I walked out to the living room and saw Richard standing next to Justin with his eyes closed. I couldn't help but smile. He was wearing a suit and tie and he even got a haircut. I was a little bit upset about that because I liked his long hair but he still looked like the most beautiful guy I ever saw. He was still the guy I was madly in love with, the one I wanted to be with forever.

"Ok, open your eyes." Justin ordered again.

Richard looked at me and froze.

"Wow." I saw his lips say. "You look amazing."

"Thanks. So do you." I said embarrassed.

He walked up to me and held both of my hands. He looked me in the eyes and kissed me.

Just then, Nancy walked in the front door followed by Kate and James.

"Oh my goodness. You two look amazing. What a change for you Richard. And you Julia, you look beautiful. Your parents sure gave you girls some good genes."

"Thank you Nancy." I said and gave her a hug. "Thank you for doing what you're doing for me."

"You are welcome sweetie. The only thing I ask is that you be careful. James told me that he and Kate wouldn't be back until tomorrow morning." she looked at Kate and James, "and I do not have a problem with that but I did ask him to call me when they get to wherever it is they're going after prom. I don't care what time it is but I want him to find a phone and call me and the same goes for you two," she said in a very firm tone of voice. "Do you two also have plans for after the prom.?" she asked.

"Yes, yes we do." I answered before Richard could say anything.

Richard looked at me and then at her.

"I will take good care of her Nancy," he promised. "I will also call you as soon as we get to a phone."

"Ok. Then go and have a good time," she added. "Your parents left for Vegas already so all you have to do is wait for the limo to pick you guys up at any minute now." she announced. "And I want lots of pictures of all of you when it gets here. I am getting my pictures whether James likes it or not," she ordered.

We all looked at James as he rolled his eyes and complained.

I was a little nervous when we got off the limo and started walking through the beautifully decorated hallway that led to the ballroom. My sister and James walked casually in front of us. Kate was acting as if this was her tenth prom or something. All the girls were so very pretty in their long dresses. I wished then that I had chosen a long dress myself.

The ballroom was decorated in white and light blue. The tables each sat about eight people and had candles lit on top of them. It was like something you saw in movies. There were some people already dancing and some sitting at the tables and some standing alone against the wall.

We all sat at a table together that was not yet occupied. Richard never stopped hugging me. Some of his friends came and said hi to us and Richard introduced me as his girlfriend to each of them.

"I love you." Richard whispered in my ear all night.

I loved him too. My dream had come true. He was my dream and he had come true. We kissed and hugged each other every second of the night. We even slow danced to my favorite Mazzy Star song.

It was a beautiful night and as lame as this might sound, I felt like a princess. Like one of those Disney princesses that got her wish for one night.

Everybody started leaving at midnight and there were cabs lined out where the limo had left us a few hours earlier.

"Where are you guys going?" I asked Kate and James as we walked

"I have a surprise for your sister but we'll see you guys tomorrow morning at my house." James answered.

I looked at Kate and winked.

"Where are you two lovebirds going tonight?" she asked me.

"None of your business." I answered.

Kate punched my arm and laughed.

"Well, whatever you're doing, just be careful. I don't want to be an aunt yet."

"Shut up!" I yelled and punched her back.

Kate and James got into a cab and drove off.

"Have fun!" Kate yelled as they left.

Richard hugged me from behind and I turned around to face him.

"Where do you want to go my Julia?" he asked

I held him tight and put my head against his chest.

"I want to go to my house." I finally answered. "We'll have the house all to ourselves. Or better yet, I'll have you all to myself."

He held my face in his hands and kissed me.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"More sure than I ever have been.' I whispered.

When we got to my house, it was dark except for the porch light that my parents had left on. I opened the front door with the spare key that my parents kept hidden in the garden. I walked straight to my room and Richard stayed in the living room to use the phone to call Nancy.

My curtains were open and the moonlight was coming in so I only turned on my lamp. Richard came into the room, put his hands on my waist, and pulled me closer to him. We had kissed hundreds of times before but this kiss was different or maybe it just felt different because I knew what it was going to lead to.

I took off his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt. His fingers slowly unzipped my dress and unclipped my bra. I felt his hands all over my naked body.

He picked me up and gently laid me down on my bed. His naked body felt soft over mine. He caressed and kissed every inch of my body.

"I love you so much," he kept saying.

I didn't answer back in words but I am sure my body did the talking for me.

Chapter 9

The Last Summer

June 1996

Summer had officially started. I was now officially a sophomore, Richard was officially a high school graduate, and we were more in love than ever.

He started his usual summer job at the hospital where his mom worked and was going to start college in the fall with James. Kate and I made fun of them by calling them "the inseparables" because they planned to take all their classes together. It was a two-year college and Richard already had plans to go to business school afterwards. James on the other hand didn't exactly know what he wanted to do with his life but Kate, Justin and I bet that he would eventually follow Richard to wherever he went.

Justin was now attending the local college's Art Summer Program. He was ecstatic and we were all very proud of him. He was in a class with twenty year olds and was the best artist of all. The only problem was that he started his class everyday from ten in the morning until six in the afternoon so we missed having him around. However, we made up for it on weekends. '

Kate and James were well, Kate and James. It was so nice to see my sister so very happy. They were both made for one another. They spent every second they could together. The only time they were actually apart was when my parents were around which was almost never.

My parents had become major workaholics, which was great for us because that meant we were home alone more now than before and it also meant we had more freedom. I did feel somewhat sorry for them though. I was afraid they were going to have heart attacks or something. They had taken on too many responsibilities, more than they could handle so it came to no surprise when they told us that they were putting the bookstore up for sale. My mother had acquired diabetes and her doctor told her she had to make major changes in her life so they decided to sell the store and get rid of some of the stress it caused them.

Richard and I on the other hand couldn't be happier. He worked from eight in the morning until two in the afternoon. Everyday, I waited for him outside the hospital and we walked to my house together where we joined Kate and James.

He stayed until about 6:30 in the evening, just before my parents came home.

Even when my parents were home it was as if they weren't, they rested in front of the TV and fell asleep, then they got up to eat some of the dinner Kate and I would make and then they went to bed. I think I actually spoke to my parents for an entire ten minutes everyday. They felt more like roommates than they did my parents.

Every night, I said goodnight to my parents and went to my room to wait for Richard and every night at exactly ten thirty he came in through my balcony doors. I never slept alone again.

"Do you think that you could get away tomorrow night?" he asked me one night while we snuggled. "I have a surprise for you."

"What is it?" I asked

"Well, I think that if I told you then that would ruin the surprise."

I smiled and kissed his naked chest.

"Ill talk to Kate and have her help me get out." I said.

"I love you," he said

"I love you too."

Not one night went by that he didn't say those three words to me.

Kate and I told my parents that we were going to the movies with Justin and Jessica and that we would be back at around eleven. They hesitated at first but eventually agreed as long as Jessica came and spoke with them. Therefore, I literally had to beg Jessica for the favor and after a thirty-five dollar bribe, she finally gave in. I was surprised when she told my parents if we could sleep over after the movie because she wanted to try some new hairstyles on us. I was even more surprised when my parents said yes.

After spending the afternoon with Richard, I went home as usual and had dinner with my family and then Jessica picked Kate and me up and we drove back to her house. I couldn't believe she made me give her thirty-five dollars for that. About five minutes later Richard showed up. He came in and said hello to everyone.

He kissed me and said, "Come on, I have something to show you." He held my hand and led the way out to the front yard. Jessica, Justin, James and Kate followed us. Parked in the driveway was a beautiful shiny black car.

I looked at it and then looked at Richard.

"I felt bad having to make you walk everywhere so I asked my dad to give me my old car back," he said. "I got my license back a few days ago."

I was a little confused.

"I thought you said you couldn't get your license back until you turned twenty." I said.

"Yeah but I asked my dad if he could talk to my lawyer and have my court date pulled up." he explained. "I went last week and the judge reviewed my case and said I could have my license reinstated. I didn't tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise."

I gave him a huge hug and a kiss.

"I am so happy for you!" I exclaimed.

"And I am happy for you." he said. "I felt like a loser every time I made you walk or beg Jessica for a ride."

We both looked at Jessica who was admiring the interior of the car from its window.

"Hey!" she shouted at us. "Don't be ungrateful!"

Nancy walked out to see why we were all outside.

"OOOOOHHH." she whispered. "Nice car. It's a mustang, right?" she asked.

"Yes." Richard answered.

"What year is it?" she asked

"66."

"Its very well kept." she admired.

"My dad fixed it up. It was his baby before he gave it to me," he explained.

"Well, congratulations." she said "Be careful with it."

"I will." he answered.

Richard looked at me.

"We'd better go." he said.

He opened the car door for me and I got in.

"So where are we going?" I asked.

"Be patient…this is also part of the surprise."

He intertwined his hand with mine. I turned on the radio and waited impatiently to see where we were going. We drove for about forty minutes before we got off the freeway. I knew we were close to the beach.

"Are we going to the beach?" I asked.

"You just can't wait, can you?"

"No." I whined.

As we drove along the beachfront street, we had a clear view of the sunset. It was so beautiful that I couldn't tell where the sky ended and the water began. I slid closer to Richard and he wrapped his arm around me.

We drove up a small hill that after about a few miles turned into a dirt road. He pulled over to the side to park. He grabbed two big backpacks from the back seat and we got out of the car.

Tiny bushes and tall weeds surrounded us. I could feel the oceans breeze and hear the waves breaking. He held my hand as we walked to the beach.

There was still some light from the sunset and I could see something that looked like a small pier in the water. As I looked around again I saw that huge rocks and caves surrounded us. I walked in the water and admired the humongous rocks that surrounded me. I turned to look at Richard who was taking some stuff out of the backpack. He had already put out a blanket and turned on a small lantern next to it.

I walked into the water a little more until I was in it to my knees. I could hear the waves break but not close to me. The water was calm around me. I realized then that they were crashing on the other side of the caves in front of me. I was walking towards the rocks next to me when I felt Richard come in the water.

"Do you like it?" he whispered in my ear.

"I love it."

We kissed and all I could hear were the waves behind us.

"Come on," he said, "I brought us some snacks."

We walked to the blanket. There were some chips and sodas on it. We sat together and looked up at the stars starting to appear.

"My grandpa used to bring me here every summer when I was little," he explained. "We used to climb up the rocks. My grandma came with us sometimes and she would just sit here and watch us. She would fix us something to eat and yell at us not to fall off the rocks," he laughed. "I remember a couple of times when my dad came and we camped out here too."

