This shouldn't be a surprise. In fact, it took longer than she expected. She still flinched though.
Ring, ring, ring. Not loud enough for someone to barge in and demand she either mute the noise or pick up the phone, but not subtle enough to feign ignorance. Well, she could, but it would take effort, so much effort.
Guilt crept up, and with it waves and waves of just about everything. Just when she was beginning to have a grip on today's events.
She began to count each ring, but stopped when she reached ten – she only had ten fingers. She slowly sat and stared at the screen, so bright against the rest of her room.
It rang once, twice, thrice until she decided to reach for her phone.
She gulped when she saw the name. Perhaps she could open the window and throw it as far as she could – that should stop the noise, and well, out of sight, out of mind.
But it didn't work this way, what she fantasised about rarely became reality. Her body knew, it was already moving, having resigned to the only option left.
This felt like a punishment, even if it was far from one.
She poked at the answering circle, cutting off yet another ring.
She waited, marvelling at the silence that now felt blissful, finally. But when no one answered, she frowned. She didn't like the silence after all, her mind already spinning all kinds of scenarios. So curious, she had been bathed in silence for hours since she was left alone. Allowed to hide in her room with the curtains closed and laying on the bed atop the covers.
She held her phone closer to her ears.
"Hello?" It was wrong, all wrong, it shouldn't be like this. She shouldn't be answering first. It should have been the other way around – as she had promised.
"Sakura." This immediate answer almost made her jump, if she wasn't, shouldn't be used by now.
Did she hear relief in the normally stoic and soft voice? Did she truly cause her concern?
"Yes." She almost added a 'present' – not standing though, her body, her legs, everything felt so heavy now. It just seemed like attending a class and standing at attention when a teacher went through the list of attendance.
"Ah." Fingers tightened the hold on her phone.
"Did I...ah, wake you?" What a silly question to ask. She thought about the number of times the phone had rang – how many, in the end?
But perhaps she was as focused on persistence as she was at staring at the phone and losing count.
"No." It still sounded silly, as if stating the obvious – well, she was stating the obvious. As if she was stupid. As if she was stupid.
A pause, and the noise – ah, she must be outside, she could hear traffic – lessened a bit. She held the screen even closer to herself, squashing her ear.
"You didn't call." She couldn't detect anything more in these softly spoken words. But she imagined her frowning, perhaps standing still in the middle of the road or sitting down, gaze far away.
"...I'm sorry." And she winced and wished she could take it back, but it was already out now. She slowly slid down, down, down until she hit the ground, legs awkwardly folded beneath her.
The sigh – so soft again, always so soft – she heard only made everything worse. This she didn't need to decipher. Her mouth already opened, but what could she say, do, except make the situation even worse?
"Where are you?" She saw the bridge so very clearly in her mind, late at night with lit lamps but many more shadows and eyes prodding at her back from every angle.
"In my room." Bedroom actually.
"Ah." She thought she did hear even more relief now. Their thoughts must be entwined for once, even if there was so much distance, physical distance between them...
Or perhaps her imagination was playing her again. Rin always said she had this dreamy side. She also remembered how her sister immediately winced and glanced away, and it took her a few moments to realise she could be thinking about the past, when they were both so much younger, when she didn't know she had family other than her older sister, mother, father and uncle. Family in name only though, what was done to her...
And the thought of her sister made her hunch in herself. She inhaled sharply, her body angled all wrong.
"Sakura?" She must had heard her –- of course she did, she always did.
"Ah, I sat on my feet." It still came quite easily. Lying, white lies, half truths, the truth. All were the same. All were difficult and tiring.
She chuckled – showing a beautiful smile likely too, eyes twinkling and perhaps shoulders shaking a bit. She used this moment –- this moment of distraction –- to slowly uncurl and straighten her legs, stretching them as much as she could even when it send waves and waves of pricking and discomfort – she deserved that, that and so much more.
"Are you in bed?" Leave it to her to be direct at times like these. Many times she had lurked in the shadows, and when she would finally appear, she couldn't even coax her thoughts, anything, out. But then again, that may be one of the things that drew them together.
She tried not to think of other reasons. Of sisters and betrayal and pain and hatred.
She nodded, more to wake herself, to not drown in this endless and intangible hole. Silence on the other end – it had grown even more silent, she wondered where she was now – and her gaze focused on darkness and nothing else.
"Yes." Well, technically, her back was leaning on the side of the mattress. The wood frame of the bed poked at her spine as she hunched forward.
"Is your sister here too?"
"...Yes." In the other side of the house. Actually, she didn't know. She could be in the guest room, or the living room or even kitchen – she liked to snack, and she pretended she didn't know that she knew. Pretending nothing was wrong, just wrapping everything up in silence and almost genuine smiles.
