Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray man. I assure you, if I did, I would not be writing fan-fiction.
Summary: The Second Exorcist plan was closed after the Alma Karma incident and Kanda has long since buried his pain under a mask of sheer unpleasantness. But when things become desperate, and the Order considers reopening the Second Exorcist program, Kanda might have to reopen old wounds to protect his friends from becoming victims of the Second Exorcist program themselves.
Pairings: Lavi/Kanda, minor Allen/Lenalee, Marie/Miranda
Rated: M for language and some sexual content in later chapters.
Author's Note: I had been rereading the D. Gray Man Series and really wanted to try a longer fanfic instead of my usual one-shots. I decided with the new D. Gray Man chapter having been released, I would start posting chapters. I shall try and release one chapter a week, with a regular release date being on Saturday. Please review.
Chapter one: Reopened Possibilities
"Yu!" Alma plopped down next to Kanda, handing the younger second Exorcist a bowl of food. Well if you could call mayonnaise food. "Go on, eat up!" Alma encouraged Kanda, who stared at his bowl of mayo with disgust. "It's really good!"
"...You creep! This is not food!" He yelled. This was what he got for letting Alma pick up lunch. Stupid brat!
"Yes it is! It's mayonnaise! Mayonnaise is a semi-solid dressing, which is made from egg yolk or the whole egg! Eggs are food, and therefore, mayonnaise is food too! Besides, it's not just mayonnaise," Alma added, somewhat defensively. "The chef cut up some chicken and mixed it in. Now eat!" He shoved the bowl closer to Kanda eagerly. Kanda stared at the bowl mutely, silently protesting. White chunks of chicken flesh coated in a slimy white substance filled the bowl. There was no way in hell he was eating that. "Please, Yu, it's really good!" Alma repeated his argument from earlier.
He turned his to look at Alma. "No way in-" he stopped as he got sight of Alma's face. Blood dripped from the corner the second Exorcist's mouth. "What the hell, Alma?" He grabbed Alma by the shoulders. "Why are you bleeding?" He looked frantically for any wounds.
"Come on Yu! Let's eat together," the boy insisted, oblivious to the fact he was bleeding. Kanda brought his hand up to Alma's mouth, attempting to wipe away the blood, but only succeeded in smearing it across his friend's face.
"It's alright, you're going to be okay Alma," he breathed, despite the panic building in his chest. "
Something hard and cold struck him in the stomach.
Kanda looked down to see Alma's innocence protruding from belly.
"What?" Kanda croaked, confused.
Alma merely smiled at Kanda, and grabbed the bowl off food of the table, ignoring the fact that he'd just stabbed Kanda. "We'll eat together, and then I'll kill you, Yu," A slender arm wrapped around Kanda's neck, pulling him close so Alma's mouth was right next to his ear. Alma whispered, joyful smile never leaving his face, "let's die together, Yu, alright?"
Kanda jerked awake, breathing ragged, sitting up, back rigid. His hair stuck to the back of his neck and shoulder; his body was sticky with perspiration. Still taking in several deep breaths, he glanced around the room and then down at his stomach. There was nobody in the room; of course there would not be. There was no innocence in his stomach. It was just a nightmare, he closed his eyes, trying to calm his breathing back to normal, it just a nightmare. Yet, he couldn't quite shake the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.
A soft child's voice spoke in the back of his head, "You were having nightmares again, Yu?"
Alma, he pushed away the image of Alma that had formed in his mind. His heart ached anyway. People thought that Kanda's heart couldn't ache; people thought he didn't have a heart at all. That was fine by him. He didn't want people to know he could hurt like he did.
After a few moments of silent contemplation, Kanda decided against trying to sleep again. He didn't know the exact time, it was still dark out, but if he had to guess sunrise wasn't too far off. So, like every morning, he dragged himself out of bed, and spent about five minutes looking for his hairbrush. From there, he spent about twenty minutes combing out snares and knots. It was a very long, and dull process, complicated further by the fact that occasionally Kanda had to put down the hairbrush and pick apart stubborn knots by hand. Sometimes Kanda thought it might be easier to just cut off all the excess hair. But he never did; so the hairbrush was a necessary evil.
It was a necessary evil that didn't take his mind off of Alma, or the sick feeling in his stomach. Such dull processes left nothing to do but to dwell on things that you didn't need to dwell upon. Don't think about it, he snapped at himself. It was done, there nothing he could do about it.
