Questions

Chapter: 1

Why?

Well I'm going to try something a bit different. This takes place after the anime. This chapter has a lot of exposition in it so don't expect any character interaction. This is a little fic I will be working on along with 'Return of Royalty,' just so I can keep my mind from wandering. Hope you enjoy.

She hid in the lower part of the Hellsing mansion. Hid in the darkness and silence that now had taken dominion over the large home. No noises or signs of life even dared to come into the place as all that would have been at home here had been taken away. All that is except one, Seras Victoria had slipped away from the tower of London after she had made sure that Integra was found. She had made her way slowly and silently back to the only place she could call home. Now home felt more like a prison since the removal of all the humans that once inhabited the manor. 'So quiet,' she thought as she laid on her bed.

It had been a week since the Hellsing Organization had been disbanded and charged with the crime of attempted murder of the queen herself. Now all that was left was Seras and the four walls of her room. Her master and her were the only people that would have been able to escape the crack down on the mansion and yet only she remained. She had not heard from Alucard in that long week as well. No orders, no taunts, nothing as to tell her whether he was alive or not. 'Don't think it,' she reprimanded herself, 'Alucard didn't lose. He's too strong to lose.'

Her out look on the man that had given her un-life had changed in the past month. When she had first been brought into the world of the undead she could barely stand her master. His mere presence made her quake with fear of a monster that only lived to kill. She had hated and feared him for the horror that was brought into her existence because he had chosen to take her. She did not like being in the same room as him most of the time because that usually meant that she had done something to upset him. At first she had tried to explain, tried to reason with him, but he only showed a cold and rational response to her heartfelt pleas.

After trying to reason she become embittered to him. Having fits of constant anger at how she was treated. She was there to serve the Hellsing organization and had been improving. But, nothing was ever good enough for him, nothing she could do ever earned praise. 'Sure there were times when he didn't outright insult me,' Seras thought in the solitude that she had taken up in the catacombs of the Hellsing manor.

There were times when he had shown the capacity to be kind. But, those times were few, and usually followed up with some verbal slight of her or to something she had done wrong. There were times were it almost seemed like he wanted to protect her as well. Times were he had suffered greatly on what seemed to be on her behalf. 'Or was it because he was looking for a good fight,' came the other answer to Seras' rumination.

Those thoughts constantly plagued the young vampire as she had time to think over that had happened since she had been turned. Every act of kindness, every moment that he seemed to be there for her, could be countered with another reason why he was their and for his actions. Both times against the mad priest Anderson there was a duality to his actions that confused Seras to no end. He had shown up in the nick of time to save her, but at the same time never seemed concerned with her condition, only to fully focus on fighting the priest to an utter stand still. Seras shook her head not wanting to try and decode the mixed messages that she had received at Alucard's actions. 'Better not try to think too deeply about it Seras. You'll just end up with no answers and a headache,' she thought as she continued to wonder on the subject of her master.

Seras rolled over to her side as she continued to think on the questions that came to her mind. Why was she here? What was her purpose? And, how did she fit in with the only being that could truly understand what she was going through and why had he turned her in the first place? Some questions had finally come into a wide scope with the recent developments. She was here to serve her new home, to serve under Integra as a protector of England from the undead. At first she thought that the relationship between her and Integra might have been as bad as her and Alucard. Integra was not happy with Alucard bringing her home as a vampire. As well Integra, in the beginning, seemed to stay in a cold manner when it came to Seras. 'Especially when I wasn't drinking the blood,' Seras thought as she stared at the barren wall next to her bed.

Yes, Integra was not too happy with Seras when she refused to drink her blood, but the tone seemed to change after Seras began to improve in her duties. Integra seemed to be responding better to Seras as time progressed. The only hitch was when Integra was harmed and Seras could do nothing about the situation. She had been stalled in the hallway by a brainwashed Walter and could not make it past the retired Angel of Death. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, Alucard had shown up to finish of the vampire before either Integra or Seras were truly harmed. Once Seras was free she dashed to Integra's office praying that the Hellsing leader had not been harmed. When she got to the office she found Integra with a knife at her neck. Seras had tried to stop Integra but could not get to her in time. 'Another failure in his eyes,' Seras thought as she rolled onto her other side.

