Announcement of non-ownership: Greetings! Forsooth I am Lemony Shakespeare, and thus all is within my jurisdiction. For finding thyself downhearted, indict myself you may attempt. But do not free from your thoughts that I am not of genuine body.
MACBETH
"Dubdubtoitrub"
"What Sunny? That makes absolutely no sense."
"Vioking!"
"Nay."
"Duncan, oh how I adore serving you!"
"Thank you for being so loyal Isadora"
"In other news, Hector has betrayed you."
"Drat!"
"It's ok my lord, in my anger I killed him."
"Very good. Tell Violet to become Thain of Cawdor."
"Um, sure"
"Tell her I'm going to sup at her house tonight. I'm quite sick of travel food kits."
"Ok."
"Klaus, Duncan will is coming over."
"Excellent. Let's kill him."
"What!"
"Sunny's cooking tonight so we should spare him the torture."
"Good call."
"Unsex me!"
"Klaus, why are you wearing my dress?"
"Sorry violet."
"Oh my! I killed..."
"VIOLET! You were meant to leave the salad tongs! Go clean yourself up!"
"I...killed...Duncan..."
"Dun-can! Oh Dun-can!"
"Olaf, what are you doing here?"
"I'm checking on Duncan."
"Why?"
"Oh quit being jealous Violet, just because the Quagmire sapphires are worth much more than your puny little fortune."
--
"Good grief! See for yourself!"
"Oh my! Die henchmen, DIE!"
"This is terrible. With Duncan dead, how will I get...? YOU KILLED ISADORA!"
"I was too angry to see her covered in Duncan's blood."
"Drat!"
"He who killed my brother must surely be after me. I must away!"
"Hey look, Quigley ran off! He must be the guilty one!"
"Well, he was to inherit the hot air balloon but looks like you're going to have to look after it now Violet."
"Nice work, Violet!"
"Widdershins air rules."
"Sunny, stop invading my dreams!"
"Hmmm, I don't think we've ever explored these waters before."
"Look father, something approaches!"
"That's odd indeed Fiona. What do you think V stands for?"
"I don't know."
"Now Fiona, he who hesitates is lost. Wha-"
"Father! Are you alright?"
"Nay. Carry on my legacy. Swim away now my pretty!"
"Happy hot air balloon acquisition day!"
"Thanks for coming everyone."
"To Violet!"
"Widdershins! What do you want!"
"You killed me, Violet."
"THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?? ACK!"
"I thought we were friends."
"Get away! AWAY!"
"Don't mind her, everyone, Violet is merely ill."
"Do you not see him, Klaus?"
"Who?"
"She's lost it. Let's go."
"Good idea Olaf. That girl's unstable."
"Talk to me Sunny."
"Caesar will hurt you."
"Haha, yeah right."
"You're fine till faraway trees visit hot air."
"So I'm invincible!"
"Esme! How now?"
"Oh Fernauld, I'm so distressed. Carmelita is going through a silly phase of wearing unfashionable clothing. And Olaf is always out."
"He's still trying to get the Baudelaire fortune."
"He better be."
"Bye, lady."
"La dee dah. Doo doo dee."
"Well, well, well!
"Jerome! What are you doing here?"
"Oh Esme, I can't believe you left me for...this silly girl? Die!"
"Stupid cakesniffers, now I am killed."
"No, Jerome, please."
"Olaf, Violet's men attacked your house."
"Alas."
"Esme and Carmelita are dead."
"Oh woe!"
"Let's work together Olaf."
"Get away Quagmire."
"Trust me."
"Ok."
"Klaus, you've been wandering around naked at night."
"Really, Violet? You sound...aroused."
"No I don't. You're creeping me out. Stop it."
"Time to attack the Baudelaires."
"Hang on Olaf, there's a massive sale at BigMart. All the LotR action figures are mega cheap!"
"Oh wow! Do they have Theoden?"
"What! Why do you want him? Everyone knows Treebeard has the best attacks."
"Really? Then how come there's only one Theoden left while the floor is covered in Treebeards?"
"Lucky me."
"Klaus, the balloon is not for sitting on."
"But the light is so much better for reading up here!"
"Watch out, you're-"
"Aaaah! My glasses have broken!"
"What?? How did-?"
"I can't see!"
"Watch out, your-"
"Aaaah! The glass has cut the balloon. Violet! Hel-"
"Oh Klaus. You were not meant to die like this. Oh look, massive hole. Time to plummet."
"Hey look! It's the hot air balloon!"
"Olaf and his troupe, and…Quigley?"
"Hey Violet! Check out what I got at BigMart! 52 Ents!"
"Ents?"
"Yeah, that tree thing from Lord of the Rings."
"Well, frick."
"By the way Violet, I don't love you anymore. Not since you killed Isadora."
"Well here's some news Quigley: I NEVER LOVED YOU!"
"NOOOOO!!!"
"I'm so sad for you Quigley. Here, I'll kill her for you."
"Ha Olaf! Only Caesar can kill me."
"Guess what Violet? My name happens to be Caesar!"
"Caesar Olaf? Sucks to be you."
"No Violet, it sucks to be you."
THE END.
MacBeth in two pages. And an unfortunate ending. Hurrah! I'm probably a little rusty on details, so feel free to correct/comment/leave flames of intense dislike.