A/N: Hello, ladies and gents, and welcome to the first chapter of Bat Family Values! This is a series of one-shots centered on the Bat!Family, spanning from before Impulsivity to after the epilogue of The Birdflash Coalescence. If you have not read those, please do so before reading this one. I promise you'll be better off if you do.

Now let's get this party started!

Note: At this point, Wally is aware of Batman's real name being Bruce Wayne.

Ace

As the adopted son of a billionaire, Tim Drake was the sort of kid who'd you think had everything. All the games and toys he could ever want, a big family who loved him, a kickass house, and the occasional opportunity to beat the crap out of supervillians.

However, there was one thing that Tim wanted more than anything, something he'd gladly have given up all that for.

"Dad, can I have a dog?"

"No. Dogs are smelly and destroy furniture." Bruce replied, not even looking up from his newspaper.

The nine-year-old pouted, as he often did when he wanted something. "Aw, but Dad! Superman let his kids have a dog!"

"Krypto is not a dog. He is a super-powered annoyance with the intelligence of a dog."

"But-"

"No buts, Tim. Now go annoy your brothers."

"Hmph." Seeing that he would never be able to convince the Caped Crusader otherwise, the second youngest Bat trudged off, going into the game room, where his eldest brother and his boyfriend were playing Mario Kart, as per usual.

"Hey Tim, what's up?" Wally asked, never letting his eyes stray from the television set.

"Dad's a poop-head!"

Dick snorted. "Well gee, thanks Captain Obvious! Are you still hung up on the dog thing?"

"No," Tim muttered as he trudged out of the room. "I'm hung up on living here without a dog."

Just then, the race ended, Dick overtaking Wally to snag first place in the race yet again.

"OH COME ON!"

The Boy Wonder chuckled. "Well, that's thirty-three races me, zero races you. Wanna play something else?"

"Best forty-eight out of fifty!"

"Hmm… Nah, I'm tired of kicking your butt. Besides, I'm worried about Tim. He's never this depressed. I mean, never, not even when Jason gets away with doing something mean to him."

"Yeah… if only there was a way to get him a dog without Bats being able to say no."

At this, Dick's head snapped up, his mind already having formed a plan.

"Wally, babe, you're a genius!" Dick shouted, planting an excited kiss on his boyfriend's lips.

"Why, thank you, darling." Wally said, a bit in shock. "Wait, why exactly am I a genius?"

"Because you've given me the perfect plan to make everybody happy! Except Dad, but he's never happy anyway."

A few days later…

"C'mon, boy, go get the ball! Get it!"

"Uh, Tim," Jason started slowly, "you know that Damian's our two-year-old brother and not a dog, right?"

The younger boy threw up his hands in frustration. "Well it's not like I'm ever gonna get a real one, now is it?!"

Damian, meanwhile, stared at the pair. "Timmeh!"

"Yes, Damian?"

"Get ball!"

"No, Damian, see, you're the dog, so you have to get the-"

"TIMMEH GET BALL!"

"Yes Damian." Sighing, Tim walked over and retrieved the ball, returning it to his younger brother. "There. Happy now?"

Damian answered by throwing the ball at Tim's head and giggling like a loon.

"OW! That hurt, Damian!"

"That's what happens when you treat a kid like a pet!"

Tim glared at his older brother as he rubbed the site of impact gingerly. "Shut up, Jason!"

This could have turned into a full scale argument, but thankfully Dick came in through the kitchen door, balancing a brown box held together with a red bow under his arm with some difficulty.

"No, no, don't get up, I've got this," Dick muttered sarcastically as he made his way over to the counter, where he set the box down with a thud.

"We weren't gonna get up, though."

"… Tim, one of these days I'm going to make you a sarcasm sign." Jason said, standing up. "What's in the box, dude?"

Dick grinned as he opened up the box. "My dear brothers, allow me to present to you…" Here, he turned around, revealing a German shepherd puppy in his arms. "Ace the Bat-Hound! Er, Bat-Puppy!"

At the sound of his new name, the young canine barked, squirming in Dick's grasp and licking his nose.

"YOU GOT US A DOG?!" Jason and Tim shouted simultaneously, the former in disbelief and the latter in utter joy. Tim quickly took the puppy out of his eldest sibling's arms, laughing as Ace licked his face happily.

"Where in the hell did you even get this thing?!" Jason asked, still in shock at the fact that the Wayne Family now had a pet that didn't require a bowl full of water, and also would hopefully live longer than those pets did.

"First of all, Ace is a he, not a thing. Secondly, I may have swung by the animal shelter on my way home from school."

Jason crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Did Dad say that you could go get him before he left to go fight evil space monsters?"

"I've heard that it's better to beg forgiveness than to ask for permission, besides, look at the little guy, he's adorable!"

"If adorable worked on Dad, we'd have gone into space by now. This is going to turn out disastrously for you, and I'm going to laugh when it does."

Dick snorted. "Oh, please. Do you really think that I'd just get any random dog?" Wordlessly, the ex-acrobat walked over to the kitchen, opening the drawer where Alfred kept the oven mitts.

"No… no… A-ha!" Dick pulled his arm out of the drawer, revealing an oven mitt that had been made to resemble the Joker. "I knew we'd find a use for this thing one day. Tim, put Ace down for a second."

Reluctantly, the younger boy did so, and the dog immediately sat, tilting his head in confusion.

Grinning, the eldest brother pulled out the oven mitt. At the sight of the madman's likeness, the puppy's sweet and docile face twisted into a toothy snarl, rage-filled barking erupting from him. The second that Dick hid the mitt, though, Ace went right back to being an adorable little puppy, bouncing over to Damian and licking the toddler's face.

"… You got this dog at the pound?"

"Oh, did I say 'pound'? I meant Gotham's K-9 unit training facility. Barbara helped me convince her dad to let me take one."

"Huh. A dog that's trained to go after super-villains and also enjoys playtime. I like it!"

"Of course you do. And that training's going to come in handy when Dad gets home in a couple of days."

Another few days later…

As it turned out, there was no need to even point out the training, as Batman wasn't as invincible to cuteness as they had thought. One head tilt and whimper from Ace and the billionaire was sold.

"Who's laughing now, Jas-?"

"Shut up. Just shut up."

A/N: Okay, so before anyone asks, this is why Ace is a German shepherd-

The original Ace in the comics, who was introduced during Dick's time as Robin, was described as a 'type of shepherd'. A very vague description, and after a while of looking, I decided 'Fuck it; I'll just have him be a German shepherd.' And so, Ace the Bat-Hound- well, Bat-Puppy, joins the family!

Remember to review and go to schmatey at tumblr to drop an idea off in the submission box!