Title: Lost and Found

Author: sllebswap

Characters/Pairing: Kobayashi Rindou and Tsukasa Eishi

Type: Continuous (InComplete)

Genre: Romance/General

Word Count: 2840

Rating: T (Contains content not suitable for children)

Disclaimer: Shokugeki no Souma belongs to Tsukuda-san.

Summary: Loss was like this. It was her stricken face, echoing in his mind. Her anguish, spearing through his chest. The memory of her, breaking in his arms.

Verse: Canon Divergent AU

Chapter Last Revised on: 11/03/18

the one that got away

In the aftermath of the Regiment Shokugeki, their friendship was never quite the same.

She had tried her best to get over it, pretending like her life depended on it and reverting back to her usual, upbeat happy-go-lucky self as nonchalantly as if she had not been personally affected, shaken by that series of events, but he knew her better than she thought she could fool him. In fact, a part of him was appalled that she had even tried to put up this façade before him, like he was someone inconsequential to maintain appearances for. They were best friends, were they not? So why was she deliberately shutting him out now?

He knew that she had never quite forgiven herself for losing the last bout for them both, even though he had refused to blame her for it. The truth was that they had been in that battle together. The burden of victory…or defeat, had ultimately rested on both of their shoulders…but she had not seen it that way.

In her eyes, her weakness was unforgivable, for she had broken her promise to him. They were supposed to go to the top together, but she had failed him in this most sacrosanct of their vow…just because she had hesitated.

It was only by a hair, but in the end, the Rebel team had clinched their hard-earned victory, and a loss…not matter how closely matched they had been to the opponent, was still a loss.

It was an unforgivable sin. She had been inconsolable. He of all people had known how much she had hurt in letting him down, how much she had cried enough for them both that night in the privacy of her hotel room, the stinging burn of her tears soaking through his uniform as she broke down before him, liquid grief searing his flesh like lines of acid.

In the end, she had become what she had always silently feared, a self-fulfilling prophecy come to life. She was the ugly mark that had blackened his pristine records of achievements. She was his mistake.

Even if he did not blame her, she could not forgive herself. Refused to forgive herself for failing him where it mattered the most. Even if it was only once…but only the best could lay claim to their title because they remained undefeated, was that not so?

He did not know how to fix the cracks that fractured their once close-knit friendship. In the aftermath of that Shokugeki, the distance between them slowly widened day by day, until it became an empty, impassable chasm that he did not know, could not possibly hope, to cross on his own. Even though she remained faithfully beside him till the end, she might as well be as far away as a remote, unreachable star, and that ever growing void between them made his chest ache with a sharp, phantom pain…but still he would rather have her in his life like that, than not at all.

His best friend was silently falling into pieces…and he could only stand by helplessly and watch her self-destruct. The only thing that he was best at was now hurting her like a knife coring deeper into her raw wounds…and he did not know how else to reach her, to soothe her agony and nurse her pain and hold onto her even as he could feel her slowly slipping from his grasp more and more. The thing that had drawn them together in the first place, was now pushing her away…and he did not know what else to do to keep her anymore.

He had never been good at dealing with people – that had been her thing. He was clumsy, he was selfish, he only knew how to take and take and take and she had always been there through it all.

And then, it was too late for him to do anything anymore.

Could have, should have, would have.

Too little, too late.

After graduation, she disappeared abruptly. One day, they were receiving their diplomas for surviving the harsh, unforgiving crucible of Tootsuki, and the next, she was…gone.

Just gone.

She had always been good at leaving, but in the past, he was reassured by the implicit understanding that no matter what, she would unfailingly find her way back to him.

This time around, there was no longer any such promise binding them together.

There was no way to call her back from wherever she had flown, no way to tug on that invisible red thread that had always existed between them and demand she return to his side where she had always belonged.

For the very first time, he learned that when she walked, she walked cold.

No goodbyes. No turning back. She was just no longer there. He had tried to find her, but she had disappeared so immaculately from the face of his world, his frantic efforts were ultimately fruitless. She had contacts beyond his own, far outreaching that of the culinary world where he reigned supreme…and it had taken him awhile to figure out that she did not want to be found by him.

He had panicked. He was stunned. He did not want to believe that she could just do that to him, to them. Was it that easy for her? Leaving like that?

He was devastated.

…And then, it was only when grim acceptance had started to sink in, when the realization that she was missing from his life for good, that he had slowly come to understand an important truth in the gaping hole she had left behind in her departure. There was no point denying it anymore.

He loved her- No.

He was in love with her. Still in love with her.

His best friend. Why hadn't he reached out more when she was still beside him? Why hadn't he noticed how hard she had been struggling with herself just to stay with him? Her lingering fears, her persisting self-doubts, why had he deliberately turned a blind eye to that which had been silently eating at her all along?

