Disclaimer: All characters belong to Shonda.

AN: I began writing this fic months ago but I lost the cruzer it was on up until a few days ago. So I decided to finish it. It's sort of like "Fate," however I think it's infinetly better than that one. Actually, I'm thinking of taking that one down. Anyway. I don't know much about comas or any medical jargon so i tried to stay clear of it. And please, if you like this fic... Review. It really makes my day. Thanks!

It's midnight by the time you're finally merging onto the highway headed home for the evening. The day was so full of burn victims, facial deformities, and reconstructions that you hardly had time to sit down, much less eat something. You're tired and cranky and, although that double scotch at Joe's hit the spot, there's nothing more in the world that you want than to curl up in your bed and sleep for the next year or so.

You switch into the middle lane to pass a slow moving car and glance down at your radio's clock. When your eyes shift upward again you notice that the semi merging behind you seems to be riding extremely close and, as you step on the gas pedal to gain distance, it nicks your rear bumper. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but you're tired and driving way too fast and before you know it you're overcorrecting and slamming into the cement guardrails.

The sound of steel twisting and crunching is deafening and before you know it every part of your body is in excruciating pain and the metallic taste of blood seeps into your mouth. You groan and try to move but nothing seems to work right. You sit there for what seems like hours, yet is only a few minutes, until you can hear sirens quickly approaching.

You're awake when they cut you out of the car, when they strap you to the gurney, and when they load you into the ambulance. But then you feel lightheaded and the beeping of your heart monitor flat-lines. Everything fades to black.

When you wake up the first thing you notice is that you don't feel any pain. The second is that you're not alive. Yet, you realize after a few seconds of total panic, you're not dead either. You feel as if you're somewhere in between. It's like the feeling you get when you just wake up and you're not awake yet, but not asleep either.

You're not dead but not alive.

If there was one thing that Addison Montgomery did not miss about Seattle Grace Hospital, it was the incessant buzzing of her pager. In fact, the first thing that she'd done once she'd finally settled in LA was whip that blasted pager into the ocean with a force she hadn't even known she possessed. Okay, so she still received calls in the middle of the night from about-to-be mothers requiring her assistance but the call volume had most definitely decreased since her days in Seattle. Which was why it hadn't been such a big deal that her cell was ringing off the hook at four in the morning.

It took a few swipes at the nightstand before Addison's hand finally closed over her phone. She took a deep, exhausted breath before flipping open the phone and placing it near her ear. "Dr. Montgomery."

"Addison."

"Derek?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"You realize it's four in the morning?" Addison asked, confused yet alert. "Couldn't this have waited until-"

"It's Mark," Derek cut her off. "There was an accident Addie. A really bad accident."

"An accident?" She flipped on her lamp and sat up. "Wha... What happened?"

"He was driving back from Joe's and..." Derek took a deep breath. "It was on the highway... He... He was clipped by a semi and lost control of his car."

"Don't tell me he's-"

"He's not dead," Derek assured her wearily. "He was conscience when they cut him out of the car, but his heart stopped in the ambulance and he hasn't woken up since they revived him. We're not sure if... If he'll make it through the night."

"I'm catching the first flight out," she said, already climbing out of bed to grab her suitcase.

"Okay." He paused. "Hurry Addie."

"I will," she told him. "And Derek?"

"Yeah?"

Tears began sliding down her cheeks. "Don't leave him alone until I get there. Okay?"

"Hey you," Callie said, squeezing Addison tightly to her. "How was the flight?"

"Painful." Addison closed her eyes and took a deep breath against her friend's shoulder. After a moment she pulled away. "So? Any updates?"

"Not since I left," Callie told her, shaking her head.

Addison nodded and stuffed her luggage into the backseat of Callie's car before seating herself. She leaned forward in the seat to look up at the sky and sighed. "It's raining."

"I thought we'd already established the fact that it always rains in Seattle," Callie said.

Addison wrinkled her nose. "Mark hates rain."

An hour later Addison found herself walking through the halls of Seattle Grace yet again. She really, truly believed that she would never have to see this place again or that, if she had no other choice, it would be for something much different than the reason she was there now.

"This is it," Callie told her as they stopped in front of one of the ICU rooms.

Addison nodded but couldn't take a step forward. She felt frozen with fear at what lay on the other side of that door. However, with a deep breath and a surge of resolve she pushed open the door. "You aren't coming with me?"

