This started as a writing exercise to shake loose the darkness of my other story and because of that photo of HA in that Newsboy hat and tank top. You've seen it. Anyway, 10k words in and I'm not sure where this is going. If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Oh and I'm sorry about the Italian. I used Google Translator. Hopefully, it's not too bad. If anyone wants to edit the Italian for me, I'd be ever so grateful.

I guess this officially makes me cartinelli trash. I'm just going to embrace it.

Margaret "Peggy" Carter was many, many things, beautiful, stylish, proper things, and above all, English things but I never thought of her as stupid. If asked, I'd have said she was intelligent. Until now, that is. Peggy Carter was standing next to Dum Dum Dugan in the living room of Howard Stark's apartment that we now shared in the most ridiculous getup I've ever seen. She was wearing a newsboy cap, her hair spilling almost to her shoulders, an a-shape men's undershirt, men's trousers and boots.

"Whaddya think, Angie?" Dugan asked me. "We have to sneak into the Italian countryside for a mission. We thought we'd go as…what was it again Peggy?"

"Laborers, Dugan," Peggy sighed.

"Yeah, laborers. Whaddya think, Angie?"

Laborers? Yeah, right. The day a red-blooded Italian mistook those curves for a man would be the day pigs fly. This Italian certainly wasn't. The woman was trying to kill me. I mean, I'm not doll-dizzy or nothin' but that outfit only highlighted her attributes that I was tryin' like the dickens to ignore. I could have eaten her with a spoon.

I saw a revival of Morocco when I was in high school. It was playing at a movie theater at the edge of the neighborhood. I must have snuck in there a dozen times, hopin' nobody would see me. But I had to see Marlene Dietrich in that tux just one more time. And when she kissed that girl? I felt a fluttery sensation that I didn't know how to explain. So, I'm a sucker for beautiful women in men's clothing, evidently. Maybe ridiculous wasn't the right word. Delicious, that was a better word. I could just eat her up. And I meant that the way it sounded.

I had been trying to ignore my growning attraction to Peggy for months now with varying degrees of success. Who was I kidding? It was like gettin' hit by a train. Being near Peggy was like standing on the edge of the subway platform when the Express came through. Take a girl's feet right out from under her if she's not careful. I needed to get out of here if she was going to wear that outfit. It was doing things to me. Indecent things. Oh, how I wanted to do indecent things with Peggy. That outfit was one thing, but then she looked at me, smiled and slipped her tongue into her cheek between her teeth. Like she knew a secret. My secret. So my reaction was more obvious than I was hoping for. No wonder I can't get a callback at an audition. I can't pretend not to carry a torch for my roommate. I either needed to take a powder or face it head on.

To focus the attention back on her, and to get around to the issue or issues at hand, I said, "The way I see it, you have two major obstacles that will keep people from believing that you're working men," I glanced down at her chest and smirked.

"We were gonna put her hair up in tha cap," Dugan replied.

"Good Lord, Dugan, you ape. She's talking about my bosom!"

I broke out into a fit of giggles so severe that I snorted. Dugan looked back and forth between us his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish I had once. "Gah, Pegs, I never really noticed," he said.

That was it. I had to sit down on the sofa because I was laughing so hard. Peggy looked as if Dugan had slapped her across the face. "I'll have you know, I have an excellent bosom!" She exclaimed and they both turned beet red in two heartbeats.

I took pity on them, "Ya sure do, English. The argument could be made that they're even better than your legs, and that's saying something. But with 'em, I sure as hell don't think any Italian with eyes is going to mistake you for a man. So what's your plan?"

"I was going to wrap them in bandages," she said and I tilted my head to say that wasn't going to do it. "Obviously, I was going to wear some type of over-shirt and or jacket as well."

"I'm gonna…I gotta go and check with…I'll just…go," Dugan stammered out the front door. It locked behind him, one of the perks of living at Howard's, excellent security.

I watched him walk out the door and hoped that when I spoke to her next I wouldn't stammer like he just did. "You can't tell me where you're going or why can you?"

"I'm afraid not."

"You know, I speak Italian," I tried to reason with her.

"And you know I speak fluent Italian as well."

"Yes, English, you speak perfect Italian. Perfect book learned Italian. I speak Italian like my mother and my grandmother who learned in a little village outside of Palermo. I speak Italian like a local, like a working-class local. You speak it like a school teacher."

"Be that as it may…"

I stood so maybe she'd listen to my plea. "Peggy, you're my best friend. I know that the life you live means there are things you can't tell me, things I can't know. I know you think you're protecting me, or keeping an oath you made. You are so damn honorable sometimes it scares me. But this, this I could do. I'd do it for you in a heartbeat because you mean that much to me."

"Angie…" she stops, closes her eyes and swallows. When she opens them, I know I have a snowball's chance in hell of going. "For myriad reasons, you going is not what's best. Though I have no doubt there would be times where you'd be a most capable asset."

"English…" I turned away in frustration.

"I can't do what I need to do if I'm worried about you, darling."

My head whipped around so fast I hurt my neck. "What did you call me?"

"I called you 'darling'. I…I…didn't mean…"

"You didn't mean it that way. I get it, English. It's just how you talk. No problem." I waved my hand in dismissal. I didn't really know why I reacted like that. She'd called me 'darling' before but this time it was something about her tone. Damn, I hated getting my hopes up.

"That's not what I said."

My eyes snapped to hers and I just stared at her. I waited. And waited. "Well, what did you mean?" I prodded gently.

"I…I…"

"Spill it, English."

"I didn't mean to say it at all." She started rubbing her hands together and staring at her shoes. "That is to say, I didn't mean to blurt it out like that."

I reached out and gently stilled her hands. "It's like pullin' teeth with you." I rubbed my thumbs across the knuckles of the back of her hand.

She smiled a shy smile at me. "You know I used to be better at this."

"You expect me to take your word for that?"

"I suppose not."

"So start from the beginning then."

She took a deep breath, "Angie, I think…I mean I believe…that I…You see…I can't…"

"You're awful at this, English. Just plain awful." I smiled to take the sting out of my words. If she got any more adorable, I was going to kiss her senseless and I got the feeling that she didn't want it to go that way.

She let go of my hands abruptly and turned away from me moving her hand through her hair peeking out of the cap and tucking it behind her ear. "Oh, Bollocks! I'm making a right mess of this."