He had taken for granted that she would always be there at his back. Why did it had to take her leaving for him to see too late what had been sitting in front of him the entire while?

If he could turn back time, he would do it all differently, he resolved.

But he could not.

Hindsight was 20/20, and loss tasted like cold ashes in his mouth.

Her golden eyes had glowed softly as they met his own. The way she looked at him wonderingly was a picture seared into his brain. He didn't think that he could forget even if he wanted to; he didn't. He could not help the flitting thought that passed his mind at that moment; she was beautiful.

[ Did he love her because she was beautiful? Or was she beautiful because he had always loved her? ]

She bit her lip, an uncertain expression sitting on her face. He wanted to reach out, cup her face with his hands, fingers smoothing out the frown that sat on her brow.

"You're gonna be so amazing," she had whispered, and there was a jarring wistfulness in her melancholic tone that made alarm bells ring in his head.

But then she leaned in, softly brushed her lips against his jaw, and all coherent thoughts fled. He forgot to breathe, let alone muster words. The ghost of that kiss would haunt him for years to come.

She slowly pulled back, her lashes lowering, regret twisting her lovely features into a mask of aching sorrow. It hurt him too, for some reason, seeing her in pain.

He did not understand why.

"I'm so sorry, Tsukasa."

Five years down the road, he was one of the best and the brightest in Japan's culinary scene.

His meteoric rise to fame made him the youngest chef in history to earn the coveted Michelin stars for his restaurant in one of the shortest time to date, and his name was known far and wide throughout the cooking realm. He stood at the top of the pinnacle, head and shoulders above practically everyone else.

He was also constantly exhausted. He was wrung out and stressed and he was burning out, fast. Still, he would rather go down in flames like a falling star streaking across the indigo twilight, combusting with all that he had than slowly fading away.

What else was there left, anyway?

"You look like shit, Tsukassan. I didn't think you could look any worse, but you keep proving me wrong," Kuga had commented bluntly as he wandered insolently into his senpai's place. The younger male was prone to visiting every once in a while…whether Eishi wanted it or not. At first, he had done so to be annoying, but over the years, it had become something of a routine between the two of them, and there was even the faintest note of concern in the ex-Ninth Seat's voice, though neither would ever acknowledge its existence.

Eishi narrowed his eyes at the young man currently, shamelessly, making himself at home in his living room. The punk had tracked his shoes all over his immaculate, pristine floors. He had even lifted his foot and had planted them on his expensive coffee table like a thug. That was it; he was calling the cleaners in right after this visit to fumigate the entire place and then sending the bill for the decontamination service to Kuga.

"…Thanks for barging here and insulting me," he muttered back dully, utterly unimpressed.

There was something off about his senpai's home, Terunori could not help but think not for the first time. It was cold, minimal, too sterile. Colorless. Very much like the owner himself. It didn't used to be like that. There was once when Kuga was very much jealous of Tsukasa Eishi's prodigious talent and brilliance. Now, the white haired man was still one of the most ridiculously gifted chefs he had ever known, but it wasn't raging jealousy and envy that moved Kuga anymore when he looked upon the drawn, distant features of one Tsukasa Eishi.

The man might be something close to god-like in the culinary world, but in reality, his personal life was pretty much an unorganized, hopeless mess. As a favor to another of his senpai, he felt obligated to intercede every now and then.

"You're most welcome. Anyway, I'm here today to hand you this." This was an envelope tossed carelessly on the table, a pretty, pale pastel thing with his name stylistically stenciled on the front. It was a wedding invitation.

Eishi frowned at the elegant invite, visibly perplexed by its presence. Kuga proceeded to explain.

"Yukihira-chin and Erina-chan are gettin' hitched. Finally."

Oh.

"…Why am I being invited?" he asked blankly. They were acquaintances at most, fellow Tootsuki alumnus and maybe colleagues working in the same field. While a distant part of him did appreciate being included in this moment of that couple's happiness, there was something about happy, loving pairs that made him want to look away, something like bitterness twisting up his insides.

Kuga raised his brow at Tsukassan's weird question. This guy was really strange.

"Why not?" he retorted, boredly. "You should go. S'not like you have anything better to do, and you need to get out more anyway. You're turning into one of those eccentric, asocial French chefs and I would hate for you to be infamous for all the wrong reasons, Tsukassan."

"That's it; get out of my house."

The cheeky, cat-like male smirked unrepentantly on his way out. It was an achievement of sorts, to annoy Tsukasa Eishi. Though in truth, it wasn't difficult to aggravate the man these days, and it was almost enough to make Kuga feel pity for his perpetually miserable genius of a senpai.

