A/N: Hey guys. This is just a oneshot I've had in my head for a while and since I'm driving back to New Jersey from Florida (so bored, but our freakin flight got canceled), I have tons of time to write this. I really love this song and I thought it'd really work with the idea that I have for this oneshot. ENJOY AND PLEASE REVIEW!!! (I love knowing what you guys think!)
Note: This whole oneshot is told from Gabriella's POV.
Disclaimer: I don't own High School Musical or "Whatever Will Be."
Whatever Will Be
Pain. Hurt. Agony. Grief. Heartache. Misery. Sadness. Suffering. All of these words don't even begin to describe my mental state at this point. For the last week I've been asking myself how my life had gotten to this point. Had I done something wrong? Is this karma somehow coming to back to bite me in the ass despite the fact that I myself was a good child? Did I somehow hurt someone? Why did this have to happen to me?
Maybe it's the fact that Troy and I have been in perfect bliss since we were in high school. He and I graduated Berkeley and Stanford, respectively, with honors three years ago. We both hold steady jobs. Troy even proposed a mere six months ago. We were set to get married in two months, but I no longer know if I'm as enthusiastic about it as he is. I love Troy with all my heart, but at the moment part of my heart is broken due to that adversity.
As I lay in bed for the seventh day in a row, dressed in a pair of sweat pants a t-shirt and one of Troy's sweaters with no covers over me, I thought only of the even that occurred a mere week ago.
Continuing to wonder about it as I lay there, motionless, I heard Troy enter our bedroom. I figured it was early because it was his first trip back in here after he himself got up from a short night's sleep. Of course he came in with breakfast in hand. Troy has been trying to get me to eat for the last couple of days. He hasn't succeeded much since I haven't exactly been hungry. I've only sent him back to the kitchen. I could see the broken look in his eyes every time I refuse to eat or refuse to speak. He, of course, sees the pain in my eyes when he tries to console me. As much as I love him, I can't seem to get over this quite this quickly. I know that this has affected him just as much as it has me, but I can see that he's only trying to be brave for me. I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take though.
"Hey Brie," Troy said to me softly as he placed the tray of food on our nightstand and made his way to our bed. He sat next to me started running his hand through my hair. "How are you doing today?"
"Fine," I answered just as softly, not making eye contact with him.
"Well, I can actually believe that," he said as he kept looking at me. Troy had come to understand "fine" as being an acronym: Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. "Do you want some breakfast?"
I just shook my head, but Troy is persistent after all. "Come on, Brie, you have to eat something."
Again, I shook my head. "Gabriella, you need to take your antibiotics, but you need to eat something beforehand. The doctor said that it is very important for you to eat anyway. I don't want you getting sick, Gabriella. Please, just eat something," he practically begged by the end. I knew he was completely serious because he only called me 'Gabriella' when it was something important and serious.
"Fine," I quickly got out. He put the pillows up for me so that I would be more comfortable sitting in bed as he placed the tray over my legs. I had to say the blueberry waffles did look delicious. Troy knew that that was my favorite breakfast, but I just didn't have the hear to tell him at this moment that it tasted so good as my stomach happily accepted the food. He even put strawberries on the side, just how I liked it.
Troy had a small smile on his face as he watched me eat the waffles he prepared and drink the tea that he knew I loved. I was generally a coffee person, but had adopted tea for the past two months.
I had to say that the breakfast did make me feel a little better. It managed to get rid of my headache anyway. "Don't forget to take your antibiotics." I nodded and did as I was told.
After I completely finished my breakfast, Troy removed the tray from my lap and placed it back on our nightstand. I looked at him strangely as he usually took it back to the kitchen immediately.
"Brie, I wanna talk," he started, but I immediately started shaking my head furiously as I knew exactly what he wanted to talk about.
"Troy, I can't -," I began to protest but he interupted my statement.
"Gabriella, we have avoided talking about this for the last week. I can't see you suffer like this any longer. I understand that you're hurting because I'm hurting too, but we should be able to talk about this."
At his last statement, I got out of bed and headed out of the room towards the living room. "Gabriella!"
As he called my name I ignored it and kept walking towards the living room, the tears now freely falling from my eyes. He easily walked up to me and immediately wrapped me in his arms. "Brie, I know you hurting, but we need to understand each other. We need to come to terms with this. We can't hide from it any longer," he softly said into my ear.
"It hurts too much, Troy. I can't," I said, struggling to even stay on my feet. I felt weak, both physically and mentally.
"I know it hurts, Gabi, but we both need to come to terms with it. We can't have it haunt us for the rest of our lives. We need to get past it," he whispered.
