Dudley Demented

A/n: I do not own Harry Potter et al; I receive no monetary remunerations for this story. This is a work of fiction under fair use rules no copyright infringement is intended. This story has mature content and unsuitable for small children or large children under the age of 17. Some content may contain deviant sexual behavior.

Hermione crossed and uncrossed her legs; she was trying to concentrate on the text before her and blotting out the tinkling of water next door. Petunia had been in the bath for close to an hour already and judging by the sounds had no intentions of leaving any time soon. Hermione, realizing the futility of trying to read, crossed the hall and knocked on Harry's door. Hermione waited, but when the silence stretched to a full minute she opened the door expecting to see Harry and Ron asleep. The shabby room, filled with broken toys was quiet and neither boy was in sight. Hermione turned to leave when a piece of parchment with her name on it caught her eye, unfolding it she let out a huff of irritation at its content. Ron, it seemed, didn't last one afternoon at the Dursleys before going to the Burrow, citing hunger pains and boredom. Typical Ron, she thought, as she crossed the hall again this time to the bathroom door, when she heard Harry's soft laugh she lost her temper. Drawing her wand Hermione intoned "alohomora," the door not being locked slammed open to the adjacent wall leaving the occupants to stare up at the witch.

"A simple knock would have worked as well Hermione," Harry said evenly before going back to his task.

"It must be inherent in the freak gene; she was always doing the same thing, sticking her nose where it didn't belong."

"Now Aunt Petunia you promised you wouldn't insult my mother any more if I continued our regimen," Harry said as he lowered the sponge.

Hermione stared at her best friend sitting in front of the tub in shock before spluttering,

"What… Harry she's your… how can you… it's not…"

"Its ok Hermione, she gave me baths when I was little, I'm just repaying the favor," Harry went on unperturbed by the stammering. "She promised not to insult my mother if I continued, and it is nice to have some conversation outside of Hogwarts."

"Oh Harry she is just taking advantage of you. You should be ashamed of yourself Petunia Dursley; I should ring the police right now. Harry don't you understand this is abuse, you shouldn't be forced to do that."

Harry could tell she was just building up a head of steam and he wondered what he could do to avoid the coming lecture, he needn't have worried.

"I would think that you especially would thank me for the lessons I have taught Harry," Petunia said in a calm voice. "As a matter of fact according to Harry you have been on the receiving end of those lessons for a number of years."

The heat rose to Hermione's face and she froze at Petunia's words; but the sound of Harry wringing out the sponge seemed to shake her out of stupor and brought to mind why she was there in the first place.

"I have to pee," Hermione began before blushing again, "I mean I need to use the loo please."

"Well go ahead," Harry started before holding his hands out to forestall Hermione's chiding, "there is a lavatory downstairs."

"Oh," she said wrong footed, then huffed "we are not done here."

"No of course not, I've still got her other leg and hair to wash."

"That's not what I meant, just… just, I will be right back."

Hermione turned and rushed down the stairs thinking furiously about lecture she was about to give Petunia; poor Harry just didn't understand how wrong it was. As Hermione was finishing she could hear laughter and splashing coming from the open bathroom door and it gave her pause. Harry had always said how much he hated coming here, but this was something that had been going on for years, she would get to the bottom of it and soon. After ascending the stairs she stopped outside the bathroom door and listened to the conversation going on inside.

"I told you Harry it was never right, it doesn't matter how good it felt. Yes that is the reason I always said no to more until you were 16."

"And I told you we wouldn't have to tell anyone, and it's not like Vernon could do anything for you."

Hermione peeked around the corner in time to see a soft smile appear on Petunia's face before her hands cupped Harry's face drawing him into a searing kiss. Harry, it seemed, expected this because Hermione saw a flash of pink as his tongue darted between her lips, before sucking gently on her lower lip. As the kiss deepened Hermione cleared her throat and stepped into the doorway.

"Harry this is wrong, the Criminal Law Amendment Act of 1885 raised the age of consent to any sexual activity to 16, any before that is considered abuse. You said that this has gone on for years; oh Harry, don't you understand this could be the reason you have such low self esteem and suffer those bouts of depression."

"Hermione I suffer from low self esteem because of Dumbledore and those bouts of depressions might, just might, stem from nearly getting killed every year at Hogwarts. When you get in a foul mood I don't automatically blame it on your period. For once let me explain before you go off on a tangent, you have no idea what is going on here, if you want to learn shut the door and have a seat."

"You were right Harry she is too smart for her own good."