Callie shook her head. "Shepard's in there. He hasn't left his side the whole time."

"Oh."

"I just think it would be better if it were the three of you, you know?"

"Thanks Callie," Addison said, smiling weakly. She nodded once, as if it would help to steel herself, before crossing the threshold.

The first thing she noticed was Derek sitting against the back wall, his knees pulled tightly to his chest with his forehead resting on his knees. He looked up at the sound of her footsteps and gave her an encouraging smile before gesturing to Mark with his head.

"Any change?"

"None." Derek shook his head and swallowed hard. "If he doesn't come out of this soon..."

"He will."

"Addison, I think you need to prepare yourself for the worst," Derek said softly, his words hanging thickly around them.

"And I think you need to prepare yourself for the best," Addison told him after a moment of awkward silence. "This is Mark, Derek." Pressure began to build behind her eyes. "God Derek, it's our Mark."

Derek nodded and pushed himself off the floor. His arms wrapped around his ex-wife's shoulders just as the tears began to fall down her cheeks. "I know. I know, Addie."

"This... This isn't supposed to happen," Addison choked.

"Ad-"

"But he's Mark," she sobbed as if that explained it all. She took a deep breath and rubbed her wet eyes against Derek's shoulder. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Addison, you have to be strong," Derek's voice wavered. "We have to be strong."

Addison nodded into Derek's shoulder before pushing herself away and stepping up to the bed. She peered down at Mark and studied him for a moment before turning back to Derek. "He has a head injury?"

"We had to relieve some pressure." He nodded.

"Meredith?"

"No way." Derek shook his head quickly. "She doesn't have enough experience. I... I didn't want anyone else but me working on him."

Addison turned back to Mark. "Good."

The next morning found both Addison and Derek curled up in chairs on either side of Mark's bed. Neither had gone home or, in Addison's case, to the hotel and neither had even left the room for more than a few minutes at a time. It was lucky for them that Meredith had the sense to bring them breakfast or else they probably would have starved to death.

"Hey," Meredith said, poking her head into the room. She checked to see if Addison and Derek were awake before pushing the door open and holding up the Starbuck's bag and cup-carrier. "Hungry?"

Derek smiled up at his girlfriend while Addison nodded sleepily.

"Did you two really sleep on those uncomfortable chairs?" Meredith asked as she handed Addison her coffee and muffin.

"All night," Derek moaned and stretched.

"You know that we could probably bring in something a little more comfortable," Meredith told them, cocking her head. "I don't think Richard would have a problem with that."

Addison shrugged and met Derek's eye. "We're suffering."

"Together," Derek added, glancing at Mark. "We're suffering together."

"So," Derek said slowly, watching Addison from the opposite side of Mark's bed. "LA? How is it?"

"Sunny," Addison replied automatically. "And the elevators aren't used as an aphrodisiac."

"That's always a plus," Derek chuckled. "Are you seeing anyone?"

Addison shrugged. "There's this guy that I work with. Pete. He's..." She thought about it for a few seconds. "He's like a generic Mark Sloan."

"A what?"

"He's acts like a man-whore, but lacks the heart of one," Addison clarified. "He feels things for the women he sleeps with and screws over."

Derek opened his mouth to retort, but shut it suddenly.

"What?"

"I don't think you really understand Mark," Derek said with a shrug. "That's all."

"I don't understand Mark?" Addison scoffed. "Me? I don't?"

Derek looked at her as if he could see right through her. "No. I don't think you do."

Later that day Addison finally got out of her seat and made the short trip to the NICU. Staring at the babies had always had a calming affect on her and, ever since she was an intern, whenever the stress would get to be too much she'd make a beeline for the nursery.

"Dr. Montgomery?"

Addison rolled her eyes at the voice and continued walking.

"Dr. Montgomery, Addison, please."

"What?" Addison asked, whirling around to face Alex. "What do you need Karev?"

"Well I..." Alex shuffled his feet. "I was just wondering how you are-"

"Apparently I'm supposed to prepare for the worst," Addison snapped. "How do you think I'm feeling?"

"Oh." Alex bit his lip. "Have you talked to him?"

Addison looked at him as if he'd just sprouted another head.

"Um, see... Remember Really Old Guy?" Alex ventured.

Addison just frowned.

