Hello all! For anyone waiting on an update for my other fics, I'm really sorry this isn't it. It's an entry for a contest I'm in and figured, why not share it here too? This is my first time writing Sailor Moon, but it was the first anime I truly fell in love with so I hope I do it justice. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Sadly I own nothing except Sailor Moon inspired childhood dreams.
Love and Duty
Raye Hino isn't happy. Her day began with a head splitting vision, Grandpa took Chad for "special training" to hit on women, and a customer buying love charms burst into tears over an ex-boyfriend. As she enters the Crown Fruit Parlor after a frustratingly long day to meet her friends Raye pauses trying to bring her boiling temper to a low simmer.
Screams thunder in her ears as the choking smell of burnt flesh floods her senses. Darkness clouds her sight as she stares at the ravaged corpse of a once beautiful palace. Consumed by despair her legs threaten to give out as a roaring sense of loss and hatred keens inside her. Flashes of Raye's vision have troubled her all day but the proximity of her friends has the haunting sensations flooding through her. Clamping her teeth down onto her lower lip, Raye uses the physical pain to ground her in the present. She focuses on the sound of her friends' warm, lively voices employing it as a buffer to separate her from the vision.
Across the café Serena catches sight of Raye's glazed eyes and flushed face, a mischievous glint lighting her cerulean blue eyes. With a giggle she taps Mina on the shoulder, pointing towards Raye with a knowing wink.
"Hey Mina," she says in a loud teasing voice. "In your professional opinion as the Goddess of Love would you say that far away, dreamy look on Raye's face means she's having a romantic fantasy? Oooh, I bet it's about Chad! Maybe she finally gave in to her feelings for him."
"Or she met a hot new hunk selling charms at the shrine," Mina suggests in a mock whisper, leaning close to Serena.
"That's not very nice," Amy scolds looking up from her book on advanced cellular regeneration.
"Relax Amy, V-babe and I are just teasing," Serena says with a dismissive wave of her hand. "It's not like we really think Raye would have a boyfriend."
"Right," Mina agrees, "it's been how long since her last one? Men aren't exactly beating down her door."
"Except for Chad," Serena adds with a loud trill of laughter.
"You guys better watch it," Lita warns glancing at the raven-haired beauty radiating murderous rage.
All of Raye's attempts to calm her already raw emotions crumble as her temper flares. 'How could I have found comfort in that meatball head' she thinks, furious that her heart stuttering fear could be mistaken for romantic daydreams. And then to imply she couldn't get a boyfriend even if she wanted one! Spurred on by the blonde's oblivious laughter she crosses the café in three angry steps, bringing her palm down with a resounding BANG!
"I spent my entire Saturday working because I actually have responsibilities, unlike a certain lazy crybaby," she rages, fixing Serena with a furious glare. "You might have time to waste on useless thoughts of romance, but I refuse to delude myself by needing a man! Strong women depend on themselves. Of course," she scoffs, "You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
Snarling in disgust Raye storms away, leaving an awkward silence in her wake as the other patrons stare at three mortified girls and a wailing Serena.
"That was really rude," Mina announces putting a comforting arm around Serena. "Raye had no reason to be that harsh."
"Well," Amy says with an embarrassed cough as the noise levels of the Crown slowly return to normal, "Obviously something must have happened to cause that display. Perhaps something happened to her grandpa?"
"Don't worry guys," Lita tells them with a reassuring smile, "I'll go find out what's bothering Raye."
"Tell her what she said was really mean! There's nothing wrong with a strong, beautiful woman like me being in love with someone as wonderful as Darien. She's just jealous that nobody wants to date a fire breathing monster like her," Serena shouts as Lita leaves.
She finds the sullen priestess sitting on the steps to Hikawa Shrine staring at the fiery hues streaking across the sky fading with the sun. Lita sits, leaning back on her hands. She waits, knowing Raye will speak when she's ready. The bus putters past on it's final round of the day as streetlights flicker to life. Tilting her head back Lita watches as the last pale traces of daylight melt into dark velvet with the slightest hint of stars.
"Do you know what today is?" Raye asks softly, forming the symbols of prayer with her hands in a subconscious ward against evil.
Lita thinks for a moment before shaking her head no, turning to meet the violet eyes staring at her.
"We died," Raye says, fresh pain in her eyes. "Today the Silver Millennium fell."
"I'd forgotten," Lita admits, a weight settling in her chest at the memory of their tragic past.