Hermione sniffed, "I'll have you know that I study very hard to gain my knowledge. I had to do a paper on Acts of Parliament and that's why I also know that The Punishment of Incest Act of 1908 doesn't differentiate between consensual and not, if any one were to find out you would both be in a lot of trouble."

"Hermione," Harry said grabbing her attention, "neither of those laws applies to me or you for that matter. We fall under the jurisdiction of the Ministry Of Magic, the age of consent being 12 and no incest laws to speak of. Why do you think Percy laughed about you telling McGonagall he propositioned you? Of course he never lived down the fact you said no."

"How do you know this, I have never read any of those laws."

"I guess I should start from the beginning; one day after first year I was sneaking about the house under my invisibility cloak when I heard Petunia crying," Harry paused and looked into Petunia's eyes, at her nod he continued. "She was sitting in the tub talking to herself, she kept saying 'why Vernon, why wasn't I enough'. I couldn't just leave her there so, forgetting that I was under the cloak I starting rubbing circles on her back, she screamed." Harry and Petunia both chuckled before Harry started again. "I told her I was sorry and she started going on about me seeing her in the bath, I told her she had seen me in the bath plenty so it didn't matter. Being that I was already there she started talking and I grabbed a sponge and started in on her back. That was the first of many conversations over the following few weeks, everything was going fine until Ron and his idiot brothers showed up. I learned more in those few weeks than I ever did at school, and then I was stuck at the Burrow and all Ron wanted to do was play chess."

"Well you don't have to worry over Ron anymore," Hermione said pulling the note out of her pocket. "He left, said he was hungry and bored; he didn't say if he was coming back or not."

"He won't. Ron will get home and never be allowed out of his mother's sight, he'll be badgering us to come to the Burrow in a day or two. Any way one thing led to another and Petunia and I came to an arrangement, I would help her feel wanted and she would show me how to please a woman and not insult my mother. If your squeals were any indication she has held up her end."

Hermione blushed as they both stared at her, "well uh… you did seem to know where… I mean we… oh fine yes you did some wonderful work." As Hermione finished her voice trailed off and her eyes glazed over, loud laughter brought her out of reverie.

"I'll say he has, you should know he was a natural, took to it like a broom you might say," Petunia stopped at Hermione's scowl.

"She's talking about quidditch Hermione, anyway," Harry turned his gaze on Petunia's body "at least I had this lovely woman show me the ropes. I don't think I could handle Mrs. Weasley, poor Ron."

Hermione gasped, "what do you mean? What does Mrs. Weasley have to do with you and Petunia doing… well you know?"

"Well the Weasleys might not follow most of the traditions but even they have their mother teach their sons about pleasuring woman. Why do you think the twins are so mischievous, they wanted to make sure they weren't virgins." At Hermione's confused look he explained, "usually it happens after their sixth year if they are still virgins. Mr. Weasley warned me that I might want to avoid the Burrow this summer, I wasn't sure if it was because Ron was going to be trained or if it was me."

"How would Mrs. Weasley know if you are a virgin or not?"

"There are spells, but they must be done by a family member. It might be a tad embarrassing if you're walking along and someone hits you with that spell. Anyway most parents would just ask, Mrs. Weasley on the other hand has hit me with that spell twice a year since first year."

"I thought you said it had to be done by a family member."

"It does, it always shows up as virgin if a non family member cast it, but she is delusional and thinks since I am bound to marry Ginny that it makes me family. I just wish she would cast that spell on Ginny, its amazing the things that girl gets up to."

"You mean she's a slut?"

"Well yeah, but I was trying to be nice about it," Harry said with a laugh. "So I am planning on staying here till my birthday."

"You come of age, we will have to celebrate." Hermione had never heard such a sultry voice before, and judging by the bulge in Harry's pants it worked, she found herself intrigued by this woman whom she had hated on principal for 6 years.

"We will have to celebrate early I'm afraid, me and Hermione have to be out of here before then, and you have to go into hiding. Don't look at me like that we have already discussed this; we have a job to do," Harry stated pointing between him and Hermione. "You on the other hand will have no protection after the 31st. I don't care where you go, but you will go." Harry hands reached up and caressed Petunia's small breast twirling the nipple between his thumb and forefinger. "You know that's true," Harry's voice was as soft as his touch, "lets not argue any more."

With one hand on her breast the other snaked into her hair as he pulled her down into a kiss; Hermione's cough interrupted them again.

Hermione stood uncomfortably in front of them, "maybe I should just go home I don't want to intrude."

"Oh nonsense, Harry hasn't even finished his story yet, he just got a little sidetracked. Why don't you come over here and make yourself comfortable," Petunia said patting the rim of the tub.

