Disclaimer: The Walking Dead do not belong to me. This writing is for pleasure only (or much need therapy after watching the last episode!). No profit is intended.
AN: I wrote most of this just after the Season 3 premier. It's just been sitting as one of many story fragments for over a year. After being stunned by Indifference, I was struck at just how Rick acted while telling Carol that he wouldn't have her around his children. Complete disgust and resentment. Then I remembered this fragment. Warning: It's not very nice to RIck.
"I won't have you there."
Rick to Carol Season 4, Indifference
Nausea tortured his stomach while Rick looked in the rear view mirror again. Still no sign of Carol in that station wagon. Guessed either she decided to head out of her own or her tire went flat, thanks to the small nail he had pressed into the side wall. He wanted to make sure that he had time to get to the prison before her. Didn't want her to be able to follow him.
That was the only reason he did that.
Rick kept telling himself that. In the back of his mind, Shane jeered and sneered at him. Called him names that he more than deserved; hypocrite, faker, asshole, murderer.
Murderer.
He hadn't just killed Shane. Oh no! He killed those men in the bar. Those men in the prison. All those people in Woodbury. That hitchhiker on the side of the road. Carol.
Rick chewed on his lip and glanced at the mirror again. Nothing. Emptiness.
Just like he felt inside. Empty. Desolate. Vindicated. It was a hollow feeling, really.
Carol would be fine. She was strong. She proved that. This wouldn't kill her. Not a flat tire.
Rick drove on toward the prison and tried to decide if he had done the right thing as Shane reminded him just how he really felt, deep in his own head. Where all the dark thoughts were buried.
Throwing Carol out was what you wanted all along, Rick. You are just too chicken-shit to say it.
The day they took the prison.
Rick stood with one leg propped up on the railing, carefully nailing head shots. One bullet, one dead walker. There was no need to rush. He wanted to savor every moment. Bang bang bang.
He was all alone at the top of that tower. His tower. His prison. Rick's very blood sang with exultation. There was no need to guard his emotions. No one was looking.
He was the fucking lord of his domain.
The last shot taken, he lowered his rifle and basked in the glow. This was better than sex. He felt... powerful.
He heard Daryl call the group in. What a second in command! Daryl gave him far more than Shane ever did, ever would have. The man could practically read his mind. Would watch him carefully for cues on what Rick wanted, then would just make it happen. Fearlessly. Without judgment, or reproach. Rick sometimes wondered if Daryl had a military background, but figured it was just an off-shoot whatever shitty home life he sprang from.
Months ago, way back the day after he laid down the law, Rick took Daryl aside and confronted him on his loyalty. Pushed him hard to know where he stood. To his surprise, Daryl answered every question honestly. Never lost his head regardless of how personal, or brutal the questions were. It was like Daryl felt he deserved to be scrutinized, his every motivation questioned.
Rick learned more than he ever wanted to know that day. About Daryl's family and what it was like to grow up in a house full of drugs without doing any. To be hated by his father for the fault of his own blood. To live and suffer under the shadow of his brother. The how, the why and the battering that resulted. Daryl was like a beaten and starved stray dog. He'd bite and snarl at anyone who approached. But take him home and feed him. Show him a little kindness, and he was yours for life.
Rick knew he depended on Daryl. Needed him in a way that Daryl didn't need Rick. And Rick used all that information Daryl gave him, even though the use tainted his own soul. Knew just how to approach Daryl to get what he wanted. Keep the wildness of the man under his control. Wield him like the tool he was. A necessary tool to keep them all alive. To keep Carl and Lori safe. That was the only real important thing. To keep Carl and Lori safe. Daryl was necessary. Daryl was his.
Well, Daryl was his until Carol finally caught him. Rick's lip curled with distaste at the thought. Rick had never seen a woman so intent on her pursuit. With the concrete walls and fences of the prison, Daryl wouldn't have anywhere to run. Rick felt a prickle of irritation as he watched Daryl and Carol come down from the far tower. She and him were going to have words about that almost hit down in the yard. Carol knew better than to waste good amno.
Carol had come a helluva long way from that helpless woman who lost her daughter. She had coerced Daryl into teaching her to shoot, fight with a knife, clean game, everything. Now, she was a passably good shot and an asset to the group. At least on the surface.
