Hey guys! so with everything happening with Erin on CPD right now, i thought i would write my take i guess. I would to see Kelly helping her through this time, especially since he went through it with Shay, but that will most likely not happen. So i am making it happen lol
Kelly was feeling it tonight. All the pressure of the fight with the guys, he felt so stupid, didn't wanna be around them right now. Couldn't go to Molly's after the scene he'd caused, so he went to a small local dive. The place wasn't hopping by any means, but there was a decent amount of people occupying tables and bar stools. Walking over he signaled for the bar tender and ordered a beer. His back against the counter, he began to scope the place, take in the crowd. There were a few guys playing pool in the corner, a group of young kids, probably in college over to his left at the bar and Erin on his right. Erin? He had to do a double take, why would she be sitting in this place? Drinking alone at that. Then he remembered, the chief had filled them all in on what had happened with CPD's case, and with Nadia. His heart broke for her, knowing all too well what that was like. He also knew losing yourself in booze wasn't the smartest way to go; had to learn that one that hard way.
Grabbing his beer, he made his way over to her and took a seat on the stool next to hers. He didn't say anything at first, just watched her down one shot after another. When the bar tender made her way over to fill her shot glass again he covered it with his hand. That didn't go over well. Her head shot up at him, anger painted all over her face, "what do you think you're doing?" she asked looking him straight in the eye. Her expression softened a little when she realized who she was talking to and she looked away. "I'm not really in a talking mood," she said turning back in his direction, signaling Bunny to fill her glass up again. But Kelly again covered it with his hand, preventing the woman from pouring anything. "I don't need a babysitter Kelly."
"Didn't say you did," he answered moving the glass away from her all together telling the woman behind the bar to bring out two waters.
Bunny stood there for a minute looking back and forth between her daughter and the man next to her. She had been pouring shots all night for Erin, but she knew it wouldn't help, if this guy could help her she'd give it a try, two waters it was. When the drink was placed in front of her, Lindsay gave her mom a look that would kill, "Mom."
Mom? It all clicked for Kelly after that. That's why she was in this dive. Bunny just shook her head at her daughter and walked away, tending to the college students at the other end of the bar. "If you don't think I need a babysitter than why are you here?"
"Look Erin, I know what it's like to lose your best friend," she closed her eyes as Kelly spoke, trying to ignore his words, "but this isn't the way to deal with it, trust me I know. Is this what Nadia would want?"
She could feel the tears welling in her eyes, but she tried to keep her emotions in check. She'd rather be angry then a crying mess, "I didn't come to a bar alone to talk. Just let me drink and leave me alone."
"Not gonna happen," he said finishing off his beer and closing out his tab, he'd be on water the rest of the night. "Look I can't tell you what to do, but I can help you or try to if you'll let me."
She wanted to stay strong, wanted to keep all of it beneath the surface, stay mad at him, but when she saw the look on his face, she couldn't. "It was my fault." She said putting her head down as he looked at her with confusion. "I pushed her. I pushed her to be like me, to take the path I did, if I would have just left her alone she'd still be alive."
"Erin you don't know that."
"Don't I? Yates wouldn't have gone after her if it weren't for me, I…" she took a deep breath trying to keep her tears at bay. She shook her head, "I can't talk about this."
"You have to talk about it, you can't just pretend it didn't happen, you have to…"
"I appreciate you being here, but I'm not ready to deal with all this yet. Right now I just want to forget."
"Fine, I'll buy you a beer." Severide said shaking his head, she'd have to learn the hard way too.
After a few more beers and a lot more shots, Kelly and Erin ended up back at her apartment. Clothes tossed all over the floor, the two of them lay tangled in her bed. Severide looking down at her resting on his chest, his heart hurt for her, he just hoped he could help her through this; that she'd let him. He also hoped she didn't have to work this morning. Looking at the clock he saw 4:30 flashing, they had only gotten in maybe an hour ago, she would definitely be feeling the pain when she got up.
He wrapped his arms around her tightly in a protective way, not that she needed to be protected, but he wanted to shield her. He looked at the clock one more time before deciding he should probably get some sleep himself.
When Erin woke up that morning her head was pounding. She wanted to throw her alarm clock across the room. She came close to doing so when she couldn't find the button that made it shut up. Groaning she ran her hands over her face and stretched a little before walking out toward the kitchen. One thing she wasn't expecting to see was a shirtless Kelly sitting on her couch, watching tv, and eating cereal. She'd laugh if her head didn't feel like it was about to split open.
"Hey," he said getting up from his spot on the sofa and turning the tv off. He put his bowl in the sink and handed her a cup of coffee, along with two Aleve. "Here, take these, they'll help a lot."
"Thanks," she answered swallowing both pills and then looking back up at him, "lose your shirt?" she joked not realizing the joke was on her.
"You could say that," he said with a laugh, "you're wearing it." Taking a sip from her mug, Erin looked down shaking her head; she was definitely out of it. "I'd be happy to take it back from you."
She smirked, thankful for his playfulness, she needed it. Everyone had been tip toeing around her lately, asking how she was doing; she hated it. She was glad Kelly was just acting like it was a normal day, staying light hearted, not making her feel worse about things. "I'm gonna go take a quick shower before I head down to the precinct." He nodded his smile fading a little seeing the darkness in her eyes come to the front as she talked about work.
He cleaned up a little and grabbed his shirt off of her bedroom floor, as he waited for her to get ready. When she came out of the bedroom dressed and ready he looked at her with a sad smile. She looked so tough and ready to take on the world on the outside, but feeling broken on the inside. He walked out with her, no reason to stay if she was leaving. "Thank you," she said quietly as they got ready to part ways. He pulled her into a hug that right now they both needed.
