Okay, so this is kinda random, but I've been watching A LOT of Lost lately (the show) and now I'm all like… island… but I didn't want to write about the actual show, so I chose the next best thing! Yeah, I just recently read LotF in school, and was all like… okay! Not to mention that my friends contracted me to write this other piece with a bunch of OCs, but I've forsaken that and written this instead! Enjoy.
Disclaimer: This was written for my own amusement. I'm only sad that LotF isn't a bigger venue for stories…
"Simon… Simon, are you awake?" Ralph asked curiously, leaning over the sleeping body next to him.
"I am now," grumbled the dark haired boy, sitting up in the sheets and stretching, letting out a loud and annoyed yawn before turning to the fair haired boy in the bed beside him.
"I… I haven't been sleeping lately," Ralph admitted, as though insomnia were some sort of shameful crime. Simon blinked the sleep out of his eyes before resting his head in his hands and allowing his shaggy black hair to veil his face.
"I know."
Of course Simon knew. Simon knew everything, but he was always so quiet about it… about everything; his thoughts, feelings, emotions, pains… even about the island.
When the boys had finally escaped, Ralph had been sent to America where his parents were sure the war wouldn't affect him. They were wrong. It affected him for the sole reason that no one had expected.
Guilt can be a powerful thing. Ralph was sure he'd seen Simon die that night, that dark and stormy night six years ago when all he remembered was the chanting and the drums and the dancing… and the fire.
It'd always been about the bloody fire. Why couldn't that idiot Jack have just left it alone? If it hadn't been for the fire, for any of it… no one would've died. Not the mulberry boy, not Piggy, not Simon-
"Ralph, go to sleep." Simon interrupted, snuggling back under the covers and rolling over on his side so that his faced the wall.
Ralph would've done anything Simon told him to, but it was physically impossible for him to go back to sleep. The images kept haunting him, and it always ended with that blood curdling scream followed by the silence. The silence is what kept him awake, for the absence of the voices left only the quiet lapping of the waves upon the blood stained sand.
Ralph had been sure his life would be filled with endless nights of those torturous dreams, dreams that always ended with the scream, then the silence, then the guilt. It was a never-ending, nefarious cycle that drove the poor twelve year old to the brink of insanity… that is, until he saw him again.
The private school Ralph attended for the first sixth months (after the incident he would label forever as simply: The Island), Ralph had stumbled upon a most miraculous sight.
There, in the middle of the stone courtyard within Preesly's School for Higher Learning, was the dark, shaggy haired boy with bottomless brown eyes and an un-intimidating demeanor that haunted the very dreams that kept the fair haired boy awake night after night after night.
"Wh-what're you doing here? I t-thought you were-" Ralph stuttered, holding out his hand to grasp the smaller boys shoulder. He wasn't entirely convinced Simon was there to begin with.
"I pulled some strings. But it doesn't matter-"
"NO! It does matter! It matters to me! It was my fault you got killed! It was my responsibility as chief-"
"Jack was a madman, Ralph. You have to understand. You can't blame yourself-"
"But I DO!" Ralph had sobbed. Thankfully, it was a passing period and the drafty stone park had been cleared. Nowadays, it was rare for Ralph to attend class. He would rather take in the scenery… just like Simon used to do.
The dark haired boy had moved forward to gaze straight into the troubled depths of Ralph's blue eyes.
"You haven't been sleeping." It wasn't a question, it was an observation.
"Not since I left."
"Not one night?"
"Nope."
The conversation was innocent enough, but Ralph still couldn't contain himself.
"Do you blame me?" Ralph whispered innocently to Simon. The shorter boy looked frustrated at the fair haired boy's diminished self confidence.
This was NOT the Ralph he used to know; the Ralph that stood up for Piggy in the face of the perpetrator, Jack Merridew. This wasn't the Ralph who had brought together the scared, frightened boys on the island. This wasn't HIS Ralph.
Before he'd even considered an answer, Simon had turned his back on Ralph and begun to walk away when the fair haired boy cried out.
"W-wait! Don't leave… me."
Simon froze. Normally, a spirit visiting someone racked with guilt helped to ease both people through the death, but Simon's arrival seemed to only distress Ralph.
"Fine."
Day to day had pretty normal since then. Simon melded into Ralph's life quickly and flawlessly, like a ghost… like the beast that had wormed its way into the boys' subconscious and caused them to do things, horrible things.
Ralph stared at the ceiling before deciding that he'd better leave Simon alone for the night. The boy was finicky about the strangest things.
"You've been acting strange lately Simon. Is there something wrong?" Ralph asked the next morning. True enough, Simon was soft spoken and hard to read, but whenever the fair haired boy sensed something amiss in his counter part, he always jumped.
"We have to go back."