"I had a vision this morning of the final battle. I relived the destruction, death, and," she shakes with fury, "the betrayal."
Lita tenses, large emerald eyes fixated on the priestess. There is an unspoken agreement among the Scouts that any mention of Darien's four guardians is taboo, especially their betrayal that destroyed the Moon Kingdom.
"We protect this planet," Raye rants, unable to stop, "because it's our duty as Sailor Scouts, and what's our reward? Moral superiority and emotional scars. We've died three times, twice in this life, and it never gets easier. Thanks to us people are free to pursue their dreams, but we aren't," a bitter laugh escapes her. "Lita Kino and Raye Hino will cease to exist once Crystal Tokyo happens, lost behind the fulltime identities of Jupiter and Mars. Our future consists of carrying out our duties, protecting Neo Queen Serenity and fighting until we die. We sacrifice everything keeping Serena and the planet safe but she's the only one that gets a bright future."
"If we didn't fight there wouldn't be a future for you to resent," Lita argues, annoyed by Raye's selfishness. They all know the price of being Sailor Scouts. "It isn't Serena's fault that destiny works out this way. She's given more of herself than anyone and has never asked us to give up anything!"
They glare at each other for long heartbeats before shame fills Raye's eyes and her shoulders sag.
"I know it isn't Serena's fault. She deserves happiness more than anyone," Raye admits, feeling brittle and empty, "but I can't help resenting our fate. Destiny uses her just like us, putting us through hell time and again because somebody has to protect this planet. It's just, after reliving the past our battle seems so hopeless. When we do finally die, our star seeds will only cause us to be reborn in the future to more fighting."
"The future is shaped by the past. It's true that one day we'll have to take our place as Sailor Scouts in Crystal Tokyo, but that doesn't happen until Serena turns twenty-two, so we have time to live freely. Besides, even when we do reach that not so distant future we'll still be ourselves," Lita says giving Raye a playful nudge. "There's hard earned happiness and peace waiting for us. Isn't that worth a little sacrifice on our part?"
Nodding, Raye gives her a sad smile. "We were born as soldiers to protect that single precious person."
Wrapping her arms around her knees Raye closes her eyes and slows her breathing. Tuning out the sounds of the city she focuses on a soft rustling of feathers as Phobos and Deimos shift on the arch above them. Light snores drift out of the slightly open shoji of Grandpa's room and Chad can be heard singing in the shower. Straining, she hears a faint crackling from the sacred fire. She takes a deep breath. A puff of roses pulls at her senses as Lita shifts. Raye finds the calm she's been missing.
Arms pillowing her head Lita lies back reveling in the duel sensation of cool stone and warm air. She admires the gentle sway of the trees as they dance in the breeze, imagining the feel of fresh summer grass as she curls her toes. Though the sky is clear a thunderstorm lingers on the horizon. She can taste the extra charge of electricity in the air. Releasing a deep breath Lita sits up as she tentatively asks, "Why did the vision of the past make you so resentful towards the future?"
A sigh as Raye slowly opens her eyes.
"Reliving the devastation of what was lost for duty, knowing that same loss is shadowing our steps now, upsets me," she says staring wistfully at the pearly moon. "We don't have beautiful love stories waiting in our future."
"That's really unusual for you, Raye. I know you've shown interest in dating before, but this sounds like a serious romance. Why the sudden concern in future love affairs?" Lita questions, quirking an eyebrow.
"I still believe women can be independently successful without men," she replies, "But my vision made a normally dull ache inside feel like a ravenous chasm that only he can fill."
"He?" Lita repeats in a teasing voice. "Don't tell me Serena was right about your feelings for Chad?"
"No!" Raye hisses in exasperation. "I care about Chad, but we'll never work. He's a nice guy that throws himself into danger to protect me and it'll get him killed. Maybe, if we weren't Sailor Scouts, there might have been a time for Chad and me."
'Just another doomed romance like the rest of us` Lita thinks, knowing enemies would exploit any weakness, especially romantic relationships. Darien is always used to hurt Serena. Forlorn emerald eyes stare at the third finger of her left hand. 'Would their love always bring danger?`
"If it wasn't Chad, who were you talking about?" Lita asks after a moment before Raye gives her a pointed look that speaks volumes. Eyes widening with realization Lita murmurs, "Oh, him."
"It's silly, but I'm envious of the love that Serena and Darien have," Rays says flushing in embarrassment. "Even under the control of Beryl Darien kept protecting her, and Serena's love managed to save him."