He paused for a few minutes and looked at the sky.

"After my grandpa died when I was eleven I never came back here. My parents started fighting all the time and never really got along after that. I think they stuck around each other for Max, Clarissa and me. This place brings back so many happy memories of when I was a kid. A happiness that disappeared for a while. Happiness I didn't feel again until the day I met you Julia."

He looked at me and I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. He wiped them with his gentle hand.

"I love you Julia. Everyday that passes I love you even more. Sometimes I get so scared that your parents will find out and take you away or something. I don't ever want to be without you."

"You won't." I interrupted. "Nothing will ever come between us. You are all I want, every second of everyday. Nothing will ever break what we have. Nothing." I touched his face and kissed him.

He pulled me close to his body and we laid on the blanket. We made love on the beach that night. I knew that night that there was no one else I would ever want to be with. I knew that night that he was my everything.

I never suspected that anything or anyone would ever separate us. I couldn't have known of the HELL that was coming my way.

Chapter 10

Hell

October 1996

I was now a sophomore and had just turned 16. Nothing had changed now that Richard had started college. His class schedule was almost the same as mine and he and James were still able to pick Justin, Kate and I up from school.

Kate and James were more serious than ever. James even gave her a promise ring on her birthday. We were all very surprised to see that James had matured so much since he started college. He was taking his schoolwork very seriously and had so many plans for his future. All of his plans always included Kate.

Justin was as always my beautiful best friend. The bestest friend anyone could ever hope for. He was still attending art classes every evening at the local community center and got his first tattoo on his leg that he designed himself. He had even met a guy in his class who he liked very much and from what he told us liked him too.

October 16, 1996

It started out as a normal day up until our school lunchtime. Kate, Justin and I were sitting in our usual spot having our lunches when we noticed Becky giving something out to each person around us.

"I wonder what she's up to now." I asked annoyed.

Becky was still very popular and was always signing up for new clubs and organizing all kinds of activities. She was in the student council and everyone knew her name, even the seniors. It was gross. I had never seen such a kiss ass.

"So what kind of charity are you organizing now Rebecca?" Kate yelled.

Becky just rolled her eyes and started coming our way.

"It's not a charity, you idiot. I am giving out my Sweet 16 invitations. It's this coming Saturday."

"So where is our invitation?" I asked

She looked stunned and disgusted.

"Ewww…as if I would invite you!"

"Excuse me?" Kate snapped back.

"Just walk away Becky!" I said firmly.

I knew my sister was about to get up and start a fight and I didn't want any problems. I definitely didn't want my parents to be called because whenever Kate got into trouble I somehow also got a punishment.

"Yeah, walk away unless you want to have a black eye at your party!" Kate hissed.

Becky's face turned from disgusted to angry.

"You would say that, you bitch!" Becky yelled out.

Kate immediately got up and Justin and I stopped her from ripping Becky's face off.

"Just stop Kate!" I yelled. "She's not worth it. You will just get in trouble, they will call mom and dad, and you'll be grounded. Just drop it!"

I was shocked when Kate did drop it. She just sat back down and continued eating her lunch without saying a word.

The next morning Kate came into my room and told me she needed to get to school early and speak to one of her teachers about something. She said she was going to go with Justin.

Richard gave me a ride to school and when I got there, Kate was waiting for me by the front gate with Justin. She had a huge grin on her face.

"What's up with you?" I asked her.

"Just wait and see little sis. Just wait and see." she said.

"Jeeez. You sound evil." I said

"She is." Justin said.

Just then, the bell rang and everyone walked in the main building. Our school was so small that we all fit in there.

I opened my locker and a folded piece of paper fell out of it. I picked it up and unfolded it. I couldn't believe what I was looking at.

"Oh my God." was all I could say as I looked at the pictures that I had stolen out of Becky's house the day I broke in. There were ten tiny pictures of Becky's half-naked body photocopied onto the paper. I looked around and saw that every single student had the same paper in his or her hand. I was the only one not laughing.

I felt nauseas and dizzy and to make matters worse, Becky ran by me crying as everyone around her laughed and pointed at her. I felt like everything was happening in slow motion. I could feel my heart racing at full speed. I looked around for Justin whose locker was down the hall. He was laughing and standing next to Kate.

I ran to them and pulled Kate outside.

"How could you do something like this? I whispered. I wanted to yell but I was afraid someone would hear me.

"What? I thought you would like it.," she said

"This is so immature Kate." I said, "I never meant for those pictures to get out. I forgot I even had them. How dare you take them without telling me? Do you know in how much trouble we could get into?" I shouted this time.

"Shut up Julia!" she yelled. "No one is going to find out it was us."

And then it happened, just like in one of those horror movies I used to watch, Becky came out from behind Kate. She was sobbing and must have been hiding in the tiny hallway that separated the building from the main quad.

Kate turned around and stood next to me and for once in my sister's life, she had nothing to say.

"Oh my God Becky, I'm so…" but I couldn't finish apologizing. She just took off.

"We are so dead." was all I said.

Kate and I walked back in but the hallways were empty. I walked into my first period class and noticed that everyone was still giggling at the pictures. That made me even more nauseas. I looked at Becky's empty seat and knew that at any minute I was going to be called into the principal's office. All I kept thinking was how in the heck I was going to explain even having the pictures.

I was surprised when lunchtime came and neither Kate nor I had gotten in trouble.

"Just deny everything." Kate said.

"Yeah." Justin said. "It's your word against hers and she can't prove anything."

"Something is weird." I told them "She should have told on us already. We should have gotten in trouble by this time."

"Maybe she won't say anything." Justin said, "Maybe she's scared of Kate or something."

They both laughed.

"Nothing about this situation is funny!" I said angrily

I was annoyed about what Kate had done and how she didn't seem to care. I cared. I was afraid of all the trouble we were going to get into both at school and at home. I was afraid because Becky knew about Richard and could tell my parents about him if she really wanted to get back at me. She knew I went to his house almost everyday and how he brought me to school, picked me up, and knew that he was four years older than I was. I was beyond scared, I was freaking out.

After school, both Richard and James bitched at Kate. I don't think it hit her until James got really upset about it.

"You went to far baby." James kept saying.

It was no longer a joke when she finally realized the severity of it all. We all kept on trying to figure out a solution or some sort of plan but we always ended up with nothing.

The week passed and we still had not gotten in trouble. Becky still had not told on us. She had been absent for the rest of the week and on Saturday her Sweet 16 had been canceled. I didn't want Monday to come. I knew that she would show up to school and we would be busted.

I was so glad to see Richard come into my bedroom on Sunday night. I was crying and he held me tight and told me everything was going to be ok. I knew that as long as I had him I could deal with anything that came my way. It was the feeling of not knowing what was going to happen that scared me the most.

Like every other night, Richard told me he loved me and I fell asleep in his arms.

I couldn't have imagined that it would be the last night I would spend with him. The last night I would put my arms around him and fall asleep in his arms. The last night I would kiss him. I didn't know.

The next morning Richard left earlier than usual because when I woke up he was gone. That usually happened on Mondays because my dad got up early on Mondays.

Kate and I walked to Justin's house like we did every morning and we waited for Richard to pick us up and give us a ride to school.

"Richard just called and said he was having car trouble and couldn't come. He said he's going to try to fix it before his first class so he can pick us up after school." Justin told us when we got to his house.

We walked to school together. Something we hadn't done in a while.

"I feel like something bad is going to happen today. I have such a bad feeling about something." I told them while we were walking.

"Don't worry Julia." Kate said. "If anything happens, I will fix it. I will take full responsibility if I have to."

I was still scared. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was too busy thinking about so many things that could go wrong when we got to school that I didn't even notice that we got there.

The bell rang and Justin and I ran to our class. When we walked in, I saw that Becky was already in her seat. She looked at me and gave me a grin. She even said hello to me. It was as if she was happy to see me. Justin gave me a puzzled look and I shook my shoulders. That was not normal Becky behavior. Something was wrong.

The day went on without any problems.

"See, I told you nothing would happen." Kate said at lunch.

"I hope your right." I said.

My final class of the day was math. I was sitting next to Justin at the back of the class and I couldn't stop staring at Becky who was sitting in front of the class. I knew she was up to something, I just didn't know what.

About fifteen minutes into the class, Principal Anderson walked in.

I felt like I was hit by a car when I saw his face.

"Sorry to interrupt your class." he said to my teacher. "But I need to speak with Julia Miller."

"Ms. Miller, please go with Mr. Anderson." my teacher directed.

I couldn't get up. My legs were not functioning.

"Ms. Miller." my teacher repeated.

I must have jumped up because everyone looked back at me. I looked straight at Becky who had an evil grin on her face.

"Go get Kate." I whispered to Justin as I was slowly walking towards Mr. Anderson.

As soon as I walked out of the classroom with him, I turned to see a policewoman standing right in front of my locker.

"What's going on?" I asked but I didn't get an answer.

A few steps later, I was standing in front of the officer.

"What is your name?" she asked.

"Julia Miller."

I could barely speak. My mouth had gone completely dry.

"Is this your locker." she asked and pointed to my locker.

"Yes."

"Open it." she ordered.

I stepped to my locker and unlocked it.

She started searching through it while I waited next to the principal.

The officer took out a makeup bag that I had in there and opened it.

"Is this yours?" she asked.

I nodded a yes. I was too nervous to speak.

She opened the makeup bag and took out a zip lock bag full of what looked like marihuana and another bag with pills and what looked like a small pipe. There was also a tiny bag filled with white powder.

"That's not mine." I shouted. "All I had in there was makeup."

As I said this, I saw Kate and Justin running down the hall towards us.

"Kate!" I screamed.

"You are going to have to come with me now," the officer ordered.

"No…please, please. That stuff is not mine." I pleaded.

I looked at Kate and told her what the officer had found.

"That's not hers!" Kate shouted.

I looked back and saw that there was a small crowd of students coming out of the math class. Even the teacher came out to see what all the yelling was about.

The officer grabbed my arm and started walking me to the stairs. I saw Becky standing there with a grin on her face.

Kate was pleading with the officer to let me go. She was pulling on my free arm while we walked.

"Take her officer." Becky yelled out. "All she does is sell drugs and corrupts our school."

I looked at her and everything after that happened so fast that I barely had time to breathe.

Kate jumped on Becky and punched her so hard that she fell to the floor. Kate didn't stop and I could hear Becky yelling out for help.