"I know, but every time I open my eyes the thoughts come back to my head, and every time I close my eyes I have dreams and visions of 'what would have been,' and I just don't know if I can let it go," I continued, still softly crying.
"I don't know if we'll ever be able to fully let go, Brie, but I know that we have to try to get past it and move on with our lives. As much as it may hurt, we have to try." By this point, Troy had picked me up and brought me over to the couch. He sat me down so that I was sitting next to him and so that my legs were over his lap.
"H-how should we go about talking about this?" I asked uncertainly. I didn't know if I could actually talk about it.
"Why don't you start on telling me how you feel, what you're going through, anything, Brie. I've scared this past week because you've been so closed off. You've never been this way before and I couldn't fix it, which really frightened me," he said softly. I saw the pain in his eyes that mirrored my own. However, his was more, if that was even possible. I saw the worry in his eyes for me because of my slight depression this past week, but I also saw his hurt over what had happened last week.
"Every time I wake up, I could still hear the laughter of all our friends that day at Sharpay's. I could still hear the screams of the doctors when you rushed me into the hospital, and I could see their sympathasizing faces as they told us that I had a miscarriage," I whispered as I looked down at his hand with which I was playing.
"How come we never get to eat in peace?" asked Zeke as he sighed at Chad's childness at the dinner table. The whole gang was gathered at Sharpay and Zeke's for their weekly dinner, and Chad was being himself acting childish as always.
"Seriously, man, are you ever gonna grow up?" asked Troy, laughing along with his friend. Everyone at the table laughed as Chad enthusastically shook his head.
I laughed then said, "Excuse me, I'll be right back."
I headed to the bathroom. Just as I entered though I had a strange feeling in my stomach. Before I knew it, I began bleeding, and felt a bit lightheaded. I tried to call Troy's name, but my voice was too soft because of my sudden weakness. I finally got the energy to yell. "Troy!"
I heard him immediately run towards the bathroom. When he opened the door, however, I could see the true terror in his eyes. I sprawled out on the floor with blood covering Sharpay's rug.
"Gabi, what happened?!" he asked as he tried togather me into his arms.
"I don't know, Troy. I got into the bathroom and started feeling pains in my stomach, all of a sudden feeling weak, and I started bleeding," I whimpered as he rushed me out of the bathroom and towards the front door. Sharpay, however, was on her way to see if we were okay, and bumped into us.
"Guys, are you-. OH MY GOD! GABI! Are you all right?! What happened?!" she asked, but Troy silenced her.
"I need to get Brie to the hospital, Shar," she merely nodded and yelled that they'll follow us.
I don't think I've ever been more scared in my entire life. I could see the panic rising in Troy as he weaved in between traffic to get me to the hospital quicker. I tried to withhold my groans, but the pain was just too much.
Troy rode right up to the emergency room, and rushed me in yelling, "HELP! My girlfriend's pregnant and she's bleeding!"
A nurse immediately rushed over and yelled for another to get a stretcher. The other quickly arrived with the stretcher as they rolled me away. Troy was behind me until they told him that he couldn't come in with me, but would be able to after the doctor's did all the tests.
I saw the broken look in Troy's eyes as he headed back to the waiting room where I saw Sharpay and everyone else run in to.
After the doctor's stopped the bleeding and took multiple tests, the nurses wheeled me into a free room where Troy came to see me less than two minutes later.
"Brie," he said softly. I could see the horrid worry in his eyes when he saw me. I was pale, no doubt. He immediately rushed over to hug me, and I was so happy to be in his arms again.
We talked for about a half hour when we saw my doctor walk in: Dr. Kogan.
"Miss Montez, Mr. Bolton," he acknowledged as he reviewed the results of my tests again.
"What is it, Dr. Kogan?" I asked worriedly while I clutched Troy's hand.
He sighed before addressing the two of us. "I'm afraid it doesn't look good. It seems you've had a miscarriage, Gabriella. I'm very sorry."
I thought I had misheard him, but when I saw the pained look on Troy's face I knew that I had heard Dr. Kogan correctly. "H-how is that possible?" I whimpered.
"Sometime's there's no explanation for these things, Gabriella. They just happen. I'm very sorry for your loss," he said as he looked on at us. I don't think I've blinked since he told me the news. "You're going to need to take antibiotics for the next seven to eight days, but other than that, just take it easy for the next week, and then you should be good."
I nodded as Troy spoke as he saw that I was evidently incapable, "Thank you, Dr. Kogan."
"I hope I'll be seeing you sometime in the future, only not for the same reason," he responded with a nod as he then left the room.
Troy took a few minutes to compose himself and then look over at me. "This can't be happening," I whispered.
