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Summary: The journey inside oneself is a hard one. What to hold and what to let go are questions not easily answered. After Ed leaves, Winry undergoes some serious soul searching. Is it time to move on? Oneshot
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It is not where you begin your journey, but where you have it end.
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Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. Period, end of discussion.
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Reaching Out
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She sat on her workbench staring out of her opened bedroom window at a cloudy gray sky. The humid air carried the rustic smells of the mechanic shop to her nostrils as it warmly brushed against her cheek. A thin strand of blond hair was dancing crazily across her face, but Winry simply ignored its annoying movements.
Her eyes were a blank blue, and her cheeks were rosy from an earlier fit of salty tears. As her hands idly played with a screwdriver, turning it over and over, she stared off into nothing, her mind being elsewhere. Her gaze fell upon an old tree atop a grassy hill that overlooked a creek not visible from the window. Being that was now autumn, the leaves had turned and had begun to fall.
When the wind picked up, several would fall from their perches, landing in the sun dried grass. As Winry watched, a golden leaf came loose and drifted toward her window, but falling short of its journey, it landing in one of the dried flowerbeds instead.
Dulled eyes that once shone like sapphires, watched as it fluttered aimlessly to the ground and as it repeatedly struck against the wall of the house as the wind pushed up against it.
"Twenty-seven, Twenty-eight, Twenty-nine…"
An eight-year old Winry was running up the grassy slope, frantically searching for a place to hide. Her long blond hair thumping gently against her back as she raced to the hill's top "Thirty-one, Thirty-two…"
Azure eyes darting to and fro, mind racing, she looked around desperately. "Thirty-four…"
"Psst, Winry! Up here!" Looking up, she spotted her daredevil of a friend, Ed as she called him, hanging from one of the branches in the old maple tree. He waved at her as his dangling legs swung wildly back and forth. "C'mon! Al will never find us up here!"
Without hesitating, the blond raced up to the tree and pulled herself up on one of the sturdy braches. "Forty, forty-one…"
"Hurry! Al's almost done counting!" he hastily reminded her. Winry grabbed the branch above her and lost her footing. She let out a small screech as she slipped and began to fall.
"Forty-five…" A strong hand tightly gripped her wrist. Winry winced as he roughly began to pull her back up. "Forty-six, Forty-seven…"
"Thanks Ed." She mumbled as she firmly grasped the branch and pulled herself up. Her cheeks were roughly tinted pink from embarrassment.
"Forty-nine, Fifty! Ready or not, here I come!"
Ed put a finger to his lips as his younger brother ran right past their hiding place heading towards the creek. A mischievous glint sparkled in Ed's golden eyes as Al disappeared from view.
They were just kids. Bad things should not have happened to them. They were supposed to laugh and play and not care how crazy adults wasted their lives. Nothing should have been able to touch them. Winry ducked her head forward to hide her eyes in her bangs. They were so young.
All three of them had life's heaviest burden thrown on them at an age when they should have been playing tag, rolling down hills, and catching wild bullfrogs at the creek with their bare hands. They could no longer pretend to be grownups; they had to be them, no more pretending, no more games.
It all happened so fast, too fast.
First, Ed's and Al's dad left them. He just disappeared, leaving the brothers and their mother behind. That hurt Ed deeply. Outwardly, he came to hate his father for abandoning them, but Winry knew that deep down Ed had blamed himself.
Not long after, Winry's parents were killed, forcing her to move in with her closest relative: her grandmother, a mechanic of sorts. Although she loved her grandmother, she could not help but feel as though she was leaving something behind, something she desperately needed.
She sobbed into her pillow, her left arm wrapped tightly around an overstuffed pink bunny her mother had given her.
On the nightstand next to her bed, there was a note the military had sent her. Among the other things that it said, three words were engraved in her memory forever: 'killed in action.'
Then the boom shell hit; the brothers lost their mother. Winry had been away at Central at the time, getting all the legal inheritance papers worked out, so she was not around to see it. Apparently, the woman had contracted some unusual disease and died a few days later.
Granny stepped in and took the boys under her wing, sheltering all three orphans. Of course, she would never have told the boys that she volunteered for their sakes.