Now I took the deep breath. "Just go slow. Maybe that will help."

She turned back to me. "I doubt it." She gestured to the sofa. We both walked over and sat down, turned slightly to one another. "I've come to think very highly of you, Angie. You are quite possibly the best friend I've ever had. I think I'm closer to you than I've ever been to anyone in my life. That being said, I know that it's not enough for you."

"But it is, English. It is."

"It's not. It shouldn't be." She looked at me, and the look on her face was pleading even if her tone wasn't. "You should never settle, my darling. Never. You deserve so much more."

It was all I could do not to kiss her. "Margaret Carter, do not tell me what I deserve. If you don't want more than what we have, that's fine. I accept it, but don't lecture me about what I deserve. You are so much more than you think you are."

"I know my value," she replied seriously.

"Sure ya do," I snorted.

"Angie," she warned.

"Look, English, I know I've been pining for you like some sort of long lost puppy. I'm sorry. I've always been this way, but I can stop it where you're concerned. I can. If you don't feel that way, that's fine. I'll do whatever you want if you'll just not leave me. I can be whoever you want," I pleaded.

"That's just it. I don't want you to be anything else but who you are. I wish that you could accept who you are. You are beautiful, vivacious, intelligent, and the most caring person I've ever met. If it was anyone else, I'd make up some subterfuge about how I don't feel the same way or that I have someone else." She stopped and looked at me. I felt like I was drowning in those chocolate eyes. "But you, I can't do that with you. My work is dangerous. People around me have a habit of dying. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if my work touched you in even the most peripheral way, much less caused you harm."

"English, don't you see? It already affects me because it affects you. I worry about you. I will always worry about you. No matter what happens with us. And in case you haven't noticed, Agent Carter, your work is directly touching me right now! It's keeping me from being happy."

"But, Angie, be reasonable…"

I couldn't stand it a minute longer. "Basta!" I grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her for all I was worth. She resisted me just for show, because let's be honest, if Peggy Carter hadn't wanted me to kiss her, I wouldn't have. Her lips were softer than I had imagined them to be. I started a stream of what I'm sure was less than perfect Italian as I began to kiss down her neck. "tu sei il più testardo… ostinato… non si arriva a prendere tutte le decisioni ... capisci?"

"Sì caro. Qualunque cosa tu dica."

"Di nuovo."

"Si Mio caro. Qualunque cosa tu dica."

I stopped kissing her and looked her in the eye. "Meglio. Now, are we going to have any more of this nonsense about how you're bad for me?"

She looked down at me and smirked. "No. Not now that I know you can kiss like that," She said as she rested her hands on my hips.

"English!" I said, scandalized.

"I'm teasing you, my beautiful, impulsive angel," she said and smiled. Then a shadow crossed her face. "I'm serious about if my work hurts you, if I hurt you, I don't know what I'll do."

"Then don't hurt me," I said and she looked at me and sighed. "I know what I'm getting into, Peggy. I trust you though. But if something does happen to me," she started shaking her head and I took it between my hands. "If something happens to me, remember this moment. I'd rather be with you than without you. I'll take every precaution you tell me to, except for not having you in my life, just be honest with me. If you can't tell me something, just say so."

"Alright."

"Alright?" I asked and moved my hands to rest on her collarbones. Oh, the skin there was so warm, and soft.

"I have to admit that this approach has some obvious benefits." She arched her eyebrow at me and smiled that smile that I was realizing was just for me.

"Do you want to tell me about them?"

"I'll make you a deal. I'll tell you, if you tell me what you were thinking when you walked in here." She pursed her lips.

I laughed. 'Not a chance, English. I don't want to scare you away."

"I'm not all that easily scared."

"Huh, well around me, you spook real easy. It's why I haven't made a pass at you before now. I didn't want to send you running for the hills."

"I suppose I deserve that. You're right. I've done my best to hold you at arm's length. I promise you though, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."

"You made it look pretty easy, English," My eyes found the floor. I couldn't look into her eyes and be that vulnerable.

"My darling," she reached over and pulled my chin up with one siren red tipped finger. "I'll make you a promise now. You will never again have to wonder how I feel about you. I quite fancy you. As a matter of fact, I think I'm falling in love with you."

I couldn't have stopped the smile on my face if I'd wanted to. "Only think, English?"

"Well, I have been trying to talk myself out of it since I met you….I'm very persuasive." She smirked at me and leaned in for a kiss.

"Oh, really, just how…" I started but she cut me off with a searing kiss and pinned me against the arm of the sofa. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I should have known I wouldn't have the upper hand with Peggy Carter for long. She began to kiss my neck and I began to babble in Italian. I think it's because it was the first language I learned. The language that I always break into when my emotions run high. So if I'm…excited…Italian. It's always happened, but I'm usually able to contain it to my thoughts mostly, keep myself from running off at the mouth. Not with Peggy though, with Peggy I sound like I really am from that little village outside of Palermo. I wrap my arms around her upper back and I'm vaguely aware of, "Oh Dio…non si…fermano!" coming out of my mouth before Peggy pulls her head back, her lipstick smudged and her eyes are even darker than normal.

"Darling, I can't tell if you're saying 'Don't' and 'Stop' or if you're saying 'don't stop' but I need to know fairly quickly here because if I need to stop…"

"Shut up, English! Always with the talking." I pulled her so close, I could feel her breath across my lips as I spoke. "If I need you to stop, you'll get it in English, alright? And why the heck would I want you to stop while I'm pulling you closer to me? Are you sure you're a secret agent? Cause, you sure don't pick up on when a girl is throwing herself at you."

Her eyebrow arched. "Throwing herself at me? I'm fairly certain I would have picked up on that. Do tell."

I rolled my eyes. "Voglio assaggiarti," I murmured against her lips. I kissed her and kissed her. I pushed forward so that now she was underneath me on the sofa. I pulled back and said softly in her ear, "Ti voglio. Ti voglio così male che mi sta facendo impazzire."

"I'm all yours, my darling angel. All yours."

There was a knock at the front door. Peggy tilted her head back and sighed. "Bloody hell. That'll be Dugan. If I don't answer it, he'll just pick the lock."

"I thought Howard said it was 'impregnable' or something."

