I was watching South Park when I thought of this. I have had this argument before with other Twilight fans but I have to say, I'm right. Look at the deviantart works that support Edward Cullen being a ginger kid. I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this. It's a complete joke and if more than this offends more then 5 times, I will take it down. xoxo Popular Galinda

"And that is how the characters in Lord of the Rings reflect our society." Annie finished flashing a smile at Mr Dick. Mr Dick snapped back into reality from his daydream and put an A next to her name on the list. Then he looked down the list and said my name.

"Miss Lydia Coleman." He said turning around to face me. "You're up."

"Okay." I said getting up from my sit and making my way towards the front of the class.

"Hello class and Dick. My topic for this afternoon is: Is Edward Cullen a Ginger Kid?" I announced to the class. Everyone laughed and some girls pouting saying that Edward isn't a red head.

"Ginger kids are all around us. We see them on the streets, in the park, at the shops and we can't help but stare at these poor kids who look hideous. We are disgusted by their looks. I am talking about ginger kids."

"Damn right!" Called out Mickey.

"Also, vampires are the latest tend. We see those twilight fans, skipping around, talking about whom their favourite characters are and having sexual thoughts about Edward. Unlike myself, where I daydream about Jasper." I couldn't help but drift off into my own dreamland.

"Get back to the topic Miss Cleman." Mr Dick said.

"Right-o sir!" I saluted him. "You're probably wondering why I'm talking about these two different subjects. Because I believe that Edward Cullen is a ginger kid."

"Edward Cullen isn't a ginger kid!" Brandy declared.

"I'm talking here!" I shouted back. "As I was saying, Edward Cullen is a ginger kid. And I have three reasons why he is a ginger kid. Number 1: Ginger kids are freakishly pale. Edward Cullen is a vampire and vampires are pale."

"I agree!" My best friend, Amy stood up and raised her fist in the air. "He's pale!"

"Number 2: Ginger kids cannot go into the sun. Edward Cullen cannot go into the sun because when he does he sparkles like a gay disco ball like at those crappy disco they hold down at Myriad Plaza every Thursday night."

No one interrupted me this time. Meaning they all agrees or they couldn't be fucked saying anything to change my topic.

"And finally, number 3: Ginger kids have no soul." I turned to our only red head in the class. "You're a day walker, not a ginger kid. Day walkers have a soul."

"Yay! I'm a day walker!" The red head said. Stupid red head should have been blonde.

"Vampires have no soul. Therefore Edward Cullen is in fact a ginger kid." I concluded. Misty, our class dumb blonde stood up and began abusing my speech, which was totally awesome.

"Edward Cullen isn't a ginger kid! Yes, he has pale skin, yes, he has no soul but he does not have red hair!" She shouted at me. "It is described as chestnut!"

"I was getting to that, Misty." I spat her name. "Meyer has actually constructed Edward to be a ginger kid by saying he had chestnut hair. Chestnut hair is light reddish brown colour, here is a picture of chestnut hair if you don't believe me."

I pulled out a large photo and stuck it on the white board. "Thus, Edward Cullen is a ginger kid."

"Lydia, I give you an F because your question was, how do characters in fictional stories reflect our society. Not, is Edward Cullen a ginger kid." Mr Dick said to me. "If the question was that, then I would give you an A but you failed to give me the question. Now take a seat."

I skipped to my table and sat down next to Mickey. He leaned over to me and whispered. "Cullen is a ginger kid, why do girls love him so much?"

"Because they love anyway that Rob Pattinson plays in films. Remember Cedric from Harry Potter?"

"Oh yeah. At least you're not one of those Edward lovers." He said. I turned and grinned at him.

"Nope! I wanna have a threesome with Emmett and Jasper!"

The End

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