The officer let go of my arm and got on top of Kate. Kate started yelling as if she was hurting.

Justin ran to the officer but was stopped by the principal. I saw blood coming from Kates' arm and I ran to her. I jumped on the officers back and she lost her balance. We both went rolling down the stairs.

My entire body was aching but I managed to get up as soon as we reached the bottom. The officer was still on the floor and was now yelling and holding on to her arm that I could see was broken. My math teacher flew down the stairs and put me against the wall. I could hear Kate yelling out my name and when I looked up; I saw that two teachers were holding her like a prisoner.

I could hear the police sirens' approaching the school and that was when I fell to my knees exhausted.

I was handcuffed and put in the back of a police car. When we got to the police station, I was locked in a room for hours with only a glass of water. I didn't stop crying the entire time I was in there.

A police officer finally came for me and handcuffed me again. We walked to another room where I saw both my parents sitting with a man in a suit.

The police officer took the handcuffs off me and my dad hugged me. My mom didn't even get up. She didn't even look at me.

"What have you done?" she asked angrily.

"Mom, I swear that none of that stuff was mine. Someone put it in there."

She didn't answer. No one said a word for a minute or so.

The man in the suit started speaking.

"My name is Steven Banner, and your parents have hired me to represent you."

I looked at him but didn't say anything.

He continued, "What was found in your locker is very bad Julia and not only that but you injured an officer."

"I didn't mean to." I interrupted. "I was trying to get her off of Kate."

He looked at me as if he felt sorry for me.

"Where is my sister?" I asked.

"We have to talk about you now Julia." my dad said.

Mr. Banner started speaking again. "You are going to have to go to a juvenile detention center Julia and probably stay there for a few days until your hearing."

"What? Why? I didn't do anything." I cried. "Mom, dad, I promise you that I didn't do anything."

It was useless. My parents didn't believe me. They just sat there like statues. I felt so alone and helpless.

I put my head in my hands and started sobbing. Mr. Banner was still speaking to me but I wasn't listening. So many feelings were running through me. I wanted to see my sister. I needed her.

I was put in a police car and taken to juvie. It was an hour and half drive there.

When we got there, the police officers took me inside and left me sitting in a waiting room while they spoke to the people in charge.

A half hour later, they left and didn't come back.

Another woman officer came, took me inside a large room with bunk beds, and told me to get undressed. She handed me some gray sweat pants and plain white shirt and left the room without saying a word. There was nothing in the room but the bunk bed, two small desks and a door that led to the bathroom. The bathroom only had a toilet, a sink and a shower. There was no mirror. I laid down on the bottom bunk and started to cry.

The officer came back in and explained the rules. I had to get up at five o'clock every morning and take a shower. Then, I had to go have breakfast and go to my therapy classes. Then I was to have lunch and work whatever I was assigned to do. In the evening, I was to have dinner and bedtime was at nine.

She also said that my stay there was not permanent but that if it did become permanent that I had to go to the high school that they had there.

She also explained that I had the room to myself for now but would probably have a roommate in the coming days. After telling me all this, she just got up and left.

There was a clock on the wall that said it was eight fifty. I threw myself on the bed and started crying again. I didn't sleep at all that night. All I thought about was Kate. I wanted to know if she was ok. I wanted to know where she was taken.

Richard was also on my mind that night. He was always on my mind. I wanted to see him so badly. I wanted to hear his voice, hug, and kiss him.

The next day I was up by five and did what I was told to do. I had to go to drug awareness classes and had to talk to a counselor. It was ridiculous. I had never even smoked weed once. I had never even smoked a cigarette.

I dragged on during the day and hardly slept at night. I was physically present but I was gone mentally. The food they gave us was horrible so I hardly ate. I couldn't even look at myself in a decent mirror so I knew I looked like shit. I was in there for four days when my dad and Mr. Banner came to speak with me. They weren't allowed in my room so I had to meet them in the conference room.

My dad almost cried when he saw me.

"Monday is your hearing Julia." Mr. Banner began saying. Then he said some other stuff that I didn't care about. I didn't really pay any attention until I heard my sister's name mentioned.

"What about Kate?" I shouted out.

"Weren't you listening?" my dad asked annoyed.

"Your sister is taking full responsibility for everything." Mr. Banner said. "She admitted that the drugs were hers and that she put them in your locker because she thought no one would look for them there."

"That's a lie!" I yelled.

My dad pounded his fists on the metal table.

"Damn it Julia! What is going on here?" he yelled.

I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him that I broke into Becky's house and stole the pictures. That she had framed me just to get back at me but I knew that if she got in trouble she would tell my parents about Richard.

My dad wouldn't think twice about accusing him of statutory rape. I was brought to juvie without any proof that those drugs were mine. I knew that Richard would be arrested that easily too. It would be his word against Becky's. I couldn't risk it.

"You need to tell us the truth," my dad yelled even louder. "Your sister is 17 and the judge could decide to try her as an adult."

"What?" I asked

"There have been cases where the judge decides to try 17 year olds as adults especially when it comes to severe drug charges like this." Mr. Banner said. 'She could get severely punished."

"What about me?" I asked.

"In your case, you would probably spend six to twelve months here and since you'll still be a minor when you get out, your records will be sealed. You'll be able to start fresh."

"She's lying." I blurted out without even thinking for a second. "She's my big sister and she's just trying to protect me but she's lying. Those were my drugs. I take full responsibility for everything. Kate has nothing to do with it. She didn't know about anything either."

I looked at my dad after I said this and it was as if I was watching him die. It was a look of pure disappointment.

"I have to go to the bathroom." I lied. "Ill see you on Monday."

I got up and walked to my room without saying goodbye. As soon as I closed the door behind me, I fell to the floor. I felt my body go numb and I laid down on the cold floor. I didn't get up until the next day.

On Monday morning, I was taken to the courthouse. I walked in the courtroom as soon as I got there and sat and waited for whatever was coming my way. My parents were there and my dad walked up to me and gave me a hug. My mom didn't even look at me. I searched for Kate but she wasn't there.

I was sentenced to six months and I was to serve them in the same institution I was already in. I had to continue my drug education classes and had to complete the remainder of my tenth grade there too. As I walked out of the courtroom, I saw my parents crying.

A part of me died that day.

Eventually hours turned into days and days turned into weeks while I was at that horrible place. I knew I was alive because I was able to function. I did what I had to do but I ignored everything else. I eventually got a roommate but all I remember about her is that her name was Ally. She spoke to me a couple of times but I never said anything back and eventually she just ignored me too.

All I really kept alive were my thoughts and memories. I closed my eyes every night and thought of Richard and his face was so vivid in my head that it felt like he was actually with me. I hugged my pillow every night and imagined myself in my room wrapped in his arms.

I thought of Kate constantly. I hoped and prayed that she was alright. I missed Justin and James too. I missed them all so much it hurt. My body ached and I sobbed uncontrollably some nights.

I didn't know if my parents had found out about Richard or not. I didn't know if my sister was ok. All I could do was imagine that everything was ok.

No one came to visit me. I knew my mom wouldn't come but it made me sad when my dad didn't show up either.

I asked my counselor one time if she knew anything about my parents or my sister and she said she spoke to my dad regularly but that was all she could tell me. That helped me a little because at least I knew they were alive.

My counselor was the only person I got close to when I was there. Her name was Emma. She was a nice woman who was probably in her forties. She was strict with me at first but then she changed and was very sweet. She once told me that I didn't belong there and that she knew I had taken the blame for someone else but that in order for her to help me; I needed to tell her the truth. I was tempted to but I never did. She sometimes brought me cheeseburgers and soda, which was nice.

I finished tenth grade with honors probably because I buried myself in my studies. It kept my mind busy.

"You will be getting out of here tomorrow morning." Emma said while I was in her office for my last counseling session. "Are you happy?"

"I want to see my sister." I said. "I want to sleep in my old bed."

She didn't say anything right away.

"Listen Julia. I shouldn't be telling you this but you're not going home tomorrow."

"What?" I asked surprised.

"Your parents have made changes in your life. Changes that will take a lot of getting used to. I want you to embrace those changes and take advantage of them."

"What are you talking about? I asked

"You won't be going to your old house. You'll be with your family but you'll all be somewhere else."

"Where?" I asked. "Did they move?"

"Yes, they moved but I cannot tell you where. You will be able to start a new life tomorrow and you'll be fine," she finally said.

I looked out her office window and started crying. I didn't want a new life. I wanted my old one back.

"Can I ask you for a favor?" I asked her.

She just looked at me and didn't answer.

"Can I please make a phone call?" I asked

"You know I can't let you do that," she said.

"Please" I begged. "I won't be long."

She stared at me, smiled, and got up from behind her desk.

"I'm going to go and get a drink of water. Ill be right back."

"Thank you." I said

I picked up the phone as soon as she left the room and dialed Richards's number as fast as I could.

It rang twice before the voice of an operator came on saying the number had been disconnected. I hung up and dialed it again but the same thing happened.

"Shit!" I whispered.

"I dialed Justin's number next but his number had also been disconnected. I tried two more times just to be sure but it was useless. Emma still hadn't returned so I had to try something else. I didn't know which other number to call but I knew I had to get a hold of someone.

The only other number that came to mind was the hospital number where Richard's mom worked. I knew it by heart because I used to call Richard there all the time.

The hospital receptionist picked up.

"Is Laurie or Richard Lerman there?" I rushed to say.

"Hold please," she said politely.

Some instrumental music came on for a few seconds and then I heard Richard's mom pick up.

"This is Laurie," she said.

"Laurie, its Julia. I can't talk for very long but I just wanted to know if Richard was ok."

"Julia, are you ok? Where are you?" she asked worried.

"I'm at some facility. I have been here for the past six months." I whispered. "Please, I need to know if Richard is ok."

"No, he is not. He…"

Emma walked in and I looked back at her. I was so scared that I dropped the phone. I didn't hear what Laurie was saying. Emma gave me a look of concern and signaled me to hang up the phone.

"Julia are you there?" I heard Laurie say when I put the phone back to my ear.

"Laurie, I have to go. Please tell Richard that I love him. I am going to be taken somewhere tomorrow but I don't know where. Tell him that I will come back. I have no idea what's going on and I don't know what happened to him but tell him that I am sorry and that I love him."

"He…" was all I heard Laurie answer because Emma grabbed the phone from my hand and hung it up."