"My darling, no such thing." She turned to the door, "Just a moment, Dugan!" She kissed my head and started to get up. I made a noise of protest and she looked at me. She took my face in her hands again. "I have to go."

"I know."

"Angie, this is something that I want you to think about when I'm not in such close proximity to you. My duty will always come first. It's who I am." I start to say something and she touched her forefinger to my lips briefly. "Don't say anything now. I know what it is to wait for someone who's dedicated to 'the greater good'. In a word, it's shite. I know what I'm asking of you. If something happens to me, I…I don't want you to feel like that," she finished, looking directly into my eyes.

"Okay, English. I'll think about it.

"Promise me."

I faltered. She looked at me again. I rubbed my hand down my neck. "Okay, I promise."

"Good," she smiled and stood up.

"So. What are ya gonna do about your two obstacles?" I grinned.

"Bind them I suppose."

"Need any help?" I wiggled my eyebrows.

She laughed. "You and I both know if I take my shirt off in front of you now, neither of us is leaving this room for a very, very long time."

"English, you sure know how to get under a girl's skin. In my book, when a dame talks to you that way, she doesn't go traipsing halfway across the world right after."

"It's good to know that I'm shattering your expectations," She grinned. Then seemed to think about it more. She narrowed her eyes and said, "Exactly how many 'dames' have talked to you that way?"

I laughed. Not as hard as I was laughing on the sofa earlier but I laughed. "You're jealous!"

"I am no such thing."

"Don't feed me that line. I wasn't born yesterday. Admit it, English or I go and tell Dugan you love his singing."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Try me."

"Fine. I…am…not fond…of the idea that…"

"Ease up, English. Don't pull nothin'. You're lucky you're such a dreamboat. I'm gonna let you off the hook this time."

She smiled at me, "I am grateful. Now, I'm going to go to my bedroom and take care of my 'obstacles' as you insist on calling them. Please let Dugan in and don't tease him." She turned and began walking toward her bedroom.

"Aww, can't a girl have any fun?"

"Evidently not."

"English?"

"Yes," she said as she turned back to me.

"You be real careful now. Ya hear me?"

She smiled back at me, "I promise, darling, as careful as I can be."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Of course Peggy wasn't careful. She came back with more holes in her than a block of swiss cheese. Dugan told me that they had to stop off at a hospital in France but that when she was conscious she asked to be brought home as soon as possible. Apparently, there were some questions about how a woman could get shot that many times without being involved in…what did Dugan say Peggy said? Something 'nefarious'. I had to look it up.

Howard paid for a doctor to fly with them back to watch her. Dugan said the turbulence musta shook something loose a couple of times because the medical team would start shouting and pressing on Peggy again every so often. By the time they got her to a super-secret spy agency approved hospital she'd been unconscious for almost 24 hours. She'd stay that way for the next week. I knew because I sat next to her bedside. Well, she was unconscious but still she'd make noises like she was trying to talk. Around day two I figured out what she was trying to say…Steve. I should have figured as much. I was going to have to get used to living in the big guy's shadow. Know that I wasn't who she really wanted if she'd have had the choice. I swallowed my pride and talked to her and wiped sweat off her brow.

"English, it's me Angie. We're all here and we miss you. Just…rest for now. Everything is okay. Everything is going to be okay."

The first day she woke up I was so excited to see her eyes I could've done a jitterbug in the middle of that hospital ward. I tried not to see the disappointment in her eyes. Told myself that she was just tired, but it was there. I could live with it. I could. I would.

"English, so glad you could join us," I said and smiled at her as I cupped her cheek gently.

"Angie, what are you doing here?"

"Keeping you company."

"Where am I?"

"It's a hospital on 64th." I pulled my hand back from her face and rested both in my lap. Hopefully, she wouldn't notice the shaking.

"I'm back home?"

"Yeah."

"I don't remember."

"Can you tell me the last thing you do remember?"

"Probably shouldn't."

I sighed. "Do you remember the hospital in France and asking Dugan to take you home?"

"Vaguely."

"Well, that's what happened."

"What day is it?"

"Tuesday."

"How is that…"

"The 14th. You've been out of it for a week now, English. Layin' down on the job. They're talking about dockin' your pay." I smiled.

She smiled back at me. "Can't have that now. Can we? What about you? How long have you been here?"

"A while," I dodged.

"What about your pay? I assume the good customers at the L&L haven't begun to serve themselves coffee." She tried to sit up.

"Not so fast. Lemme get one of those doctor types. Tell ya what you can and can't do. There's a list of can'ts a mile long."

"I see." She stopped moving but picked up where she left off. "Now about your job."

"Nora offered to take a few of my shifts. Barb took the rest. It's fine, English." I stood up and walked out of the room before she could say any more.

XXXXXXXX

Once Peggy was conscious it was harder to stay at her bedside. She kept after me until I started taking my regular shifts at the automat. I was there trying my hardest not to think about Peggy when some guy at the counter kept staring and staring at me.

"Take a picture fella. It'll last longer."

He laughed. "That's great! That's just what we need."

"Who's we?"

He took a card out of his pocket. "Raymond Morris. I'm a talent scout for Paramount. We're casting a new picture with Alan Ladd and we need an ingénue to play a waitress."

"Look fella, maybe this works where you come from."

"Just take the card. Go over there to the pay phone. Reverse the charges and tell the operator to connect you to the Paramount switchboard. When they ask who from, give them my name. When they accept, and they will, ask to speak to the head of talent scouting and then ask him about me."

I walked over the phone booth. This couldn't be real. I did it. I did it all and the man on the phone said, "Tell that so-n-so to get on the phone."

"He's really a talent scout for Paramount?" I still couldn't believe it.

"He sure is, honey, and if he's got you on the phone he thinks you're something special. So tell him to get on the phone."

I held the phone out to the man and watched the exchange. "Yeah, yeah. She's perfect. For the Alan Ladd picture. Yeah. Then maybe we can do something like a career girl thing. You know like Tierney in Laura. Yeah. I'm gonna send her out on the train tonight."

Tonight? Whoa. Hold on a minute. I can't leave. What about Peggy?

He hung up and looked at me. "Sweetheart, what's your name"

"Angie…Angela Martinelli."

"Okay Angie. We can keep Angie but Martinelli is too Italian. We'll change it to Martin. Got it?"