Rick gave Carol a long look from his perch. Yes, Carol was an asset. It was obvious that she deliberately set out to make herself useful. Openly put the needs of the others first. Threw herself into being what ever each member needed at all times.
Personally, Rick didn't like her. Didn't like how she gathered Lori in at low points, currying favor from the rest of the group. Didn't like how she paid special attention to Daryl, to keep her hold on him. Didn't like how openly affectionate she was to Hershel and his girls, gaining their sympathy. How friendly she acted around Glen and T-Dog, ensuring her place. How warily she watched Carl. It was like she was a little afraid of the boy. His boy.
But the thing that Rick didn't like the most was the undercurrent of disrespect Carol had when dealing with him. The looks she shot him when Lori was crying, the disdain in her eyes when he was parceling out orders, the reproachful curve of her mouth when he was working with Carl. It was no secret that she thought he had no honor.
Rick thought back to that day when he was organizing the group. That same day Daryl pledged his loyalty. Carol was blunt about where her loyalties were. She didn't trust Rick, but she did trust Daryl. She would support him for Daryl's sake. She would pull her weight and she had. Rick despised that part of himself that couldn't forgive her early judgment. So he buried the dislike way down deep and concentrated on keeping everyone alive. Maybe now Carol would apologize for being wrong. Be sorry that she misjudged him. Tell him he was doing a good job.
Right. Like that was ever going to happen.
One day, Rick mused, Carol was going to show her true colors to the rest of them. Was going to show everyone that all her actions were just an act. And they were all going to turn on her for not having a honor.
Somewhere deep in his mind, Shane jeered at him. You're just jealous, feeding that big head of yours. One day they are all going to see your true colors, Rick. Just like I did.
Propping his rifle against the rail, Rick watched T-Dog and Carol whoop it up, crossing the now-cleared yard, while he mopped his face with the bottom of his shirt. He pushed Shane's words out of his mind. For early spring, the day was still stiflingly hot. But the night would be cool. Plenty of time for everything to cool down. To check the fences, secure his hold. To clear his head and bury his feelings way down deep.
The prison was his new domain and he was in charge.
He'd better go and act the part.
Indifference
Rick fought down the nervous flutter as Maggie pulled open the gates. Just beyond he could see Daryl, Michonne, Tyrese and Bob unloading a minivan.
A minivan?
Shrugging to himself, Rick decided that a minivan would be more useful that the sports car of Zach's. Still, it was a good car. Shame Daryl lost it.
Rick pulled up and parked. Could see Daryl straining to see Carol inside the car. Could see the emotions flash past his face lightning fast, before turning his head away.
Grief.
Daryl's whole posture spoke of agony. Only Michonne seemed to notice, coming closer to find out what was wrong. Her eyes pierced into his as if reading his mind. Rick watched her stiffen and lay a hand on Daryl's shoulder. To his surprise, Daryl didn't flinch away.
Rick felt his gut clench in response. Daryl was his. He needed Daryl. He could control Daryl's reaction.. Michonne was a wildcard. He was afraid of her reaction. Then Rick brushed it all away as he opened the car. He was indifferent to Michonne's piercing gaze. Indifferent to Daryl's pain. He had the moral high ground after all.
He sent Carol away for the good of these people That's why they wanted him to the be leader. Because he always did the right thing.
Now he just had to act the part.
End
AN: I have no real idea what will happen in this next episode. Knowing the writers, it's probably something entirely different. I'd like to see Daryl round on Rick and confront him. I'd like to see Daryl throw how much Carol being left was just like Merle. I'd like to see Rick suffer for his choices. Michonne and Tyrese are the wildcards here. Michonne because she has shown connections to both Rick and Daryl separately. Tyrese only because in the comics his character is Rick's right hand man. This could force Daryl to drop his loyalties to Rick only to have powerful Tyrese back the man.
I'd love to hear your predictions for tonight! Do you see some deeper motivation as I do? Do you think that Carol is still covering from someone else? Do you want to see Daryl slam Rick up against a wall and put a knife to his throat? All slow and controlled menace?
Anyway, thanks for reading!
Surplus Imagination