The Next Best Thing
Yes, I know this may be contrary to the anime itself, but this idea struck me while I was listening to the Project K Trading CD 5&6. The idea for this fic popped up when Fushimi said to Yata "The day you will understand me will never come, so you have no choice but to continue hating me". This, and also because episode 10 flashback and listening to (.5)/ Pointfive's song, "Select Me".
There's many theories about why Fushimi left Homura even though he was so close to Yata, and many of them run along the lines of Yata drifting away from Fushimi once he found more friends in Homura. Besides, the flashback where Saruhiko gave Misaki that heartbroken smile in episode 10 absolutely hit me in the feels. So Fushimi settled for the next best thing when his whole world was snatched from him. This is a theoretical "what-if" scenario.
WARNING: Angst, character death. OOCness. Not meant to be a happy fic. Read "Dear Cobalt: Happy Birthday Fushimi" for semi-happy fic.
Disclaimer: K Project and its characters belong to GoRa and GoHands respectively. I don't own any of the characters, official plot, or designs. I also make no money off of this work.
"you" = talking
'you'= thinking (note single quote marks!)
You = Flash back, or change of scenery.
~ On a dusty battle ground where clansmen clash~
Ahh, flaming red. I'm engulfed in a haze of crackling blue and red as the last of our energy mingles and burns out. I remain hovering above you, my body hunched over yours. Our bodies are pressed together from the bottom half up, and your limp form naturally moulds into mine perfectly. I knew we were meant to be. Look how well we fit together, my dear Misaki.
Your forehead rests against m chest, and I hold you. The steady rhythm of a slowing pulse reverberates on my fingertips and in my chest. I can't tell whether it's yours or mine…or did our pulses meld into one? I don't know anymore. I try to sit up straighter, but a cough forces its way up my throat, and a small stream of crimson leaks from my lips involuntarily.
You look up into my eyes…ah, what a wonderful gaze you have. Even in our last moments together, your eyes continue to burn with emotion, though it is one of surprise this time, rather than your usual disdain and hatred of me. "O-oi, Saru….w-why….?" You rasped through your ragged breathing, and a trail of red spills from the corner of your lips, too.
Why? It should be obvious, shouldn't it? "Misaki…you're mine. No one is allowed to kill you, except for me. I-I…I won't allow it. Over my d-dead body…" I know I don't have much time left. Neither does my beloved. "W-what….? T-that still doesn't mean….you need to t-try and take th-that shot for me….not that it helped…."my scarlet darling was still so caring, even when he tried to mask it as a disgruntled complaint. Tsundere to the last, ne, Misaki? You're so dear, it makes you all the more worth dying for. "I couldn't leave you alone, you know. Didn't we make a promise? On that spring day long ago…no matter what happens or who we meet, we'd still be the most important to each other."
You must have realized or remembered something now, your eyes widen in that surprised look that you always had when you suddenly remembered something. "S-saru…..I….I'm sorry. Ever since we joined Homura, I've replaced you with Mikoto-san and the others, haven't I…? Now I see…dammit….and here I always t-thought I was in the right…always saying how you betrayed me when really, I was the one…the one who abandoned you first…" tears streamed down your lovely, flushed cheeks as you finally figure out how I've felt all this time. They're hot to the touch, burning with humiliation and defeat, but you don't turn away from me as I hold your face in my hands and wipe away those tears. I can't help but feel my own lips break into a slight smile, as sad as I feel. You finally see what has been shoved roughly into my face, what I have been forced to accept cruelly while you walked off happily all this time. It's alright though, because you have decided to come back to me now.
"Don't apologize, Misaki. It absolutely isn't you…all that matters now is that you finally understand me, and know why I had to do what I did. Now…we won't ever have to be separated again…" I smiled wryly as I looked down at the sword impaling us, sealing our fate and skewering us together. "How can you be glad of something like this? Now you're going to die, too…" you chided me lightly. Ah, how I missed this tone…you used to tell me to eat my vegetables in this tone, too. "Hah….it seems you still don't fully understand my problem, Misaki…" I sighed and tilted your head up so I could behold your lovely eyes. "Life won't be worth living if you died, Misaki. That's why I had to make sure I'd always be with you, always in your eyes. I won't stand for it if I ever faded into the background, I had to do everything I can to make you look only at me when I'm in front of you. Always. After all, I love you." There, I've finally said what I really wanted to say to you all this time. Now all I can do is wait for your rejection, wait for you to judge me, and damn me to eternity.
"I-I love you too, Saruhiko." Those simple words that I have always longed to hear from your lips…they're finally here. Amongst the dust brewing from the fight around us, I breathed deeply: I feel lighter than I ever have. I don't know why, but it seems as if a heavy burden had been lifted off my chest, and for the first time in a long while, I feel my face heat up. "You're crying too." You tell me bluntly. Ah. Is that what this burning liquid running down my face was? I wasn't aware. I always thought my tears had long since dried up…or like my wretched parents would like to say, that I had never been capable of crying. That I was stone-hearted like that. "It's because I'm so glad." That came out a lot quieter than I expected as I held you close. "I kept you wait—" you tried to stutter out incoherently. "Shh, no more words, Misaki." I quietly admonished as I sealed our lips together.
The sweet taste of Misaki mixed with the copper tang of blood, though I cannot tell whether it is his or mine. It does not matter though, because only I will get to revel in this exquisite taste, now that Misaki is mine and mine alone. Just like this, we shared a long, bloody kiss…an exotic dance on its own. It was sometimes gentle, and sometimes fierce, but never dull. I don't know how long we ended up making out for, but it all came too soon when Misaki broke our contact.
"Saru, I think…" Misaki trailed off, and I saw too. Our time is ending, Misaki's eyes started to gloss over. I held him tighter with what remaining strength I have left, and intertwined our fingers together. "It's alright, Misaki. You won't be alone, because I'll be with you forever. Goodnight, my Misaki. Let's dream a wonderful dream together." I breathed into his ear, and his eyes closed slowly. "Sa…ru…hi…ko…" with my name on his lips, he breathed his last. So too, I closed my eyes and held him to me as my breathing slowed. Nothing else mattered right now, not the fight going on, not Suoh Mikoto or Munakata Reisi, not the struggle between the coloured clans….nothing.
I've always wanted to stay by Misaki's side, and hoped he wanted to stay by me, too. Yet he had not wanted to, until the very last. I don't grudge him though, he never meant to stray from me, he only came back to me really late. I couldn't keep his love until now, so I settled for his hate until he gave me back what we had. I just couldn't stand it if he felt nothing about me at all. I couldn't live with him, so I settled for the next best thing. It's my greatest happiness to have died with him.
~The End~
Waaahh….what'd I write!? I just….I don't know. Sorry if this made you cry, guys. It just struck me after that heartbroken smile Saru had…I only hope K doesn't actually end like this. SaruMi is pretty much canon (hint: Trade CD and official merchandise…they always come in a pair and Saru is the one advertising the Misaki pillow). I hope they actually end up with a happy ending…anyway, this has been The Next Best Thing.