The rest of the morning took less then ten minutes. He dressed, pulled on his jacket, and secured mugen at the waist. By that time, the sun was just barely coming up over the horizon. He took a moment to observe the golden sun as it rose.
It looked like it would be a good day. Warm at the very least. He'd have to watch out for Lavi then. He turned back to the door. The redhead had the worst habit of tracking down Kanda in the middle of his training, and proceeding to nap nearby. It was insanely irritating. He was just about to open the door when there was a soft knocking. Damn it.
The Finder – who was obviously new to the Order – was unprepared for an annoyed Kanda to open the door. "What?" Kanda snapped. Nobody knocked on his door. Not unless it was damn important. Important by Kanda's standards; not the Order's.
"Er..." The Finder stammering only grew worse under the look Kanda gave him. "Uh...the...um...er...Inspector," more stammering, followed by more glaring. "Um...er...ah...ACK!" Kanda grabbed the Finder by the collar of his uniform and lifted him up so he was eye level.
"Spit. It. Out."
"I-I-Inspector Leverrier has a-a-asked that you join him!" The Finder shrieked, flinging his arms in front of his face, as if to shield himself from Kanda's glare. Kanda grunted, considering interrogating the Finder on why Leverrier would want to see him. He threw the Finder away to the side instead, deciding it wasn't going to be worth his time to bother with the stuttering moron. The Finder for his part had enough sense to stay on the ground until after Kanda had left.
What did that bastard want? Kanda fumed to himself. The inspector was always stirring things up when he came to the Order, particularly with the other Exorcists. Every damn time he wrought devastation and confusion to their daily lives.
Lenalee avoided everybody but Kanda like the plague. Komui struggled with looking busy and maintaining control over his position, since Leverrier was frequently trying to undermine his authority. The dog, Howard Link, dragged the moyashi to visit the inspector, and what was more, that always caused the moyashi to fight with the inspector.
The only people Kanda couldn't really say that the inspector affected were the Bookmen. There was no dramatic change in behavior; Lavi still teased. The Bookman still hit Lavi. They were an island in an ocean of hurt feelings and old memories. He shook his head with a sigh.
Kanda had his own problems with the bastard. Most notably, the habit of Leverrier's to push Kanda's buttons.
He didn't bother to knock. Kanda rarely bothered to knock, the only real exceptions being for Lenalee. The only reason that exception had come into play was that Komui – even to Kanda – could be damn terrifying when it came to his sister. It was like he transformed into a completely different person; from kindly, if somewhat eccentric scientist to psychotic raving bastard with potentially lethal weapons.
"What?" Kanda scowled crankily.
Leverrier gave the raven haired Exorcist a disapproving frown, possibly feeling that Kanda owed him more respect. But the frown quickly turned into a smile. Perhaps smirk was a better word, because the inspector never smiled. Not in the sense that there was joy in it. In that way, he was like Kanda. The thought only made Kanda's scowl deepen. Leverrier gestured to the chair, "Have a seat," he said amiably enough.
Kanda didn't trust it. The inspector was only agreeable when he wanted something. "Che," He leaned against the doorway, having no intention to sit down. For a moment, nothing happened. Kanda did not move, and the inspector kept his hand gestured to the chair. A muscle in Kanda's jaw jumped. Leverrier didn't so much as blink. About a minute and a half passed. "Che," Kanda detached himself from the doorway.
"Shut the door behind you, if you will."
The door shut with a thunderous bang and Kanda sat himself down on the chair, crossing his arms and slouching.
"Thank you very much. Would you like a slice of cake?"
The look Kanda gave him suggested he'd like to shove a slice of cake down Leverrier's throat. "No."
"Very well. Let's get down to business," that ever fake pleasant, bureaucratic smile was still present on Leverrier's face. Kanda's scowl only deepened in frustration. What sort of business did Leverrier have? Something unpleasant no doubt. Kanda couldn't help but think the Order would be a much better place – though still terrible undoubtedly – if Mugen and Leverrier acquainted themselves.
Lenalee would probably act mad, though Kanda was fairly sure that she'd be happy. Komui probably wouldn't have to spend so much time worrying about the other Exorcist's whenever Leverrier came around. That dog Link would probably have to leave the beansprout alone for a long while.
Everybody would probably be happier.
Of course, then Kanda would also probably be in huge trouble with the rest of the Order. He forced himself to remain calm. It would be better just to get this 'business' over with.