I didn't know what to do. I hadn't heard any of what Laurie said except for "No, he is not…"

I stood in front of Emma like a statue. I wasn't even breathing. Emma shook me and kept asking if I was ok.

"Yes, I am fine." I finally lied and walked out.

I went back to my room and sat on the bed. I stared down at my hands and squeezed them into fists. I squeezed them so hard that my nails broke into my skin.

The part of me that was still alive disappeared that day and I was empty.

Chapter 11

Years

My dad picked me up the next morning and I changed into some clothes that he brought for me. I did not speak to him nor did I hug him when he hugged me. He asked me some questions but I did not answer any of them.

We got into a taxi that was waiting for us outside. I sat in the back seat and closed my eyes while the wind from the open window blew on my face.

I fell asleep and when I woke up, we were at the airport. My dad opened the door for me and I stepped out. I watched as the taxi driver unloaded some suitcases from the trunk of the car. My dad paid him and we started walking into the busy airport.

There was a big sign that read "International" right above us but I didn't ask any questions.

We waited in a long line for my dad to check in his luggage and then we passed security and sat down to wait for our flight.

"Don't you want to know where we're going?" my dad asked.

"No." I answered.

He started talking to me about something so I got up and sat in the chair across from him. I made it clear that I did not want to have a conversation with him.

We finally boarded a plane two hours later. I got the window seat and of course, my dad sat right next to me. As soon as the plane departed, I put on the earphones the flight attendant had given me and looked out the window. I wasn't listening to anything but it kept my dad from talking to me.

We were on the plane for eleven hours before arriving in Sao Paulo, Brazil and I was exhausted. We waited another four long hours at the airport before boarding a plane that took us to Paraguay.

I had taken that exact same trip every year with Lizzy when I was little. I remembered how Kate and I would run around the airports and fool around on the plane. It was a trip we looked forward to all year.

Now, it was as if my dad was taking me to some strange planet.

We got off the plane and walked straight to customs. The airport was tiny and it brought back memories of my beautiful Lizzy.

Next to us was a mom with her two young daughters who were leaning on each other and complaining because they were tired. It brought a tiny smile to my face because for a split second I saw Kate and me in their faces. I looked around the airport and saw Lizzy holding my hand. I even heard Lizzys laughter and could have sworn I heard her call out my name.

I was lost in my memories when my dad interrupted me to give me my passport.

"You'll need to hand it to the officer yourself," he said.

I walked up to the customs officer and handed him my passport. He looked at the picture and then at me. He stamped my passport and handed it back to me.

"Welcome to Paraguay." he said.

I walked away without saying a word and waited for my dad.

We walked a long hallway, the same one I had ran through many years before that led us to our welcoming family.

Two black sliding doors kept on opening and closing and I could see how people were hugging and kissing their arriving family members. I could hear their happiness.

Some of my dads suitcases fell from the little luggage cart he was pushing and I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes while he rearranged all of his suitcases back on the cart.

"Julia!" I heard Kate say.

I smiled and didn't open my eyes. I thought I was imagining it.

"Julia!" I heard again. This time it was louder.

I opened my eyes and looked at the open sliding black doors in front of me. I saw my sister waving at me frantically

"Kate!" I yelled and I ran to her so fast that I must have looked like a mad person to everyone around me.

I crashed into her so hard that she almost lost her balance. I hugged her so tight and I could feel her caressing my hair and kissing my head.

"I missed you so much Kate." I whispered in her ear. Her shoulder was completely wet from all my tears.

"Me too." I heard her cry into my ear. "More than you can imagine."

I looked at her and she wiped my tears away and kissed me all over.

"Hi Julia." I heard my mother say from behind me.

I turned around and she put her arms around me but I just stood there. I didn't even try to hug her back.

"How are you?" my mom asked while still hugging me but I didn't answer. She finally let me go, looked at me from head to toe, and started crying. I must have looked awful.

Kate held my hand and we walked outside. I had forgotten that it was winter there and the cold wind hit my face so hard that it hurt. Kate hugged me tight as we walked to the car.

No one said a word as we drove in what I guessed was my dad's truck. Kate never let go of me. She had her arm around me the entire time and kissed my cheeks every minute.

I looked out the window as we passed the beautiful trees along the very busy streets. It was very cloudy and wet outside.

I recognized everything we passed because it was the same route we took when I was little. Not much had changed.

We went from a street made of pavement to a street made of big rocks. I knew exactly where we were going. We were on our way to Lizzys house.

We pulled up to the driveway and Kate helped me out of the car. I was still very cold and felt weak. It was drizzling so Kate put her sweater over my shoulders.

She held me close to her chest and walked me inside the house. My parents were still taking the luggage out of the truck.

"Are you ok Julia?" Kate asked when we walked in the house.

"No."

She took me to our old bedroom that we used when were little. It was still the same except there were now two beds in it instead of one that we used to share. I threw myself on one of them and Kate laid down beside me. She put her arm around me and I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I looked out the window and saw it was dark outside but the bedroom light was on. I still felt Kate's arm around me and I turned to face her.

"I am so happy that you are finally here," she whispered.

I wiped her tears away and then sat up on the bed. There was a standing mirror right in front of me and I looked at myself in it. I had to touch my face to make sure it was really me I was looking at. I knew it was me when the girl in the mirror mimicked me.

"Oh my God." I said. "I look like shit."

I didn't realize I had lost so much weight. I literally looked like a skeleton. My hair was so dry and stuck up like needles and there were thick black bags under my eyes.

Kate sat up and hugged me.

"Its ok Julia." she said while I sobbed. "It will all be ok."

I pushed her away.

"No it's not Kate." I said. "It will never be ok again. I will never be ok again."

I got up and went to the bathroom.

I wet my face with cold water and looked at my scary face in the mirror. I stayed there for a couple minutes and then went back in the room. I noticed the alarm clock next to the bed said it was one thirty in the morning.

"I'm sorry Kate." I said. "It's just that I feel so weird. All this is so weird. I don't want to be here. I want to go back."

She didn't say anything. She just bowed her head and cried.

I had never seen my sister like that. Something about her was different. It was as if she was now vulnerable and scared. Two things she had never been before.

"What happened Kate? I need to know what happened."

She looked up at me and all I saw in her eyes was pain.

My big sister was in so much pain that it hurt me just to look at her.

"I am so sorry Julia," she cried out. "This is my entire fault. I am sorry for doing this to you. I never meant for any of this to happen. I'm so sorry."

I didn't blame my sister for any of this. The thought never even crossed my mind but I could tell that she blamed herself and that it was killing her.

I sat beside her and held her tight in my arms.

"Don't ever say you're sorry for something you didn't do." I whispered in her ear. "None of this is your fault."

We sat there for a while until she calmed down.

"Kate, you have to tell me what happened." I said, "What happened the day I was arrested?"

She held my hand and started to tell me what I had waited six months to hear.

"When they arrested you, I went crazy. I started yelling and fighting with everyone around me, even with the officers. I was demanding they bring you back but instead they took me in too. Mom and dad finally showed up and they were hysterical. Mom was going crazy. I told her that you had nothing to do with what they were accusing you of. I wanted to tell them the truth about how Becky had done everything but I was scared so I told them that the drugs were mine. I told them that if you weren't let go that I was going to kill myself and because I said that I was taken to some place where teenagers with suicidal tendencies were taken to. I stayed there for two months and had to go to all sorts of therapy classes with counselors who evaluated me to see if I would actually kill myself or not."

She paused and took in a deep breath.

"Dad came in to visit me one day and told me that you had taken full responsibility for everything. He actually believed that the drugs were yours. He told me that I didn't have to lie just to protect you anymore. I fought back and told them you were lying but they didn't believe me. No one believed me."

"Then what happened?" I asked impatiently.

"I was brought here," she said. "Mom picked me up and brought me directly here."

"What about Richard and James?" I asked while holding back tears.

"They know.' she said.

"What do you mean they know?" I asked.

"A couple of weeks after mom and I came, dad came too. He said he had finalized the sale of the house and everything in it and that we were going to live here for a while. He said that we no longer owned anything over there anymore. One night, dad was upset about something and was yelling. They thought I was sleeping but I was listening to everything he was saying. He said that Richard had gone to the house one night and demanded dad tell him where you were. He told dad the truth about you two but dad already knew because Becky told him first. He said Richard told him that he was willing to go to jail if dad wanted to accuse him and that he begged dad to let him talk to you."

"Do you think that dad had him arrested or something?" I asked.

"I told dad the next day that I overheard him and I asked him what had happened. He was so angry when I brought it up and said that I should just forget about everything that had happened and start a new life over here. He said he knew about James because Becky had told him everything. He said that Becky had told him that James and Richard were drug addicts and were the reason that you started with drugs and of course, dad believed her. I tried telling him the truth but he didn't believe anything I said. I tried calling James and Richard a few times but their phones were disconnected."

"I know." I said. "What are we going to do?"

"There's nothing we can do. We are still minors and mom and dad have our passports and even if we did have our passports, there is no way we could travel by ourselves." Kate said. "Plus, I'm scared to go back Julia. What if dad really did get them in trouble? They probably hate us by now."

"No. That would never happen." I said.

"I'm just glad you're here now Julia." Kate said. "I can't do this alone anymore."

I looked into her eyes that were crying out for help.

"We will deal with this together now." I told her. "We will figure something out."

I held her tight in my arms.

"Do you miss Richard?" she whispered.

"Everyday." I answered.

"I miss James too," she said. "And I miss Justin so much."

"Me too Kate."

I didn't start eleventh grade until March of the next year. The school year was from March to November and summer vacation was from then until the next March. Kate could have started school just in time to finish her 11th grade but had refused to start the school year without me so she lost one year and we ended up in the same 11th grade class the following March.

I still remembered much of the Spanish that Lizzy had taught us but my parents still had to hire four tutors to help us learn it 100%.

It didn't take long for us to make friends because everyone was extra nice to us. We went to a school that had three time slots. The first was from 8 am to 12:30 pm, the second was from 2pm to 6:30 and the third was from 6:30pm to 11pm. The morning slot was the only one that was all girls and of course, that is where my parents put us in. I guess they didn't want to deal with anymore boy problems anytime soon.

I rode the bus to and from school with Kate and got used to the routine after a few weeks. I liked getting out of the house and not have to be with my parents. I hardly ever spoke to them and when I did, it was only to answer if they asked me something. My sister was a little nicer than I was and after a few months, it was as if my parents had only Kate for a daughter. I didn't mind, I was actually happy that they ignored me too. If they needed to tell or ask me something they had Kate do it.