"Might as well" she huffed, picking up one of the boy's suitcases, "Winry is so lonesome here without them, and goodness knows, I could use the company.
Winry watched as Granny signed some papers as she helped the boys unload their things. They hadn't brought much, mostly clothes and some old books…
Ed and Al were never quite the same. They always had this distanced look, as though they were somewhere else, in a world that she could never be part of.
The amber sun began to dip behind the horizon, slowly sinking into the earth. A chilly wind blew by her cheek, sending a trail of goose bumps up her arm, but Winry brushed her discomfort aside.
In the end, it really didn't matter anyways.
No, it never did.
"Al, What happened!"
She looked at Al's bloodied brother, lying unconscious in his arms. "Please Winry. I-"
"How could you let this happen! Why-"
"Winry, that's enough" came her grandmother's firm voice. Winry froze at her curt command. "Don't go throwing a fit. He's hurt, not dead." To Al she said, "Take him down to my workshop, I'll see what I can do."
Winry began to tremble, 'How could they be so calm! Ed was…'She involuntarily glanced at him, immediately wishing she hadn't.
Unable to contain herself any longer, Winry burst into tears and ran from the room. She could still hear her grandmother's cool voice, "Don't worry about her Al, she'll be alright."
Closing her eyes, Winry forcibly put her thoughts to rest. She closed the window and pulled the latch, locking it
Sighing sadly, she stood and headed towards her bedroom door. Grasping the handle firmly, she shut it behind her. Her feet padded softly against the stairs as she desended.
A few months ago, Al had shown up. He was back in his old body, back to his old self. As the fragments of his memories slowly began to return, he told her what happened to them. How Ed had—
She brushed a tear aside as she walked into the kitchen. Pulling out some fresh salmon and some seasonings, she lit the stove. While the fish cooked, Winry set the table.
For two.
The house was so empty now that it was just her and Granny. Winry really missed the noise now that it was gone. She would have given anything to have those frustrating arguments with Ed again.
"You jerk" Winry screeched, "The least you could have done is get a glass! I know your not that stupid you midget."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT!"
"You stubborn pea brain! You're not supposed to drink out of the carton!"
Then what am I supposed to drink out of?"
She waved the glass violently in front of his face, "Out of this stupid."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING STUPID!"
He had such a temper. Sometimes Winry really did question whether or not she was arguing with a little kid or with a brainless teenager.
She opened a cabinet and pulled out two plates, gracefully setting them on the table.
That jerk, disappearing again and not even bothering to say goodbye. A glass cup cracked as it landed on the table too hard. A small piece cracked and fell on the kitchen floor with a soft clink.
"I'm sorry Winry."
She dully stooped to pick the jagged fragment up. If he was still here, he would insist on fixing it just to show off. Setting the broken glass aside, Winry pulled out another one, this time gently setting it on the table.
The fish sizzled contently on the stove, releasing a delicious aroma. A small trickle fell softly down her rosy cheek. She closed her weary eyes.
Ed was gone, but somehow Winry just knew that he was still alive. He was still out there somewhere, lost.
Just like her.
He would find his way back eventually. He always did. That is just the way Ed was, wandering around aimlessly in the middle of nowhere until he decided "Ah the heck with it" and came home.
She smiled and took the steaming fish off the stove. Setting it aside, she began to cut up some orange carrots into neat slices.
"Aren't you going to ask me to stay again?" His golden-brown eyes stared at her intently.
Putting her hands in her pockets, Winry shrugged, "Even if I do, you'll still leave."
Ed sighed, running a hand through his golden blond hair, "Well, aren't you at least going to say goodbye?"
Winry smiled at him sadly, "That's all I really say to you anymore." Her gaze fell to her dirty tennis shoes as she shuffled uncomfortably under his stare.
A woman's voice sounded over the station's intercom, announcing the arrival of Ed's train. "We will be departing shortly; all passengers please make your way to the gate."
Gentle fingers lifted her chin firmly to look him in the eyes, "Winry I will come back. I promise."
She shook her head, "Don't make promises you can't keep Ed."
