Disclaimer: Nothing is mine! All is Baz's. *sigh* Damn.
A/N: A short piece. Not my best but. I like it.
You died in my arms. You shuddered and with a whispered, "I love you" perished into a world where I could not follow. You left me behind. I had to manage to swallow all of my pain and sorrow and regret, for you. Just you.
I still hoped that you would come back. Part of my just thought that you were playing a cruel trick on me, and I was a gullible fool. But it wasn't true... I knew this. Yet still denied it.
After months of this denial I grew tired of waiting. I grew to hate you. I hated you with a passion of fire, a fire that can never be fed. I grew to despise the memories. I loathed you and everything you existed for, everything you represented. I couldn't stand to see the photographs, or listen to the stories that were told about the legendary "Sparkling Diamond".
They're not important to me anymore. You're not a treasure in my heart. All because you left.
I became best friends with the Green Fairy. With every fresh new bottle she listened to me, soothing me with her liquid. She understood me.
She would never leave me.
And when I grew tired of her, I retreated to the streets. I found prostitutes that were willing to pleasure me without daring to love me. They were exactly what I wanted.
A lover I didn't have to love.
They didn't fail me. They never told me their name. All through the love making, they never uttered a single word. They entered me and made me moan with desire. Then they left. They tugged on their pretty garters and strapped up their corsets. They opened the door and stepped out into the night air without looking back at me, naked on the bed.
It was the kind of love we should've had.
My life is empty without you. But that's to be expected. You were my soul mate. But you don't exist anymore and that can't be helped. So I'm fine with hating you. I'm ok with wiping away your existence from myself.
But I can't help thinking that if we hadn't fallen in love, all this pain and hurt and emotion never would have existed in me.
Why couldn't you have been a lover I didn't have to love?
You died in my arms. You shuddered and with a whispered, "I love you" perished into a world where I could not follow. You left me behind. I had to manage to swallow all of my pain and sorrow and regret, for you. Just you.
I still hoped that you would come back. Part of my just thought that you were playing a cruel trick on me, and I was a gullible fool. But it wasn't true... I knew this. Yet still denied it.
After months of this denial I grew tired of waiting. I grew to hate you. I hated you with a passion of fire, a fire that can never be fed. I grew to despise the memories. I loathed you and everything you existed for, everything you represented. I couldn't stand to see the photographs, or listen to the stories that were told about the legendary "Sparkling Diamond".
They're not important to me anymore. You're not a treasure in my heart. All because you left.
I became best friends with the Green Fairy. With every fresh new bottle she listened to me, soothing me with her liquid. She understood me.
She would never leave me.
And when I grew tired of her, I retreated to the streets. I found prostitutes that were willing to pleasure me without daring to love me. They were exactly what I wanted.
A lover I didn't have to love.
They didn't fail me. They never told me their name. All through the love making, they never uttered a single word. They entered me and made me moan with desire. Then they left. They tugged on their pretty garters and strapped up their corsets. They opened the door and stepped out into the night air without looking back at me, naked on the bed.
It was the kind of love we should've had.
My life is empty without you. But that's to be expected. You were my soul mate. But you don't exist anymore and that can't be helped. So I'm fine with hating you. I'm ok with wiping away your existence from myself.
But I can't help thinking that if we hadn't fallen in love, all this pain and hurt and emotion never would have existed in me.
Why couldn't you have been a lover I didn't have to love?