"Bwaaaaa! Nuuuuuu bwaaaa! Why! Why! Whyyyy! Bwaaaa!"

A sobbing Katarina Du Couteau ran swiftly through the hallways of the Noxus capital building, furiously rubbing her teary eyes with her hands and wiping her runny nose with her forearms. The famed champion of Noxus paid no heed to the curious yet cautious glances of those she passed by, the poor girl barely able to even see straight, so out of sorts was she.

The passerby made sure to give her wide berth, for she was quite possibly the most dangerous and unpredictably violent character in all of Noxus. It was common sense to avoid any sort of confrontation with the Sinister Blade, especially when she was emotionally distraught. But after she passed them by, they all turned to stare after her fleeing form.

The men stared especially hard, for she was dressed in a blatantly stereotypical school girl outfit, complete with an absurdly short blue plaid skirt hanging onto her rear end for dear life and virgin white stockings pulled up taut to mid thigh. Her appearance was shamelessly provocative and flaunting, bordering on exhibitionist. Yet even the manliest men of Noxus refused to exchange even the smallest of jokes about her female form. And even the cattiest women of Noxus held their normally wicked tongues. Because in the past, whenever a man talked ill of Katarina Du Couteau, she retaliated, without fail, by cutting his balls off. And whenever a woman talked ill of Katarina Du Couteau, Katarina retaliated, without fail, by cutting her hair off and super gluing a dead muskrat to her freshly-shorn scalp.

However, the occupants of the Noxus capital building were not particularly surprised by Katarina's outlandish costume. For one of the worst-kept secrets within Noxus was the fact that Katarina Du Couteau was a gigantic otaku. She absolutely loved to watch TV shows of Ionian animation, otherwise known as anime. And she absolutely loved to read comic books drawn by Ionian authors, otherwise known as manga.

She tried to hide her love for anime and manga from her cohorts, but they knew. Oh, they knew. Whenever Halloween came around, Katarina always dressed up as a cat girl, because Katarina absolutely loved anime cat girls. Also, whenever she thought she was alone in the girls' locker room, she would start singing the Sailor Moon theme song to herself. Unfortunately for Katarina, the air ducts in the Noxus sports gym had great acoustics, and every other day or so, her off-tune singing could be heard reverberating throughout.

"... fighting evil by moonlight... winning love by daylight... never running from a real fight... she is the one named Sailor Moon!"

But today, poor Katarina was not singing. She was crying. And although she normally made it a point to never cry in public, today, she did not give a ****. For she was broken-hearted, her hopes and dreams for true love dashed to smithereens.

"Bwaaaaa!" Katarina finally reached her destination, plowing through the door to her sister's quarters, and she crumpled onto her knees, holding her head in agony as she cried out, "Oh god, Cassie! He hates me! He totally hates me! Hates me, hates me, hates me! Bwaaaa!"

Cassiopeia was relaxing on her bed, lying on her back with a pair of cucumber slices covering her eyes to reduce any possible puffiness. She was by far the more level-headed of the two sisters, and she was used to Katarina's histrionics. Thus, she replied with a practiced soothing voice as she continued to stare upwards into cucumber.

"Sssshh, my dear Katarina, ssshh... tell me, dear sister, what foolish man dares to look unfavorably upon you?"

Katarina wailed in response, "Ezreal! My beautiful bishonen Ezreal! My beautiful bishy, the man of my dreams, he hates me so much, oh god, Cassie, it hurts! My heart hurts so much, bwaaaaa!"

Vaguely interested now, Cassiopeia slowly plucked away the lukewarm slices of vegetable from her face. And she remarked to the ceiling, "Oh, so you finally worked up the courage to introduce yourself to him?"

"Well..." Katarina stopped bawling for a second, so she could wipe her badly running nose. And she looked away in embarrassment. "I sort of... well... not really..."

Cassiopeia turned her head to look at her sister. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, I mean... you see, I found him at the Sailor Moon booth at the Piltover Anime Expo, where he was cosplaying as Tuxedo Mask – oh god, Cassie, he even likes to cosplay! God, he is so PERFECT for me! He is so pretty and tall and dashing, and according to his facebook profile, his favorite Naruto character is Itachi! Oh my god, I love Itachi too! And he also said on his facebook that he likes girls who dress up in Ionian school girl outfits, which is why I wore this stupid thing in the first place, and I wish Ezreal liked me, but he doesn't, he hates me, he hates me, oh god, why! Whyy! WHYY! Bwaaaa!"

Cassiopeia winced at her sister's rather pathetic caterwauling, and she tried her best to get her sister to stop making a scene. "Now, now, Katarina, it seems that you did not even talk to Ezreal, and yet, you are convinced he does not like you? How can you be so sure?"

"You weren't there, Cassie! You didn't hear what he said before I could even walk over to say hi to him!"

"What did he say?"

"You see, he was standing and talking with Rammus, who was cosplaying as a Poké Ball, and I heard him say... I heard him say... urrk!"

Katarina choked on her own sobs, she couldn't bring herself to repeat his painful words. Cassiopeia slithered down from her bed to drape a comforting arm around her beloved sister's quivering shoulders, as she whispered, "It is okay, Katarina, what did he say?"

