Why is it that i only write Abemiha when its a spur-of-the-moment thing? Anyways, I hope you enjoy this. I kind of like how this turned out.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.

"I want you, Abe-kun…"

Okay, so maybe this wasn't where I wanted this whole thing to go…

I mean, sure, I had my fair share of crushes. Well, I wouldn't count them as crushes, I guess I would call them interests in another person, but for the sake of everything, I'll call them crushes for right now. The fact was that none of them has ever liked me back… or at least I thought they didn't. And they weren't all girls, either. I had a lot more interest in girls when I was little than I do now. All my interests have been for guys this past year or two…

But that doesn't matter! The fact is that I liked Mihashi. A lot, some would say. Maybe not like a crush, not at first, not that I would admit it or anything. He just… he worked hard, on and off the field, and he was so clumsy all the time, and being around him a lot made you realize just how much help this guy needs. So, little habits started to form. Holding his hand when he got nervous, watching him (almost creepily, I'll admit) to make sure he wasn't injuring himself, monitoring how much he ate and weighed, helping him stretch after practices and games…

You get the gist.

Maybe I cared too much for him to just be my pitcher, but… what was I supposed to do about that? We had two more years together on this team, and I'm not about to ditch him now, especially after I broke my promise when I hurt my knee.

Yeah, I was still sore about that, breaking the promise. It was stupid, saying that I wouldn't get sick or injured for three whole years but… I meant it.

And maybe I care for him a bit more than I should off the field too. I should probably say that I really don't know how much is too much, since I never really cared for anyone on the team before, especially not like this. So, I don't know if it was totally necessary to drag him to my house so he could study for a test that he didn't have until next week.

And I don't know how it really happened, I don't know how it got like this… but it must have started when I accidentally yelled at him when he got a chemistry question wrong. It wasn't his fault anyways, that he got the question wrong, because chemistry is hard if you don't know what you're doing and it confuses me sometimes too, but… something about it made me snap. Which, I wasn't proud of.

Mihashi ducked his head, and I swore he would have curled up into a ball if he wasn't sitting at a table. I cursed under my breath, because I knew not to yell at him, because it only made him shut down, and it didn't help at all on making conversation easier, and I felt really bad, because I thought we were making progress for once…

I sighed, and I think Mihashi thought the sigh was directed at him, because he flinched. Something about that made a knot form in my stomach, the kind that makes you want to untie it however possible but it was so goddamn unpleasant. So, unthinkingly, I reached over the table, excavated a hand that he dug into the poof he called hair, and held onto it tightly. It wasn't long before his breathing deepened and he stopped freaking out. He looked up at me the same moment I opened my mouth.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you." I said as quietly as I could. Mihashi's mouth popped open, I don't know why, maybe out of shock, or happiness, or a lack of something to say. I squeezed his hand a little, before letting go, and it was almost like he didn't want me to let go, his grip on my hand tightening a second before my hand slipped away fully. It was weird, because he never did that before, but it wasn't like it mattered, because he had chemistry to study and he needed to understand this now before he fell behind in his class.

Mihashi moved around the table, dragging his things with him, and sat down next to me, a little bit too close to be comfortable, but it wasn't like it mattered. As long as the work got done. I started explaining again, pointing at my notes, and then at his textbook, and I had a strange feeling that he wasn't listening to me. I was doing everything I could to help him and-!

"Mihashi, are you even-?" I asked, looking up, and then I noticed why he wasn't paying attention. I was too into the chemistry problem to notice that all the while, he was scooting closer to me, pressing himself closer to my side, and by the time I looked up, we were basically nose to nose.

"Y-Yeah…" Mihashi responded, nodding a bit. I almost scowled, because I could tell he was lying to me, but his breath was fanning over my face, and his eyes were so close and so clear and so bright. Even though I've seen them so many times before, it was like they were totally different now.

He shifted, and I didn't know what was happening.

"Miha-"

His lips were on mine. Messily, uncoordinatedly, roughly, but they were there. My eyes were wide open, but his was closed shut, his hand coming to rest on top of mine. My heart skipped a beat, and I was sure that I was going to have a heart attack or something because- was a heart even supposed to do that?

