All The Reasons I loathe you
I stood watching her from a distance. I was vaguely aware of Alloran's presence stirring interested for once in my musings on one of my fellow Yeerks. I knew why Alloran was active at this particular moment however. Alloran loved to needle me when any opportunity presented itself, and this girl, my subordinate Vexic 929, was certainly a touchy area for me.
/Not a word Alloran.\\ I warned in a voice that usually sent my underlings running for cover. The Andalite merely laughed, having heard the voice far too often that its effects were mitigated on him.
/Why not Visser? You're the one staring at her.\\
I cursed under my breath. The Andalite was right, I averted my stalk eyes making Alloran laugh more.
/Do you want me to torture you Alloran? You seem to be asking for it!\\ I hissed.
/Go on this is worth it.\\ He said still laughing. Then he paused and said; /Why do you hate her so much Esplin? I have my theories but…\\
I remained silent, refusing to give the Andalite the humiliating truth of it all. He opened his thoughts to me willingly, something he never did, in attempt to draw me in. For a moment I listened to some of his errant thoughts. Past rivalries, I actually laughed at that. One of his theories was dangerously close to the truth. I closed myself to him immediately. I cursed myself when I sensed his triumph.
/So which of the last two was it?\\ He thought about all that he had learned of me in our twenty years together. Then he laughed out loud.
/You hate her because she's….better than you?\\ He said it disbelievingly. /I knew you were petty Esplin but this…\\
Feeling an irrational need to defend my pride I showed him something I had kept hidden for twenty-two years.
How was this even possible? She was barely even two cycles old! And yet here she was on the Taxxon homeworld, not in a Gedd as someone her age should have been but in, not her first, but her second Hork-Bajir host. She had no idea how fortunate she was. She was practically still a grub and yet she was only a few ranks away from making Sub-Visser. And her assigned partner, Themrash 538 was openly smitten with her.
/Yes and as I recall your assigned partner hated you. Still hates you to this day. What exactly did you do to Edriss to make her so angry?\\
/Nothing I want to discuss with you Andalite.\\ I shot back with as much venom as I could muster. For a moment Alloran was silent and I thought he had decided not to question me further. I should have known better.
/You're afraid of her, of what she'll become. She's strong she's got all the qualities that make you a powerful leader with none of your weaknesses.\\ Alloran put particular emphasis on the last word. I felt a fleeting urge to torture him for his insolence but thought better of it. It really wasn't worth my time. Instead I thought over his words.
He was right, as always. Had I never captured and infested Alloran it was entirely possible that she could have been the one giving orders not me. I did not delude myself into thinking I was as important as some thought me. I knew the council could have me executed as easily as I could exterminate one of my subordinates. I knew that Alloran was one of the only reasons I had thrived as a Visser for so long. I had made many mistakes, though I would not acknowledge them to my fellow Yeerks or Alloran I knew it all the same. It was only my knowledge of our enemy that kept me alive.
Vexic 929 did have all of my strengths as Alloran had said. She was extremely talented and curious, strong and loyal but knew to watch her back. She was a born politician and had an uncanny ability to make alliances with Yeerks who would later rise to high positions. She had ambition as well and a thirst to prove herself. Almost all of these things had been true of me as well. But she had never shared my weakness. She had never sympathized with a host species. Never sympathized with an Andalite.
It was a crime that by all rights I should be killed for. My life will last as long as no one knows and Alloran isn't going to be telling anyone any time soon. I looked over and saw that she was staring at me. Green eyes met dark brown and for a moment neither of us moved. Then she looked away and began talking to another Sub-Visser, Odrett 177. Still the one glance had made me wonder.
With all our similarities…she hadn't sympathized with an Andalite…had she?