Anonym
Love Foolosophy
Why do you write?
She stares at those 4 simple words on his screen. It is a simple question but the answer is much more complex. And she's not sure how to tell him.
Why do you write?
The minutes tick by but still she doesn't reply to his message. She doesn't know what to say. Half of her heart is calling out to her to answer truthfully, but the other half is skeptical as to his reaction, how this would change their relationship, what this would mean to both of them.
Why do you write?
She knows the answer well, she's known for a long time but she doesn't want to risk anything. What they have now, it's good. It's friendly, light hearted banter. It's ambiguous statements, teasing retorts. It could be so much more, but at the same time, it's something precious in its own right. Not that she would admit it openly.
Why do you write?
It is a dangerous question, one she didn't really want to answer. Answering it requires her to let her walls down, to allow someone in and that will leave her vulnerable, leave her heart exposed. But at the same time, there is an uncontrollable urge to confess and it is driving her crazy. The feelings of uncertainty twist in her heart at the thought and she wonders for the umpteenth time if the flirtatious exchanges between them are just fun and games to him, or whether they mean just a little bit more.
Why do you write?
She finally answers with a question of her own.
"Why do you write?"
Some write it for the ship.
Some write it for the fantasies.
Some write it for the outlet.
In all honesty, she had started writing because she enjoyed the character's relationship. She had in many ways, seen herself in the character. The pride, the determination, the loyalty. It had been her way of connecting with someone she could understand, and who in turn, could understand her.
Why do you write?
But as she committed herself a bit more, as her writing improved and when she finally met him, she started writing for different reasons.
She writes dialogues she wishes she could say to him, to tell him things she could never bring herself to confess. She writes about love because it swirls in her chest like warm melted chocolate, sweet but sickly at times, and it's a bittersweet feeling.
She writes because every story is her story and she needs him to understand what she's trying to say.
Why do you write?
He answers her question promptly.
"I love the ship. I love their dynamics and I want to explore their relationship further than the manga ever does."
Why do you write?
She replies after a moment.
"I enjoy writing."
Why do you write?
One day, he would understand. One day, she would trust him enough to tell him outright. One day, she would have to set aside her pride, lower her guard and embrace the vulnerability that came along with baring her heart to him.
That day would not be today.
But it would come soon.
Erza's fingers hovered over the keyboard as her eyes focused on the flashing cursor while she contemplated what to write in the author's note. Words failed her, or maybe it was her courage.
She shook her head and pressed the 'publish' button, knowing that he would receive the email alert soon.
Maybe one day.
A/N: This is the last of the Alias trilogy (Pseudonym - Anonym - Alias).