"Uhh…"

He continued on completely ignoring me. "Here's a ticket on the train at 8 tonight. I'll go and get another for me. You'll have your own compartment. Don't worry about too many clothes or whatever because the studio will want to outfit you when you get there. We'll do a screen test and if you pass, they'll sign you to a contract and set you up an apartment, wardrobe, the works."

I couldn't say anything. I was speechless.

"Angie?"

I shook my head a little, "Yeah?"

"You gonna take the ticket?" He held out his hand with the ticket again.

"Yeah."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I couldn't get out of the automat fast enough. I had to go and talk to Peggy. Tell her how crazy this was. I realized that I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave her. But I'd have other chances and if I didn't, I'd live with it. Angie Martinelli doesn't run and desert the people she loves, not when they need her the most.

I walked down the hospital corridor and was at her door when I heard her voice. "I just don't know what to say to her, Howard."

"C'mon, Pegs. It can't be that hard. She loves you."

"I know, but I have no idea how to be with her."

"She's not Steve, Pegs."

"I know that. Don't you think I know that?" She said sharply.

"Give her a chance."

"I'm trying. I don't know if I want to be with her."

I walked as quickly and as silently as I could back the way I had come. I guess I had my answer. I flew into the penthouse and started throwing things in my suitcase. I cried as I wrote a hasty note to Peggy:

English,

I just got discovered! I have to leave tonight or I'll miss my chance. I'm taking this as a sign. I think we both know that it's just not going to work out between us. I wish only good things for you.

All my love,

Angie

My clean getaway was interrupted by Mr. Fancy. "Miss Martinelli, pardon me. I thought you'd be at the hospital visiting Miss Carter."

I wiped my eyes as nonchalantly as I could and put on my best smile. "Mr. Jarvis! I got discovered! Can you believe it?"

"Pardon?"

"I have to go to Hollywood. Tonight. Could you give this to, English? Other English I mean."

"Of course. You're not going to tell her yourself?"

"Can't. Don't have time. Thanks!"

"Miss Martinelli, my sincerest congratulations." He looked like he wanted to say something more but the good butler in him won out.

"Thanks! Mr. Jarvis?"

"Take good care of Peggy. Okay?"

"Of course, Miss Martinelli."

"Thank you." I fled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The train ride out west was easily the most luxurious thing I'd ever experienced with the minor exception of Howard Stark's penthouse. The studio brought me in, screen tested me and signed me to an exclusive contract. They put me up in a swanky house that had almost as much room as the penthouse I was trying so hard not to think about, but it was all mine so there was that. I did the picture they brought me out there for right away. It was a small part but it was something to sink my teeth into. It was a waitress who falls in love with a mysterious secret agent and helps him get away from some thugs. I got to make out with Alan Ladd in an alleyway then he gets shot and I got to mourn him as he calls out another woman's name as he dies. The director said I was born to play the part. He had no idea.

I got elocution lessons so I could lose my New York accent. They dressed me, danced me, sprayed and spritzed me. By the time they were finished I didn't even know who I was anymore. They changed my name to Gloria Martin. I didn't even get to keep Angie. It's what I always wanted right? I resolutely, that's a new word I learned in my elocution class, refused to think about Peggy. Much. Okay I was lousy at it. I wondered how she was. If she was recovering okay. If she was letting Mr. Fancy take care of her. I subscribed to all the New York papers and looked for any mentions of odd and unusual things. Sometimes I thought I found something. Like there was a gas explosion off 124th. No one was hurt because a woman had run out of the building yelling, "Get back straightaway! Get back!" If that wasn't Peggy Carter then I'm not Angie Martinelli…well you know what I mean.

Being queer in Hollywood wasn't so bad. There were a lot of us here. You still had to be real careful but not as careful as when all the mothers in the neighborhood knew who you were. You looked for the signs. Everyone was fixed up with a beau by the studio. I lucked out that mine was queerer than me, Edward 'Ned' Jackson. He was a sweet fella though and luckily we looked cute together. He's the one that invited me to my first party. I got to meet Dietrich. I couldn't talk I was so nervous. I heard that Hedy Lamarr once said, "Any girl can be glamourous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." Truer words were never spoken. The less I talked, the more they wanted me. All of them. Men. Women. Some that weren't sure. Dietrich was fantastic in bed. But all I did was think about Peggy. Shame that. I'm sure though that between Dietrich's German and my Italian we sounded like a meeting of the Axis powers. It was best that we parted ways. She didn't seem too broken up about it either.

Things were going great. They dyed my hair red for my next picture. They were loaning me out to MGM. I was supposed to be Lucille Ball's kid sister in it, or maybe even to be a suspect in the new Thin Man sequel. Then they were talking about letting me be a new love interest for Tyrone Power if they could work something out with 20th Century. Like I said, great. That is, until a girl from one of the secret parties turned up dead. Strangled. A girl I had slept with about two months ago. I was terrified it was all going to unravel and then where would I be. Fortunately, I wasn't at the party in question. Everyone there was going to be blackballed. Well, except Dietrich. I don't know what she knew, or who she knew it on, but she was bulletproof.

When my doorbell rang almost a year after I'd left New York the last person I expected to see there was Peggy Carter. She was taking off her sunglasses and speaking simultaneously, "Miss Martin, my name is Janet…" I saw the moment she realized who I was. I saw her eyes fire briefly and then it was gone. "Harmon. We'd like to ask you some questions about Betty Baker." Peggy Carter could give acting lessons like a champ. The fact that she didn't know it was me told me all I needed to know. She never looked for me. If she'd wanted to, she could have found out. She had no idea that Gloria Martin was me. I took in the man with a crutch by her side. He looked familiar. He was one of the men that were trying to arrest Peggy at the Griffith long ago.

"Who would like to ask me questions? You didn't say who you were with. They always do that in the movies." I smirked at her. Gosh, that was a good line. I was proud of myself.

"No we didn't, Miss Martin," she responded pointedly.

I turned to the man, "What about you? You want to tell me who you're with?" He looked at Peggy for permission. "I guess not. Come on in then. Let's get this over with." I tried to remember those etiquette lessons the studio paid for. "Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee?" I looked at Peggy, "Tea?"

"No thank you, Miss Martin. I wouldn't want you to have to serve us. I'm sure you're unaccustomed to that."