"How are you doing?" Kanda blinked at the sudden, unexpected question. He wasn't sure that counted as 'business.'
"What?" He barked, sure he had misunderstood.
"How are you doing?" It was the same question.
"What a stupid question. Fine." Kanda answered snappishly. This was not important enough for Kanda to have to come here.
"Your healing ability? It is still functioning?" The hostility in the room automatically went up a few notches. Silence was the only answer. That and the sound of a deep, calming breath Kanda took to stop from murdering Leverrier. As it was, it was a very near thing. "Well?" Leverrier asked again.
Kanda wondered if the inspector realized exactly how perilous a game it was that he was playing.
"It's. Fine," Kanda bit out each word like it was poison.
"I see. And it's been functioning for the same almost ten years now?"
"I said it's fine!" Kanda snapped. He didn't want to really admit the fact that the healing ability had slowed down substantially. What had taken him hours at age nine now took at least a full day, maybe two. He mentally shook himself, focusing on the bastard's words. He promised himself vengeance for the man's curiosity.
"I need specifics," the words were crisp and the muscles in Kanda's jaw jump yet again.
"It works," Kanda's voice was cold as he uncrossed, and then crossed his arms again. The bastard most certainly did not need specifics. "What else do you need to know?"
"Does it still work effectively?"
"I'm not dead," Kanda pointed out, growing more agitated. "I'd say it's effective," he muttered. He looked utterly murderous.
"That's not the kind of answer I'm looking for," Leverrier said smoothly.
Kanda was about to snap back that it was going to be only answer that Leverrier was going to get, when he paused, unable to help himself. What sort of answer was he looking for? Kanda couldn't think of one. Leverrier might have been a pain, and Kanda might have been rude, but Kanda had answered the questions honestly. It worked for Kanda; he didn't know the specifics, never really needed to know. He was beginning to think that might have been a mistake. "What sort of answer are you looking for?" He demanded after a moment.
"A more detailed one."
"Why?" Kanda was almost never curious about 'why.' Nothing good ever came after why. Absolutely nothing.
But he had a feeling he was going to need the answer to this 'why.' It was going to bite him in the ass otherwise.
"Let me just say we have a vested interest in your success as a second exorcist, and the potential good it could do for the other apostles of the Order," even as the inspector said it, the polite smile never left Leverrier's face.
For a moment, Kanda didn't understand the meaning behind the words being said. He'd never been good with politely twisted words, or the meaning behind them. He'd never much liked them either in truth; hence the blunt, sometimes brutal words he used. Well, that and he just didn't much care for people or their feelings. When the words did sink in, the understanding became painfully clear.
The silence continued, though the meaning in the silence had changed; from confusion to barely contained rage.
It was indeed a rare thing for Kanda to be so angry he could not roar his anger adequately. But the look in his eyes was more than enough to make up for the silence. It said very clearly, I will end you, if you don't say something to save your ass in the next ten seconds.
"Is something the matter, Kanda?" The fury in Kanda's eyes did not fade in the slightest when Leverrier said his name. He uncrossed his arms, and Aa hand drifted to mugen, not drawing the blade, but clenching around the hilt so tightly his knuckles turned white. It was only years, and years of meditation that kept Leverrier from being slaughtered.
"What the hell do you mean 'potential good,'" Kanda's rumble was that of a lion, ready to pounce on his prey. Death was the only possible punishment for those words. Had it been somebody else; Bak, Komui or somebody who would actually regret their actions, there might have been some leniency. But there was no remorse in the inspector's eyes.
"Just what it sounds like. There is a lot of potential good, to be found in your success," success? Kanda had heard the inspector say the word before. It hadn't really registered; it was such an absurd way to describe Kanda's life. It was a mockery of everything that they'd done to Kanda.
Kanda's fist slammed against the desk with enough force that the wood splintered and cracked, leaving a small crater in the desk.
Even the Inspector had to flinch at the sudden impact. "Success?!" Kanda roared his anger, standing up and knocking the chair to the floor. "Go to hell!" He grabbed at the desk, overturning it with ease. The Inspector just barely managed to get out of the way in order to avoid being crushed by the heavy oaken piece of furniture.
"We are not finished talking!" Leverrier yelled as Kanda headed towards the door, swearing.
"We are," Kanda snarled, slamming the door behind him. Much like the desk, the door shook, splintered and cracked from the force of it.
Damn the Order. Damn Leverrier. Damn them all.
And where the hell was that Finder?