"Right." Alex took a deep breath. "Well Really Old Guy was... Well he was a really old guy whose room we used to eat lunch in every day. He'd been in a coma for like, ever and we used to talk, you know. So a few months back he just suddenly wakes up. Just out of nowhere he comes out of this coma."

"And the point of this story would be?"

"He knew everything," Alex said simply. "Like, whatever we talked about when he was in that coma he heard. He knew all about everything. He heard us." He shrugs. "I just thought that might help. You know, if you talk to him."

Addison nodded and smiled hesitantly. "Thanks Karev. That was really... I'll try that. Thanks."

"So," Addison said as she closed the door to Mark's room later that day. Derek had gone to check on a few of his patients and, though he would be back soon, Addison thought this the best time to try things Alex's way.

"I..." She sighed and slowly made her way to the side of the bed. She looked down at him and frowned. "This is weird."

"You were... This is... Ugh!" She threw her arms in the air and fell back into the chair Derek had vacated a few minutes earlier. "Okay." She took a deep, shaky breath and sat forward. The fact of the matter was that, while she had so many things to say, she couldn't find the words to describe exactly what she wanted to say.

"I didn't go to that party for Derek," she confessed as a starter. "Remember? You came up to Naomi and me after Chemistry our sophomore year and asked me if I would meet up with you at some frat party that night because your friend Derek didn't have the balls to ask me himself. I didn't go for him that night, Mark. I went because I hadn't been able to take my eyes off of you for weeks in Chem. I went because I was hoping that I would be able to get you to ask me out, not him."

"And when I got there I knew you were interested. I could feel your eyes on me the whole party. Even when Derek finally got the courage to talk to me." She searched his face for some kind of reaction. "But I realized that you wouldn't make a move because he was your best friend and he'd already claimed me as his territory. And that was okay because when I started dating him I got to hang out with you. And then I fell for Derek and you became my best friend and I was so happy because I had both of you in my life."

"We were so happy for such a long time. All three of us. Or, at least, that's what I thought." Biting her lip, Addison stood up and perched herself on the side of the bed. "Do you remember you asked me, on my wedding day, what I thought would have happened if you had kissed me first? And I slapped you on the arm and shrugged it off like a joke and then I walked into the bathroom and leaned against the sink and thought I was going to be sick."

She gently ran her knuckles against his stubbly cheek. "It was my wedding day and all I could think about were what-ifs."

A tear slid down her cheek and landed on his chest. "But I pushed it aside and I played the perfect wife with the perfect husband and the perfect life... And then Derek became distant and we grew closer. And I knew, I knew, that there was something wrong with us because every once in a while I looked forward to him cancelling because he'd send you in his stead. Mark, you were my husband. You took me on picnics in Central Park and looked at puppies with me and watched old black-and-white movies with me until three in the morning." Her voice cracked. "You held me when I cried."

"Addie."

She looked up. "I love him, Callie. I do."

"Addison," Callie whispered and quickly strode over to Addison. She pulled her friend to her feet, wrapped her arms around her, and let her sob into her shoulder.

"What if he doesn't wake up?" Addison cried. "God, Callie. I still love him. All he wanted was a chance and I was such a bitch to him."

"Addison." Callie pulled Addison's face away from her shoulder and cupped her cheeks in her hands. "He will come out of this. Look at me. He will be okay."

"What did you mean?" Addison asked later that night as she and Derek snuggled into the more comfortable chairs Richard had provided for them.

Derek raised his eyebrows.

"The other night," Addison clarified. "You told me that I don't understand him."

"Because you don't," Derek told her simply.

"But why?"

"He didn't just sleep with you and then screw you over," Derek said. "Well, he did. But not at the end. He was trying. Really trying."

"He broke our pact, Derek."

"No, he didn't."

"Yes he did."

"Addison, he let you go." Derek edged forward in his chair. "He never broke that bet. He knew that you weren't happy and so he let you go. It's probably the single-most selfless thing Mark has ever done in his life and he did it for you so that you could be happy."

Addison frowned. "But-"

"No buts, Ad." Derek shook his head. "He loved you enough to let you go."

Addison closed her eyes and wanted nothing more than to kick herself. "And I went."

Derek shrugged. "And you went."

Addison groaned as she looked down at her cell. Pete had been leaving messages for three days asking when she would be returning to work, but Addison hadn't had the energy to call him back and let him know that her stay was currently indefinite.

"You're going to have to answer it some time," Derek told her. "Don't think Naomi won't fly up here to see if you're alright if she hasn't heard from you in a while."