Well that was snarky. I smiled my fakest smile, "It's no trouble. I assure you."

"We're fine thanks," she smiled, not the smile that used to be for only me, but a fake one.

"Please have a seat." I gestured to the sofa. I sat down in what the decorator had called my 'throne.' He said when anyone was over, I had to sit there and if that seat was taken I needed to stand. It was some fancy chair made for some Louie king or another they said. I had my doubts. Peggy eyed the sofa like it was going to attack her. It took me half a second to wonder why and then I remembered the last time Peggy and I were in a room with a sofa. My heart started beating in my throat. Non ora. Non riesco a pensarci ora.

"So what can you tell us about Betty?" The man asked.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get your name."

"It's Da…David Philips."

I remembered it was something with tubas. Philips…Sousa. His name was Sousa. I played along. He didn't seem to remember me at all. "Nice to meet you, Officer? Philips."

"Just call me David, ma'am." He tried to smile kindly at me.

"Fine then. Betty was a sweet girl. I'm not sure exactly what you want to know. I didn't know her all that well."

"Where did you meet her?" Peggy asked holding a small notebook and pencil like all the detectives in the movies did.

"At a party." They always said keep your answers short. Who 'they' were I wasn't sure.

"What was the nature of your relationship?" She asked. I cut my eyes at Sousa.

"David, would you go and check in with the office? I'm expecting an update from them."

He nodded his head and rose off the sofa. "Miss Martin, nice to meet you. I've seen you in some newsreels and of course in the Alan Ladd movie. May I say, you're even prettier in person?"

"Thank you, David," I said as I started to get up out of my seat.

"No, please. I can see myself out. Janet, I'm going to run to that pharmacy and soda shop on the corner. You want the usual?"

"Yes. Thank you."

I wondered briefly if it was the same usual as it was at the automat. I had to bite my tongue to keep from asking what kind of pie he was going to get her. As soon as he closed the door, the silence which had been uncomfortable, got almost unbearable. I waited. I wasn't going to break the silence. I wasn't.

I broke the silence. "I didn't expect to see you at my door."

"Nor I you, on the other side of it. You look well."

"As do you. I'm glad to see you've recovered." This was like some horrible stilted dialogue in a B movie. Gosh, she looked good. She looked better than I remembered.

"Yes. I did." She left the 'without you' unsaid but I heard it plain as day.

"So you wanted to know about Betty. What do you need to know exactly?"

"I'm trying to figure out who killed her and why. I need to know everything about her for now. I don't know what's relevant and what's not."

"Well, Betty was a sweet girl. I met her at a party. We saw each other a few times socially, and once not…socially." I felt my face flush. I wanted to crawl under this expensive chair and die.

"Did you know she was a call girl?"

"What?!"

"Evidently not."

"I swear, Peggy…I mean…"

"Peggy's fine." She finally smiled at me. It was a bit sad and wistful but it was a smile.

"Why the fake names?"

"I can't tell you."

"Of course not."

"I am sorry if that helps."

"Me too." I looked at her just a moment too long and everything that I had tried to bury over the last year came flooding back into my heart and I was only just able to stop it before it leaked out of my eyes. I took a steadying breath and asked, "So, what do you want to know about Betty?"

"I need to know who killed her. So I need to know who had reason to do so. What do you know about her?"

"Not much, like I said. Betty was a sweet kid. She was from Kansas or something. I met her at a…secret party," I said shyly.

"Secret how?"

"It's for people like me. Queers or gays or whatever you want to call us."

"And Betty was…"

"Gay? Yeah, I think so. Or she coulda swung both ways. I'm not sure about that."

"And you know this…definitively?"

I looked her right in the eye even though it felt like her gaze was going to cut me in half, "Yes."

She closed her eyes and nodded. "Right. So then, if she knew about people's proclivities and talked?"

"It would ruin whoever she blabbed about. So yeah, that could be a motive," I said. Peggy looked impressed. "I might be up for a part in the new Thin Man. I've been practicing."

"I see. So who all would have possibly had motive besides yourself?"

"You think I…"

"Of course not. I'd like to think I have at least some inkling of who you are. Though you have surprised me in the past," she said and looked more shocked at herself saying it than I did.

And there it was. "Peggy…I…"

"It's water under the bridge. Think nothing of it." She looked down into her notebook.

I decided to move the conversation forward. "Well, anyone at any of those parties. Not everyone that's there is queer but they at least don't mind it. If that got out, they'd be blackballed. Well, except Dietrich. The rules don't seem to apply to her."

"Marlene Dietrich?"

"Yeah."

"Who else?"

"I'm not naming names, Peggy."

She sighed. "Fine. What if I came to one of these parties? I haven't interviewed anyone but you yet. No one knows me."

"They're invitation only."

"Can you get me an invitation?"

"That's not how these things work." I could tell she was getting frustrated with me. "I hear Howard is in town."

"What does that have to do…"

"Is he in town?"

"Yes, but I don't see what that has to do with…"

"Would he mind escorting you to a party?"

"What are you talking about?"

"To get an invite to the secret party you have to have been at another party first. The Rathbones are throwing a party tomorrow night. You and Howard can come as my guests. I'll call Ouida and let her know. I'm sure she won't mind. They throw the most fabulous parties. It's the best way to get introduced to Hollywood society."

"You know Basil Rathbone?"

"His wife took a shine to me. Not sure why. But it'll be Howard that they'll be excited about. Howard will be your ticket. Then once folks have seen you on Howard's arm, we can work on getting you invited to the other kind of party."

"And whose arm will I be on then?"

"Mine of course."

XXXXXXXXXX

I had called the studio and asked them to do me a favor. Howard Stark had a lady friend he wanted to impress and could they please outfit her for a party at the Rathbones? The studio jumped at the chance to have me photographed with the famous, wealthy and handsome Howard Stark. Ned would have to go of course because the public believed we were minutes away from getting engaged. As predicted, Ouida was more than happy to accommodate two more. She really was great. I almost hated the deception.

I was still getting ready when the studio had a driver drop a tuxedoed Ned off at my house. As was our routine, he fixed himself a drink while I put on the finishing touches. I was just putting my earrings on when the doorbell rang again and I asked Ned if he could answer it. I was expecting Howard. Howard could wait. What I got was a confused Peggy who looked at a very confused Ned.

