Dear Maya,
Maya, I get that I hurt you. I know that I shattered our friendship rock beyond repair. However, that wasn't me, Maya. At least, I wasn't myself that afternoon. Can you please just let me explain everything? Look, I had just gotten the news that Lucas proposed to you. You…you have absolutely no idea how that felt to hear. You have no freaking idea, especially considering the fact that I wasn't even over him, Maya. I told you that I was over him, I know. I told you that when you started dating him in our sophomore year of high school, but I was lying. Maya, I need you to realize that I loved you like a sister. I couldn't've just let you sacrifice your own happiness with him because of me. Oh, and don't say that you wouldn't've because I know you, Maya. You were my protector. You were always there for me, Maya. Look, do you remember the time when you broke the pipe and it sprayed water everywhere? It was during your "Homework Rebellion" plan. Anyhow, it pretty much rained in the classroom. After that disaster, I remember us riding the subway back to my place when you looked at me with a sadness that broke my heart. You tried to tell me that my father was gonna end the friendship, Maya You warned me that you always went too far and that it probably wasn't going to stop anytime soon. You said that you were a bad example for me. Do you remember that? God, I do. I remember because of what I said back to you. I told you that it wasn't up to my father. I told you that I was making this world my own now. I'm sure you remember what I said after, Maya. I wrapped my hand around your own and said, "Because if this is my world now, the first person I want in it is you."
Let me tell you something, Maya. That started changing around our freshman year of high school. However, the part where I wanted you to be the first person in my world didn't change. I still wanted that. It just slowly changed to something more meaningful. As our friendship grew stronger you slowly became a bigger part of my world. You…you became my own sun, Maya. I know that's confusing, so I'm going to explain what I mean. Look, do you remember the time I explained to you what trust was, Maya? You always had trouble trusting people. It never came naturally to you the same way it did for me. You were terrified of trusting people and you didn't know who you could trust at the time. Do you remember? I remember it clearly because what I said to you made me realize how much I actually trusted you, Maya. I said, "If you can rely on someone the same way you can rely on the sun to rise every morning then only then does that person deserve your trust, Maya." I'm gulping right now while writing this because the memory is just so clear that it's heart-breaking. I guess it's heart-breaking because I know that I lost your trust the second I put my mouth on Lucas' while you were engaged to him. I…I just can't talk about that right now, Maya. This letter is going to end up being so horrendously long just because of the fact that I keep pushing it off. I guess I just don't know how I can ask for your forgiveness after doing something so back-stabbing to you. How can I bring myself to ask for your forgiveness when I had the nerve to try to steal your fiancé after everything you've done for me? The answer? I can't, Maya. So yes, I will apologize soon. I will explain to you what made me do such a vicious thing to you, but I won't ask for your forgiveness. How can I? Don't expect it in this letter though. I just don't think I have it in me right now. You'll be receiving more soon enough though and I hope you'll write me back at least once.
You were my sun because you were always there, Maya. You never failed to pull through for me, not once. I was the innocent one that believed bullies would never mess with me. I was the naive one that believed the world could be perfect if I just tried a little harder. Maya, I never realized how much you did for me until sophomore year of college when I didn't have you around anymore. I didn't realize something until you were gone, Maya. I never realized that the darkness could become real if I didn't have my sun to help shield it from me. I didn't have you, Maya. Well, you were there, but you weren't the Maya I knew.
I need to let you know that sophomore year of college for me was pure hell. I don't blame you. However, you made it a living nightmare to the point where I became terrified of you. You slowly stopped being my sun, and became the darkness that I always ran from. You went from being my personal heaven to my personal hell in the time it took me to steal one kiss from your fiancé. Likewise, I knew I deserved it, Maya. I deserved it every time you would blatantly kiss him in front of me. I saw you tauntingly smirk at me through your sapphire-blue eyes full of hatred each time. I remember him grabbing onto your waist and kissing you back with just as much passion. However, I noticed. I caught onto your game as soon as it started. You were never big on public displays of affection in high school, or even in our freshman year of college, Maya. After I kissed your fiancé though and we all came back for our sophomore year of college, it was like you made it your personal goal to shove your tongue down his throat every time you caught sight of me. Can I just ask you something? How come you did that, Maya? I mean I know I deserved it, but the Maya I knew wouldn't have ever done that to anyone. So, why did you? Why did you stoop as low as I did, Maya? I guess that's what I'm asking. To be honest though, I don't even know if I'm gonna get a letter back from you. Will I?
Sincerely,
Riley Matthews