Disclaimer: I own nothing. All show plot lines belong to ITV, PBS, and Julien Fellowes.
A/N: Let this be known that I am a huge Cora Crawley fan. I absolutely adore this character. I can't think of a specific reason why, be it the actress who portrays her, Elizabeth McGovern (whom I also adore) or the character herself, but I'm really drawn to her. I love her, dare I say it. Anyway, this is from her point of view. It stems from the grief she feels during the grieving episode after the death of Sybil.
Five Stages
Prologue: Shock
It's all a blur. I can't move, can't breathe, can't think. I'm numb, number than I have ever been. I didn't feel this way when father died nor Patrick, though he was a nice boy.
But Sybil is gone. Darling Sybil. I can't feel anything but numbness as I trek through the halls of Downton. Who's talking? Are they behind me? Is it Mama or Mary? Perhaps it's Edith. I don't know. What's going on? Is Tom with the baby? I'm sure my granddaughter is sound asleep, not knowing what has happened to her darling mother. Oh…here comes Robert. I can't look at him. Can't even breathe near him. He decided.
His decision is what killed our Sybil. He looks at me with pain, but before he could open his mouth to say a word to me, or perhaps he said a word, I turn into the bleak hallway.
I wish to be in my room. I'm tired. Somebody fetch O'Brien.
Did I say it? Or did I ring the bell? When did I get here? Is this my dressing room? I believe it is. Is O'Brien here? When did she get here? Is that my nightgown?
Has it been a second or an hour? I look at myself in the mirror of my vanity. This woman I do not recognize. Yes, her body is mine, but the face is not. Her eyes are red, her face blotchy. Is this me or some odd person who infected my body? I want Sybil. Where is Sybil? Oh, right. Dead. Eclampsia. Childbirth. The baby. I should see my granddaughter later. But I'm so tired. So dreadfully tired. Is that a bed? Yes. A bed. How wonderful. I shall sleep. Yes, sleep. Maybe Sybil will be home when I wake up. Maybe it's all just a nightmare. A horrible, terrifying nightmare.
I dreamt of Sybil.