Not one day passed that I didn't think about Richard. All I had to do was close my eyes and I would see him. I still cried myself to sleep some nights, Kate would come to my bed, and I would fall asleep in her arms.

I cannot say that I hated being where I now was, I just hated being without Richard. Paraguay was full of beauty. There was literally 11 months of summer and maybe one month of winter in July, or at least that was what it felt like. The days were immensely hot but I always looked forward to the evenings when I would sit in a hammock under two tall mango trees in my back yard. Of course, I always had to put tons of mosquito repellant on so I wouldn't be eaten alive.

I kept to myself most of the time and didn't really do much but hang out under the sun or in my room. My family, who I used to have so much fun with when I was little barely spoke to me anymore. They had been very friendly and welcoming when I first got there but I guess I wasn't very pleasant to them. I didn't mean to be antisocial; it's just that I felt better when I was by myself.

My sister did all the socializing for us both. She had made dozens of friends and was trying to make the best out of our situation. She buried herself in her schoolwork and was always busy with one thing or another. She had taken a job at an English learning center where she was a teacher's aide and she always found a way to keep herself busy and not have time to be alone with her thoughts.

My parents were ecstatic to see one of their daughters be normal because they had already given up on me. Kate tried so hard to fool everyone into believing that she was happy and ok but I knew my sister all too well to know she was not. She still had her breakdown moments especially when she saw a movie or heard a song that reminded her of James. Some nights, when she thought I was asleep, I would hear her cry for hours. I knew she wanted so badly to get used to her new life but it was just so hard to forget her old one.

I knew I could never forget.

Two years had finally gone by and we graduated from high school. I always thought graduating from high school would be a happy time but it just made me more depressed. I knew I could finally leave Paraguay alone without my parent's permission but I had an expired passport and no money for my plane tickets. The entire two years I had been there, not one day passed that I didn't plan my escape but now that I was able to leave, I was stuck and I was scared. I knew that somehow, I would be able to leave but what if everything had changed. What if my sister was right and we were no longer loved but instead hated?

Where would I go anyways? I didn't even have a place to stay and I wasn't sure if I was welcomed in Justin or Richard's house anymore. Their phones had been disconnected so I didn't know anything about them. What if they moved? How would I find them? Plus, I needed money to do all the things I wanted to do and I was broke.

I ended up working with Kate as an English tutor at a language institute and eventually went to nursing school with her as well. My parents paid for our school so I was able to save my money, which I hoped one day would come in handy.

I was surprised at how much I actually liked nursing school. It started out as something to do to be with Kate and out of the house but I grew to love it. I was even doing better than Kate was.

Five long years went by and Kate and I were now nurses. Kate got a job at a local hospital and I got a job with a German organization that helped underprivileged children in third world countries. I moved to the countryside four hours away from my parents and sister and worked with the poorest families of Paraguay. It was difficult to leave my sister behind but helping those beautiful children and their families who sometimes went days without eating made it all worth it. I worked with four German doctors who spoke English and five nurses including myself who also spoke English. We moved around a lot and sometimes spent days out in the middle of nowhere. It was very harsh conditions and we lost a couple of nurses that couldn't take it but I always stuck around. It was the first time in 6 years that I felt alive.

I visited my parents and sister every two months and stayed with them for a few days. My relationship with my parents had gotten better over the past few years. It wasn't a great relationship but at least we spoke to each other again. My sister on the other hand, dedicated all her time to them. When she wasn't working, she was always with them or keeping herself busy with something else.

She tried having a relationship with a doctor she worked with but it didn't work out. She told me that it was too difficult for her to start a new relationship without remembering or comparing it to her old one and so she became content with being alone and so did I. She had at least tried to have a boyfriend; I never did.

I did have plenty of admirers but I think I scared them all away. .

Nine years had somehow flown by right in front of me but Richard was still part of my daily routine. He was the first thought I had every morning and was in my dreams mostly every night.

I would sometimes leave my tent at night, lie on the rural field, look at the stars above me and speak to him as if he was right next to me listening to my every word. I would tell him about my life and how I still missed him. I would tell him about how much it hurt when I thought about him too much and how I still loved him. Nine long years had gone by but Richard was still a part of me.

September 2005

I went to visit Kate and my parents who had planned a get together for my 25th birthday.

We went out for dinner and when we got home, my mom said she had some news for Kate and me. I sat in the living room with Kate while my parents went to get something from their bedroom.

"Do you know what this is about?" I asked Kate.

"I have no idea," she answered.

My parents walked in and my mom was holding two white folders in her hand.

"I have to give you something," she said. "But first I want to tell you how proud your father and I are of both of you.

She paused and looked at the folders in her hand.

"This is from Lizzy," she said.

I was shocked. Did she just say Lizzy?

She handed us each a folder.

I opened it and read only the title. "LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT"

I looked at my mom.

"What is this?" I asked.

"Lizzy left you each $200,000 in her will." my mom said.

I turned to Kate who was still reading the paper in front of her.

"But it says here that we should have gotten this money when we turned 18." Kate said while holding back tears.

"What?' I yelled out. I was not only surprised. I was fucking pissed.

"You girls wouldn't have known what to do with it, you weren't mature enough yet. We wanted you to study and be what you are now! "My dad yelled back. "Who knows what you would have done back then!"

I got up and threw the papers against the wall.

"I know exactly what I would have done!" I yelled. "I would have gone back to the life that you took me away from. You knew that both Kate and I would have done that and that's why you didn't give us this money!"

My dad got up too.

"That's right!" he shouted. "You would have gone back to the drugs and the…"

"I NEVER DID DRUGS!" I yelled at him. I yelled it out so hard that my throat hurt.

"You had no right to do this!" Kate screamed. "Lizzy didn't want you to do this and you had no right what so ever to change what she wanted."!

"We were trying to protect you," my mom cried out.

"Look at us mother.' I shouted. "Do you really think you protected us?"

My parents didn't answer my question. They knew they had screwed up. They knew that even though their daughters looked normal on the outside, they were both dying in the inside. They knew that we were not normal.

"I'm sorry," my mom finally said.

"It's a little bit too late for that now!" Kate yelled out.

I went outside and sat down in my hammock. Kate came and sat next to me and I put my head on her shoulder.

"This would have changed everything." I told her.

"I know." she whispered.

Lizzy was in my dreams that night. We were walking together by the railroad tracks just as we did when I was little. She was holding my hand and I kissed and thanked her for everything.

She put her arms around me and I started crying.

"You've been sad for too long." she whispered in her sweet voice.

"I know." I said.

"You forgot what I told you Julia."

I looked at her and all of a sudden, my dream took me back to the very last day I saw her. We were standing in the rain in the middle of my old elementary school except I wasn't little anymore. Lizzy was saying something but I couldn't hear her.

"I can't hear you." I told her.

I was drenched from the rain but I didn't care because I wanted to understand what Lizzy was saying. Her lips were moving but I didn't hear anything.

"Lizzy, I cant hear you." I said again.

I realized that she wasn't talking to me so I stepped back and saw myself as a little girl again. I was holding my umbrella and looking up at Lizzy. She began speaking and this time I heard every single word.

"Julia, I love you and Kate more than anything in this world. I want you to go out there, be strong, and try to make the best of things. Do not ever be afraid of anything or anyone. Do not ever let anyone tell you to do or say anything that you do not want to. You are your own ruler, only you rule your life. Only you will make yourself happy. Sometimes people will try to choose your happiness for you but only you know what will make you happy. No matter what people say or do to you, you must always choose your happiness. Do you understand Julia?"

I woke up right after the last word. It was pitch dark in my room.

"Yes, I understand." I said and smiled.

Chapter 12

Alive

Seeing Lizzy in my dreams woke me up, not only from my sleep but she woke up the part of me that had been sleeping for the past ten years.

I went to the airport the next day and bought a one-way ticket back home. I called my work and asked for an indefinite leave of absence. I bought some suitcases and started to pack.

"What are you doing?" Kate asked when she came home from work.

"I'm going back." I said.

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"My flight leaves tomorrow afternoon." I said.

"What?" she shouted.

I stopped packing and turned to my sister.

"I should have done this years ago but I was too much of a coward." I said. "I stayed here for you and for mom and dad. I never did it for me. I got used to my life here Kate, but you and I know that this is not what I want."

I paused.

"I need to do this for me now." I said. "I know that things will be different and maybe I won't find what I'm looking for but I can't go on living without at least knowing that I tried."

"Cant you wait for me? She asked. "I'll go with you."

"I need to do this by myself."

She sat down on my bed and put her hands on my suitcase.

"I'm proud of you Julia.' she said. "And I am glad that you are doing this. I will get my things in order here and will meet you there in a few days."

"You'd better." I said.

My parents were not at all surprised when I told them I was leaving. They knew that I was never really happy in the past ten years. They also knew that they could no longer do anything to stop me.

I always thought that I would hate my parents forever but I didn't hate them. They made some messed up decisions but then again who didn't. I could never hate them, no matter how hard I tried.

My mom cried all that night and then again all the next morning.

"Mom, stop it already." I said when we got to the airport. "Your eyes are swollen and you're so red."

"I just can't help it.," she cried. "I'm going to miss you."

"Me too." I said.

My dad was looking at me and I could see the sadness in his eyes.

"Come and walk with me," he said.

We walked around the tiny airport for a few minutes without saying a word to one another.

"We thought we were doing the right thing Julia," he finally said. "I thought that if I took you far enough from everything that you would somehow forget and start out fresh but instead I lost my baby girl. Something happened to you. Something I thought you would snap out of but you never did."

I didn't say anything as he paused to wipe his tears.

"Don't get me wrong," he continued. "You have accomplished so much. You are a great nurse and your mom and I are very proud of you. Nevertheless, I know you are not happy and if going back will make you happy then go. Go find your happiness."

I hugged my dad tight and cried. He put his arms around me and I knew that we were ok. I forgave him and he forgave me.

"I know that you're going to go look for him," he said. "I never told you this but when you were in that facility, he came and begged me to tell him where you were. I wanted to kill him and have him locked up but I didn't Julia. I know you think I did but I didn't."

I didn't know what to say. I was happy that I finally knew that Richard had not gotten in trouble but I couldn't say a word to my dad.

"Just remember that's it has been almost 10 years Julia."

"I know.' I whispered.

