Now it's time to say goodbye
To the things we loved and the innocence of youth
Jeff Williams; Time to Say Goodbye
Josephine Elric was used to hiding her emotions, keeping them locked away and pushed to the back. It was a necessity. She had to be strong for those around her; strong for her dear mother when her husband left, strong for her darling little brother's when another birthday passed without so much as a card from the man, strong for Winry as another day passed with her parents in danger, strong for Pinako who always worried about her. Josephine was used to holding back the tears, pushing her own pain out of the way to leave room for the others', and she did it gladly if it meant giving those she cared about some comfort.
It was why she kept her own tears at bay as her brothers clung to her skirt, their own sobs filling the silence that was the graveyard. The grey headstone before them still seemed unreal, the carving that read 'Trisha Elric' was still fresh.
Josephine couldn't afford to cry, especially not in front of her brothers. She had to be strong for them because she was all they had to lean on.
"C'mon, it's starting to get dark." She said softly as the sun began to sink below the horizon. It had only been three days since their mother's death. Since the epidemic that claimed so many lives claimed hers. They buried her fast, not wanting the disease to spread. It was very efficient.
Their absentee father didn't attend the funeral, not as if Josephine expected him to. The letters they tried to send to him, to make some contact in hopes he would return when their mother got sick, always returned unopened. Maybe a small part of her hoped, against all odds that the awkward man from her childhood would return to them. That he'd appear and hold her as she cried, that he'd tell her everything would be okay, that he would take care of them, that she wouldn't have to go through this alone. She tried not to let herself feel disappointed when he never showed.
Josephine's heart clenched painfully as she walked the dirt path to her home, her brother's hands in hers, and she saw the absence of light in the windows. Their mom always kept a light on when it started to get late, as if to guide them home from wherever they were. Their home was dark as if mirroring how the siblings felt.
Once her brothers were fed and bathed, she tucked them both in to bed, hugging them tight to her chest before kissing them both on the forehead and trudging into the living room. She sank onto the couch, her entire being was exhausted, right down to her soul. Josephine was used to responsibility, but this she wasn't prepared for. She never could have prepared herself.
There was a soft knock on the front door before it was opened. A short figure walked in and Josephine sighed.
"Granny Pinako." She greeted as the short statured woman hopped on the couch next to her.
"Oh, my sweet girl." Pinako said softly, placing a comforting hand on the brunette's shoulder. That was all it took for her to burst into tears, to finally let the emotions she had been holding in for three days come to the surface.
"Oh god, I don't know what to do Pinako." Josephine sobbed quietly, as not to disturb her brothers. It had been a constant on her mind since their mother passed. Josephine worked at the small library near their home, but the pay wasn't anything to brag about. It was enough to help out, to be able to splurge on gifts for Ed and Al's birthdays, enough to treat her mother now and again, but it wasn't enough to support her brothers and herself. Sure, their mother left them a small lump of money, but it wouldn't last long and she hadn't heard from her father in years.
"You're a smart girl Jo, you'll figure something out." Pinako reassured, gently rubbing her back as the tears continued to fall. Josephine was a smart girl, she had a good head on her shoulders, and her alchemic work was impressive. It was the one thing her father had given her, a talent for alchemy. She was infatuated with the practice and devoured every book he had in his office. After a lot of pestering and puppy dog eyes he finally broke and helped hone her skills before he left and never returned. It wasn't something she gave up on though, because Josephine was never one to quit. She continued practicing with the childish hope that her father would praise her when he returned. That he would see how much she progressed.
Josephine knew what she needed to do, knew what the best option was. Drying her tears, she met the older woman's eyes and Pinako gasped.
"Jo, you can't."
"I don't have the time or money for schooling Pinako. It would be good money; the boys would be taken care of." She reasoned, but the older woman shook her head heatedly.
"It's too dangerous Jo! With the way the war is heading, it's only a matter of time before the State Alchemist are sent to the front lines, you know that. I already have Yuri and Sarah to worry about, I don't need to worry about you too, and what about Ed and Al?"
"This would be for them Pinako, and there's no guarantee I'll be sent to the war, or even that I'd pass the exam, but I have to try, it would give me the freedom to still see Ed and Al and enough money to support them." She argued.
"You'd be a dog of the military!" Pinako exclaimed heatedly and Josephine flinched.
"Please keep it down Pinako." She said quietly, and the older woman sighed.
"Think about this Jo. Your life wouldn't be your own anymore."
"I have been thinking about this, it's all I've done the past three days. Do you think I haven't tried to come up with a different solution? Do you think I want this? I know what a 'State Alchemist' title entails." Josephine's entire form deflated, and she let herself sink into the couch. "It may not be my only option, but it's my best option, and I'm willing to make the necessary sacrifices."
Pinako sighed, a deep sound that only a world-weary person could make, before placing a comforting hand on Josephine's shoulder. "You have had to grow up so fast Jo, you're making decisions that will change you, as a person. If God forbid, you are sent out to that war, Josephine, you won't be the same person. You've heard the news about the front, if State Alchemists' are sent, it will be for mass extermination, you'll have to take lives."
Josephine closed her eyes. "I know that, Pinako. I know."
"You're leaving." Edward said the next morning during breakfast. It wasn't a question and Josephine sighed. Her first born brother was always sharp, always perceptive.
"Yes, not for a few weeks at least, but yes." There was never any use beating around the bush with him, he was too smart.
"What? You're leaving Big Sis?" Alphonse asked softly, eyes wide with fear. Josephine placed a comforting hand on his head and forced a smile on her face.
"I'm going to the capitol to become a State Alchemist." There was a pause before Edward sharply pushed away from the table and stormed out of the house. Josephine's shoulders sagged in defeat. She knew Edward's reaction wouldn't be welcoming.
"Why do you have to leave Big Sis?" Alphonse whispered, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Josephine knelt and wrapped her arms around her youngest brother.
"It's not forever Al, once I save up enough money and establish myself, I can move you and Ed to the capitol with me. We'll all live together as a family." Josephine answered, holding Alphonse close to her chest as he quietly cried.
After Alphonse was finished crying, she dropped him off at Pinako's before going after Edward. Josephine had a hunch at where her younger brother would be and was proven right when the graveyard came into sight and she saw him sitting at their mother's grave.
"Ed." She said softly, and he just hugged his knees tighter to his chest.
"Go away." He mumbled, and the young woman did the opposite, taking a seat next to the blonde.
"Tell me what you're thinking." It was common for Josephine to say those words to her brother, anytime she knew something was heavy on his young mind. Edward wasn't the most articulate about his emotions and she was trying to change that.
"Just go, you're leaving anyway." There was no anger in her brother's voice, just defeat, and sadness. "Just like mom and dad."
There it was.
"Ed-"
"I know, alright. I know it's not the same thing." He interrupted before she could say anything.
Josephine was quiet for a moment, taking time to gather her thoughts.
"The money is going to run out Ed, sooner rather than later. My job at the library isn't enough to support the three of us." She said honestly. It was always the best policy when it came to Edward.
"I could get a job." He mumbled, and Josephine chuckled before wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him close to her.
"You're five Ed, no one in their right mind would hire you."
The siblings were silent, both staring at the gravestone in front of them. None it felt real. Josephine didn't know if it would ever feel real.
"When are you leaving?" Edward finally asked softly.
"A couple weeks. I need to get my affairs in order, get you and Al settled." She replied.
"This isn't fair." He grumbled, and Josephine sighed.
No, it wasn't.
A/N: I've been binge watching FMA so here this is. Lemme know what you think, gimme some feedback. Happy holidays!