"You want a ride?"
"No, I'm good. I'll see you around," she replied getting into her car. He nodded, what she didn't know is she would see him tonight. He knew that one night wouldn't fix things and she'd be back at that dive after her shift. He wasn't going to let her get sucked into that the way he did, so when she went to the bar tonight, he'd be there waiting.
It was getting harder and harder for Erin to stay focused at work. Each case, each death, made her more and more uncomfortable. She played it off though and tried to stay as focused as she could. She could barely look anyone on her team in the eye. If she did she knew she'd lose it. Their hurt and sympathy showing through their eyes, she couldn't handle it. It was bad enough she had Hank and Jay constantly asking her if she was ok, treating her like a fragile little girl. She was getting really sick of it.
She was fine. Period. Ok maybe not fine, but that's what she'd keep telling herself. Not to mention everytime they asked her of she was ok, she thought about all the reasons she wasn't. She knew they meant well, but they were really just making things worse. She just wanted to talk about the case, get the bad guy, and go home.
She grabbed her keys and was ready to head out when she felt a hand on her shoulder; she turned around and saw Jay's concerned face. "Hey, missed you last night. I think the gangs all going out again tonight if you wanna come."
Erin nodded "I'll try to make it," she replied and looked down as she began to walk away, but he grabbed her arm.
"Look Erin, I know this isn't easy for you, for any of us, but don't shut everyone out. Don't shut me out."
She looked up at him, seeing the hurt and pity in his eyes, but all she did was pull her arm out of his grip and walk away.
When she got into her car she took a deep breath. She looked around the rental, a knot forming in the pit of her stomach. Everytime she got in the thing her heart broke. It just reminded her of the reason she didn't have her car. Reminded her of what happened. Running her hands over her face, she shook her head, pushing all those feelings down and starting the car. She needed a drink.
Lindsay walked into the dive and looked around, usual crowd she thought as she made her way over to the bar. She had gotten used to the locals that frequented this place, had come to know what to expect. What she didn't expect was to see the firefighter in the brown leather jacket sitting there chatting it up with her mother.
She walked over with a straight face, watching the two of them interact, Bunny laughing at something he said. He looked up as she stopped next to him at the bar, "Hey," he said and took a sip of his beer.
"Hey," she replied keeping her straight face, "what are you doing here?"
"Just grabbing a beer," he answered taking another swig.
"Here? What's wrong with Molly's?" she asked taking a seat on the stool next to him.
"I really don't feel like being around the guys right now, you know what that's like."
"Kelly. I don't need a babysitter ok? I'm fine."
"Never said you did," he answered signaling Bunny for another drink.
She walked over all smiles, she liked this guy. And even if Erin wouldn't admit it, she knew that her daughter did too. "Here you go Kelly," she said placing his beer in front of him with a smile before turning around to finish another order.
"What you're buddies with my mom now?" Lindsay asked downing the shot that Bunny had placed in front of her.
"We just got to talking."
"Uh huh," she said not believing him. Not believing that he wasn't there for her. Part of her angry. She was fine, she kept telling everyone she was fine, but no one was listening. But the other part of her? Secretly loved that he was worried, that he cared. Picking up his beer, she took a swig, grinning as she put it back down.
"Hey! Get your own," Severide said picking up the bottle before she could grab it again. It was good to see her smile, to see her acting like herself a little bit.
It was almost closing time and Kelly and Erin were still sitting at the bar. They would talk, but when things got too serious, he saw the look in her eye, the one that said she could break at any moment. When he saw that he would try to throw in a joke, cheer her up. He knew she needed to talk about, needed to break, but she wasn't ready yet.
When the bar was actually closing, Severide and Lindsay both said their goodbyes to Bunny before walking outside. Erin walked over to her rental and could immediately feel the knot in her throat. She couldn't drive this car now. Not to mention they had both had a few and shouldn't be behind the wheel anyway. He took her hand in his, squeezing it for comfort, causing a sad smile to form on her lips. Thankful it wasn't a cold night, they decided to walk to her apartment.
Things were different tonight when they got to her place. No heavy makeout, no tearing off of clothes, no heading straight for the bedroom; tonight was different. Last night was about numbing the pain, using him as a friendly face to help her forget. Tonight? Tonight was about more. Tonight he was there for her. To talk, to drink, to comfort, to walk her home, whatever she needed.
Kelly slid his jacket off and sat down on her couch as walked over to the fridge and grabbed two waters, before taking the seat next to him. "Tell me the truth, why were you at the bar tonight?"
He took a deep breath and looked up into her green eyes, "I was worried about you. I know you said you're ok, but…"
She put her hand up, cutting him off. Taking his hand in hers, she rested her head on his arm, "thank you."
That wasn't the response he was expecting. He was expecting her to be angry or to make him explain or tell him yet again that she was fine. But instead she thanked him. "I know you're not ready to talk about it," he started, feeling her tense up, "but when you are, I'm here for you." He turned and placed a kiss on the top of her head, feeling her relax a little.
She closed her eyes, trying to fight back tears and just relax into him. She was so glad he was there, that he was pushing himself into her life again. The truth was she needed him, even though she wouldn't let him know that, at least not yet. As much as she wanted to be alone, she kind of loved that when she was pushing everyone away, he was willing to push back.
I will be writing more to this, i will probably be pulling some things from the episodes as they air so updates will hopefully be weekly. Please let me know what you guys think. xo