I did know. I knew that I wasn't going to find what I had left behind. I knew that maybe Richard had moved on. After all, he was now almost 30 years old. Maybe he was married and had kids or maybe I wouldn't find him at all. But I also knew that I had to know for sure because maybe, just maybe he was still waiting for me.

Saying goodbye to Kate was the hardest that day. I knew she was going to be joining me soon but we would still be thousands of miles apart from each other and that alone frightened me.

"I'll see you in a few days," she said. "I love you."

"I love you too.'

"Good luck." she whispered in my ear.

"Thanks."

"Tell James I still love him with all my heart," she whispered again.

"I will."

The flight was long and exhausting and I cried and slept through most of it. I arrived at two in the afternoon the next day and checked into a hotel next to the airport. I took a shower and fell asleep. I promised myself I would go to my old neighborhood the next day but I chickened out. I used the excuse that I needed new clothes so I went out shopping.

On Friday, I got up early and got ready but I couldn't get myself out the door. I was so nervous that I felt like my heart was going to pop out of my chest. This went on for hours until finally I got up the courage to walk down to the lobby.

"Can I help you with something?" a bellhop asked me.

"Yes, I need a taxi."

"Take a seat please. I will call one right away. It should only be a few minutes," he said.

I sat down on a sofa that was in the middle of the lobby. My hands were sweating so much that I wiped them against the sofa a couple times.

A few minutes later, the bellhop appeared again.

"Follow me ma'am. The taxi is right outside."

I stopped in front of the yellow taxi in front of me and thought about running back upstairs.

"Are you ok ma'am?" the bellhop asked.

"Yes, thank you for your help." I said and got in the car.

"Where to?" the driver asked.

What a good question. Where was I going? What was I even doing?

"Well?" he asked again rudely.

I gave him my old address and he started driving. I looked out the window the entire time, I began to calm down, and even my hands stopped sweating as soon as I saw the streets I used to know.

"Turn here." I said.

I had him turn on the street where my old high school was located. I asked him to slow down as we drove down the streets that I used to walk everyday. I remembered how much fun all of us had walking home from school together and I even saw us for a split second.

I guided him until we were on my street. I asked him to stop in front of my old house and I stared at it for a while. It still looked the same except that the garden was gone. There was a car parked in the driveway and I could see two bikes lying next to it.

I turned to the driver and directed him to Justin's house.

I looked at his house and memories just started flashing in front of me. It had not changed much either. I got out of the car and closed the door.

"You owe me eighty three bucks," the driver yelled out.

I got a one hundred dollar bill out and gave it to him.

"Keep the change." I said and he drove off.

And there I was, all alone. I began walking slowly towards the porch and up the front steps to the door. .

I stood there for about ten minutes before I rang the bell.

Jessica opened the door and I almost jumped all over her. I was so happy to see her. She was still the same pretty Jessica from ten years ago except now she looked more like a woman. A beautiful woman.

"Can I help you?" she asked politely.

"Hi Jessica." I said.

She looked at me and shock filled her face.

"Oh My God." she shouted. "Julia? Is that you?"

"Yes."

She leaped onto me and put her arms around me. I hugged her too except I didn't want to ever let go.

"Oh My God, Oh My God…" she kept repeating.

She pulled away, held my hand and pulled me inside.

"MOM!" she yelled out.

She kept on touching me as too make sure that I was real.

"My mom is going to freak out!"

I wanted to say something. Tell her how happy I was to see her but she kept interrupting me. It was as if she was telling herself that I was really there.

"Mom!" she yelled again. "Where is she?" She asked herself.

She pulled me into the kitchen and then outside to the back yard.

As we walked through the house, all I saw were wrapped presents and white roses.

"Mom, where are you?" she yelled out.

"I'm right here." I heard Nancy say and I saw her slouching down in her garden.

"I'm pulling out some of these ugly weeds that the gardeners missed." she said.

"Mom, come and see who just showed up." Jessica said.

"Who is it?"

"Mom, just look." Jessica demanded.

Jessica was still holding my hand as she walked closer to her mom.

Nancy got up and turned to us.

She took a good look at me and dropped everything she had in her hands. She got the same look on her face that Jessica had gotten a few minutes earlier.

I didn't even say hi. I threw my arms around her and held her tight.

"Is it really you?" she whispered.

"Yes Nancy." I whispered back. 'I missed you"

"Oh, thank God.'

We walked back into the house and sat in the living room. I was still shaking.

"We thought we would never see you again," said Jessica. "We never really knew what happened to you."

I began telling them all that had happened in the last ten years and all of us cried together.

"You poor thing." said Nancy.

"I'm glad you came back," Jessica cried out.

I wiped my tears and looked at them both.

"Where's Justin?" I asked.

They both jumped up at the same time. They both had huge smiles on their faces and I couldn't help smiling myself just by seeing their expressions.

"Justin!" Jessica shouted. 'He is going to freak out!"

Jessica took her cell phone out of her pocket and put it against her ear in a second. Nancy came and sat right next to me. "My son is going to be so happy," she said.

"Hey Justin, you need to come to moms right away. I mean like now!" Jessica started saying. "Yes, yes, everything is alright but you need to get here now! Ok. Ok. Cool" she said and hung up.

"He'll be here in about an hour," she said. "He's at the shop."

"The shop?" I asked.

"Yes, he has his own tattoo shop now. He opened it two years ago," she said.

"He always said he would." I said. "What about James?

"He's ok." Nancy answered. "He's a firefighter."

"He is?" I asked surprised.

"Yup." Jessica smirked. "A damn good one too."

"That's so cool." I said.

"Do you want to hear something cool?" Jessica asked. "I'm getting married tomorrow."

"Really? Congratulations!" I said and got up and gave her a hug.

"Thank you."

"Now I know what all these beautiful white roses are for.' I said.

"I'm so glad that you're going to be there." Jessica told me.

"Thank you Jess."

They asked me a million questions after that especially about Kate. They wished she were also there and never stopped saying how much they missed us.

An hour went by quickly and before I knew it, I heard a car pull up the driveway.

"He's here." Jessica shrieked. "Come on Julia. Hide in the kitchen and don't come out until I tell you to."

"Are you sure about this?" I asked.

"Yes, now come on." she said as she pushed me into the kitchen.

I heard the front door open and Justin began to speak. His voice brought a huge smile to my face because it was so manly. Much deeper than it was before. I wanted to see what he looked like. I wanted to hug and kiss him already.

"What happened?" he asked when he finished greeting them. "Why did I have to come in such a hurry? Is everything ok?"

"I have a huge surprise for you little brother." Jessica said.

"Mom, what's going on? Why are you crying?" he asked.

"I'm just happy." Nancy answered.

"Ok, you guys are freaking me out now." I heard him say.

"Just close your eyes Justin.' Jessica ordered. "Close them!"

"OK. Ok. Ok"

Nancy came into the kitchen and took me to the living room. Justin was standing in the middle of the room with his eyes shut. He was still my beautiful Justin and he had beautiful tattoos covering both his arms.

'Open your eyes."

He looked straight at me and froze.

"Hi Justin." I said and before I knew it, he flew to me. He picked me up and twirled me around in circles.

"Julia!" he kept screaming.

He kissed me all over my face and I couldn't stop crying.

"I missed you so much Justin." I said.

"Me too!' he shouted. 'Me too!'

We sat down together, he asked me where I had been, and I told him everything. I didn't let go of his hand the entire time.

"We'll leave you two alone so you can catch up." Nancy said and they left the room.

"Oh, Julia. I didn't know where you were. I tried looking for you and Kate but you both just disappeared." he said. "You have no idea how sad we all were. James was so depressed that my mom had to sleep with him at night. Richard went crazy. We literally thought he wasn't going to make it."

My heart stopped when he said Richard.

"Richard?" I whispered. "How is he?'

"The day you were arrested, he and James didn't find out until they came to pick us up from school. There were still a couple police cars parked in front of the school when they got there. I was waiting for them and told them everything that had happened. We went to the police station but nobody would tell us anything. We showed up at your house and no one was there either. The next day none of us went to school. That night my mom went to your house to speak to your parents but they didn't want to talk to her and asked her to leave. We passed by your house and saw Becky's dads' car parked in front of your house. Richard snuck into your bedroom and heard Becky tell all kinds of lies about all of us especially about James and Richard.

She said that we were all drug dealers. She told the police the same thing and they came and searched our house as well as Richards' but didn't find anything so none of us got into any trouble. Your dad still believed her and started calling here all the time just to accuse my mom of all kinds of crazy stuff so my mom changed our phone number. I didn't want her to do that because I knew that you would call as soon as you got a chance but she had no other choice. Your dad was acting like a crazy person.

Weeks went by and Richard couldn't take it anymore. He went to your house one night and told your dad the truth about you and him. He begged your dad to please let him just talk to you but your dad refused.

Months passed and we still didn't know anything about you or Kate.

James got so depressed to the point that he wouldn't even eat. My mom suffered a lot those days. We all did.

We didn't see your mom anymore, just your dad occasionally. Richard kept going to your house almost every night, pleading with your dad but your dad wouldn't even open the door for him. Laurie even went one day and spoke to your dad. She told him to please have some compassion and let us at least know that you were ok but he just wouldn't say anything. She gave him her house number just in case he changed his mind and that was a huge mistake because he would call all the time and start asking Richards grandma stupid questions and making her nervous and so they also changed their number.

Your house was put up for sale after that and a few weeks later your dad also disappeared."

I cringed throughout the entire story because it was so hard to listen to it. It brought back old sad memories, memories I fought so hard to put behind me.

"Oh My God." was all I said.

"A few weeks later Laurie told us that you called the hospital and spoke to her and that gave us all hope. At least we knew that you were ok.

It took a lot of work to get James to go back to school but he eventually did and then joined the fire department. He never talks about what happened and if it's ever brought up, he just gets up and walks away."

"Is he married or have a girlfriend?" I asked.

"He went out with a girl a couple of years ago. They were together for almost a year but it didn't work out. I know deep down, he's still hasn't gotten over Kate."

"What about Richard?" I asked. My hands began to shake immediately upon asking this.

"He took it the hardest Julia," he said. "But, he somehow managed to stay on track. His grandma helped him out a lot. She would literally take him to and from school. She never let him out of her sight. He finished college and went to business school and also got his contractors license and now owns his own construction company. He kept himself busy all the time. We hardly got to see him throughout his school years but he's doing very well now. He just bought a beautiful house a few months ago."

"Is he married?"

