Note: This is not really a proper story, it's more of a 'look into the life' thing. Sara POV.

Takes place in mid-2010

I liked to think of myself as a reasonable person. I preferred things to be in order. Everything I did was well thought out and was a result of a meticulous process in my mind. For all intents and purposes my life made perfect sense. There was however one thing or rather one person who just didn't want to fit in. This person was currently rocking back and forth on the couch across from me, somehow looking like she just rolled out of bed despite it being 7 o' clock in the evening. Her short hair was disheveled and sticking out in every direction under the headphones she was wearing. Her eyes were closed and she was mouthing along the lyrics to whatever she was listening to with her hands drumming the beat on her knees and thighs. It really shouldn't be as cute it was.

No, I thought to myself, Tegan really didn't make any sense. Or rather my own feelings for her didn't make any sense. Not just because she was my sister, but also because Tegan's whole being in itself was just so not reasonable. Nothing she ever did seemed in any way well thought out or even slightly planned in advance. Tegan just acted on instinct, guided by her emotions. So the overwhelming love and affection I felt for Tegan and the usual chaos she brought with her were rather confusing for me.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the loud ringtone of Tegan's phone that was lying on the table next to the owner, currently so enthralled in the music that she didn't seem to notice anything around her. I tried to get her attention by waving my arms and pointing at the phone. Tegan finally looked up and put her headphones down, giving me a goofy smile as she took notice of her blinking phone. She looked at the screen, her smile growing even bigger and answered the call with a raspy "Hey, babe" as she promptly exited the room.

While I watched her leave I couldn't help but feel slightly sick inside. A feeling I have grown familiar with in the last few years. At first I was actually kind of thankful for Lindsey when Tegan had told me all about her and their whole situation. I had thought Lindsey was just a straight girl, seemingly unreachable for Tegan, someone she would always pine after but never be able to actually get. And as a result every relationship of Tegan's would be incomplete, just a shadow of the real thing and ultimately doomed to fail. Just like every relationship of mine was, because no partner, no matter how perfect, could be as perfect for me as Tegan was. And if that was all I was going to get, a shared life of misery and unrequired love with Tegan, well, I was gonna take it. But of course I couldn't even get that poor excuse of a consolation prize. In the end Tegan got her girl and I was left behind, a life of unhappiness awaiting for me alone.

I went back to my laptop where I caught up on the current news and tried to distract myself from my dark thoughts. About half an hour later Tegan stormed back in the room, her appearance now seemingly a bit more sorted out and plopped down on a chair next to me. She was even more high-strung than usual, practically boiling over with excitement. "So... Lindsey is coming tomorrow already, some photo shoot got postponed!" She had the biggest grin on her face. I managed to fake a bit of enthusiasm and get out an "Oh, that's great."

I liked Lindsey, I really did. She was really nice and by all means a very pleasant person to be around. In some ways she was similar to Tegan but a lot more calm and mature. Our mother once told me that Lindsey was the perfect counterpart to Tegan. That she balanced her out and brought her back down if needed. And while I had nodded in agreement then, I couldn't help but think that I would provide a better balance, that I was truly Tegan's perfect counterpart. Because even though we both were so different, our differences complemented each other in a way no one else's could. Where she was wild, I was composed. Where she was out-going, I was reserved. Where she was reckless, I was sensible. We were like light and dark, opposites but in the end we couldn't exist without each other.

While I've gotten used to Lindsey's company and spending time with her and Tegan together, I still felt kind of awkward around them. They were not even overly affectionate in my presence, but I still felt a little ping of jealousy every time they showed subtle signs of intimacy. When Tegan put her arm around her and Lindsey rested her head on Tegan's shoulder, I would imagine myself in her place and how safe and comfortable I would feel. When Lindsey lovingly tousled Tegan's full hair with her hand, I would imagine my own hand doing the same and how soft it would feel between my fingers.

By now Tegan had retreated to the couch again, now deeply engrossed in a book. I loved that despite her extroverted personality she still enjoyed the comfort of a good book. It was one of our few similarities and sometimes I dreamt about curling up with her and reading together.

I decided that I had to get out for a bit and planned to go for a coffee run. I quickly informed Tegan and asked her if she wanted something as well, but she just hummed and shook her head, keeping her eyes on the book and her brow furrowed in concentration. I couldn't help but smile at her cuteness and swiftly left the house to allow myself a short break from her influence.

After I had my coffee I went for a short walk trying to free my mind and mentally prepare myself for the next few days where we were going to be joined by Lindsey. When I came back to the apartment, I saw that Tegan had fallen asleep. The book lying open on her chest, her mouth slightly open and her body stretched out on the couch. I debated with myself if I should wake her and decided in light of the eventful day ahead it would probably be best for her to get a restful night of sleep in her own bed. But before I did, I allowed myself a few more minutes to admire her face, for once being able to do so without any excuse. I lifted my hand and carefully ran it through her hair reveling in the feeling. I knew that objectively my hair probably felt exactly the same, but still it was so different and special to touch her this intimately and affectionately just like a lover would do. I was brought back to reality by a small groan and movement in front of me and quickly retracted my hand from Tegan's hair instead placing it on her shoulder and shaking her gingerly.

"Hey, Tee. Wake up."

She slowly opened her eyes. Looking confused and not totally realizing what was going on, her mouth slowly formed into a tired smile.

"Hey, Sasa. I think I fell asleep", she mumbled with the most adorable expression. I looked at her and chuckled.

"Yeah, you did. Come on, let's get you into bed, so you can sleep properly and look your best when Lindsey is coming tomorrow, okay?" She nodded eagerly and stood up.

"Of course. Lindsey deserves only the best." I watched as she slowly made her way to her bedroom and just before she reached the door she turned around and said to me with a smile "Thanks for looking out for me. Love you, Sasa." Then she went inside and I walked across the hallway to the guestroom to get ready for bed and probably a whole lot of dreams about Tegan.