Needles prick Cheryl's constricting chest as
she fights for air to enter her lungs;
as a fighter, Cheryl is forced to act like resilient girl,
everyone in Riverdale expects her skin of polished ivory
to be protected by stainless steel,
and it's expected that her heart's made of solid metal
trimmed with gaudy velvet
the color of the trendiest shade on the runway
with just enough cotton to warm the ice
from the outside looking in,
it's pretty apparent that she's having a panic attack:
such a vile swirl of emotions
constrict her vision
and it's a sharp, stabbing pain
right in the centermost part of her chest,
that keeps her from making a scene.
She wants everyone to know her pain, her struggle,
but she can't voice it correctly
(not right now,
maybe not ever)
for she's too upset to focus
on inflicting her wrath;
experiences like these remind her of humanity that she wishes
desperately to disappear:
everything she held dear died alongside Jason
and she is not whole,
(she won't be for a while,
maybe not ever)
but as she breathes
she forces the memory down into a dark place-
Out of sight, out of mind-
and Cheryl's forced to remember people are staring:
she's still at Riverdale High
and she's got obligations to fulfill,
which isn't helping her anxiety
but she pushes it to the side
(it goes
to that same dark place
she keeps all of her emotions)
and goes on to next period,
hoping that no one in the halls
remembers this scene;
she's not a scuff mark on linoleum for everyone to gawk at
she is a Blossom, beautiful and cruel.
Panic is a color that shouldn't have to fit her
but it's one that Cheryl Blossom is forced to wear
for as long as Jason's dead
(shivers race down her spine:
death still frightens her enough
to grip her heart,
to enact power over her that she gives to no human)
for as long as people remind her of her victimhood
(Shouldn't she act braver than her all-consuming pain?
Surely she knows good she is at being the center attention,
but she's gotta swallow pride to accept pity)
for as long as Mother embellishes her martyrdom
(This is a constant Cheryl hates enabling
No one acts like a martyr
more faultlessly,
more solemnly than Mother).
She's the queen of Riverdale High,
and a measly panic attack shouldn't
erase her sense of place
(even if it does,
for a brief, terrifying moment).