"Lost in the Puzzle" A "Yu-Gi-Oh!" fanfiction 2/8/2014 – 2/15/2014

(This is one of my attempts at being funny, and it's also a practice story for writing children's stories. So, it's not too deep or anything, and it's written in a relatively simple format.)

Yugi was standing stock-still inside the Millennium Puzzle, staring around at all the different doors and staircases and corridors that made up his yami's soul room.

Yami stood at his side, looking around in equal confusion; the two had entered the Puzzle with the intent of simply going into Yami's bedroom to retrieve a comic book that he'd left on his bed (having borrowed it from Tristan, who'd borrowed it from Joey, who'd stolen it from Kaiba) and Yami had sworn up and down that he knew the way to his bedroom.

He had sworn that he did, although both he and Yugi knew full well that it was nearly impossible to find their way around in that place. The rooms and hallways were constantly changing and rearranging themselves around into different patterns, and they only got worse when Yami became overly emotional.

Like, for example, if all this searching would make him stressed or anything. Which it was. And that only made the searching that much more difficult.

Both stood there for a moment longer, staring around at all the many, many doors.

"We need to get Kaiba's comic book, Yami," Yugi finally whispered, breaking the eerie silence.

Yami nodded, reaching his hand out to grasp onto his hikari's. "You'd better hold my hand, partner. I don't want to lose you as well as my room."

So saying, the two set out on their trek, throwing open each door that they passed by and poking their heads in. Most of the rooms were empty, although some had things in them.

"I didn't know you had a coat closet, Yami."

Yami nodded absentmindedly as he opened more doors.

"Or a mud room."

"Yeah, I need to wipe off my shoes before going too far into the Puzzle. Don't wanna mess up the place or anything, and the buckles on my shoes can collect all manner of nasty things."

Yugi poked his head into another door. "What about the laundry room? I mean, you only really wear the one outfit. What do you need a laundry room for?"

"Oh, that one came with the Puzzle. I haven't actually had a use for it yet, but you never know – I might need it someday!"

By this point, they had gone through nearly fifty doors and were beginning to get bored.

Maybe luckily for them, their boredom didn't last long.

"Look, Pharaoh!" Yugi cried out, pointing at a door that had a faint glow of light coming out from beneath it. "There's a light in there, so maybe that's your room!"

Yami scratched his head. "Well, it doesn't really look like the door to my room, but we can go ahead and try it."

Still holding Yugi's hand, Yami reached up with the other and twisted the knob, swinging the door open.

They were greeted by the sight of a familiar Egyptian ghost sitting at a table in what looked like a cozy, warm little kitchen. A cup of coffee was in his hand and a box of donuts was sitting on the table in front of him.

Sensing a pair of eyes on him, Shadi looked up from behind his newspaper, setting down his coffee and pulling the donut out of his mouth. "Oh, hello, Pharaoh. Hello, Bearer of the Puzzle. I wasn't expecting guests today."

Yugi raised his free hand, waving shyly, but Yami glared at the ghost angrily.

"I didn't realize that you'd moved into my kitchen, Shadi," the former pharaoh managed to grind out between his teeth.

Shadi just looked at Yami for a minute, then turned away, sipping away calmly at his coffee. "It's not my fault if your Puzzle is too complicated to find your way around in. I've been here for nearly five months, and not only have I not been able to find my way out but you haven't noticed I was here the entire time either!"

Yami's eyebrows shot up in pure shock. "You've been in here for five months?!"

"And counting," Shadi replied, standing up and walking over to the kitchen counter. He picked up the coffee pot that was sitting on the counter and filled his mug again, sticking his nose into the mug and breathing in the steam.

Watching the Guardian of the Millennium Items casually pour himself more coffee, Yami became aware of a few things. "Agh! Shadi! You got coffee stains all over my nice kitchen counter! How could you?! Do you even know how expensive these marble counter tops are?!"

While his darker half was arguing about the proper way to clean a marble counter top with Shadi, Yugi began sniffing the air, a strange scent filling his nostrils.

"Shadi?" he asked after a minute. He hadn't really wanted to interrupt the fight or anything, since Yami seemed to be having such fun and all, but this matter of noxious fumes seemed to be mildly important. "Is something burning?"

The ghost stared dumbly at the boy for a moment before his turban practically flew off his head in alarm. "My chocolate chip muffins!"

With that, he slipped on an oven mitt and raced to the stove, which smoke was beginning to billow out of.

Yugi thought it might be best to leave the kitchen while Shadi was distracted, and he really didn't want Yami to start complaining about the oven or anything, so he gripped Yami's hand and pulled hard on it.

"OW!" The Pharaoh yelped in pain as he was dragged out into the hall. "What was that for, partner?!"

"Pharaoh, don't you think it's time to be getting back to hunting for your room so we can return that comic book?"

Meekly following behind his 'better half,' Yami began to grumble under his breath. "I just hope that no one has really planned on reading that comic anytime soon, if you know what I mean."

