Day 20 of Write Every Day in November: So I love Castiel, but in the past he's always tried to have his cake and eat it too when it came to being a part of heaven and being a part of Sam and Dean's life. He hasn't always made the best choices and he often ended up hurting Sam and Dean more. So I was happy by how loyal he was to the brothers in season ten. Castiel has always been loyal, but as I stated he tries to balance both his loyalties and he often doesn't succeed. To see Cas lose the group of angels he gathered because he chose to be loyal to Sam and Dean was cool even if it made me mad that they'd just walk away after begging Castiel to lead them. This is my theory on why Cas has chosen Sam and Dean time and time again in season ten. Feel free to disagree and I'd love to hear what you guys have to say about the topic.

Loyalty

Summary: Castiel's knows his siblings can't understand his loyalty to the Winchesters, but Castiel as his reasons and he doubts his siblings could ever understand them

Castiel understood why his siblings were baffled by his loyalty to the Winchesters. It had confused Castiel in the beginning himself. Castiel had always been a good soldier. He hadn't been outstanding, but he hadn't been lacking either. He was just average and when his garrison had been chosen as part of the group to save the righteous man from hell Castiel had not expected to be the one to find him. He had though and he raised Dean from perdition, and the profound bond he told Dean about was still there to this day. If he closed his eyes and relaxed he could feel it and he was sure that Dean still felt it too.

Castiel had wondered if the fruit of knowledge had been forbidden not because it held knowledge, but because with knowledge one becomes aware of choices. When one knew they had choices they could questions thing, and while Castiel loved heaven it was not a place where you questioned how things worked.

When Castiel started helping Dean and Sam he'd taken a bite of the proverbial fruit and his world exploded. He knew what free will was. He knew what it meant to fight what was written and change the story. It had been terrifying at first and then wondrous. Castiel had only wanted to share that with his siblings. Castiel wanted them to know what it was like to choose.

It had not ended well and Castiel had to come to terms with the fact that his brothers and sisters just couldn't understand what it meant to choose something purely because you wanted to choose it. It had made sense to Castiel when he found out from Naomi that he'd been reset several times. That he had always been different and had simply been made to forget all the times he tried to question things. Castiel wished he could remember what he'd questioned. He wanted to know if he'd always had a soft spot for humans or if the Winchesters were an exception.

Castiel knew some of his siblings felt betrayed by his loyalty to the Winchester's. They were just humans and they had ruined everything that had been planned. Castiel couldn't deny he'd betrayed his siblings. He'd help break Metatron out of prison simply in hopes that he could cure Dean. Not only had he lost Metatron, but his actions had hurt the one angel who still believed in him. Hannah had probably come the closest to trying to understand free will. She seemed to understand that Castiel knew something that the rest of his siblings didn't and she had wanted to know what it was, but just couldn't figure it out. Metatron probably actually understood free will, but that brought back the case of knowledge giving one choices and the ability to question things.

Castiel had a reason for why he would always choose the Winchesters over his siblings. His reason was despite hurting them they had forgiven him countless times. He'd betrayed Sam and Dean by keeping secrets and working with Crowley. He'd hurt them and then he hurt other people. He knew what it was like to see the look of hurt and betrayal on Sam and Dean's face. Even though he had broken their trust they forgave him fully. Dean had a clear was out of purgatory when he met Benny, but he refused to leave until he found Castiel. After everything Castiel did Dean still wanted him back. If that wasn't enough even after everything with Naomi and Metatron Dean and Sam still welcomed Castiel with open arms. When he'd been living as a human they were trying to find him. To this day Castiel expected for Dean or Sam to look at him and realize how much he hurt them and to tell him to leave and never come back. They wanted Castiel despite whether he had his powers or not. He wasn't even that useful these days and they still cared about him. It was an amazing thing to be loved unconditionally like that. His brothers and sister would never fully trust him again. Even if he'd won the civil war and done everything he said he'd do there would still be those who didn't trust him. It hurt knowing his family no longer accepted him, but that was all the more reason to be so loyal to Dean and Sam. They would be there for him no matter what.

There was another thing as to why Castiel was so loyal to Sam and Dean. He might be a misfit angel, but he felt like he belonged with them. He still didn't understand technology or pop culture, but the Winchesters didn't care. They were willing to teach him and appreciated the research that he could do.

If Castiel went back to heaven it would mean going back to being an unthinking solider if not a prisoner. It would mean the free will that he fought so hard for other to have would have to be squashed and he'd have to show complete loyalty to heaven even if what he thought they were doing was wrong. He couldn't go back to that. He couldn't go back to fighting without thinking, to follow with blind faith. He missed heaven and he missed having such a large family, but Dean and Sam were now family. Not only were they family, but a family that valued Castile's willingness to fight for what he believed in even if it went against the plan. Castiel had betrayed the Winchesters more times than he should have and every time they accepted him back with open arms.

Castiel still felt the need to prove his loyalty to them. To show that he learned from his mistakes and he would never hurt the brothers like that again. It meant losing heaven, but Castiel couldn't feel regret for it. The Winchesters were his family now and Castiel would fight to protect them with everything he had. His siblings didn't understand and he doubt they would even if Castiel explained himself. Castiel might be an outcast from heaven, but that just made him fit in with Sam and Dean even more. Castiel would always be loyal to the two men who had forgiven him countless times. He might never be allowed back in heaven, but that was no longer his home anyway. Castile's home was with Sam and Dean, and Castiel was very very happy with them.