"Brie," he said softly, but he didn't know what to say. Neither of us has been in this situation before, and we were both scared.
"Troy, do you mind if I just rest for a while?" I asked.
"Sure, baby, no problem. I'll go get some coffee in the meantime," I nodded as he left the room, left me to cry myself to sleep.
"I just, I couldn't help but feel as if I'd failed. Failed as a mother, a girlfriend, a daughter, as everything," I explained as Troy listened intently.
"Brie, you shouldn't feel that way. You didn't fail as anything. These things just happen. I know that you're one of those people who believes that everything happens for a reason, so believe that this did as well. There's some reason that you had a miscarriage, and we may not find out that reason for a long time, but it's a reason. There could be so many reasons we could come up with right now for this happening, but we're not going to know if any of them are right. We need to start moving on with our lives, Gabriella. Our wedding is coming up in two months, and you were so excited planning it beforehand, and we really cannot let Sharpay take over the reigns because I am not getting married with an all pink wedding. Zeke may be able to do it, but I sure as hell cannot."
This made me laugh. He always found a way to make me laugh. I saw the smile appear on his face as he saw me laugh. "I've missed that laugh."
"I've missed feeling like this. As much as it still hurts I know that I should move on and look forward to the good things in life. Maybe one day I'll find out that reason for this unfortunate event," I sighed. I felt Troy's smile radiate off of him and onto my own face. I smiled back at him as he leaned in to give me a hug. I had officially began the road to recovery. I only knew one way to do that, though. Music.
xxx
Another week has passed by since that conversation with Troy. I was doing better, but I still felt the pain in my chest whenever I remembered that I wouldn't have a little baby in only seven months. Troy has done his best to keep my mood up, however. The girls have been over a few times since then to go over wedding plans for me. As much as I wanted to back a couple months and start over, I was very happy to be planning my wedding again. Someone had to tell Sharpay to lessen the pink afterall.
Since Zeke owns his own cafe/bakery, the gang goes there every few days together just to hang out, much like the 'Friends' gang did at Central Perk. Tonight is one of those nights and just happens to be open mic night.
Sharpay usually likes singing her new songs at those, so we weren't at all surprised when she told us the previous night that she would be performing her new song. This is what Troy and I were getting ready for right now.
"Brie, do we really have to go?" Troy whined.
"Yes, Troy. We always go with the gang, and tonight is no different," I answered. Tonight was going to be special, but I was the only one who knew, well me and Kelsi. "Troy, stop complaining and get dressed."
He huffed, but agreed.
After getting dressed in a simple pair of jeans, a black short sleeved shirt and heels I was ready to go. Troy and I exited our building and headed towards Zeke's cafe. His cafe was only a short drive away from us, so we kept a comfortable silence while heading over there.
As we entered we saw the whole gang already there, talking amongst themselves. "Well, well, you two finally decided to grace us with your presence," said Sharpay.
"Yeah, how come it's always you two who're late?" asked Chad skeptically.
"Maybe we just have things to do Chad," answered Troy, annoyed at his best friend. Chad could be annoying sometimes. Okay, most of the time.
"What kinds of things?" he asked, smirking. After Taylor hit him on the chest he shut up though.
"Hey guys, so we've got a pretty good crowd going, I think we're gonna start the open mic night," said Zeke as he came over to us after serving a few people who asked for certain desserts.
"Sounds good, Zeke," I answered for the group as Kelsi went to go take her place at the piano. She accompanied most people who needed the piano for their songs. It was just easier that way.
"Ok. Babe, you're up first," said Zeke, directing his statement to Sharpay. She smiled and waited to be introduced 'properly.'
"Up first in our 'open mic night' is the lovely and talented Sharpay Baylor," said Zeke as everyone in the room began clapping for one of the regulars.
Sharpay began singing her new song, which was perky as usual. Ryan chuckled as he probably relized the same thing I did. She never really took that chance to make her songs more meaningful, but she said she was working on it.
As Sharpay continued to sing, I was beginning to feel the butterflies in my stomach that I knew would make their way there at one point. I hadn't been this nervous since Troy and I sang in front of the whole school for the winter musical auditions all those years ago. Despite the fact that I knew that Troy was the only one who could calm my nerves, I couldn't let him know because this was supposed to be something I did for myself.
Sharpay finally ended her song, and Zeke called the next person. A few performances later, and Zeke was calling a familiar name. "Now, please give a warm welcome to a good friend of mine: Miss Gabriella Montez."
The crowd began applauding as I stood up with a nervous smile on face as Troy and the rest of the gang looked on at me confusedly. When I got up on stage I saw Kelsi smile encouragingly at me as I returned it, and I then took my seat on the stool that placed in front of the microphone.