Addison glared at him. "Don't you have rounds or something?"

Derek nodded reluctantly. "And I've got to remove a tumor the size of my hand from a little boy half the size of-"

"Meredith?" Addison smirked.

"Actually," Derek said with a shrug. "Maybe a little smaller."

"So he's like, two?"

"Ten."

"Right."

"You'll be here while I'm gone?" Derek asked as he headed for the door.

Addison rolled her eyes. "That's a stupid question."

"Do you remember that night we killed a bottle of Goose and watched that Jetsons marathon?" Addison asked as she dipped the Lady Bic into a bowl of water and floating shaving cream. "You called me Jane for three months because we both have red hair. I should have killed you for that."

Derek's surgery that night wound up taking more time than anyone had expected and, while it turned out okay in the end, he was still tired and touchy when he came to Mark's room early the next morning. Addison, who'd fallen asleep clutching Mark's hand, slowly woke and looked up to Derek and whispered sleepily, "Hey. How did it go?"

Derek pulled at the collar of his shirt and collapsed into his chair. "We got most of it out. But I'll have to go back in."

"Oh Derek, I'm sorry." Addison offered him a weary smile. "But you'll-"

"Did you still love him when we were trying to work things out?" Derek asked suddenly, his eyes set firmly on the floor.

"Derek, I don't think-"

"Just answer the question, Addison." He glanced at her quickly. "Please."

She took a deep breath and exhaled, "Yes."

"Did you love me?"

"Oh Derek," Addison whispered. "You know that I did. I wouldn't have tried to fix things if I hadn't. And I sure as hell wouldn't have lived in that God forsaken trailer of yours."

"But who were you in love with?"

The destroyed look in Derek's eyes shocks Addison as he asks the question. She opens her mouth but finds she has no answer. She doesn't even know who she was truly in love with. At that point in her life she had no control over her emotions and feelings. Everything that she hd believed in for fifteen years had been turned completely upside down and not only had she lost her husband, but she'd also lost her best friend.

"Derek..." She takes a deep breath and says as calmly as possible, "I honestly have no idea."

He grunts.

"No, seriously." She runs her fingers through her hair and wishes she had her glasses to fiddle with. "You weren't there for years Derek. And I know you have a hard time believing that's true, but it is. You ignored me. You swatted me away. You forgot my birthday and our anniversary on several occasions. I don't know. Maybe I should have tried harder to get through to you but... Well I was drifting from you too."

"And right into Mark's arms," Derek muttered, and Addison could tell how much her betrayal still hurt him.

"It took a long time for me to run into his arms Derek," Addison said. "It took years before I realized that I was falling in love with him."

"If you loved him so much, then why did you come here in the first place?" Derek asked. "Why even try to fix our marriage?"

She bit her lip. "Derek, there are a lot of things you don't know about."

"You've already told me you stayed with him," he said. "You told me you lived with him."

"I got pregnant," Addison said dully. "I got pregnant and we got into a fight and he cheated on me. So I went to a clinic and..." Her voice broke. "And I had the pregnancy terminated."

Derek blinked in shock.

"The day after I got the call from Richard about the TTTS case and I came to Seattle to find you dating a seventh grader." She shook her head. "And I just snapped. I just... I wanted some sense of normalcy back and you were that. But Derek, you have to believe that after everything that has happened between Mark and me, I still loved you. I still love you now."

"Addison-"

"I loved you, yes." She wiped away a tear that had slid down her cheek. "But I was still in love with Mark."

"Meredith told me that Mark asked you to go back to New York with him," Derek said softly. "Why didn't you go?"

"Because Mark and I never worked Derek." She sighed. "I tried and he tried but it was never enough. There's always been so much baggage between the two of us. Too much guilt."

Derek contemplated her words for a few moments in silence and then began slowly, "Are you still in love with him now?"

Addison glanced at Mark.

"If he pulls through this," Derek took a shaky breath, "then I think you should give it a real shot."

"Derek, you-"

"And I think," Derek added, "that I might just be okay with it now."

"So, how goes the vigil?" Callie asked that afternoon as she plopped into Derek's chair and propped her feet up on the edge of Mark's bed. "Any changes?"

"None." Addison shook her head. "But I've been talking to him a lot."

"Do you think that'll help?"

Addison shrugged. "No idea. But Karev seems to think it may work."