He visibly flinched at her words and picked up his tattered brown suitcase. "All passengers please report to the departure gate…"
"They are calling you Ed." Winry whispered softly. Ed nodded.
He reached up and pecked her lightly on the cheek, "Goodbye then Winry."
He looked at her sadly before walking toward the train, "Wait for me, K!" He flashed a grin in her direction and ran to catch up with his younger brother.
A rush of fear ran through her and she sprinted to catch up to him, madly throwing her arms around him from behind. She clung to him desperately, afraid to let him go. He stiffened against her, surprised.
"All passengers please have your tickets ready as you board the train"
Her grip slackened, and Winry let him go, "Just come back safely okay."
Ed turned and gave her a toothy smile, "Deal!" As the brothers walked toward the gate, Al waved energetically at Winry while Ed simply held up a hand of farewell.
He didn't look back as he boarded the train.
As the train began to race out of the station, Winry chased after it until it was out of sight. She never did say goodbye.
She stared blankly at her food. The fish was slightly burnt, but it didn't really matter.
Soft scratching against the back door alerted her that Dan, the old farm dog, wanted to come in. Winry shuffled over to the screen door and pushed it open.
Dan waddled in, heading straight for the kitchen. Taking one last peek outside, Winry closed the door behind him and turned the lock. The bolt thumped softly as it was latched into place.
Shivering slightly, she turned around and walked back into the kitchen. Dan was sitting next to his empty food bowl, staring at Winry expectantly. Smiling, she went to the cupboard to the left of the sink and pulled out a can of dog food. She opened it, hearing a slight pop, and dumped the contents into Dan's bowl.
Without so much as a thank you, Dan dug into his food, face first of course. Winry chuckled, Ed was the only person she knew who could compete with Dan when it comes to enjoying food.
His gold eyes flashed up at her. A spaghetti noodle hung out the right side of his mouth. Meat sauce clung this upper lip. His eyebrows furrowed at her continued stare.
Confusion was clearly written across his face, "What?"
Winry smiled. Leave it to Ed to cheer her up. She pulled out two forks and a few napkins, gingerly setting them on the table.
That is just the way Ed is. If he likes it, he likes it, and if he doesn't, he sure will let you know. It was as simple as that.
He was blunt but honest, and in a strange way, Ed was the most human person she knew. Tell him a joke and he will laugh. Hug him and he will blush. Cut him and he will bleed. He was human just like everyone else.
Winry had learned that the hard way. If you drop him, he will fall. If you forget to catch him, he will slip away.
"There you guys are!"
Ed laughed at his younger brother, "You found us Al!"
"Finally," he grumbled under his breath, "We've been sitting here for forever." Winry giggled.
Ed hopped down from his perch in the tree and looked at Winry expectantly. She hesitated. They had been pretty high up after all. What if she got hurt?
Ed extended his arms up to her, "Don't worry, I'll catch you." His offer was tempting.
Winry stubbornly shook her head, "No, I can do it by myself."
"Suite yourself then." He put his hands in his pockets and casually leaned against the tree, watching her nonetheless. Winry shot him a determined look and stuck out her tongue. Sucking in a deep breath of air, she pushed herself off the branch.
The thrill of air moving around her frightened Winry, but she was sure she would land safely. Her feet would eventually touch the ground, and everything would be okay.
Besides Ed was there, and he would never let her get hurt.
There was as soft knocking at the front door. Three quick rasps.
Winry stared at the brass handle a moment before standing up. 'Who could be calling at this hour?' Glancing out the window confirmed that it was already seven o'clock if not later. Storm clouds were rolling in, blotting out the last of the sun's light as it dipped beyond the horizon.
There were another set of knocks, louder this time.
Winry stared at the wooden frame for a little longer before slowly moving her feet over to it. It was as though she moved in slow motion, dread and expectation weighing her down.
"Don't be afraid Winry."
Another set of knocks, louder this time, echoed through the quiet house.
She touched the brass handle timidly. Although Winry did not know who would be on the other side, she was sure that she would be happy to see them.
Plastering on her best smile, Winry turned the handle and opened the door.
"I'll catch you."
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Thanks for reading my fic! I hope you liked it!