"We've got to be quick about it, Yami! When I told Grandpa that I was going to be wandering aimlessly inside the Millennium Puzzle for the next several hours, I had to promise him that I'd be home in time for dinner."

Yami paused. "Yugi? You do realize that your body is still in your bedroom, so, technically, you're home now."

Hearing a slight growl from his normally sweet and docile partner, Yami tactfully decided to shut up.

"Well, let's go ahead and try this door, then."

A new door swung open, and the two suddenly found themselves standing inside an ancient tomb. Lit torches lined the walls, illuminating the rows of caskets on the floor.

Yugi ducked behind Yami as they both surveyed the room, looking up to see one particularly large sarcophagus resting across from them.

Still holding Yugi's hand tightly, Yami began to walk, passing by the rows of coffins entirely and heading straight for the big one. Once he reached the enormous sarcophagus, he gripped the side and pushed it open.

He jumped backwards when he saw the figure within the sarcophagus rise before him. It was a large man with wild, blonde hair and serious vein problems in his face. The Pyramid of Light hung from a cord around his neck.

"ANUBIS!" Both Yami and Yugi cried out, reaching out and hugging one another in fear.

The so-called God of the Dead turned to stare at them through half-lidded, bloodshot eyes, raising a beefy hand to stifle a yawn.

"Now, why did you feel the need to wake me up, Lord of Darkness?" Anubis asked, his words being slurred together by his overly drowsy voice. "I was having a very pleasant dream, you know. And I only just finally managed to get to sleep a few centuries ago... A millennia of tossing and turning can get really old after awhile."

"Ummm..." Due to his immense confusion, Yami found himself stammering in a very un-Pharaoh-like fashion. "I'm... sorry?"

"You should be!" Anubis snapped at him, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "I was having a most glorious dream about world domination. Everyone was cheering for me and bowing to me, and there were monsters destroying skyscrapers... And there were fuzzy bunnies hopping about everywhere!"

Gently leading Yugi towards the door, Yami tried apologizing to the God of the Dead once again. "Yes, well, I'm very sorry for waking you up. I'll try not to do it again. Just let me know if there's anything I can do to make it up to you."

This brought an almost eager smile to Anubis's face. "You could sing me a lullaby!"

"NO!"

And with that, Yami slammed the door shut behind him.

Still shivering, Yugi followed his dark side further down the long, twisting hallway. Up a few flights of stairs, down a slide, and up an escalator.

"You have the weirdest soul room, Yami."

Yami ignored him, instead focusing his attention on one of the doors; muffled arguing could be heard behind it.

He sighed as he reached for the door handle. "Now, who else has trespassed on my soul, do you suppose?"

Yugi shrugged, watching with wary interest as the door flew open.

The room was empty aside from two white-haired boys who were sitting on the floor in the center of the room. The first one, who looked slightly vampiric or demonic perhaps, was sitting directly on the floor with his legs crossed. The angelic, cherubic-looking second one was sitting in his lap. Both were currently glaring at one another.

"I still say it's all your fault, host."

"It bloody well is not my fault and you know it! And why won't you call me by my name, anyway? I do have one!"

The demon with white hair stared up at the angel in surprise. "You do?!"

Yami cleared his throat, getting their attention. "Can I be permitted to ask why you Bakuras are inside my Puzzle?"

The angelic Bakura turned his head sharply when he realized that Yugi and Yami were standing in the doorway, a shy, embarrassed smile gracing his features. "Oh! I'm sorry! We really shouldn't be in here-"

At this, he turned back to his darker half, glaring at him once again. "-and we wouldn't be if someone hadn't agreed to a Shadow Game with Yami Marik and lost my body to the Shadow Realm when he lost the game!"

"Look, that bastard cheated! It's the only way he could have beaten me!" The demonic Bakura snarled at his hikari for an instant before his attention was grabbed by something else. He turned to look at Yami and Yugi, his eyes landing on their joined hands and staying there.

He cocked an eyebrow. "So, what's with the hand-holding? It makes you look like a gay couple or something."

Yami frowned and quickly began to retaliate. "Oh, really? Well, at least I'm not holding my hikari in my lap! You do know that there's plenty of space on the floor around you, right?"

Both Bakuras actually blushed and looked away; it was enough to make Yugi feel sorry for Yami Bakura and... what's-his-name... Bakura.

Yami smirked. "I'm holding my hikari's hand so that we won't become separated as we walk through the corridors of the Millennium Puzzle. What's your excuse, thief?"

The Bakura demon snarled and snapped, his eyes turning red and his fangs showing boldly. He pulled his hikari close and held the boy tightly, not even noticing the fact that he was hugging his host. "I just didn't want him to freeze to death by sitting on these cold floors of yours, Pharaoh! You got a problem with that?!"

"Mmmph!... Spirit...?"

Pulling his fangs back into his mouth, the evil Bakura glanced down at his light half, whose face was being squashed against the front of his black coat. "What's the matter, host?"

The white-haired cherub responded by snuggling closer. "I smell Kudos..."

He began to complain. Loudly. "I'm hungry!"

