It had been 35 years since she left Seattle. 35 years since the last of many break ups and make ups. This was the only relationship in her life that she had given it all. All her strength in the face of post traumatic stress, both his and hers. her forgiveness after learning about the cheating. All her love when she finally decided to let him go.
It had been 35 years of none-too-serious relationships, publishing more papers than she could possibly count, four different surgical techniques named after her and a steady flow of appreciation and awards.
She had become what she had set out to be at age 9, a world renowned goddess, the invincible heart surgeon, and ironically all she had to lose for gaining it was her heart. Her happiness and content included.
And yet that gaping hole in her own heart was filled by making no more effort than closing her eyes and remembering his, the colour of a warm ocean. And the rare day she would lose a patient, she remembered the comfort of his arms around her. And the day it all became too unbearable, she would remember his laughter and all her pain would melt away.
Who said memories weren't enough to survive. She was a living proof to the contrary. She had survived and she had lived. With nothing but warm memories in her arsenal.
Well..in her defence she did have a whole lot of memories etched for all of eternity.
Cristina would remember the grin on his face when she woke up and was strutting around with half closed eyes looking for caffeine. And the tone in which he said, good morning to you too 'my pre-coffee-cristina'...
Then she would remember the taste of his perfectly cooked eggs Benedict or French toast or omelette or whatever other form he decided to serve her morning eggs. Because Owen knew Cristina loved her eggs and he had to make her some every morning because she dint cook and the cereal did not come in an egg flavour. Well not an edible one anyways.
She remembered the look in his darkened eyes hinting upon an upcoming hour of hair washing and morning soapy sex. And she remembered the gentle yet firm way in which his fingers massaged and rinsed through her hair.
She remembered his choice of music when they drove to work together in his blue truck. how after even years of marriage he still insisted on holding her car door open, like he has never known that not opening a lady's door is also an available option.
And the way he always gave her a quick peck on the lips before heading to the pit or his office. Well as gentle a peck as they both could ever share. And quick by only their standards.
And she remembered how he always sent her coffee twice during the day, delivering it through a nurse or an intern if he was busy. More if he knew she was having a rough day.
She also remembered whenever by a small miracle they ever had time to eat lunch together, how he would swap her coke with his juice and her double choco chip muffin with his salad or fruit so that she at least had something nutritious going inside her petite body.
She remembered the look of pride on his face when she operated even if it was the most routine surgery. Which is why she never wondered what he would have looked like or said when she won her first Harper Avery or her first Carter Madison grant...she didn't wonder because she knew. She knew it would be a look of love first. Pride second. Because he respected her and was proud of her but first and foremost he loved her.
She remembered how he never seemed to care how hard or tiring his own day had been while he cooked her dinner or massaged her feet. Or just sat by her keeping her company while she researched online or read a medical journal.
she remembered how one of the only few times he would act like a typical guy was when a European soccer match was on and he would sit on the couch surrounded by beer and chicken wings shouting at the tv. Either alone or with sloan or shepherd or karev.
She remembered how for their first anniversary he actually convinced the local pizzeria to edit their menu to add an 'excessive Parmesan' option for her considering they were loyal customers. Though he didn't mention it, she knew it would have costed him a lot of money to make them change their menu just for her!
And she remembered that those were the only years of her life when she had clean underwear without having to buy some every week as he made it a point to keep all of her clothes wearable because for him it was just an extension to his own clothes. Besides, he half smirked, that the extra effort actually ends up working in his favour as any new fabric is that much tougher for him to rip off.
She remembered every little detail about the man who was and will always be the love of her life..she remembered the scent of his aftershave, the curve of his lips, the scar on his thigh, the sound of his laughter, the smoothness of his skin, the colour of his eyes, the texture of his hair, and she remembered the sound of his heart beat.
and most of all she remembered the look of conviction in his eyes, the night at joes when he brought her a drink, called her on being a bully, told her that he thought she was smart and opinionated and that he wanted to be around 40 years from now..so simply and so earnestly that it dint sound like wishful thinking at all..like it was something proven by science..that he was just going to be around 40 years from now..there was no other foreseeable option.
And now in here he was 35 years after she had walked away from him, lying on a gurney in a trauma room in her hospital, with blood oozing from behind his head, turning his now almost silver hair to a familiar shade of erstwhile red..and he still took her breath away..