'Like ours didn't` Lita thinks, remembering the final battle of the Silver Millennium. As Sailor Scouts they were trained to lay down their lives and face any enemy. But nothing could've prepared them for the betrayal and anguish of that fateful day; an ever present reminder of everything they could lose. And yet, when Lita is snuggled warm in her bed somewhere between waking and sleeping she can feel the ghosting caress of warm hands and persistent lips. Heartfelt murmurs whisper in her ear promising a beautiful life when they finally find peace. She holds onto those moments, drowning in the sweet feeling of completion before reality inevitably returns. She knows the owner of that voice, though she's afraid to say his name aloud, even alone. But, Raye admitted to feeling the same way…
"You met Jadeite, didn't you?" Lita asks softly broaching the forbidden taboo.
"Yes," Raye answers, wary but curious.
""Did he," she pauses. "Was there anything left?"
Of who he was before the betrayal goes unspoken.
Slowly Raye shakes her head, "He didn't even remember me."
"Nothing at all?" Lita asks, eyes edged with despair making Raye's heart clench.
"To be fair, I didn't remember him either. But, right before my awakening as Sailor Mars," she trails off, struck by a semi-conscious memory of a gentle hand smoothing her hair and his familiar voice. 'How pretty. She's something special… this girl.` Shaking off her daze Raye says, "He may have had a subconscious feeling."
"Do you think, if I had been around, that Nephrite would have remembered me?" Lita asks, cheeks rosy as she stares at her shoes.
Raye blinks in surprise, suddenly feeling bad that Lita was the only Scout to never meet her Heavenly King counterpart. 'Was there comfort in hating Jadeite` she wonders 'because at least he was there to hate?`
Bunching her hands into fists Lita gives a forced laugh. "It's a ridiculous question. If the other three didn't remember you guys there's no way Nephrite would have remembered me."
"Actually," Raye says reaching out to gently unfurl Lita's white knuckled grip, "if anyone could have been saved it would have been Nephrite."
"You think so?" Lita asks, a trickle of hope leaking into her voice.
"Of course," Raye affirms, "he died a hero protecting Molly."
Staring at Lita from the corner of her eye, Raye wonders how things would have changed had the woman next to her been awakened as Sailor Jupiter when Nephrite was their opponent. Would he have still loved Molly? Or would it have been Lita he died protecting? She has little doubt that any romance would've ended tragically. Nephrite, just like the other Heavenly Kings, had heavy sins to atone for.
"If we had our memories of the past, would we have been able to save them?" Lita asks suddenly.
It didn't save the Silver Millennium Raye thinks darkly before answering. "I don't know."
Lita tips her head back, sighing, wishing it would rain and wash away the hollow ache inside of her.
"They're dead and we'll never have the chance to find out," she says closing her eyes against another wave of hopeless longing.
Curious at the drawn out silence Lita turns to find an intense look on her friend's face.
"What is it?" she asks.
Violet eyes study her, judging, before Raye says in deathly serious tones, "I know where they are."
"What!" Lita gasps grabbing Raye's shoulders in a bruising grip. "Are they alive?"
"Not exactly," Raye hedges, gripping Lita's wrists when she gives her a shake. "You can't tell the others because I'm not sure what it means."
"I won't tell. I promise," Lita says, voice brimming with excitement.
"Darien has a glass box in his apartment with four stones; Jadeite, Nephrite, Zoisite, and Kunzite. Normally I wouldn't think anything of it, but after Serena defeated Galaxia, when we were celebrating at Darien's apartment my hand brushed the box and I felt them."
Taking a steadying breath Lita asks, "You're sure it's them, not a psychic backlash since they're Darien's guardians?"
"I'm certain that the spirits of the Heavenly Kings reside in those stones, just like our star seeds," Raye says, placing a hand over her heart.
Lita sits back, absorbing this new information. Mind dizzy with hope for the future and echoes of past betrayal she asks, "Do you think they're dangerous?"
"I doubt Darien would have them if they were," a pause. "It's possible he's keeping them so they can't be resurrected as enemies."
"If it is like the star seeds…could they be reborn with the Silver Crystal?" Lita asks, desperately hoping, but petrified, that the answer is yes.
"After the Silver Millennium they were reborn just like we were, so it's possible," Raye says after a moment. "But there's no guarantee."