Ralph blinked surprised for a moment. For the first time, Simon had actually answered the question without riddles or coercion.
"G-go back where?" Ralph didn't like the sound of that, considering only last night, Ralph had had visions of The Island again.
"You know."
Ralph swallowed hard, blinking uncontrollably as he took in what Simon was saying. He nodded to indicate his understanding. This is what had been stirring in the dark haired boy for the past few days. This is the feeling Ralph had been sensing, causing the restless nights. And when the restlessness came, soon after loomed the nightmares.
For the first time in a long time, Simon cracked a smile at Ralph's seriousness.
"You worry too much," the shorter boy joked, jostling Ralph's hair flirtatiously as he shouldered his backpack for work. Now that they both lived in America, Simon and Ralph had been comfortably living together for the past three years. Once the boys were out of high school and Ralph had realized his pending sexuality was actually more attracted to males than females, Simon had agreed to a conjoined apartment, especially because he wasn't going to attend college, as Ralph intended.
"Why don't you go to school, Simon? You're a bloody genius!" Ralph declared as they left together for the bus. Simon worked downtown at a local bookstore while Ralph attended college during the day.
"I can't." Those frustratingly simple answers… again.
Ralph sighed and no longer decided to pursue the issue. It was kind of hard for the dark haired boy to explain that once you know everything, there really isn't a point to learning.
Before the two boys parted ways, Ralph looked hesitantly back and forth before reaching out and lacing his fingers with Simon's.
"You'll come with me right?" Simon looked confusedly into Ralph's desperate blue eyes. Normally he, Simon, was the knowing one, but now he wasn't sure; not when he looked into those questioning, possessive eyes that swam with a genuine plea for assurance.
"Of course. I'd never leave you again," Simon reassured, squeezing the fair haired boy's hand before clearing his throat. "I'll see you later."
"I'd go with you anywhere… no matter where," Ralph mused silently as he watched Simon board the bus and head into town. Simon was definitely an adult and had the conscious of a philosopher, but in his eyes, Simon would always be that frail boy from the island, and each day, Ralph was almost reluctant to let him leave his side.
So many things could happen to a pretty boy like Simon in Manhattan, and not just because it was an island of its own.
Ralph sighed. It was because of these wild day dreams that he had nightmares.
Ralph stood slightly miffed as he leaned over the edge of the boat and watched the white caps crash brazenly against the blue hull of the freighter. Simon hadn't informed him they'd be leaving this early. He hadn't had a chance to pack, a chance to make an educated decision…
"You think too much. Just let it be," Simon instructed blatantly, moving up to stand beside the fair haired boy on the deck.
"I'm trying, but not everyone's perfect like you," Ralph murmured, forcing an unprecedented blush to spread across Simon's normally pale face.
"I told you it would be fine," Simon huffed, leaning closer to Ralph so that neither of them would be cold. Though the blonde enjoyed the warmth, he at least wanted Simon to understand his emotions at this point.
Going back to that wretched island would mean so many different things. Emotions, memories, instincts, events… all those horrible feelings would come rushing back to them.
"You have to be at peace with what you've done. That's the only way to overcome the past and leave it behind you. You can't outrun it; you have to stare it down." Ralph recalled Simon's words from only a few days before.
Easy for him to say. He doesn't live with a ghost…
"Why are you so jumpy?" Simon interrupted Ralph's silent monologue as the island came into view. The sun was already up in a noonish position and the captain was ready to anchor. A small dinghy was lowered into the water so that the two young men could get to the island by sundown.
Simon had informed the captain they'd be staying for at least that night, maybe more depending on how long it took for them to find what they were looking for. The old, weathered veteran agreed readily considering the ship had to wait nearby for some test jets coming out of Guinea.
"What're you thinking about?" the dark haired boy incurred, as the motor hummed gently behind the two seated in the raft. Ralph took in a deep breath. Coming to terms with what happened was something he never expected, let alone something he'd do with Simon, the same Simon who hadn't actually left the island… in the flesh.
Frankly, Ralph was, at the moment, curious as to why the shorter boy was so curious about his feelings.
"Nothing really," the blonde fibbed, brushing his bangs away from his eyes as the clear, teal water became shallower and shallower until… thunk. They'd arrived.
When Ralph's feet touched the familiar sand, a nostalgic, haunting wind crept up his spine. The sand was knowing… the sand was tainted with blood.
"Ralph?"
Ralph was stuck in some sort of ethereal time warp. He felt obligated to turn to Simon, but… they were back on the Island. How could Simon even be here? What was going on?
Truthfully, Ralph hadn't really questioned the return of his friend, but now they were back here in this evil place where nothing was certain and the moon sometimes looked like the sun. Even the trees that had been burnt in the terrible fire had taken up anew, draping fresh creepers down to mask the secrets of the forest within.