"It's possible," Callie said. "I mean, science doesn't really know all that much about what happens to a patient in a coma. Hell, he could even hear us right now."

"Then maybe we should tell him about that wild night we spent in your hotel room the night before I left for LA." Addison grinned and winked.

"Oh right." Callie chuckled. "The naked pillow fight."

"Well if anything's gonna bring him out of that coma," Derek suddenly appeared in the doorway, "that would be it. Oh come on ladies. Don't stop on account of little 'ol me. I bet Mark wants to hear all about your wild nights."

Addison and Callie whipped pillows at his head at exactly the same time.

"No," Derek said vehemently. "It was Nancy."

"It was Kathleen," Addison shot back.

For the past twenty minutes they'd been on their feet, posed angrily, as they argued back and forth as to which of his sisters had walked in on them having sex on the breakfast table that first Thanksgiving after they'd been married. Derek swore up and down that it had been Nancy, but Addison was in complete confidence that it had been Kathleen.

"Nancy was the one who made fun of us for years," Derek told her. "Remember?"

"That's because she's Nancy!" Addison through her arms in the air. "And she wasn't even there that Thanksgiving. She went to Ben's parents place in Boston."

"No, Kathleen went to Keith's."

"I don't know how you're a brain surgeon Derek because you sure as hell don't have one." Addison glared at him. "Don't you remember how angry your mom was that Nancy was going to Ben's?"

"She was mad that Kathleen was going to Keith's." Derek pouted. "And I do too have a brain. A big one."

Addison rolled her eyes. "And there's the ego that-"

"It was Rachel."

When you wake up the first thing you notice is the absolute and total pain. You're whole body feels as if it's been hit by a semi, which, technically, it has been. The second is that you no longer feel as if you're caught between two worlds. Catching snippets of the argument currently taking place over your head, you realize that you are very much in your body again and that Derek and Addison are still fighting over which of his sisters caught them having sex on the table.

You're alive, not dead.

"It was Rachel," you mumbled groggily.

The bickering cuts off instantly and your eyes slowly flutter open to find Derek and Addison leaning over you, their mouths gaping open in shock. You watch them uncertainly while they process this new development before Derek's jaw starts working itself into motion and he says, "No, Mark. It was Nancy."

Derek's words snap Addison out of her stupor and she glances up at him and slaps the back of his head. He flinches and they glare at each other for a moment before they remember the man in the bed who has just come back from the brink of death. At once the two of them try hugging you. Derek moves just a little faster but Addison shoves him off of you and clasps your cheeks between her hands.

"Oh Mark." Tears begin streaming down her face.

"Hi," you say and watch as she giggles through the tears.

"Hi to you, too." She wipes furiously at her cheeks and grins down at you. "We thought we lost you there for a minute."

"Never," you tell her throatily.

She sighs happily and nods as her forehead comes to rest softly on yours. "I hope so."

You know your smirk isn't up to par, but you try it anyway. "Really?"

"Yeah."

And with that she presses her lips to yours in the sweetest and most satisfying kiss you've ever experienced.

"You know, I'm still here," you hear Derek say.

Addison rolls her eyes but pulls away so that Derek can perch himself on the edge of your bed. He grasps your hand in his and grins down at you. You know, just by the look in his eyes, that you're brothers again.

"I would like to say here and now," Derek advises him, "that if you ever put us through that again I will bring you back just so that I can kill you myself. Understand me?"

"Sure," your voice is hoarse and your throat hurts. "Water?"

Addison quickly grabs a glass from the bedside table and holds to your mouth. You drink greedily until she pulls it away so that you won't make yourself sick. She sits back and the two of you just stare at each other until Derek announces that he's going to go inform the entire hospital that you're awake and leaves the room.

After a few moments of silence you say, "I heard you."

"What?" Addison looks at you, confused.

"You talked to me," you tell her. "Every day. I heard every word you said."

"You did?"

You nod.

"So?"

"When I was in that car before the paramedics got there, all I could think about was you," you say softly. "And my last thought before I blacked out was how I didn't want to die because I couldn't bare never seeing you again."

"Mark," she whispers and tears begin cascading down her cheeks again. She sniffles and swallows heavily. "I... Mark, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry that I put you through hell. I love you and if you'll give me another shot-"

"Addie," you whisper and reach out to rub away a tear with your thumb, "you don't even have to ask."