After Integra had been attended to she could see that look in Alucard's eyes. The look he had given he so many times before, the look that almost said out loud, "You failed again."

If only she could ever receive the same look that Alucard had given Integra while she was recovering. She could see it in his eyes, could see the great respect and care that Alucard had for the leader of Hellsing. She had run from his presence feeling that his eyes would never look at her the same way. She was not jealous of Integra but disappointed that her master did not see her as worthy. It was after this that she began to try her best to excel at her job. She wanted to earn her master's respect, but more importantly, she did not want to fail Integra like before again. It was during this time that she had her second run in with Anderson. She could not help but scream as a great fear welled up in her at the sight of the insane priest. 'And, then master showed up once again,' Seras continued to remember her experiences in Hellsing.

Alucard had shown up right in time to save Seras once again. As the two though Seras had moved back in the train to try and get out of the way. As she stumbled back one of her worst nightmares came true right before her eyes. Anderson had beaten Alucard and cut off his head. The priest threw the head at Seras which she caught and began to scramble for her life. After she had made it out of the train she began to run down the tracks franticly wondering what she should do. She clutched Alucard's head to her chest as she continued to run. She had not wanted this, she never wanted this to happen. No matter how bad she had been treated by Alucard she had never wanted him to be killed. She was so afraid that he would never come back, that he would never show up to save her again. 'Shows how much I knew back then,' Seras mocked herself.

It was when the priest had caught up to her that Seras thought she was done. It was then, just in the nick of time as usual, that Alucard reappeared before her to battle off Anderson. After she had gotten back to her room that night she could not help but collapse and silently cry over the ordeal she had gone through. She had to release the deep emotion she had felt when she saw Alucard cut down. As much as her and her master did not seem to get along she still cared for him. She cared for him like a solider cares for a commander that has earned the soldier's respect. Even if her and Alucard did not always get along he had won her respect many times over. It was during this outpour of emotion that Walter had come into her room. Walter and Seras had always been close as the old butler was the first person that Seras had met that had treated her with true kindness. Walter treated Seras almost like a granddaughter, always concerned, always watching, and always helping Seras through her trials and tribulations. 'I hope the hospital staff is treating Walter well,' Seras hoped as she thought back to the butler.

It was after these trials that Seras could answer the first question. She was here to serve Integra and the Hellsing organization to the best of her capabilities. Her purpose was to stand strong for those that depended on her. The troops that followed her, the leader of the organization, and to try and live up to the expectations of her master Alucard. 'I hope I'm on the right track,' Seras thought as she hit the button on her bed.

As she descended into the darkness of her coffin bed she thought back to the night in the blood tower. She had fought her hardest to at least help her master if not save anyone she could. As she had fought her way inside the tower she had felt something inside her awaken. If she was going to help Hellsing she needed to be at her best and to do that it meant no mercy for their enemies. After finishing off a freak in the courtyard Seras had run to the inner sanctum sensing her master. When she entered Alucard was in the middle of a fight with Incognito. He had run out of bullets but Seras had an extra clip. She screamed his title as she moved forward to give him the ammunition. "Police girl get out of here," Alucard had ordered her with what sounded like worry in his voice.

Seras did not listen, she was not going to fail him again, and continued forward. It was then that Incognito cut her down with a blast of energy. Before she passed out she could rest in peace knowing that her master had received the ammunition he so badly needed. She had awakened again to have Alucard head thrown at her again. She moved forward and cradled his head as she began to lap at his blood. Soon Incognito had left and Seras faded in and out of consciousness until she heard Alucard's voice. She looked up to see him smiling insanely and asked, "Isn't it a wonderful night."

'He's not human,' she had thought as she had pulled herself up and began to search for Integra.

I was after she had found the Hellsing heir and freed her that she knew they had reached a new level of understanding. "Where's Alucard," Integra had asked.

"Up there," Seras had replied and then looked up at the fight before saying, "Master will win I'm sure of it."

Now Seras laid in her coffin as she dosed off while still wondering about one question. 'Why? Why had Alucard turned her in the first place?'

A/N: I know this might not be my best bit and it is a recap of the anime but I thought I needed to do this to step up some of the mood and to give the audience some insight on to what is going through Seras' mind in this fic.

Disclaimer: Any characters or ideas from Hellsing do not belong to me. I am not selling this material, just writing for the heck of it as I go.

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