"Are you dead Simon?" Before Ralph could censor his own speech, he, an educated student on the way to a successful career in business management, couldn't even control his own tongue.
"Would that change anything between us?" Simon asked, just to clarify. The fair haired boy remained impassive for several moments before the darker haired grasped his hand and pulled him along the moon soaked beach, just as the tide was washing over the stones at the base of Castle Rock in the distance.
When what seemed like forever had actually gone by, Simon paused and pulled Ralph into the sand.
In a wave of uncertainty, Ralph asked a question; the same simple question he'd asked Simon all those years ago.
"Do you blame me? For what happened?" Simon looked slightly perplexed at the random out burst, but accepted Ralph's confusion nonetheless.
"No." Ralph didn't respond, he only nodded and understood.
"Ralph," Simon continued, glancing from the moon's brilliant visage over the water to lock gazes with Ralph.
"I came back to save you." The fair haired boy looked shocked. More shocked than Simon expected.
"F-from what?" Simon didn't know where to begin. The future had been so muddled before he'd come back to earth that he hardly remembered the exact reason anymore.
Passing a comforting hand gently through Ralph's wind spun hair, Simon sank back into the sand and calculated the best approach; the best answer.
"You needed me," he responded cautiously, rolling over on his side to face Ralph.
"I needed you for what?"
"You wouldn't have survived without me." The fairer haired was becoming annoyed.
"Just say it! What was gonna happen to me?" Ralph demanded anxiously, the expression building up behind his blue grey eyes.
"You were going to die."
"I understand that! From what? From who-"
The solemn emotion playing on Simon's face conveyed everything in this silence. The dark haired boy moved his hand down from Ralph's hair to cup his cheek gently before closing the gap between them and capturing the blonde's lips with a tender kiss.
"...it worked, I suppose. The saving I mean. I just never thought the guilt would push me as far as to…" Ralph mumbled after their mouths parted. He stared uneasily into Simon's black eyes.
"Take your own life?" Simon finished bluntly. Sometimes the man was teeming with tact. Other times… not so much.
Ralph smiled. He stared nostalgically out over the ocean as the waves gently sloshed against the barring sand. He'd never imagined he'd get to see let alone grow up with Simon. Now he had him, but for how long, he wasn't sure.
"Was that your mission? To prevent another innocent from dying?" Ralph asked curiously, letting his eyes steal a glance down at the man lying next to him. The question was more imposing than he meant it to sound, but Simon didn't respond right immediately anyway.
"Now that it's over, are you going to leave me again?"
Simon snorted in the darkness, keeping his expression serious and his emotions stern as he told Ralph the only way he knew how:
"Only if I want. Maybe you should give me a good reason to stay-"
Before he could even finish his sentence, Ralph had jumped ship from his restraint and had now caught Simon's face firmly between his hands, sealing their lips together in a heady kiss that left the darker haired boy gasping. He clutched at the blonde's shirt just to make sure this was all real. Being dead will make you appreciate reality.
Ralph had closed his eyes in the moment, enjoying the feeling of Simon's tongue sliding in unison with his own. He couldn't lose this moment. Even if it was a dream, he was going to make sure he didn't wake up.
As a matter of fact, he was so intent on sleep; he didn't realize when it had actually engulfed him, leaving him snoozing softly in the arms of his guardian angel.
"Anymore nightmares?" Simon inquired on the return trip from the island, swinging quietly in his hammock as the ship motored swiftly through the Atlantic.
"Not a one," the fair haired responded, beckoning Simon over to him in his own creaky, swinging bed.
"It'll break if I join you," Simon warned, closing the pages of his book gently and getting to his feet. Ralph wasn't swayed.
Heaving a great sigh, the dark haired boy sat down in the dip of Ralph's hammock, just at his hips and curled himself up against the blonde's chest. It was a rather comfortable position for both… until the flimsy piece of cloth snapped right out of the wall, as Simon predicted.
"Don't you just know everything?" Ralph mocked pushing Simon off of him and clambering to his feet.
"I didn't need any sort of celestial aid to forsee that event. The nails were already rusted and loose."
"Anymore life threatening situations I should know about before you go to sleep?" the blonde grumbled, sitting up off the hard wooden floor and rubbing the back of his head.
"That was hardly life threatening, and no. There's no more saving you from yourself in the future."
"Not in the future huh? Well what is?" Ralph implored, blinking his eyes inquisitively.
"You do realize I can't actually see the future, right?" the dark haired boy laughed. "Not since I've been down here anyways." Ralph looked shocked.
"Okay, okay. No more secrets from now on, got it? No more surprise trips to the Island and-"
"No more nightmares."
This fic was totally inspired by that song by Tommy Shane Steiner called What if She's an Angel. Don't forget to review!
DMar