I tilted my head, trying to break the kiss somehow, needing to stop it and demand Mihashi to tell me what this is all about right now-! But I guess he took that as encouragement, because a second later, his lips were moving on mine.

It was a whirlwind of mixed emotions, of confusion, of who the fuck cares, and suddenly, I was kissing back. Mihashi's other hand came up and weaved itself through my hair, while the hand on mine laced our fingers together. For a lack of anything better to do with my other hand, I reached up, touching his opposite shoulder and unconsciously pulling him closer.

A weird noise came from the back of Mihashi's throat as my fingers traced odd patterns into his shoulder. I pulled back slightly, getting ready to say something, anything, because if I hurt his shoulder by doing the littlest thing we should stop now- But Mihashi closed the gap I created, crowding closer towards me, and licking my bottom lip.

Oh, now I knew what the sound he made was, and it had nothing to do with pain, because it was coming out of my mouth too. I was sort of embarrassed, because it sounded so awful, and it was Mihashi that got that sound to come out of me, of all people, and- There was a burning sensation in my lungs.

Air.

That's right. Breathing. That's something important, right?

I guessed Mihashi had the same thought as me at the same time, because the kiss broke not a second later. I gasped for air, and Mihashi leaned forward, pressing his forehead to mine.

What were we doing? We were studying chemistry. Then he kissed me, or did I kiss him? Chemistry. Breathing. The science behind how the body converts the oxygen in the air to carbon dioxide was fascinating… and so was Mihashi.

I looked up, and I met those bright hazel eyes in front of him. He had this grin on his face that just made me want to lay down and stare at the sun, because that would be better on my eyes than that smile he had and…

"Mihashi, what the hell just happened?" I asked breathlessly, still not getting as much air as I should have been. Something flicked, something changed, and suddenly, the brightness of those hazel eyes was muted, the look on his face nothing I've seen before and his mouth was opening and his voice rang out without a stutter to be heard, and I was so happy that he was talking normally before his words actually set in.

"I want you, Abe-kun…"

It was like someone threw a rock through a window, shattering it to pieces, except that window was inside me, and suddenly, Mihashi broke it. My lungs stopped working, my breathing hitching, and my eyes grew so wide that it was almost impossible to see correctly. My heart was hammering, but I knew it wasn't out of lust, or desire, it was out of shock. I don't know what lust or desire or anything like that feels like, but I know shock and panic when it comes along and punches you in the gut.

It felt like forever until I moved, but from the look on Mihashi's face, my action must have been immediate. I scrambled back, my fingers gliding away from his, my arm dropping down at my side, and his hand slipping out of my hair. I drew my knees up to my chest, and I wrapped my arms around my shins.

My head was spinning. I felt like I was going to throw up. I knew I was hyperventilating. I couldn't feel the tears prickling the corners of my eyes, but I wouldn't have been surprised if they were there.

The sincerity, the passion, the… simple meaning of that goddamn sentence threw me for a loop. And the fact that Mihashi said it! He wanted me… not like he wanted me on his team, because I already was, or like he wanted me to do something, because that was the end of his sentence. No, he wanted me like… like how guys look at girls and nearly drool, like how people want each other right before they have-

"Abe-kun?" Mihashi asked, and something touched my shoulder and I flinched violently. "Y-You…"

And his stutter was back. That was a bad sign. This is all my fault.

I lifted my head, my breathing still coming in shakily and my heart still banging on my ribcage uncomfortably. The look in his eyes was like a mix between hurt, confusion, care, and want, and his hand was still frozen in place, hovering right near my shoulder but not quite making contact.

"I-I'm sorry…" I heard come out of my mouth, and I meant it. "I… I don't know what… happened, really… it just…"

"Do you… D-Do you… n-not… like me?" Mihashi stuttered out, his voice so quiet that I could barely hear him over my own failure of rambling. The question pulled me up short, and I stared at him for a second.

It shouldn't have been that hard to think of an answer, but it was. I liked him, no doubt about that, but maybe there were different levels of like? I never really thought about it before. I liked him more than a friend or a teammate… but… I don't think I liked him the way he liked me.

'I want you, Abe-kun…'

Just thinking about it made me want to hurl. I realized he asked a question, and I hadn't answered yet, so I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye.