Ned called out to me, "Angie, darling. Your guests are here."

"I'm almost done, snookums," I said sarcastically, walking into the living room attaching the back of my earring. I looked up and that express train that I had been avoiding hit me square in the chest. There was Peggy Carter in all her glory. She was in a strapless red evening gown that matched her lips. The next time I saw Max Factor, I was going to punch him in the face for creating that lipstick. Her beautiful alabaster skin was there on display. She was wearing a diamond and ruby necklace that Harry Winston would have given his eye teeth for. Her hair was styled more elegantly than I'd ever seen it. Her hands were encased in long red gloves. I was speechless. Utterly incapable of thought.

She was staring at me and I was staring at her. I was wearing a blue gown that my dresser made me get because she said it brought out my eyes. It was a pale greenish blue and had layers of chiffon. The neckline was a bit more daring than I normally chose but I hadn't seen Peggy in almost a year and I wanted her to look. She was looking.

"Darling, you want to introduce me to your friend?" Ned asked reminding me that Peggy and I were not alone in the room.

I couldn't remember what name she was using. Did she tell me? I was sunk. Peggy looked at Ned with narrowed eyes and I wasn't sure why. Surely, she didn't think that I…that we…she couldn't be jealous…after all this time. That was ridiculous but I couldn't very well tell Peggy the truth about Ned without exposing him so I kept quiet. Oh yeah, I need to introduce them…dagnabit! What was her name?

"Uh…Edward Jackson, this is…" I gestured helplessly toward Peggy.

"Elizabeth Carver," Peggy supplied extending her hand to Ned. Betty Carver. Just like the Captain America Show. I was never going to escape him. Well, that was like having a bucket of ice water thrown over my head.

"Pleased to meet you Elizabeth. Please call me Ned," Ned said as he kissed her hand. Kissed her hand! The son of a bitch barely remembered to open doors for me.

"Ned, and you must call me Liz. Simply everyone does," She said in an American accent, I finally noticed. It was all I could do not to roll my eyes.

"I presume Howard is in the car waiting?" I managed to say without sounding too petulant I hoped.

"Yes. He's such a dear," Peggy said and batted her eyelashes at Ned, "but I bet you're even sweeter." He blushed goddamn him.

"I can't imagine anyone being anything less to you, Miss Carver."

"Liz."

"Liz," he blushed again.

"Uh…let's get on the good foot, huh? I sort of invited us to this little soiree so let's try to be on time. Okay?"

"Whatever you say, darling," Ned responded and managed to sound very much like a put out boyfriend. Maybe I'd sock him in the kisser instead of Max.

The evening had progressed fairly uneventfully until the dancing started. Ned asked me to dance and when his hand slid down my back to help move me toward the dance floor I heard Howard say, "Liz, hon, your fork," in a weird voice. I turned and saw Peggy gripping her fork like her life depended on it. Ned and I took a few turns on the dance floor until Howard cut in.

We danced companionably for a while until he spoke, "I don't get you."

"Sorry?"

"You. I don't get you. She was crazy about you and you left her. Left her when she was in the hospital."

I stared at him. Hard. "I heard her. She asked for Steve for a week while she was unconscious. Then when she was awake, I heard her tell you she didn't know if she wanted to be with me. I saved her a difficult conversation. Don't imagine that you know me. She's the one that wanted this."

"Then you're a fool," he said and I, hot-blooded Italian temper and all, slapped him.

"I…I…I'm sorry, Howard," I stammered. I saw Peggy almost stand up from the table.

He just smiled back at me and extended his arm to escort me back to our seats. "Not the first time I've been slapped. Won't be the last time either. You should talk to her though. Especially before she stabs me or your date with her fork." He winked at me and I laughed.

"I am sorry," I said contritely.

"Don't worry about it. Just keep the evening stabbing free. K?"

"I'll do my damnedest."

"That's all a guy can ask for," he said as we got to the table. "Ned, how about we go and get the ladies something to drink?"

Ned turned to me, hope alight on his face that the rich and powerful Howard Stark might just 'swing that way.' I shook my head slightly at him and he looked momentarily crestfallen but recovered nicely. "Love to. Maybe we can find some cigars around here as well," he said and stood up to follow Howard to the bar.

She looked at me still, unconsciously, clutching her fork. "What did Howard do?"

"You wanna let go of the cutlery there, Miss Carver? You look a little dangerous." I looked down at her hand.

She followed my gaze and let go of the fork and put her hands in her lap and began smoothing her dress. She didn't look up when she asked again, "What did Howard do?"

I waited her out. I waited until those beautiful brown eyes were looking into my own and I said, "It was a misunderstanding. He was just being a good friend to you. Don't jump on him or nothin'. I'm sorry. Don't berate him." At her arched eyebrow I responded, "Elocution lessons."

She did that thing where she looked like she was trying to read the underside of her eyebrows and then I saw the beginnings of a smile tug at her mouth. She smiled at me then and I coulda run up Mullholland Drive without getting winded. "A fine addition to your vocabulary. What did Howard say then?"

I couldn't answer her without bawling like a baby. How do you say, 'he was mad I left you but I left you because you're still not over a dead man' without bawling like a baby? "Let's not talk about that now. Tell me about Elizabeth Carver."

She struggled a bit but then fell into her role. "She's a not very well known socialite from the east coast. She is a bit vapid and is using Howard for his money and his connections. She's a bit of a party girl."

"Alright. That we can work with. I wish you'd kept the accent though. It would have made it ten times easier."

"I was not about to be an English Betty Carver."

"Why choose it at all then?"

"Believe it or not, she's a real person in the 400."

"The upper social society of New York? Is she really?"

"Yes, and living in Manhattan. She's unmarried though and hasn't been seen at the latest parties so the New York office thought she'd be a good bet. They have her apartment under surveillance just for good measure. Make sure she doesn't go on any trips out west."

I got distracted because I saw a way into a party. "Ooh! You see that woman over there? In the boxy dress?"

"The one with the short wavy hair?"

"Go over there and bump into her, make your polite excuses and then make your way back here to me."

"Anything else?"

"That should do it."

"Alright."