"Sakura." At least she thought she was. But this wasn't just anyone.
"She is."
"You know what I mean." She could be so well prepared, she had no chance at all. One would think hiding was easier on the phone.
The numbness in her legs seemed to grow again, her back was beginning to hurt and her hand wouldn't be able to let go of the phone even if she wanted to – never.
"I know, I just..." Just what?
"I'm..." Well, at least she could stop herself from making a fool of herself, of both of them a second time.
The silence that followed almost made you wince and cough – so different from all the times they shared each other's company in silence, usually both immersed in a different task but enjoying the nearness all the more. Eyes would wander at times and meet and they would share a smile before continuing in a more cheerful manner.
Some times she even caught herself actively searching for her, just to be close to her.
"Is she sleeping?" She chuckled.
"No." No lie. She may be only a year older than she, but she seemed to be live for two – then again, that wasn't difficult. If she wasn't studying for exams, she would be busy with magic, with reading and trials and errors. Anything productive.
"Perhaps you can-"
"No." She didn't flinch, even if she was the one that had interrupted her, but she still felt bad. This unspoken rule she had broken. But she couldn't help it.
A long silence. Her legs trembled as she pulled herself up as much as she could until it hurt again but at least she fell atop the mattress. She rest her forehead on softness.
"All right." Somehow, this hurt her even more, and her body shook even more.
More silence. And not like the times they sat facing each other, sharing an adventure of tasting new flavours, taking turns cooking using a new recipe, one day Japanese, one day western, going beyond comfort zones.
It was as if something clicked then. Even if her head felt more and more heavy and she could feel headache coming.
"We had a great day." No exaggeration, truly wasn't. Every time her sister texted, or called her, she would stare at her phone, but would smile too. She experienced the same, perhaps even more, whenever she called her –- rarely texting –- well, except now it seemed.
She switched ears and hands.
"She took a day off." Just for her, she was still baffled. So baffled that she had jumped when the door bell rang.
Her arms were already crossed when she opened the door and stared her down until she gazed away and mumble a greeting, genuine one, but the smile she gave her was worth it.
"We spend the morning in town." Window shopping mostly, followed by a delicious lunch that her sister insisted on paying, another one of these glares and superb reflexes – she never stood a chance – and giving a generous tip.
She chuckled. Well, at least one of them was enjoying themselves.
In the afternoon they walked around the park. She saw so many singles, while her sister scowl deepened with each couple.
"We ate ice cream too." Of course she did it again, and by then she only sighed and stared – she easily remembered that smug grin.
At least she allowed her to cook dinner, but did insist on buying the ingredients – even if she already bought groceries, just in case.
She tried to help too, even when she only slowed things down but by then she'd figured it was easier to just give in then to tire herself even more.
"That's good."
"Yes." She was a very good sister, a good magus, a good human being. She didn't deserve her. She didn't know what she'd done to deserve her, after all that had happened. Blood shouldn't mean that much, should it?
"I'm tired though." A yawn almost escaped her mouth, but she clamped her lips shut.
"Do you think you can lie down?" But of course, a more pressing question, they both knew. It was how things worked, how they worked.
"I can try." And she meant it.
"Okay." She waited – she always waited – as she stood, wobbling a bit and resting a palm on the mattress. She shrugged and decided to leap and wriggle towards the pillows. It felt good.
"Okay." She chuckled, and she wished again she could see her – how absolutely radiant she must look right now.
She sighed, not even bothering to hide it now, and burrowed under the covers. It was cool at first, but it warmed so quickly. Her scent still lingered here...and more. It grew even warmer as she tried not think of the activities on this bed.
It was quiet now. Did she end the call? This feeling, this panic, she peeked at the screen – almost dropped the phone – but no, she was still here.
She chided herself for even thinking about it. Had she ever done that? Just like that, without warning?
"You will stay?"
"Silly Sakura." To even ask.
She closed her eyes and couldn't stop the next yawn.
She thought she heard her yawn following, but everything grew fussy and smaller. So warm and comfortable. So tired.
"Hmm, love you..." She could already be dreaming, who truly knew?
A deeper, longer chuckle, so affectionate. Her whole body would come alive, her face looking even more perfect – if that was even possible. She could easily imagine her coming closer, these eyes she could see now staring down at her – not minding at all, she loved how much taller she was – and that she answered. "Love you."
Only too late she realised she hadn't even asked her about her day – so rude, so impolite, not like her at all – but then shrugged it off.
Dream land after all.
And besides, she would ask her when she was back – she should be coming back tomorrow.