"Could we ever trust them again?" Lita asks softly. "Could we forgive them?"
"I don't know," Raye says grimly, "if they're worthy of forgiveness."
Both fall silent, torn between the longing in their hearts and the anguish of betrayal. They're trapped between the possibilities of having that impossible future with men who share the same duty of protecting that most precious person or spending a lifetime incomplete, stopping the tragedies of the past from repeating. As Scouts the choice of sacrifice is obvious, but their hearts rebel against the loneliness, crying for a chance at love. Would they once again have to sacrifice happiness and answer the call of duty?
Lita shudders as she imagines replacing the ghostly memory of her lover with real, touchable flesh. Having a hand to hold throughout the years that wouldn't be endangered because she's a Sailor Scout. Building a family with little playmates for Rini while she still upholds her duty. So many beautiful choices for a bright future. The interminable ache in her soul is drowned in a wave of hope as Lita feels with absolute certainty that this love is meant to be hers. Yet, despite her best efforts, feelings of hesitation linger. There's no way of knowing they won't be betrayed again. Or that the Four Kings are even sorry for their previous actions.
Eyes dimming, her head drops as she wraps her arms around herself. If it did come down to a fight she's confidant the Sailor Scouts would win. They've grown into stronger, wiser soldiers since the battle against Queen Beryl. But Lita's certain it wouldn't come to that. The Heavenly Kings aren't beyond saving. They can't be. Didn't Nephrite prove that? She feels a surge of pride that he managed to overcome the darkness. The Four Sisters, the Amazon Trio, and the Amazon Quartet were given second chances; don't the Four Heavenly Kings deserve one too? Wasn't the point of being reborn to have a happy future free from the tragedies of the past?
The wind picks up unsettling Phobos and Deimos as the trees stir with a rattle of leaves. Above them a dark cloud blocks the light of the moon.
Though calmer than before, the dying echoes of the Silver Millennium's final battle still resound in Raye. She can feel the vengeful fire of her past life burning in her veins demanding justice. The Heavenly Kings actions in this life were forgivable, for the most part, because nobody had memories of the past at that point. If not for Serena's timely intervention she would've fallen victim to the Dark Kingdom. Jadeite's victim. But, everyone was guilty of ignorance so she's willing to believe their actions were never an intentional betrayal. Unlike the first time when the Heavenly Kings willingly abandoned everything they stood for and condemned everyone they loved.
Nails digging into her palms, Raye clenches her jaw infuriated. It was the Heavenly Kings' distrust and suspicion of the Moon Kingdom that brought them to Beryl in the first place. An enemy invades Earth and surely the Moon's to blame. What irony that they sided with the very person they were trying to stop. They did it, of course, with the best of intentions in order to protect Earth. Funny how good intentions are said to pave the path to Hell, because that's exactly what the Heavenly Kings made the Silver Millennium. `Everything we shared became meaningless the moment you stopped trusting in us' Raye thinks resentfully, wishing Jadeite was here so she could slap him. Something in her heart fractures at the thought because she honestly isn't sure if "us" means the Sailor Scouts or herself and Jadeite. There's the truth of it. No matter what happened she'd rather Jadeite was alive and breathing than trapped in a lifeless stone. After all, what's the point of getting angry if he isn't here to argue with?
A small glowing light bobs in front of Lita's face as something lands softly on her nose. Flinching she releases a startled squeak swiping at her attacker. Hardly offended, the firefly drifts lazily through the air joining a handful of compatriots lighting the stairs. A giggle draws her attention to the girl at her side and Lita can't help but laugh as Raye quirks an eyebrow with an amused look before crossing her eyes. Mouth curling into a devilish grin, Lita gives Raye a playful shove tipping the unsuspecting priestess over with an outraged squeal. Glaring violet eyes meet too-innocent emerald when Raye sits up scowling as Lita tries to stifle a chuckle behind her hand.
Shrugging Lita gives Raye an innocent smile as she says, "Whoops?"
Both girls erupt with laughter as, overhead, the clouds part and the moon shines on the fireflies waltzing in the night sky as they try to court the stars. Raye and Lita both know that Serena would willingly resurrect the Heavenly Kings if they asked. She would be delighted to give her friends the same happiness and love that she has and feel honored to give Darien back the four men who were, at one time, his dearest friends. Perhaps one day she will. Until then, the road to redemption is waiting for the Four Heavenly Kings to walk it with the Sailor Soldiers by their sides.