Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't...
Summary: I almost burst out laughing right then and there because he actually looked and acted flustered and I hadn't been sure the Kentauri could be flustered until that moment.
A/N: This is set in my A Light in the Darkness universe, and is best understood if you've already read Don't Judge a Book... first. But you can give it a whirl on its own if you so choose, though there's spoilers ahead for some of the events that occurred in Don't Judge....
Flustering the General...
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12 Sunbend 1006
I reluctantly pushed the door of Oreius' study open. I had a report to give him and I was, sort of, not looking forward to his reaction (for once it is not because of something I'd done, but I didn't want the assignment this report required either). The Kentauri was looking over his paperwork (big surprise...feel my sarcasm). I waited for him to acknowledge my presence (yes, I know it's shocking but every once in a while...like when I want to procrastinate...I actually follow the full protocol for delivering reports)...and waited. He never once looked up. I lowered the report until the top half was resting on his desk. He still didn't look up.
I waited a few more minutes but the Kentauri still didn't acknowledge me. I huffed as I finally started to get irritated (I only like being ignored when it is to my advantage, such as when I'm the hidden guard, or when the idiot suitor squads descend upon Cair Paravel). And, the whole protocol of waiting for the superior officer (read: Oreius) to acknowledge you before getting the unpleasantness (unless I win the argument...then it's fairly pleasant for me) over with is extremely overrated. "I have the report from the Lone Islands, Kentauri."
Still ignored. Still annoyed.
"You are not going to approve of the results and I refuse to get on another thrice-accursed boat from Murphy's harbor and fix things among a bunch of pompous windbags." Especially since it had absolutely nothing to do with my interests in the orphanage I had relocated/sponsored in Redhaven. I'd only do another sea voyage so soon if the orphanage's children had been in need or danger (yes, four months is soon when one adds in the fact that the last voyage was plagued by Murphy with the sole exception of sinking). Not to mention the fact that I'm pretty sure Stonebrook would not approve of my going either (he says my diplomacy has a tendency to be about as subtle as an angry Dragon...I disagree since I don't eat people who make me mad).
He still didn't acknowledge me. There had to be some way to get his conscious attention…
I maintained the same tone as I spoke up again, "After we finish discussing why I won't go, you might want to be prepared to find the armory in shambles...sticky shambles. Because I might have accidentally let the little Scátháin into the armory with a couple dozen jars of honey and jams and then forgot they had followed me and touched everything they saw until the armor racks had begun a domino effect. But, don't worry no one was hurt. Although the armor's probably sticky and might have dents they didn't have before, but c'est la vie." None of which had happened. Still, I didn't lie, I had speculated aloud on what would probably happen if Peridan's six-year-old twin sons had gotten into the armory with a couple dozen jars of honey and jams (actually, I'd probably under-speculated what the aftermath of those two loose in the armory would be, considering what I'd heard about their past antics).
Considering the fact that Oreius was very...possessive and somewhat OCD about the armory (to say nothing of the fact his five year ban on pranks in the armory still hasn't quite expired), I thought I would get a true reaction. I didn't. He gave a sort of half-grunt, but just kept reading the other reports (and what is it with males and doing that Your-voice-has-finally-started-annoying-me-enough- I-will-sort-of-respond-then-hope-you-go-away-or-at -least-stop-talking half-grunt thing?). I crossed my arms and considered my remaining options...
One came to mind almost immediately, but normally I would never do it. However, there is an exception to every rule and so long as I say it in Irish I won't have to worry about embarrassing silliness pervading the Cair Paravel rumor mill (at least where I was concerned). I looked at Oreius again, but the Kentauri was still ignoring me, so I said it (even though I shouldn't have). "Tá mé ag iompar clainne." (I'm pregnant.)
And, he definitely heard me that time. I had always heard that one simple announcement had unusual and entertaining effects on men, regardless of whether said in jest, earnest, or, in my case, irritated experimentation. Everything I heard was right. Oreius jerked to look at me and somehow managed to knock the top half of one of his many stacks of reports to the floor, "What?"
I almost burst out laughing right then and there because he actually looked and acted flustered and I hadn't been sure the Kentauri could be flustered until that moment. But, I resisted (barely) and held up my report before setting it on the desk in front of him and calmly speaking as though I had never made the pronouncement, "Here's the report from the Lone Islands you wanted. You aren't going to like it. And, I refuse to go clean it up. Not to mention, I'm sure if we consulted Stonebrook, he would drag me off the boat before I'd even managed to get two paces up the ramp."
The Kentauri stared at me for several bewildered moments then he quickly looked through the report and cleared his throat...several times (I don't think I want to know what he was thinking)...before stating, "You're not going since I do not want you to lose your temper and burn some more buildings to the ground."
I feigned a hurt look, "Raze a single building to the ground, one that deserved it no less, and suddenly everyone thinks you're a hothead. Where's the fairness in that, I ask you?"
Oreius gave me a bland look (apparently he could be flustered but he didn't stay flustered long) before intoning, "Life isn't fair." Then he scowled at me, "And, just what did you mean about letting Peridan's sons destroy my armory?" (Do you see what I mean about him being possessive about the armory?)
I shrugged, "I was trying to get your attention but apparently the possibility I dreamed up didn't sink in until just now."
He gave me an unamused look and pointed at the door, "Go pester someone else, Sepphora." I smirked, turned to leave, and stopped as Oreius spoke up quietly, no, hesitantly, "Alambiel, about what you...what you said earlier was-"
He cut himself off as I gave him an incredulous look over my shoulder, "You can't seriously think there was any truth to that, can you? Please, you know me better than that." He was starting to look flustered again and when I added the last bit, he actually blushed faintly (I think it was from the embarrassment of realizing he had managed to unintentionally impugn my honor). But, I didn't let him apologize for being so literal...and concerned (which is why I typically never said that to get someone's attention, although I think he was slightly more concerned about my sanity). Instead, I just rolled my eyes at him and shook my head, "Imní ort iomarca. Ní mór duit freisin cuimhneamh go nach bhfuil mé a bheith i gcónaí litriúil nuair a labhraíonn liom. Go háirithe má tá mé ag iarraidh a fháil d'aird. Cé, ní féidir liom a chreidiúint go mbeidh mé úsáid as go modh ar leith arís." (You worry too much. You also need to remember that I'm not always being literal when I speak. Particularly if I am trying to get your attention. Though, I do not believe I will use that particular method again.)
He shot me an unfathomable look (he'd been giving me those a lot lately) then cast an obviously irritated glance at the reports scattered on the floor. Before he could say something, I gleefully mocked him, "Such a mess, Kentauri. And, to think, you're usually so careful with your reports." I held up a finger as he shifted his irritation to me (yes, I know it's not the best thing to do in the world, but I can't help but push his buttons). "Ah, just remember that I was not the one who caused the mess this time."
To say he was unamused by my comment would be a bit of an understatement...
I spun around and ran, slightly impeded by my laughter, as he thundered, "SEPPHORA!" Some things never get old.
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A/N: Please Read and Review! Well, Kat's at it again and actually managed to fluster Oreius this time. This silly little plot bunny has been bugging me for about a month now, so I finally wrote it down, hope you enjoyed it. Leave a review and let me know what y'all thought about this one.
A/N2: 60th story.