She made her way around the room and expertly picked up a not too full plate of hors d'oeuvres and proceeded to back into the wife of one of the most powerful producers in Hollywood. Edith was just as taken with Peggy as I knew she would be. Peggy walked slowly back to our table. I watched Edith watch her walk away. She did it discreetly but I'd stared at Peggy's backside enough to appreciate a well done job of covert admiration. As expected, Edith approached me as I made my way to the ladies room a few minutes later.

"Gloria, dear, who is that divine creature at your table?"

"That's Elizabeth Carver. She came with Howard Stark.

"Is she…"she asked and I winked in response.

"Well, I know now is not the best time, but I'm having a small get together at the house day after tomorrow. You should bring your friend if she can be trusted."

"She can. I'm sure she'll have a blast."

"I look forward to it."

"Me too," and then we did that weird air kiss cheek thing that I hated. I made my way from the restroom to find that the fellas had rejoined us. I could tell that Ned was tipsy because he was taking turns staring from Peggy to Howard. It looked like he was watching a tennis match only he could see.

"Ned, sweetie, it's time to get you home."

"Aww, Glory."

"Don't 'aww, Glory' me. You have a 5am call time tomorrow. You told me not to let you stay out too late," I said and he pouted like a child. I turned to Howard, "Howard, if I send the car back…"

"We're done for the night," Peggy interjected. "We can drive you home. Can't we, Howie?"

"Right you are, Liz. Right you are," Howard answered immediately.

We drove Ned home first. I practically rolled him out of the car and into his house. I hoped he made it to bed okay. Then Howard, Peggy, and Howard's driver, not Mr. Fancy I noticed, dropped me off at my house. Peggy got out and walked me to the door in a not all that comfortable silence. As we reached it, I turned to her finally and said, "English, you did it. We have a date day after tomorrow." Then it hit me what I had said. "I mean…"

She reached out and held my hands. "It's fine, Angie. I know what you mean. How should I dress?"

"It'll be more casual than this but not by much. No one wants their makeup teams knowing but a lot of them are there anyway so I don't know why it matters. Think ladies bridge night."

"I have no idea what that means."

"Dress. Not a skirt and a blouse. Not floor length. Cocktail dress and the like. You could do pants but that's kinda Hepburn's thing."

"I see. Speaking of dresses, this one suits you. Brings out your eyes." She swung my hands softly gesturing to my dress.

"Please, English, nobody even looked at me tonight. Not with you and that dress and those lips."

"I did," and with that she squeezed my hands one last time and let go. She turned to leave. I thought she was going to say something more but she didn't. I put my keys in the front door, opened it and turned to watch them drive off into the night. Damn you Peggy Carter. One night and I was back to where I started.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Peggy picked me up two nights later wearing a black cocktail dress with a scoop neck and cap sleeves. Her shoulders were bare again which was doing nothing for my composure. I was wearing something that covered a bit more. It was a satin deep navy blue cocktail dress that had long sleeves and was tailored almost like a tuxedo jacket. It had a sheer front that made it look like I was wearing nothing underneath. I saw Peggy's eyes widen briefly when she got a load of me. That was worth the effort of getting into this getup.

"English, you look nice," I managed to say.

"You too."

"You nervous?"

"A bit."

"Don't be. I'll be right there the whole time." I smiled at her. Gosh, it was so good to see her. Even this way. Even if she wasn't really mine. But she was going to go to this party like she was. I needed to prepare her for that. "English, you ever been to one of these parties?"

"A Hollywood socialite party for the gay elite? No."

"You know what I mean."

"Well, I did go to an all-girls school, Angie. I didn't live under a rock."

"Okay, but these are some of the most beautiful women in the world and they never get to use their…wiles, I guess, on other women so they're gonna be real forward with ya, English. Real forward. It's like they've turned the radio up on who they are. They're sort of amplified, maybe is the right way to explain it."

"I see." Then she smiled at me, that smile that was almost the one for me but not quite. "But you'll protect me from the wolves won't you?"

"I'll do my best, but Peggy, to convince them, we might have to…show some…affection toward each other. You gonna be okay with that?"

She seemed to consider for a moment and then said, "I believe so. Shall we?" She said as she extended her arm to me. I took it and we went to her waiting car.

I drove because I knew where we were going. Peggy sat in the car in silence. It was a thirty minute ride over there. The house was secluded, far away from the prying eyes of the press. She didn't say a word for over twenty minutes. I know. I timed it. We used to have dinner together almost every night when we were living in Howard's place. It never felt like this.

"Peggy, you okay?"

She seemed to come out of a daze then and looked over at me. "I'm fine."

I didn't believe her and I told her so. "You're not."

"It's nothing, Angie. I'm fine. I'll be fine tonight."

I decided to let the subject drop. My etiquette lessons said it was the proper thing to do. My Italian upbringing had me wanting to pick at the scab some more and get to the bottom of it. Etiquette won out because after this I'm sure Peggy would go back to her life wherever that was and not give me a second thought. I didn't need more reasons to love the woman I was doing such a lousy job forgetting about.

We made it into the party without too much fanfare but as I predicted the buzzards were circling. Peggy was like a water buffalo trapped in a swamp to them. They were just waiting for me, the swamp, to leave her alone long enough for them to make their move. It was Dietrich who broke the stalemate.

"Gloria, who is this on your arm?"

"This is Elizabeth Carver. Liz, this is Dietrich," I say trying not to snarl. How dare she come over here and hit on my girl. Not my girl but she doesn't know that. Damn.

"No one calls you Marlene?" Peggy asks all flirty.

"No one that I'll answer to. For you, I might make an exception though," she said and winked.

"I take it that you're unescorted tonight then?" I ask, breaking up the flirtation.

"I am. You never know when the interesting people will arrive. I'll see you ladies later," She said and sashayed away.

We ended up in a conversation group with Dietrich again a little later in the evening. She was well into her own private bottle when she asked Peggy, "Have you heard Gloria speak Italian yet? She has the most charming accent. Between her Italian and my German, we had a bit of a language barrier but I think we managed quite well."

I proceeded to choke on my drink and blush furiously along with another starlet standing near us that I'd managed to sleep with on my 'I need to forget Peggy Carter' tour of Hollywood bedrooms.

Peggy responded, "Sì ho, e sì che fa." Then she changed to German. "Aber das ist die einzige Zeit, die Sie erhalten , um mein Deutsch zu hören," and walked away. Dietrich barked in laughter and I scurried after Peggy.