"Hell no!" he said. "He never lost hope. He could never be with anyone that was not you Julia. Never. I think that knowing that you were alive somewhere and knowing that he had the possibility of seeing you again helped him get by all of these years."

I put my head on Justin's shoulder and closed my eyes.

"Knowing that he was somewhere out there and knowing that I would someday see him again kept me alive too." I whispered.

"Don't worry Julia," he said. "You're here now and everything will be fine."

"Where is he?" I asked.

"Laurie got a job in New York about three years after you left. She, Mark and Clarissa moved out there and never came back but Richard stayed here with his grandma. Two days ago, Mark's wife had a baby and Richard and his grandma went to visit. They'll be back on Sunday and you'll see him. I'm going to surprise him."

"He's going to miss the wedding?" I asked.

"Um, yeah." he said.

"I can't wait to see him." I whispered.

"He's going to be so happy Julia," he said. "I can't wait."

We were quiet for a while. I sat next to him and he put his arms around me and caressed my hair. I hugged him tight and thought of how wonderful it was to be there with him.

"I want to see James." I finally said.

"Ok." he said. "Lets go visit him but first I'm going to take you dress shopping for tomorrow. You're going to be my date."

Jessica must have been over hearing because she ran back into the room and told me about a beautiful dress she saw at the dress shop where she bought her dress. She made a quick phone call to the dress shop and then hung up.

"I don't have bridesmaids but now that you're here I would love it if you would be my bridesmaid. After all, you have always been like a sister to me. "She said

"It would be an honor to be your bridesmaid." I said. "Thank you."

"I wish Kate was here too," she whispered in my ear as I hugged her.

"Me too." I said and felt so guilty for not coming with her.

"O.K, you two better go now. They have a few sizes left," she said. "Hurry up; they'll be waiting for you. Richard is going to be so surprised when he…"

But Justin didn't let her finish.

"Yeah. He will." he interrupted. "When he gets back from his trip on Sunday."

Jessica looked at him and smiled.

"Of course." she answered and gave me a hug and a kiss.

I said goodbye to Nancy and told her that I would see her tomorrow. She asked where I was staying and I told her about the hotel.

"You are not going to stay at a hotel Julia.," she said. "Justin will accompany you so you can get your things and check out, then you come directly back here. Do you hear me?"

"Thank you so much." I answered and hugged her as hard as I could.

Justin and I drove to the dress shop that was only about twenty minutes away.

When we got there, I tried on the long satin dark blue dress. It fit me perfectly.

"You look gorgeous." Justin said as he sat down next to me in the dressing room.

"It's so pretty." I said while admiring it in the mirror.

"He'll love it." Justin whispered.

"Who?" I asked.

He looked at me surprised.

"She'll love it. Jessica will be happy," he said.

"Justin, you said he." I said

"Sorry, I meant to say to say she." he corrected. "I m still so excited about seeing you again that I can't even speak."

He hugged me and then went out to choose my shoes.

We left the dress shop less than an hour later.

"Let's go surprise James now," he said as we walked to his car.

"I love you Justin." I said when we got back into the car. "I love you with all my heart and you have no idea how happy I am right now."

He looked straight at me and held my hand.

"I do know how you feel Julia because I'm feeling the same way too," he said.

I caressed his arm and traced his colorful tattoos.

"They are so beautiful." I said.

"Do you want to see my favorite one?" he asked.

"Yes." I answered.

"Close your eyes." he said.

I smiled and closed my eyes.

"Open them."

He had taken off his shirt and turned around to show me his back. I looked at all the pretty tattoos that ran from his back to his chest as he slowly turned around.

I felt my heart miss a beat and immediately started crying like a baby when I saw my name in beautiful handwriting tattooed over his heart.

"Oh Justin." I cried out.

He picked up my shaking hand and put it over my name.

"You've always been with me Julia. You have always been in my heart and in my thoughts and I dreamed of this day for the past ten years," he said. "I love you too Julia. When you left, I didn't just lose a friend. I lost my sister."

I buried my head in his naked chest and cried my eyes out.

We drove to James house and on our way, Justin showed me his shop. He told me that he had just moved into the apartment right on top of it and that it had an extra room that was going to be mine.

"Where does James live?" I asked Justin. We had been driving on the freeway for about thirty minutes already.

"You'll see," he said. "You'll love it."

I could feel the oceans breeze as we got off the freeway. We drove into a very nice neighborhood and then went up a steep hill. He pulled up to a nice blue house that was surrounded by trees and plants of all kind. I got out of the car and looked at the beautiful view behind me. We were so high up the hill that when I looked down I had a clear view of the ocean and of the people on the beach.

"Wow!" I whispered.

"I know." Justin added. "It's beautiful."

We walked up the long driveway and I was startled when a dog started barking.

"Quiet Major!" Justin shouted and the dog obeyed.

"You ring the doorbell Julia." Justin told me. "Pretend you're selling something. I'll hide."

"What? No!" I whispered.

"Come on Jules." he said. "I want to see his face."

I couldn't say no to Justin so I rang the doorbell and waited.

James opened the door and I could tell he was half-asleep because he was squinting and he had pillow marks on his cheeks. I couldn't believe that I was looking at James. The last time I saw him, he was a skinny tall guy with long hair and now he was a man with short hair and muscles to die for. He looked like the typical handsome firefighter that girls drooled over.

"Can I help you?" his deep voice said. He didn't look at me. He was rubbing his eyes and trying to wake up.

I didn't know what to say so I said the first thing that popped into my head.

"I'm selling some cookies, would you like to buy some?" I asked embarrassed.

He still didn't look at me.

"No thanks. Not today." he answered and began closing the door.

"Ok James. I guess I'll have to come back some other day then." I said before he closed the door completely.

He opened the door again but this time he looked at me. He recognized me instantly.

"What the?" he said. "Julia?"

"Hi James!"

"Surprise bro!" Justin yelled as he jumped up from behind me.

James put his arms around me and kissed my forehead a bunch of times. I couldn't stop crying and laughing at the same time as I put my arms around his hard toned back. He did the same thing that Justin had done to me. He picked me up and turned me around in circles.

"I can't believe that you're really here," he said. "Where's Kate?"

"She's not here." I said. "Not yet at least."

We sat on his brown leather couch and I began telling him the story.

"Wow!" he said when I finished. "I feel so relieved to finally know what happened. I feel like a thousand pounds have been taken off my shoulders."

He looked at the floor and I could tell he was thinking of everything I had just told him.

"Kate wanted me to tell you something if I found you." I said.

He looked back up at me and his eyes were holding back tears.

"She wanted me to tell you that she still loves you very much James." I said. "She's always loved you."

He put his face in his hands and cried.

I put my arms around him.

"I love her too Jules." he said. "I never stopped loving her."

"I know." I told him.

"I'm so happy that you're here Jules," he kept saying. "I still can't believe it!"

"Richard!" he all of a sudden shouted out. "Does he know you're here?"

"Not yet." I answered.

"What? We have to call him now!" he shouted.

"No!" Justin interrupted. "I'm going to call him and plan a surprise for when he gets back on Sunday."

"What are you talking about?" James asked.

"Isn't he in New York?" I asked.

"Yeah, but…" James began saying.

"But nothing James!' Justin shouted.

I smiled at Justin and asked, "What exactly are you planning Justin? I'm beginning to get the feeling that you're not telling me something."

"Nothing Julia! I just want him to be surprised, that's all. If we tell him now, he'll just rush over here and it won't be a surprise for him," he said. "I know you want to see him but you have to trust me ok. Plus, I want you to myself for a couple of days. "

"Ok" I answered.

I looked at James who was rolling his eyes and smiling.

James followed us in his car to the hotel and then we all went back to Nancy's house. It was nice to be together but it made me sad that Kate was not there. I also wanted to see Richard so badly but I kept telling myself that I would see him in a few days and that made me feel better. Justin kept trying to figure out different ways of surprising Richard. It was funny to see him try to plot something out.

I called my sister that night and told her everything that had happened. She was so happy that she was crying, laughing, and asking a million questions all at once.

She spoke to everyone that night, including James. They spoke for hours and I knew that my sister's happy ending had finally arrived.

I got up at six o'clock the next morning. Everyone was still asleep except for James who was still on the phone with Kate in the living room.

"Are you serious?" I asked him as I sat next to him on the couch. "Let me talk to her."

He handed me his cell phone that was making a noise that told me it was about to die.

"Kate, you've been on the phone for hours." I said.

Kate started rambling on and on about how happy she was. She told me that as soon as I hung up with her she was going to the airport and buying a ticket. She said she would arrive on Tuesday.

"Ok, Kate. The phone is going to die so I'll pass you to James." I told her. "Love you"

I handed the phone over to James who stepped outside to continue talking. I was in the kitchen drinking some water when James came in, picked me up, and kissed my cheeks.

"I feel like a new man. I can't wait to see her and hold her in my arms," he said.

"I'm so happy for you both." I told him. "I love you both very much."

"Cant wait till Richard sees you too," he said with a grin. He gave me one last kiss and told me he was going back to his house to get ready. "I will see you later missy," he said as he walked out the door.

I stood at the front door and watched him leave and all I could think of was my sister and how much I loved her.

That morning was very hectic. Jessica's friend came over and did all of our hair. Justin was running around doing some last minute errands and James showed up at ten looking sleepy. We finally left the house at noon.

We drove for exactly an hour and a half until we got to a beach mansion that was completely decorated with white roses and drapery hanging from tall white pillars along the pathway that led to the main entrance.

We walked inside the house that was absolutely the most beautiful house I had ever seen. There were shiny gold chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and there were huge glass vases that had white roses in them. There was a big blown up picture of Jessica and her fiancé Matthew next to two large glass doors that led to the back yard where there were two aisles of about thirty chairs lined up. In the middle was a white wedding aisle with red freeze -dried rose pedals.

At the very front was an arch decorated with white lace and white roses.

"It's so beautiful." I said to Jessica as I was taking in all the decorations. She showed me the dance floor and we walked down to the beach that was only about 20 steps away from the house.

"Come on Julia, let me show you what I would like you and Justin to do." she said.

We walked back to the altar area. "My mom and James will come down the aisle first, then you and Justin then my dad and me ok."

"Ok." I answered. "I can't wait to meet Matthew and see your dad again." I said.

I had met Justin's dad a few times before. He was a tall man that looked a lot like James. He was into motorcycles and always wore Harley Davidson shirts. He liked Kate and me and was always cool to be around. -

"Ill introduce you to Matt later on although he already knows who you are. I told him all about you, even showed him some pictures." she said. "Now, come on. Help me get into my dress before the guests start showing up."