"He said..." Katarina managed to compose herself for a moment. "He said, 'Noxians, I hate those guys!' "

"Are you sure he said that? Perhaps you took his words out of context?"

"No, Cassie, I could hear the earnestness in his voice! He hates us, Cassie! He really does hate us! He hates me! My pretty Ezreal, oh god! Why is life so unfair! Why, why, why, whyyy!"

Cassiopeia handed the fiery redhead a fresh silken kerchief. Katarina made a plaintive sound of gratitude, then proceeded to blow her reddened nose clean of its last remnants of snot...

The two sisters sat together in silence for a couple minutes, the only sounds being the occasional hiccup from Katarina. Then Katarina finally wondered out loud.

"Hey Cassie, should I kill Ezreal?"

Cassiopeia exclaimed, "No, of course not!"

"Oh, okay." Her eyelids heavy and leaden, Katarina bowed her head in exhaustion, almost dozing off. Then she looked up. "Maybe I should just cut his balls off, instead."

"No, no. Please, Katarina, you need to stop talking like that!" Cassiopeia then lightly coughed as she nodded to Katarina's left hand. "So, then, um, about cutting men's balls off..."

"Huh?" Katarina looked at her left hand, only to realize that she was holding onto a small bloody sack of flesh. "Oh, these. I think they belong to Draven."

"You think?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure. On my way to you, I passed by Draven and his stupid smile on his stupid face! That stupid smile made me so mad, I just kind of blacked out for a moment, and then... yeah."

Katarina put down the bloody sack of flesh as gently as she could. "I probably shouldn't have done that, huh?"

"Well, as far as legal matters are concerned, father can squash any lawsuit that Draven might file against you. But honestly, Katarina, I am becoming so very worried for you."

"Really? Why?"

"Have you ever stopped for a moment and wondered why you have such bad luck with men?"

"Hmmm." The Sinister Blade of Noxus thought for a moment, forehead creased. Then she tentatively suggested, "Is it because men are intimidated by a strong woman?"

Cassiopeia sighed. "Katarina, do you remember why your last boyfriend broke up with you?"

"Who, Talon? Well, I... umm..." Katarina scratched the side of her nose. "I think it was because I cut his balls off."

"Exactly. And why did you cut his balls off?"

"Because he said that my in-game model was old, outdated, ugly, and in dire need of a rework."

Cassiopeia said nothing now, and the silence was damning, as Katarina had a moment to let her own words sink in.

Katarina then finally let out a defiant pipsqueak. "Well, he didn't have to say that it was ugly!"

"Certainly, he was insensitive regarding his choice of words, but don't you think you overreacted a bit, considering that particular situation?"

"Well." Katarina stared sadly at the blood-splattered ground beneath her resting left hand. "Maybe I should have just knocked out his front teeth, instead."

Cassiopeia was encouraged by Katarina's self-reflective words; it was rare, indeed, for her headstrong sister to admit fault. "Knocking out teeth would be a good start, I think. Teeth can be fixed. Those, on the other hand?" She nodded to the bloody pile on the ground. "Not as easily fixed."

"Oh god," Katarina held her face in her hands, moaning regretfully into her wall of fingers. "And to think, I've cut off so many! I lost count years ago!"

The fingers then fell away to reveal a small bitter smile, and a mirthless laugh escaped. "It's hopeless, Cassie, isn't it? Ezreal and every other man out there must think I'm crazy. No man will ever go near me again, and I am going to die as an old lonely crone, aren't I? All hail the Sinister Old Hag of Noxus!"

"My dear sister, do not lose hope. Despite all your mishaps in the past, remember this! You are still a devilishly hot and attractive young woman, and men are retardedly stupid when it comes to hot and attractive young women. Believe me, somewhere out there, there is definitely a special someone just for you."

"You mean, someone like... Ezreal?"

"No! I'm not talking about silly pretty boys who dress up as your favorite anime characters! I am talking about a real man of real substance! A man who loves you for who you are, not for who you dress like!" Cassiopeia waggled a knowing finger. "Believe me, Katarina. When you finally meet him, you will know. You will absolutely know that he is the one."

Katarina smiled hopefully now and she leaned forward to give her sister a big hug. "Thanks, Cassie! And you're right, I shouldn't give up! Sailor Moon never gives up in her quest for love, and neither should I!"

"Errr, yes. Never give up, just like Sailor Moon."

Yet, as they hugged, Cassiopeia could not help but wonder what sort of man could be the one for her feisty little handful of a sister.

END OF CHAPTER

Notes: I wrote this two years ago (before Katarina's visual upgrade, as you can tell by the described point of contention between Talon and Kat), but I didn't think about posting this doodle here until now... I think I'm doing this because I've been reading 19th century French literature lately and the language is so freaking winding and convoluted, it makes me want to punch the nearest French guy repeatedly in the face. But those French guys sure know how to dote on women, which reminded me of how I envisioned this story playing out... so yeah, URGOT x KAT 4 LYFE.