Alllllll-right folks. Since it's been several years since the debut, rise, and complete crash-failure of "Sonic in High School," I don't expect many readers to actually know what that is or why this is a "sequel." You won't find the original story anywhere, don't bother looking.

All I'm gonna say is that this is a sequel to a High School fic I did a loooong time ago. Made it to 14 chapters before letting it die a cold, painful death. Why did it die? I overloaded myself with the typical "PAY ATTENTION TO ME" strategy by asking others for fancharacter cameos. Yeah, there were way too many near the end. Not only that, but I really was NOT happy with the reputation I received when all people cared about was SIHS and ignored everything else. Kinda why I withdrew from in the first place.

With all that aside, this "sequel" will hopefully be a lot better since A) It's not in script format, B) I can write a hell of a lot better than I did back then, and C) It's random as hell while still being satirical. The original was just...random. And stupid.

This first episode is very "in-joke-y" in the sense that a lot of it alludes to SIHS, so I don't expect many of you to get a good 1/2 of it, but by the second episode it should become a little better to understand.

Oh, and there's cursing in this. If you can't handle that, I'd suggest you leave. It's not too bad, but one person is constantly referred to, and I quote, a "rat bastard." So, yeah.

Well, without further ado...I present...the Unrelenting.

Episode One

The Half-Assed Legacy Returns

It was flawless. It had to be. Or else he would kill him…again. Just like he had before. No room for error. This time, it had to be perfect. No scripting. No foreign people cutting into the system to take up space. No, this time…it would be perfect.

At least he hoped it would be. He didn't want that stylus stuck up somewhere it seriously did not belong.

The school revamped, the teachers hired. None of those ridiculous ones, though. They all sucked. No, it was time for familiar people. And then of course, the wolf. No, he wouldn't be principal anymore. Just a student. A student with military training…and…access to weaponry. Well, it'd give him an advantage in fights, I suppose. Maybe I could fit him into leading an obscure class so he won't kill someone…wait, that's not right, deaths are routine! Then again, practically everyone at this school had fought back against seemingly apocalyptic odds before and somehow, either through the super power of teamwork or simply blasting the living hell out of them, won. Teacher it is.

"Super Power of Teamwork" was still the worst line he had ever heard in his entire career. And he ran a school!

The summons to the school of high had been sent. And he made sure to include a very special message to a certain blue hedgehog in a certain suburb in a certain city included in one game but everyone believes it to be utterly epic and uses it all the time.

It's a good thing the school is in Station Square.

Point proven.

"No…"

With a twitch of the eye, Sonic the Hedgehog let the letter decorated with ponies and pants to the floor. A popsicle fell out of his hand, too. While we're at it, his house keys too.

"Oh no no no no no." he muttered hysterically, backing away from the letter. That accursed letter. Those damn ponies were mocking him. This couldn't be happening. Not again. Not him and his school of the unrelenting.

"Oh bloody hell, what is your problem you azure wanker?" came the strangely British voice of Miles "Tails" Prower from the kitchen. God knows what he was doing in the kitchen of Sonic's house, but he wasn't available for discussion.

"Tails! It's him! HIM! That rat bastard!"

"Yes, that sure narrows it down."

"THE UNRELENTING!"

If it had been anyone else, Tails would have politely thrown that person out of the house in a chicken suit covered in tartar sauce for the random hobos that loved to eat tartar sauce and pet chickens. Usually it's some tall kid named Ed.

But since it was Sonic, a marker to the face usually worked.

And so it was.

One expletive and a cowering hedgehog under a table later, Tails emerged from the kitchen with a tray of some kind of fancy chicken meal, half of it already gone. For such a small kid he sure could eat a lot. With eyes half closed, he gave Sonic a look of pity before addressing the subject at hand.

"You're such a snotty booger."

…Okay, then he addressed the topic at hand.

"Now, what has gotten you in such a sticky wigget, Sonic old chap?"

Sonic jumped up in ruthless determination, shattering the table he was hiding under in the process. After a surprised look from Tails, Sonic exclaimed, "Stop talking like a stereotypical Englishman or I'll make you walk the plank you scurvy dog!"

"Well, I'd like to see you try you bloody wanker!"

"Grant wants to be a fucking pirate!"

"…What?"

"…I don't know anymore."

Tails gave the sky a strange look before cursing some guy (Sonic believed to catch 'oah'), and finally noticing the letter on the floor. While Sonic wondered how he could notice the letter on the ground while he was staring into the sky, Tails read the letter aloud:

"Dear Mr. Sonic T. Hedgehog,

Rise and shine, Mr. Hedgehog. Rise…and shine. Not that I wish to imply you were sleeping on the job. No-one is more deserving of a rest…"

Tails blinked momentarily. "The bloody douche is quoting Half-Life."