"Its… its not that I don't like you, because I do…" I started, which was a pretty bad start, because Mihashi was already closing in on himself. I started over. "I like you a lot, Mihashi."

"Y-You… you do…?" Mihashi asked, perking up a little bit at my answer, and I nodded, because I didn't know what to say next to explain all… that. "T-Then… why… why did you…?"

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "I like you a lot, and I want to be there for you for as long as I can, and I liked kissing you, even though it was weird and sudden but I liked it, because I like you, because you were the one I was kissing but… I just…"

I wondered how I was going to finish that sentence. I wondered what words would have come out of my mouth if I didn't stop myself. 'I don't want to have sex with you!' That's too harsh. True, but too harsh. And it wasn't even the fact that I didn't want to have sex with Mihashi, because I like him, maybe even love him, hell if I know, this has never happened to me before, but…

I never wanted to have sex with anyone. I made myself blink, because I couldn't believe that thought crossed my mind. But the moment I thought about it, it was true. I was a teenager, in high school, who didn't want to have sex with anyone. The more I thought about it, the stupider I felt, the more everything else in my life made sense, the more things came together, the more everything fell apart.

I looked back at Mihashi, or more like focused on him again, and he was fidgeting slightly, waiting me for me to finish my thought. I couldn't. I couldn't say it out loud, not yet, not when I knew I was a freak or broken or something, not when he basically told me he wanted the one thing I didn't care for, the thing I would probably flip my shit for if he really tried to get it. Instead, I moved closer to him, wrapping him up in a hug that hopefully said more than words ever could.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled into his hair, not wanting to say what for, but feeling the need to say it anyways.

"I-It's… It's okay…" Mihashi replied, hugging me tighter. I felt a small… something on my shoulder before we moved away, and a second later I realized that he kissed it. It made me smile stupidly, because somehow that said he wasn't mad at me for doing this at all.

I didn't even want to think about a mad Mihashi.

We slowly got back to chemistry, and when he could do a couple of the harder questions on his own, I deemed him able to understand most anything his teacher would say in class. A couple minutes later, he was slipping on his shoes, and telling me that he would see me on Monday. I agreed, and he left.

And that… that was how I figured out that there was something wrong with me.

A couple days later, I was still lost. I tried my best not to look it in practice, but I could tell that they all knew something was wrong. I kept telling myself to look it up online, but every time I tried, I stopped.

What if I really was broken? What if I was just some random person that no one knew what I was talking about? What if I found nothing?

No, no, no. I'm not looking it up. Call me scared, call me a coward, call me anything you want, but I wasn't going to figure out I was some kind of freak all over again. It wouldn't make me feel any better.

It's funny how you don't know what's wrong with you until you have it shoved in your face.

I was laying in my bed, thinking about all of this; thinking about looking it up again, convincing myself not to, arguing with myself about how being pessimistic wouldn't make things any better, thinking about how arguing with yourself wasn't technically healthy… when my phone vibrated next to my pillow.

I reached up and checked it, and then sat up as quickly as I could, because the message was from Mihashi. Mihashi never messaged me first. I flipped open my phone and checked it.

[From: Mihashi Ren]

[At: 10:23 PM]

[Subject: Asexual?]

[Maybe?]

I stared at the message, not know what it meant but definitely knowing that I didn't know what he was talking about. Asexual? When… things procreate by splitting themselves apart over and over again? Why was he messaging me about science? Did he need help?

[From: Mihahsi Ren]

[At: 10:25 PM]

[Subject: Re: Asexual?]

[It's someone who doesn't have sexual attraction towards people.]

What?!

I hopped onto the computer and fired it up. I got onto the quickest search engine that would load, and typed in 'asexual' as fast as I could. The seconds it took to reload the page seemed like forever, but when it finally did, I stared at it in awe.

'Asexuality (or nonsexuality) is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in sexual activity.'

[From: Abe Takaya]

[At: 10:27 PM]

[Subject: Re: Asexual?]

[Yeah that's me]

(also, whatever happened to the rest of the team? im such crap im sorry)

Yeah, haha, i just needed to write an Ace!Abe fic for some reason, so thanks for reading! Please Review!

Love you!

-HB