I found her in an obscenely large guest bath. Pacing. I closed the door. "Uh…Liz? You okay?"

"I am not."

"Okay. Well…"

"Exactly, how many of your former paramours and peccadilloes am I going to be confronted with this evening?"

"Uh…"

"I assume the little star-struck blonde that also choked on her drink is one, and that German force of nature in there. Who else?"

"Here tonight?"

"No. Let's revisit your days in New York too." She was pacing like she was walking a sentry line. Looking at me only when she was facing me but not really seeing me.

"I'm not doing this here. We're leaving."

Her head snapped up and she stared at me, "What?"

"I said, we're leaving. C'mon. It's a sure invite to the next one. Let's go," I said taking her arm a little more forcefully than necessary.

I made our apologies. Peggy stoic and silent through it all. We drove to my house in stony silence. I parked the car in front of my house and finally spoke to her again. "Get out. You're coming inside and we're going to talk about this." She sat where she was. "Peggy Carter, you at least owe me the courtesy of coming into my house so we can do this in private!" That seemed to snap her out of it.

We walked into the house, I poured us both a tumbler of bourbon on the rocks and I sat down, not on my 'throne,' but the sofa. Peggy sat down opposite me. "You want to tell me what that was about back there?" I asked.

"No," she answered, not looking up from her drink.

"Too bad," I said and she looked up to glare at me. I took a deep breath and started. "Did Howard talk to you?"

"No. He said I had to ask you. Wanker."

I laughed. "Sounds like Howard. English, what do you remember about being in the hospital when you came back from Italy?"

"I remember you left me well enough," she snapped.

"Before that. What were you thinking about?"

"Angie, I was comatose for days. I'm sure I don't know."

"I'll tell you. You called for Steve for a solid week. That was the only word out of your mouth, 'Steve.' I sat there by your bedside and wiped the sweat off your brow and told myself I could live with it. I mean you were in love with Captain America. Anyone, anyone would be second best. I loved you enough for both of us. That's what I told myself anyway."

"Angie…"

"No don't. If I don't get this out now, I never will. Then this guy came into the diner. He was a talent scout. Said I'd be perfect in the new Alan Ladd movie. I took his card and the train ticket just to prove to you that it had actually happened. I wasn't going to go, honest. But when I went to the hospital to tell you, I heard you talking to Howard." I had to look down at my drink to continue, "I heard Howard say that I wasn't Steve and then I heard you say 'I don't know if I want to be with her' and I felt like somebody ripped out my heart.

"I couldn't have you stay with me out of what? Obligation? I couldn't. So I took my ticket and my chance at what I always thought I wanted my dream to be, and tried my damnedest to get over you. So yeah, I slept with Dietrich, who I've had a crush on since I saw Morocco in High School, but I thought about you the whole time. Every time some woman has touched me even if I didn't want to, I imagined it was you.

"You've ruined me Peggy Carter. I can't have you, and you're all I've ever wanted. So what if I have, what did you call them? Paramours and peccadilloes? So what. I'm just tryin' to get through the day without going crazy."

I finally look at her then and continue, "And then you march back into my life without a so much as a 'by your leave' and I knew by the look on your face the first time you saw me that you've never looked for me. You had no idea who Gloria Martin was when you rang that doorbell. You couldn't've cared less about where I was and what I was doing."

"That's not true."

I continued on, "And then you stand there tonight judging me…"

"I said," she voiced more strongly, "that's not true."

"What's not true?"

"You destroyed me, Angie. I thought I knew what heartache was when I lost Steve, but his death…I could rationalize that. He didn't want to do it. But all I knew was that you left me. You left me because Hollywood called, because of my job, my duty, who I was deep down, because 'we just wouldn't work out.' Why, why didn't you talk to me about what you thought you heard?

"Because…I didn't want you to lie to me, or more importantly, yourself."

She got down on her knees in front of me on the sofa then and took my hands out of my lap, "Beautiful angel, that trip to Italy scared me. I didn't want to do to you what Steve had done to me. He was a much better person than I am and I know he tried his best but he failed. He failed and he was a super-soldier. So how could I fare better? I didn't want to put you through that pain. That conversation you overheard with Howard was about Howard telling me not to wait. Not to put off being with you. You and I were not Steve and me. There was no war. There was no reason to wait he was saying. The part of the conversation you missed was, 'I don't know if I want to be with her if I could hurt her like that. She deserves so much better.'"

"English," I said tears rolling down my face.

"I had decided then to limit my field work. That night when Jarvis brought your letter, they…well they had to sedate me to keep me from leaving."

"Oh, Peggy."

"But after, I thought that you had just done what I asked you to do. That you had decided that you couldn't be with me. So I was going to honor your wish. I wouldn't look for you no matter how tempting it would prove to be in the coming months.

"When I first saw you, I wanted to be angry at you but I was just so happy to see you after all this time. I even had Sousa find me a copy of that damn Alan Ladd movie so that I could watch it at Howard's."

I smiled finally. "Did you like it?"

"Bit of a far-fetched plot don't you think? Waitress who falls in love with a secret agent."

"Ah, but the important part is that the secret agent isn't in love with the waitress. He's still in love with someone else."

She looked into my eyes then and cupped my cheek, "This one's not. I'm still in love with you Angie Martinelli. Still, after all this time. I never stopped."

"Eng…lish," I said brokenly and pulled her up onto the sofa and into a kiss. We were both crying too hard for the kiss to be very passionate but it was the sweetest kiss I'd ever shared with anyone. I pulled back and said, "Do you mean it, English?"

"Every word."

"I don't want you to settle."

She made a face. "Settle for what? Not Steve?"

I nodded in response and said, "I'm not asking you not to love him, English. I don't want that. I'm not asking you that. I just don't want to fall short. I don't want you to be disappointed that I'm not him."

"Oh, my beautiful angel, I could never be that. You're two very different people. You healed my heart, darling. My broken, battered heart. You put the pieces back together so that I could love again. How could you ever think that you wouldn't be enough? I'll always love Steve. He will always have a place there, but my heart belongs to you now. I told you as much the day I left for Italy."

"I would have remembered that, English."

"I believe that I told you I was all yours."

"Prove it."

"Be careful what you wish for," She said as she grinned wickedly at me then leaned in for a kiss.