And so he hung his head in shame. "Why did I even think no one would realize?"

After going through a word-for-word monologue totally ripped from the G-man, Tails finally got to the body of the letter.

"Mr. Sonic T. Hedgehog, please report to the School of Unrelenting Education tomorrow at seven A.M. sharp. I expect your friends to arrive as well. Have a nice day.

"Mr. Avery Weirdypants, Principal…"

Tails blinked again. A few more times. "Oh, hell no." he muttered, his British accent being replaced by one similar to that of Will Smith.

"See?!" Sonic screeched, pointing an abnormally large finger at Tails. "It's that rat bastard of a principal who made our lives horrible before! With the markers! AND POSTERS!"

Tails hung his head in thought. This continued for about five minutes, all the while Sonic cursing the gods above (and, for whatever reason, Shadow) at his utter misfortune and deepest hell regarding markers and posters. After Sonic had run out of things to say, Tails looked up, realization spreading across his face. "Y-you've got something! I knew you'd be of help, Tails! You may be eight, but you're a genius!" Sonic praised.

The fox looked him in the eyes and said, "We have to go."

"What the hell you stupid stupidhead of a douchebaggy douche!?" Sonic damned.

"Simple really." Tails said, ignoring Sonic's incoherent outburst. "We're in a fanfiction, Sonic. Our lives…" he made a sweeping motion to the stars. "…are in their hands."

Sonic blinked. "Oh hell, I just cursed them off."

Before anything else could happen, there was an ominous knock on the door. So ominous that, ominously, when Sonic stared at the window showing outside, there was ominously no one there. But then he realized it was dark. So Sonic, ominously of course, turned the light on.

Shadow the Hedgehog had already blown the door open by now, though, fed up that Sonic had been staring at the darkness for a good ten minutes without letting him in.

"Shadow!" Sonic yelled, pointing an objecting finger at him. "Are you in cahoots with…" he made a sweeping motion to the stars. "…they who have our lives in their hands?!"

The dark hedgehog cocked an eyebrow at him before turning to Tails. "He got the note, I assume."

"Yup." Replied Tails, sitting on the couch now with the TV turned onto an episode of CSI. Sonic screamed at him.

"Good episode." Shadow remarked. Sonic screeched at him.

"Yeah. You'd never guess the killer really." Tails said. Sonic blew up.

And so, after Sonic's head was pieced back together by Shadow's magical magic of chaos magic, Shadow explained why he came over. "You see, when I received this note from that rat bastard of a principal who that stupid hedgehog murdered then took over and then he-who-died left a note for someone, I immediately thought this was going to be the most awesome thing on the planet."

Sonic and Tails cocked eyebrows at him.

"Remind yourselves, if you would, that I was essentially God at the old school."

"Ah." The other two said simultaneously, a teensy bit of hate in one of the voices.

"Well, I don't think that's going to happen this time…all things considered…I have no more reason to be king of the grounds."

Sonic crossed his arms. "And what does that mean?"

"Look at the attached list of the higher-ups on the note."

"What attached list of…" Sonic began to mutter before realizing there was, indeed, a second piece of paper stapled to the first one. How both he and Tails missed it was beyond the both of them. The blue hedgehog took the list, and began to read.

"Superintendant, Ron the Air Guitar Hero…" he paused. "Never heard of him." He continued. "Principal…Mr. Avery Weirdypants. Rat bastard. Vice principal…"

And that was one of the first awkward silences he encountered reading the list. "…R-Ryzell Extell?!"

"Indeed."

"B-but that would mean…"

Shadow struck an overly dramatic and serious pose. "The school is run…by the original characters we thought were no longer a part of fanfiction! Otherwise known as..." He slammed his palms onto a nearby desk. "...the Exodus characters!"

And as the Phoenix Wright "WTF?!" music plays, Sonic's eyes flame up and he strikes a pose of surprise. While screaming overdramatically, I might add.

"OBJECTION!" Tails screamed. Finger pointed, he retaliated. "There are no grounds for that argument! They could have simply run out of people to choose!"

"OBJECTION!" Shadow screamed back. He slammed his hands onto his desk. "There is more than enough proof! The existence of Ryzell Extell proves it!!"

"His existence is nothing more than a coincidence! It is not relevant to this case!!"

"You're lying, dammit! And I can prove it!!"

Sonic then swung gavels and knocked the both of them out. A period of silence followed. After said period, Sonic left the two unconscious and sat down in front of the TV. "What the hell? This is stupid. The killer is OBVIOUSLY Adrian Andrews."

Sure it is, Sonic.

End One