Draco's Diary, Entry 1:
Hello, you simpering piece of crap!
My, my. I started my day off quite positively, didn't I?
My name is Draco Malfoy. And my high and holy pain-in-the-brain father's name is Lucius Malfoy. My father is rich due to our literally, "old money", and gets his kicks in torturing muggles.
The person I dislike to the end of dislikes is Harry Potter and his oh-look-at-me-I'm-desperate-for-attention scar. I also think his friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, are the scum I find in my Nitrous shoes (best in the wizarding world) after a heavy-duty Quidditch game. My father thinks that Weasley's dad has the I.Q. level of a dead squirrel. I disagree with him. To have an I.Q. one must possess a brain…something that all of the Weasleys (except for Fred and George…brilliant bastards) seem to lack.
My best friends are (actually hired, but that is truly beyond the point): Vincent Crabb and Gregory Goyle. Harry Potter is in Gryffindor, home of the hopeless brownnosers, and I, Draco the Grich (great -as in great-looking and rich - as in we have a bigger bank account than the Weasleys have children), am a Slytherin.
In my first year Potter got in the Gryffindor team because of me. I took Neville's Remeberant and got on a broom so he followed me and tried to get the Remeberant, But I threw it and he CAUGHT IT! I fumed about this for so long; I seriously thought that I was going to pop a vein. Ugh, just thinking about Potty and the Weasel makes my eye twitch. ACK! There it goes again!
Twitch twitch twitch
On my second year, I got on the team by buying the team Nimbus two thousand and ones. Then that damned mudblood had to spoil it all by being a priss and whining, "At least none of the Gryffindors bought their way onto the team!"
As if.
I so do not know what she was thinking, but let me ASSURE you that no MALFOY need ever BUY his way onto a team. Trust me, we may make generous, er, donations, but our skill and crazy good looks are enough to make steel go weak at the knees. I only wish that Snape would let me pound that dipheaded Pothead to a pulp.
Now worse than Pothead is Wiener Weasel the Nine-hundredth-and-fifty-second. This dumbass is not only one of those tree-hugging, rat-loving idiots… he disgraces all pedigreed wizards everywhere by actually SUPPORTING mudbloods.
OMG, I think I just cracked a nail. Aiyeee! It's gonna screw my manicure!!!!!!
Author's Note: I don't own Harry Potter at all. If I did the 5th book wouldn't have sucked so much. (Sorry if you liked it.)
Tell me whatcha want! J