The Ballad of the Nine Heroes
Written by: Pippin Took & Merry Brandybuck
ACT II
Frodo and Sam must get to Mt. Doom
There the Ring must be unmade
In the fires of the mountain from whence it came.
The Dark Lord is always seeking
Around every corner he is peeking.
They must be careful, don't let him see,
It's hard to hide 'cause there ain't no tree.
There in the rocks they had no hope,
Luckily Sam had his elven rope.
They climbed down the rocks so steep,
Into a cavern that was very deep.
They were attacked by Gollum the fiend
He throttled Sam and was almost beaned.
Frodo made him the guide on their journey
And they went through a marsh that was very wormy.
The orcs carried away Merry and I
Without hesitation or a good-bye.
They were taking us to Isenguard
Away from our friends, and that was hard.
We stopped for the night by the woods
Where they took away our precious goods.
They had a quarrel about eating us
There was a huge ginormous fuss.
While they were fighting we escaped.
We were not seen for we had our capes.
But we were followed into the wood
Because this orc was up to no good.
He almost slit Merry's throat
'Till the evil orc died with a croak.
An ent named Treebeard squished him flat;
We gave him our thanks and that was that.
We asked his friends to join our side.
By the time they finished we almost died,
It takes forever for ents to say a thing or two,
' Cause ents don't got no normal brew.
They have this drink called ent-draught
(It makes you grow quite a lot).
Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli too,
They all followed us through and through.
They heard from some riders that we were dead,
Eomer killed the orcs 'cause they weren't in bed.
Our three friends went to the site
Of the battle that happened just last night.
When they arrived they got a terrible fright,
They thought we were dead; they were sad more than a mite.
'Till they found that we were alive
We escaped into the forest in order to hide.
They went inside and found the White Wizard,
They heard it was Gandalf from a bird with a gizzard.
Because Gandalf and the Balrog had fought to the death
Until the Balrog took his last breath.
The Balrog turned to a pile of ashes
And Gandalf returned in a series of flashes.
He was the White Wizard that Aragorn saw
He agreed to help them without a flaw.
Off they went in search of Merry and me,
A great surprise they soon will see,
For we went with the ents to attack the big fortress
That Sauruman thought was very gorgeous.
We flooded Isenguard to look like a pond,
Trapping Sauruman so he could bond,
with Grima Wormtongue his servant (of whom I'm not fond).
Frodo and Sam arrived at the gate
To the land of Mordor, full of shadows and hate.
But alas, they could not get in,
Too many orcs and guards within.
So Gollum showed them a secret way
Sam saw an Oliphant - hooray!
Gollum decided to be true
While Sam whipped up a coney stew.
They were captured by a band of men
Who tied their hands and blindfolded them.
They could not get away
While the men led them to a cave.
The ringleader behind this devious plot
(He wasn't that bad, really, not!)
Faramir it was, the Ring he sought.
Boromir's brother and forever friend
Was sad to learn Boromir was dead.
Frodo and Sam knew not the news
Of Boromir's death, and they were sad too.
But where was Gollum all this time?
He was in the pool, making a rhyme.
Faramir wanted to kill him and not to hide,
But Frodo said, 'Wait! He's our guide!
Let me go down and talk to him please,
I'll get him without dropping no eaves.'
Frodo then went down to the pool
And said, 'Come, Sméagol, this isn't cool!
You have to trust Master right here and right now,
Come out of there now or you won't get no chow!'
Gollum then followed Master fair,
Before he was snatched up by his hair.
Faramir stuck him in a sack
But Gollum was strong and he fought back.
He told Faramir about the Ring,
And how Frodo had threatened him with Sting.
Against Frodo's will, Faramir took the Ring to Gondor
He took them all so they wouldn't be eaten by condors.
Frodo begged, 'Please let me go!'
Sam said, 'This is what killed your brother I know.
He wanted the Ring and was driven mad
It took hold of him and he turned bad.
We have to destroy it in Mt. Doom
If you bring it to Gondor the end will be here soon!'
Faramir refused and stood quite firm
Letting the desire inside him burn,
To prove his worth to Denethor his dad,
He knew the Ring would make him quite glad.
Perhaps this way they could win the war,
And destroy the enemy forevermore.
Meanwhile the trio and Gandalf rode off to Rohan
They went to pay a visit on
Théoden, the Rohanian king,
He was doing poorly, he couldn't even sing.
Orcs were there, ransacking his towns
And all he would do was sit there and frown.
He was being controlled by Sauruman the Fright
It was so bad he couldn't even sleep at night!
He seemed to have aged eighty years in a day,
Wormtongue made him act this way.