"Good evening, everyone. I had a not so great experience a couple weeks ago that led me to really ponder the realities of life, and this song that I wrote has pretty much aided my healing process from the event." Just as I finished, Kelsi began playing the first few notes of the song. Despite the fact that I was pretty good on piano, Kelsi did help me with some of the music for this song.
As I was still nervous to perform in front of these people, but especially in front of my friends who knew what I went through, I had my head down as I began to sing.
Sometimes I feel like I'm a bird with broken wings
At times I dread my now and envy where I've been
But that's when quiet wisdom takes control
At least I've got a story no one's told
By the time I finished the first verse, I had my head up and looking around the room. Since the second line was so important, however, in that particular moment I looked straight into Troy's eyes to tell him that that is what I've really been feeling no matter how much neither of us wanted to admit it out loud.
I finally learned to say
Whatever will be will be
I've learned to take
The good, the bad, and breathe
'Cause although we like
To know what life's got planned
No one knows if shooting stars will land
As I looked back at the gang I saw their sad smiling faces as they thought about the event no doubt. As much as it pained me to think about it, I hoped that it would only make me stronger as opposed to weaker.
These days it feels naïve to put your faith in hope
To imitate a child, fall backwards on the snow
'Cause that's when fears will usually lead you blind
But now I try to under-analyze
As each person in the group decoded the true meaning of all of my words they began to look down in shame almost. It seems as though the knew that whatever I sang was the actual truth.
I finally learned to say
Whatever will be will be
I've learned to take
The good, the bad, and breathe
'Cause although we like
To know what life's got planned
No one knows if shooting stars will land
Is the rope I walk wearing thin?
Is the life I love caving in?
Is the weight on your mind
A heave black bird caged inside?
As I made eye contact with Troy I could tell that he saw all of my insecurities coming out through the song.
Say
Whatever will be will be
Take
The good, the bad
Just breathe
'Cause although we like
To know what life's got planned
No one knows if shooting stars will land
I closed my eyes again to put as much meaning into it as I possibly could because of the way I was feeling.
Whatever will be will be
I have learned to take
The good, the bad and breathe
'Cause although we like
To know what life's got planned
Things like that are never in your hands
No one knows if shooting stars will land
As I opened my eyes I saw the whole room look at me as if I had just told a little kid that Santa doesn't exist. I felt as if I had failed in my one task to make myself heal, but just as I was about to give up hope, the room erupted in applause. I looked up and saw that everyone looked on at me appreciatively. That was my true moment of healing. I could feel my heart coming back together. As strange as it sounded, this was exactly what I needed.
As I made my way back over to the group, the girls all gave me hugs as did all of the guys. Troy, however, was the last one to come over to me. He embraced me like he never had before. As if his life depended on it. The gang must have sensed that this was a vital moment for us so they kindly excused themselves to go over by Zeke.
"I'm so proud of you, Brie," he said into my ear as he kept hugging me. "I could see that you really meant all those things as you sang up there."
"I did. And as strange as it may sound, I really felt like I healed up there. Every word I spoke was true, even my insecurities about the post-miscarriage."
"Yeah," he whispered as he just took my hand and looked into my eyes, "You know that you don't need to worry about anything right? Your life isn't actually caving in, and nothing's going to happen to you or to me?"
I nodded softly, "Yeah, I know that, but it doesn't mean that I don't question it sometimes."
Troy leaned down and gave me a passionate kiss. We stayed in that position for a good minute until he finally pulled away. "I love you, Gabriella, that'll never change. No matter what."
"I love you, too, Troy," I smiled up at him.
Just then I felt someone take a hold of my right shoulder as Troy's left shoulder was also taken hold of, "And we all know that I love you guys, so what do you say we go celebrate?"
"CHAD!" shrieked Sharpay, "You just ruined a perfectly good Troyella moment!"
"Seriously, Chad, you need to learn to time yourself better," continued Zeke as Taylor just whacked him upside the head.
"Ow! Geez, next time I'll ask you guys if it's okay if I go over and talk to my friends," said Chad, annoyed at everyone at this point.
I simply laughed at my friends ways, "Come on, guys. Let's go celebrate just as Chad suggested."
They all smiled at me. "Glad to have you, Gabi," said Sharpay sincerely as the girls and I linked arms and walked out of the cafe with the guys following behind.
A/N: So I came up with this a couple weeks ago, but didn't really have time to write it, but now I did. I hope you like it. Please, please, please let me know what you think! I don't know if I really ended it well. Hope you enjoyed! PLEASE REVIEW!