Harry slid over to give her room, once she was settled he started removing her shoes, starting his story to avoid her questions. "Well after that first time she told me to follow her over to Mrs. Polkiss' house for tea and to bring my cloak," Harry paused and looked up from Hermione's shoes. "That's where I learned that swirl trick you seemed to like so much."

Hermione brought a hand to her mouth as her head jerked to Petunia than back at Harry, "she taught you that?"

"Yes," Harry smiled fondly, "and a lot more besides. It seems that dear Petunia had herself a little harem of gossip buddies; I know Dudley reads about horny housewives in his magazines but I never knew there were so many here."

It was Petunia's turn to blush though she continued to look at two of them, "I'm not ashamed," she said "I wouldn't have to roam if Vernon would stay home."

"Well I would have never found out what a wonderful gift you have if he hadn't." Harry eased down Hermione's socks, slowly massaging her feet, while Petunia started to unbutton her blouse.

"While I kept under my cloak Petunia would work her own brand of magic on the neighborhood lovelies. I have no idea how she talked the prudes out of their knickers but she had no end of assistants for my tutorials."

As Harry stood up and took Hermione's hand it was then she realized her state of undress. Somewhere in the conversation she had lost her shoes, socks, blouse, and bra.

Seeing her start to panic Harry began speaking once again, "It's alright Hermione; I'm going to show you some of the new stuff I learned today. Petunia's just going to coach me if I miss something, here let me help you out of those jeans."

Flustered and not completely comfortable Hermione stared into Harry's eyes, she could get lost in those green orbs and they always seemed to calm her.

"That's it, just lie back."

His voice had melodic quality to it and she couldn't help but obey. At first the tiles were cold on her back but soon all coherent thought left her mind as her senses lit up like fire.

Harry's hand on her thigh was like a brand, and the heat of his breath left her skin flushed and her breathing labored. She was panting; the fire in his touch had her completely surrounded. Gasping for breath she heard, at the edge of consciousness, a voice whispering encouragement. This bliss, no this utter contentment was amazing, no law should stand in the way of this feeling and what ever she taught him no matter the means could never be wrong.

Hermione wasn't sure how long it took before coherent speech returned to her, the cool tile now a relief to her flushed skin. Hearing seemed to fade in and out as her breathing began to slow, and suddenly his breath was on her skin once more as he whispered. "Are you back with us?" A smile in his voice, Harry continued at her nod "you blacked out for a bit there. Petunia assured me you were alright and that it would be a cruelty to stop."

"Thank you Petunia, I wasn't sure if you were encouraging me or him, I can't imagine the loss had he quit."

"That's quite alright dear, I've tried to explain the feeling to him but I think I will have to show him instead. It was going to be my birthday present to him, I haven't done it in quite awhile but I'm sure it will come back to me."

"Could I watch?" Hermione asked, "I wondered about it but with Harry being so good I was afraid to try and get it wrong. I looked for a book but there were none in the library or at Flourish and Blott's."

Now Harry was confused, he and Hermione had had sex, the same with Petunia.

He stared calmly at the two women as they advanced on him.

"Now Harry be a dear and loosen your trousers," Petunia began. "That's it now lie back, there's a good lad. Hermione slip a hand into his shorts and see if he's ready."

Hermione's hand was warm and moist when she reached his member, "Oh" she called as it twitched in her hand. "I believe he is ready, shall I warm him up for you?"

"No, somehow I doubt he needs it." Petunia said with a smile as she helped him to the floor. "Now lie all the way down, I'm going to show you exactly what you did to Hermione."

Harry felt his shorts slide down his leg, then a warm hand between his thighs spreading his legs pushing them almost flat on the tile. A hiss escaped his lips at the explosion of feeling, moist heat on is shaft a tongue curling around his tip, and then his vision began to fade. Spasms moved throughout his body, he was on fire and a pressure like he had never felt was building in his center, he tried to speak but it came out as grunts and a whine. White knuckles scraped at his sides before another explosion, this one greater than the first, that left him dazed and shaking on the floor.

The door to bathroom exploded open once again, this time though two men stood agape at the door. Vernon and Dudley Dursley could hear sounds of someone in trouble in the upstairs lavatory as they walked into the house, fearing the worse they ran upstairs to save Petunia from the freak.

"Pet…"

"Mum…" They both said at the same time, as Hermione grabbed Harry and a towel to cover up.

"What in the ruddy hell is going on here? What have you done to my Petunia, you have gone to far this time boy." Vernon was interrupted by a keening wail behind him.

"Mum, what were you… you weren't… I mean that's not his… on your chin…" The stuttering came to a halt as the large boy tumbled out of sight onto the floor.