'Till Théoden was cured by Gandalf the Grey
And Wormtongue was thrown down the steps
And told not to return on penalty of death.
Théoden decided to take action.
He wanted everyone safe, even the smallest fraction.
So off and away to Helm's Deep they went,
But there something here was different.
There was a young lady named Eowen fair,
With pale skin and golden hair.
She had eyes for our Aragorn
And he did not look on her with scorn.
But there was another whom he loved,
Lady Arwen, gentle as a dove.
Aragorn thought she had sailed away
But she instead had decided to stay,
In Rivendell live a mortal life,
Though she knew there would be much strife.
But Aragorn knew not this news,
He thought to her father she would be true.
When they were traveling to Helm's Deep
They saw wargs and orcs and met quite a creep.
The orcs fought hard and Aragorn fell off a cliff,
Down he went, smack in the river,
Where he got a busted liver.
Then he saw a horse, he rode on its back
(Unfortunately, speed is what he lacked.)
So back he went, back to Helm's Deep,
'You're late,' said Legolas, making a peep.
Aragorn laughed and started to grin,
Then Gimli came up and kicked his shin.
'You are a reckless man!' said he.
Aragorn smiled. 'It's my cup of tea.'
Gimli rolled his eyes. 'Well that we knew,
On account of you don't drink coffee, only brew!'
'Many orcs are gathering.' said Aragorn. 'We aren't enough to fight!'
Théoden glared. 'I'll get men-young or old, fat or light!
We'll outnumber those orcs, so say I!'
Aragorn shrugged. 'Your loss, not mine.'
Gandalf rode off. 'Hold the fort while I'm gone.'
Legolas nodded and moved his pawn.
'Checkmate!' he triumphantly said. 'I win again.'
Gimli pounded the table. 'I say, that's not fair!
You always win, I always lose, even with her Ladyship's hair!'
Around sundown that day,
The orcs marched in, shouting 'Hey!'
Théoden said, 'Prepare for war!
These bad boys are full o' gore!'
Along the top of the wall they lined
Gimli couldn't see, but Legolas didn't mind.
A group of elves marched in suddenly
As Théoden yelled, 'Hold your ground and never flee!'
Aragorn said, 'Men hold your fire.
If you fall, you'll be stuck in the mire.'
But an anxious old man's finger slipped,
His arrow shot off, right real quick.
It struck an orc right in the gut.
'Nice shot,' said Aragorn, 'But…'
The orcs looked up. 'That's it. You're out of luck now!'
They ran at the wall with a shriek and a howl.
And so the great battle began.
Only time will tell if Théoden's army will stand.
Frodo and Sam are being dragged along,
Taken to places they don't belong.
They arrived at Osgiliath under attack.
They thought they saw a Nazgul in black.
An officer ran up to Faramir.
'Sir! We're in dire need here!
The orcs are coming, we can't fight 'em off.'
Then he gave a sigh and a cough.
Faramir said, 'I have a secret weapon that will win the war.
We'll bring it to Denethor, he'll like it for sure.'
Then a hundred orcs piled in
and Sam and Frodo couldn't find him.
Sam grabbed Frodo's arm:
'Come on! Here it's like a farm!'
They ran up some steps to a tower
It looked over the city like a flower.
Then a Nazgul flew up and Frodo almost broke.
If not for Sam, Frodo would have choked.
He tackled Frodo so he wouldn't stay
And Frodo got mad, the Ring had its way.
He snarled and almost killed Sam
And Sam hit his head with a 'BAM!'
Then Frodo stopped and gave a cry,
'I'm sorry, Sam! It's the Ring! And I wouldn't lie!'
Sam gave Frodo's shoulder a pat.
'S'okay, Mr. Frodo.' He looked up.
'May I suggest we leave? If we don't want to be squished flat.'
Then Faramir ran up.
'You aren't going anywhere-'
Then something clicked and he said, 'You can go.
If you leave now no one will know.
I've filled your packs, you can leave.
Take the underwater system and no one will see.'
Frodo and Sam didn't need to be told twice.
Sam smiled at Faramir. 'Thank you, sir.
By the way, I like your coat made of fur.'
Faramir looked queerly at him. 'Thanks. Keep the Ring safe.'
Then off he went, risking his life.
Off they ran, then Sam stopped and shook his head.
'That man needs a wife.'
Frodo laughed and off they sped, with all their might.
They ran and ran 'til there was no more daylight.
But Gollum the fiend was scheming,
And on the inside he was steaming
At Master so mean and cruel,
('Cause he kicked him out of the pool.)