We went into one of the bedrooms that was probably bigger than some people's houses. It had a huge canopy style bed all covered in white and it had two white sofas that faced each other. It also had a personal dresser with an enormous mirror that covered half the wall.

We were in there for almost two hours because Jessica's friend fixed our hair again and retouched our makeup. Nancy was with us too. She was so tired that she laid on the bed and actually took a nap while we got ready.

Justin finally came in and told us that everything was ready. He let Jessica know that the priest had arrived and was waiting in place.

"Oh, and Matt is here too." he joked.

James and his dad came in just then and said hello to everyone. His dad was surprised to see me but was even more surprised to see Jessica in her beautiful dress. He cried a little as he held her in his arms.

"Ok come on." Justin said impatiently. "The music is playing."

Nancy held on to James' arm and they walked out the door. I could hear the wedding bells song playing and I looked back at Jessica who had a huge smile on her face.

"You look beautiful." I said before I started walking out the door with Justin.

We walked through a long hallway before pausing in front of the two large glass doors that led the way outside. I held on tight to Justin's arm and told him I loved him for the twentieth time that day. I could see Nancy and James still walking slowly in front of us. Justin kissed my cheek and smiled.

"It's our turn Julia," he whispered and we began to slowly walk outside. All the guests turned to look at us and I felt my face turn red. I smiled and looked at them too.

It was then that I looked into a face that looked so bewildered that it was the same color as the white roses next to me. A face I had waited ten years to see. It was Richard.

I squeezed Justin's arm so hard that he twitched.

"Surprise." he whispered into my ear.

I couldn't speak. I wanted to stop walking and run to Richard but Justin held me tight and we continued walking. I kept on looking back at Richard who was still so shocked; it looked like he was looking at a ghost. I got to my place in the front row and stood next to James who elbowed me and laughed.

Even Jessica, who was at her wedding looked at me before reaching the altar and winked.

Everybody knew he was going to be there. All that time, they were saying how they wanted to surprise Richard but instead were planning to surprise us both.

The ceremony dragged on for almost an hour. I thought I wasn't going to make it through it but I didn't want to get up in the middle of it either. I kept on looking back at Richard who never took his eyes off of me. I think I annoyed the people sitting behind me who gave me dirty looks every time I looked back.

At the end of the ceremony, Jessica and Matt walked down the aisle while all the guests threw white rose pedals at them. That is everyone except for me. As everyone began to leave their seats and follow the happy couple inside, I walked towards the beach. I stopped halfway, looked at the sunset and turned around.

Richard was a few steps behind me.

"I thought I was dreaming," he said.

His voice made me cringe. I ran to him and crashed into him so hard that we both fell to the sand. He touched my face with his gentle hands and kissed me and I knew at that moment what real happiness felt like.

I ran my fingers through his hair and he never stopped touching my face.

"Julia." he whispered while looking me in the eyes.

Tears of happiness began running down both our faces.

"I missed you so much." I told him. He put my face into his hands and looked straight at me with his beautiful sparkling green eyes.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too." I whispered back and kissed him.

We walked along the beach that evening and watched the sunset together. I told him about everything that had happened to me in the past ten years and he told me about his life too. He never stopped holding my hand and hugging and kissing me. Neither did I.

"I have something that belongs to you," he said as we sat on the sand under the bright moon.

He took his wallet out of his pocket and opened a small compartment.

He slowly took out my necklace and pendant that he had given to me on my fifteenth birthday.

"I thought I had lost it." I was barely able to say. My tears were overwhelming and so was my surprise.

"Justin found it and gave it to me. It must have broken off of you in the fight," he said. "It's still broken because I never fixed it. It's been broken just like me."

I took it from his hand and squeezed it in my fist. Richard held me in his arms as I wept like a baby.

"I should have come back a long time ago." I said. "I'm so sorry."

He held me tighter as soon as I said this but I didn't look up at him. He caressed my hair and kissed my head.

"You are here now and I will never let you go. I have never let you go Julia," he whispered in my ear. "You have been with me every second of everyday for the past ten years. I never for one second stopped hoping for your return and now that you are here I will never let you go again."

We finally went back to the party that night and everyone kept smiling and telling us how incredibly happy they were for us. I danced with Richard, James and my Justin. We cried, laughed, and had a wonderful night. I had one of the best nights of my life.

It was as if the last decade of my life had not even existed. I cannot even explain the happiness I felt that day. I was with the person that I belonged with. The person that made me feel complete and the person that I loved more than my own life. Richard.

I left with Richard that night and we went to his house. He lived in a beautiful three-bedroom house that had a pool.

"Do you still swim?" he asked me while we stood in his back yard.

"No." I answered. "I couldn't swim anymore. It reminded me too much of everything I had lost. I haven't gone swimming in years."

"Well, we'll just have to work on that." he said with a smile.

I put my arms around his neck and kissed him. It was a passionate kiss. A kiss that told him not only that I loved him but that I wanted him forever.

He picked me up like a baby and took me inside. I held on tight until we got to his bedroom and he gently laid me down on his bed.

"I love you Julia," he said.

"I love you Richard."

Chapter 12

Happily ever after

I had found my happiness and I felt normal again. It was as if the part of me that had died had somehow revived. Richard and I were inseparable and I felt whole.

We went to the airport the following week to pick up Kate. Richard, James, Justin and I all went together. I could not wait for my beautiful sister to arrive and finally see James. They had spoken everyday, all day since the day I arrived.

James was very nervous and we all poked a little fun at him. It was cute to see how jittery he was.

We waited and waited for her to walk out of the airport gates. We must have waited about an hour for her after her plane arrived but it felt more like five hours.

Finally, my sister walked out to where we were standing. She didn't see us at first but then she saw me waving frantically at her. Her eyes opened wide and a huge smile spread across her face. She looked at everyone around me until she finally saw James.

She ran to him and threw herself on him. She hugged him with both her arms and legs and he held on tight to her thighs as he swung her around and kissed her.

I couldn't help but cry tears of joy.

She finally remembered that we also existed and came to hug us all. She picked me up and kissed me all over my face. "I love you, I love you…," she kept saying.

And we all lived happily ever after.

"No way grandma!" Claire yelled. "What happened after? I want to hear more. I want to know what happened to that bitch Becky. Did you kick her butt?"

I laughed.

"Well, Becky's family moved away after she finished high school and none of us ever saw her again."

"Bummer." Claire whispered. "You never got to get back at her."

"I have to admit that I did want to kick her ass at first whenever I thought of what she did but I eventually forgot about her. She was unimportant and insignificant and she did not succeed. We never thought about her or what she did. None of us ever mentioned her. She turned into a memory. A bad memory."

"Cool." Claire whispered.

I looked down at Claire who was still looking at one of my photo albums.

She looked so much like me when I was her age that I just smiled.

"I'm going to go lay down now sweetie." I told her.

"Ok grandma but you have to continue the story later on," she said.

"I will." I said while getting up from my favorite chair.

I walked to my bedroom, closed the door and sat at the corner of my bed. I looked at all the beautiful pictures that decorated my room. Pictures of Lizzy. Pictures of my parents. Pictures of Kate, James, Justin and of course Richard. There was a big blown up picture of Richard and I with our four beautiful daughters. Next to it was a picture of our grandchildren.

I rested my head on my pillow and turned to my nightstand where the picture that I most treasured stood. It was the picture of my wedding day. I have had many happy days in my life. The day I met Richard for the first time. The day I saw him again for the first time. The birth of my daughters and my grandchildren. The many days I spent with my sister and loved ones but nothing compares to the happiness I felt the day I married Richard.

I laid there and remembered.

My parents returned from Paraguay a year after Kate and I came back. They lived a good life and enjoyed all of their grandchildren. I love and miss them everyday.

Kate and James also married the same year that Richard and I did. They had two beautiful sons Justin and Junior. Justin became a doctor and Junior is a lawyer.

My sister and James also lived a happy life. They adored each other and were wonderful parents.

James passed away ten years ago at the age of eighty-one. They were married for fifty-two years. Kate never really recovered but she managed to move on. She came to live with Richard and me a couple of years after James' death and I as well as Richard loved her company. She was old but still had the sense of humor she did when she was sixteen.

Justin didn't get to live a long life like all of us did. On his fortieth birthday, a drunk driver killed him in a car accident. I lost not only my best friend but also my brother that day.

Jessica divorced Matt five years after they married. She married two more times until finally meeting her love with whom she spent many years with until she passed away at the age of seventy-two.

I watched all of my dear friends leave and they all took a part of me with them. The only comfort I had was that I still had Kate and Richard and of course my beautiful daughters who took such good care of us.

Richard passed away five years ago in his sleep. I woke up but he did not.

I lost my husband of fifty-seven years. I lost my life.

I don't know how I continued on living without him. I thank my sister for that. I had my daughters who wanted me to go live with them but I declined their offers every time. Kate and I were alone but we still had each other.

James, Justin, Jessica and Richard were gone.

My beautiful Kate passed away last year at the age of eighty-eight years old. She caught a cold that turned into pneumonia from which she never recovered.

She was in the hospital for a week before she passed away and I never left her side. Our family and the hospital nurses tried to talk me into leaving her alone at night but I refused. I never let go of her hand just like she never let go of mine.

She could barely speak but she smiled every time I told her the stories of our past. She liked hearing about when we were kids with Lizzy and about the good times we had with Justin, James and Richard. I would get tired sometimes and fall asleep and she would squeeze my hand and I knew she wanted to hear more.

"I will see you soon Julia.' she whispered one night. "We will all be waiting for you sister. I love you." and she closed her eyes forever.

Words cannot explain what I felt when I lost my sister. It was as if I died with her too. I became very depressed and sick after Kate's death. I lost the will to live.

My youngest daughter was going through a divorce that year and she and my fifteen-year-old granddaughter Claire moved in with me. It was not my daughter who saved me but it was Claire. She never left my side. She even slept with me. She has Richards' eyes and whenever I look at her, I see him. She has Kate's smile and laughter. Just looking at her makes me feel better. Alive. I am not alone. I never have been.

Everyday, I walk around my house and into my garden and I feel Richard around me. I hear Kate calling out my name. I sit out on my front porch and I could smell them. I know they are there even though I can't see them. I know they are with me, taking care of me and loving me. I know I will see them soon.

"I love you." I whisper.

"We love you." I hear.