Almost, but not quite.

Even after all this time, there was something about the color red that never failed to draw his attention.

Just the flitting hint of sable crimson flashing across the edge of his peripheral vision was enough to turn his head, his eyes automatically following and tracking the source. Never mind that he knew that he would be met with disappointment at the end, but still, he could not help his automatic reaction all the same.

Once again, reality fell short of his expectations. Yukihira was a redhead too, but he wasn't the one he was hoping to find. Which was really stupid, since this was the younger man's big day, after all.

Against his better judgment, Eishi had found himself attending the wedding dinner. Though it was more like a wedding weekend at this rate, with how the affluent Nakiri clan was determined to make this marital celebration the most talked about social coup of the year. It was being held in Tootsuki Resort, and the guest list was so extensive that it could be mistaken for a convention at this point, with all the big names in the culinary world in attendance to witness this exclusive union between Yukihira Souma and Nakiri Erina.

Socializing was stressful as always and he silently resented every moment of it, but even he knew that it was a necessary evil and there was no avoiding it. Entire empires could be made or felled during events like this; he was well aware. He went up to the glowing newlyweds and gave them his obligatory well wishes for their happiness, and then got dragged into conversation by a few well-meaning but completely clueless members of the social elite who had promptly expressed interest in his next restaurant project. He unenthusiastically entertained them even while bitterly pondering not for the first time if this sort of thing was what he had spent all those years chasing perfection for-

And then, that was when he saw her.

The banner of rippling red silk was so hauntingly familiar, and that flash of cat slit golden eyes, gone as quickly as he had seen them-

He had stood up so swiftly then he nearly sent his chair toppling backwards to the ground. A distracted excuse fell out of his mouth as he halfheartedly apologized for interrupting his conversation partners, but his attention was no longer on them. No. His eyes were utterly fixated in the distance, the usually impassive, dull gaze suddenly flaring with sharp, intent focus. He felt clumsy as he instinctively turned and started to move towards where he had last seen that feminine figure, his heart starting to pound in his chest with a strange fluttery sensation that almost felt like hope, feeling so inept and ungainly as he headed as quickly for the doorway as he could possibly go, long, strong legs eating up the distance almost urgently-

Could it be? Were his eyes deceiving him?

He was probably setting himself up for disappointment again, the eternally pessimistic side of him bemoaned, but yet, that hope stubbornly persisted. It was a strange conundrum for someone like him. He would keep stabbing himself over and over again with this sharp blade of helpless yearning whenever she was concerned.

He felt like an idiot when he rushed out to the ballroom foyer only to find it mostly deserted safe for a few lingering stragglers, but it was nothing compared to the wave of desolate disillusionment that crashed over him. He was seeing things again. Was he becoming so miserable that his mind was resorting to conjuring images to console himself, to try to fix the broken, jagged part of him that had never really healed after all these years?

He closed his eyes, a bone deep exhaustion threatening to overwhelm him at that moment. What the hell was wrong with him-

"…Hey. Are you okay?"

The voice that sounded behind him was so achingly close, so hauntingly familiar, his chest squeezed in pain at the low, husky lilt. Okay? Was he okay? No, he was not okay. If this was another false alarm-

Still, his eyes flew open, and he whirled around so quickly he startled the woman standing there.

And then, there she was.

It was a sight that he had not seen in years. He could not speak, just as he could not stop staring at her. The years had been good to her. She was blindingly beautiful, so much more so than he had last remembered. It was almost enough to make him lightheaded, breathless. He had not understood what that reaction meant years ago.

He did now, acutely.

Rindou clasped her hands before her, trying her best to school her features, concealing the apprehension and nervousness that nagged at her.

Their eyes met. Just like that, she felt like she had just touched a live wire, and it took everything she had not to take a step back.

It took everything he had not to surge forward, reach out and ascertain for himself that she was real.

"…Rindou," he breathed.

Her golden eyed gaze softened.

"Hello, Tsukasa."

::owari::

Questions That I Would Like To Answer Before You Ask:

Just read Chapter 254 of SnS, got inspired, and my overdramatic EiRin!fangirl self was in the mood for something ouchy, so this was the result. Also thought that I wanted to explore a scenario where these two actually grew and matured apart from each other under very extreme circumstances, a what-if character study of how they would have developed into adulthood if forced to do away with their other halves.

Now I'm also kinda wondering how these two would have developed if they had never met each other in the first place, all those many years ago…hm.

…Anyway, lemme know what you think of this AU! Good, no good? Like, dislike?

Danke!

xXxXxXxXxX

Your reviews make me update faster; so please leave a comment if you like this fic!

-sllebswap