PROLOGUE
Guess I never should have fallen in love. It started with that girl. I gave her everything that I materially could. She told me she loved me. She told me how special I was to her, and how we would always be together. She seemed to drift apart from me as our relationship grew. I still loved her after everything, and I wasn't willing to let go. We stayed together for a long time after that. I always loved her, but deep inside, I always wondered if she really meant the things she said to me. I started to realize later on that she didn't. Pretty soon the sex was the only thing that was left, but hell, that got old fast. I tried to build our relationship back up, but she never seemed to try. I kept loving her, and she seemed to love me less. One day, she was at my house, but her mom called. Apparently she needed urgent help, so my girl had to split. She told me she would be back later that night. I never saw her again.
She didn't return my calls, answer her phone, and she never seemed to be home. I thought she might have died somehow. Saw her sister in front of her house just a few days ago, and inquired. She said my girl was doing fine. I heard her voice coming from inside, but her sister wouldn't let me in. She brushed me off in a nice way and sent me flying. It's been four years since I saw my girl. Broken hearts cannot be mended. At least not mine. After all this time, I still love her. When we were together, I thought about her every waking moment of my life. Since we haven't been together anymore, I think her about every waking moment of my life, and in my sleep, too.
I've got nothing left, so now I'm leaving. I love you, mom, which is exactly the reason I haven't seen you in two months. Because I can't handle love. I can't handle being in the company of the people I love, because I can't love anyone anymore. If I've got a love-o-matic in me, it really needs fixing. Say goodbye to dad for me. Say goodbye to James, and say goodbye to Tom, too. Tell him I wish him the best of luck in school, and that grade three isn't any harder than grade two, because he's a smart kid, and his mind is growing faster than they can teach him. I will not be back. Where I'm going, I will die. I'll make certain of that. Make sure my girl sees this letter, mom. You know who she is. What she did to me caused me more pain then you could have ever imagined. I want her to know that she is the reason I'm going to die out there. I want her to carry that weight for the rest of her natural life. I love you, mom.
--Last page in the Diary of a Directorate soldier before leaving Earth
Guess I never should have fallen in love. It started with that girl. I gave her everything that I materially could. She told me she loved me. She told me how special I was to her, and how we would always be together. She seemed to drift apart from me as our relationship grew. I still loved her after everything, and I wasn't willing to let go. We stayed together for a long time after that. I always loved her, but deep inside, I always wondered if she really meant the things she said to me. I started to realize later on that she didn't. Pretty soon the sex was the only thing that was left, but hell, that got old fast. I tried to build our relationship back up, but she never seemed to try. I kept loving her, and she seemed to love me less. One day, she was at my house, but her mom called. Apparently she needed urgent help, so my girl had to split. She told me she would be back later that night. I never saw her again.
She didn't return my calls, answer her phone, and she never seemed to be home. I thought she might have died somehow. Saw her sister in front of her house just a few days ago, and inquired. She said my girl was doing fine. I heard her voice coming from inside, but her sister wouldn't let me in. She brushed me off in a nice way and sent me flying. It's been four years since I saw my girl. Broken hearts cannot be mended. At least not mine. After all this time, I still love her. When we were together, I thought about her every waking moment of my life. Since we haven't been together anymore, I think her about every waking moment of my life, and in my sleep, too.
I've got nothing left, so now I'm leaving. I love you, mom, which is exactly the reason I haven't seen you in two months. Because I can't handle love. I can't handle being in the company of the people I love, because I can't love anyone anymore. If I've got a love-o-matic in me, it really needs fixing. Say goodbye to dad for me. Say goodbye to James, and say goodbye to Tom, too. Tell him I wish him the best of luck in school, and that grade three isn't any harder than grade two, because he's a smart kid, and his mind is growing faster than they can teach him. I will not be back. Where I'm going, I will die. I'll make certain of that. Make sure my girl sees this letter, mom. You know who she is. What she did to me caused me more pain then you could have ever imagined. I want her to know that she is the reason I'm going to die out there. I want her to carry that weight for the rest of her natural life. I love you, mom.
--Last page in the Diary of a Directorate soldier before leaving Earth