The other Bakura began to look nervous as he tried to keep the other's hands out of his coat pockets. "Well, it's not like I have a box of Kudos bars hidden in one of my pockets – no, put that back! Those are mine! Leave those alone!"

Turning on their heels, a very dazed Yami and equally dazed Yugi left the room, the door swinging shut behind them. They could still hear the bickering.

"NO!" one of the Bakuras was wailing. "Not the M-n-M's bars! Give those back right this instant!"

"Just keep walking, partner," Yami suggested when Yugi turned to stare at him, clearly dumbfounded by the entire situation that they'd just walked into and left behind. "Just keep walking."

Many, many, many hours and doors later...

"My feet hurt, Pharaoh," Yugi complained. "How many more doors do we have to try?"

Before Yami could answer, a high-pitched shriek filled the air, causing the two of them to become deaf for a moment.

Yami made a low growling sort of sound in his throat. "I wonder who else is hiding out in here?!"

As if in answer, a rather large, oddly-shaped creature ran through the hall just then, screaming as it curled into a ball and tried to hide behind Yami and Yugi... which looked pretty stupid, considering just how big the thing was.

Yami didn't even dare look, instead pointing his face away and screwing his eyes tightly shut. "Partner, tell me that Zorc is not hiding behind us like a ninny and wailing like a baby."

"Umm... Alright. If you say so, Yami. Zorc is not hiding behind us like a ninny and wailing like a baby."

Taking a deep sigh, Yami finally turned around, too tired to even glare at the giant Duel Monster. "I'm going to assume that there's a good explanation for this, but I'm almost afraid to ask."

Before either of Zorc's mouths could start working properly, a shrill voice from somewhere else cut in.

"Get back here, you overgrown coward!"

Yami and Yugi both turned to see Dark Necrofear, a female monster that they'd only seen once and only vaguely managed to recall her name, striding closer. She was so angry that she was snorting loudly, hot breathe flowing from her nostrils. It made her look a bit like a bull, actually.

Yami sighed again, apparently going for the record. "And... the problem is...?"

"This moron," Dark Necrofear screamed, gesturing to Zorc. "Forgot that today was our anniversary! Just like he forgot when Baby's birthday was!"

The mangled baby doll in her arms sniffled quietly, looking like it would start crying any minute.

Yugi's eyes widened in surprise. "I didn't know you two were married."

Dark Necrofear made a huffing sound. "Apparently neither did he."

"I said I was sorry, Neccie!" Zorc wailed to his wife in a pitiful manner. "I swear I didn't mean it! You know how bad I am with dates!"

"Oh, so you can somehow remember the exact dates and times of every time you tried to take over the world, but you don't even remember anything about your own family!"

Holding the baby doll tightly, Dark Necrofear turned to walk away. She turned back for a split-second, though. "Change of Heart's birthday is next week. You'd better get her something good!"

"Yes, dear."

Watching as his wife stalked off, Zorc turned to look almost pleadingly at Yami and Yugi. "I don't suppose you could...?"

"NO," Yami said sternly. "I'm not getting involved in your domestic problems. She's your wife and they're your kids. YOU deal with it."

Pulling gently on Yugi's hand, Yami left too, trying to put as much distance between himself and all of his unwanted guests as possible.

Yugi glanced at his darker half. "Maybe you should consider locking your doors so weirdos aren't wandering in at all hours of the day and night."

Yami didn't answer, since he was too busy opening and closing doors. He was beginning to wonder if they were ever going to find his bedroom.

Two weeks later...

"Last door, Partner," Yami muttered tiredly. Throwing the door open, he was pleased to see that it actually was his bedroom.

Walking over to the bed, he and Yugi both collapsed upon it in exhaustion.

"Hello, my Pharaoh, Master Yugi," a voice greeted them politely.

Turning, Yugi saw the Dark Magician sitting nearby, drinking Kool-Aid and reading a comic book. "Hey, Dark Magician. Why are you reading Kaiba's comic book?"

"Oh, is this his?" The Dark Magician raised an eyebrow in surprise. "I didn't know that he read comics. He has good taste."

Dark Magician Girl walked in just then, Kuriboh at her side. "Hi, guys!"

Kuriboh cooed loudly, flying over and cuddling against Yami. "Coo!"

"Gyak!" Yami cried out, sounding very un-Pharaoh-like. "Stop that! Stop it, I said!"

Yugi laughed and wrapped his arms around the fuzzy Duel Monster, hugging and petting his Ka. "Don't mind him, Kuriboh. Yami and I have been walking up and down all the stairs in the entire Puzzle for two whole weeks and it's made him cranky!"

Kuriboh, looking sympathetic, flew off for a minute and returned with a bucket of warm water, which Yugi was more than happy to put his feet into.

"You went up and down every flight of stairs?" Dark Magician Girl asked in absolute shock.

Yami nodded numbly.

She blinked. "Why didn't you just use the elevator? It's right next to the front door and it brings you right here? Remember?"

Yami turned to stare at her for nearly ten minutes in complete silence.

He finally smacked his forehead in what must have been the world's loudest facepalm in all of history.

The End.