State of Confusion
Summary: She raised him, tried to love him like a mother should...but she wasn't his mother. When a confession that should never have been happens, it sets in motion a flurry of feelings and revelations. All the while confusing the heck out of a poor young woman, who is now trapped between and father and son. Why can't life ever be easy for her?
AN: So I blame Yuki for getting me into the Fandom and Shi-chan for getting this pairing stuck in my head. So yeah, this happened. I hope you like it. I MIGHT or might not do a second part. Really does depend, also no I haven't read the books or seen the movies beginning to end. All I know about this fandom is from fanfics...so please be lenient!
She was upset.
It was easy to read, having been piratically raised by the dark haired beauty he could read her like a book. It upset him when she was upset, it was like they were on being, and he wanted nothing more then to gather her smaller body and hold her close.
To whisper reassurance to her and offer her comfort.
Yet he could not.
People were watching, as their prince such behavior was not allowed. Sure, they would more then likely write it off as him showing affection for the woman who had raised him, a bit of mother son love. Yet the love he held for her was far beyond that a son should have for his mother.
And that was just it, she wasn't his mother.
His mother had died so many years ago, and while she had took up the role he had never seen her as his mother.
Never.
He was not his father, who had fallen into step with the small woman, many had whispered about it yet as king he paid it no mind. He had not made their relationship clear to anyone, as a king he answered to no one, her official title was his tactical adviser. As well as the prince's care taker, until he came of age a year ago.
While he was never obvious about it he doted on the small woman. It was so subtle that one had to really look to see it. Growing up he had honestly believed them to be just good friends, until the one night he had stumbled upon them doing things...things that stirred a longing in him that he did not understand at the time.
Now?
Now he was a man in his prime, having reached the age where his father would start looking for a wife for him, and he was more then ready to start trying to get his caretaker to look at him as a man. While he did not want to take her form his father he also wanted her to himself. He would not keep his affections for her hidden, he would put them on display and let all know that she was his.
There would be no subtle lingering touches, longing looks, or secret meetings.
He would make an honest woman of her, unlike his father who kept her like a common concubine.
He would treat her like the queen she was meant to be.
"What has you in such deep thought my dear prince?" Blue silver eyes blinked in surprise at the light worried voice and he could on quirk a smile as bright blue eyes met his own. He had come to ease her worries and instead was making her worry even more.
He merely offered her his arm, as a proper escort, and began to steer her away from prying eyes and ears. Like most courts, wither human or elven, there were those who had nothing better to do all day then gossip and spread rumors.
Perfectly arched black brows furrowed as he lead her away from the main court and towards the royal study. It was secluded from the general population and was normally only visited by those of the royal family. Yet she was allowed the privilege to enter it, something that had many a tongues wagging, it was a welcome place to hide when the stress became to much.
It had been so long since she had ended up here, in another world and time, the years had begun to blur together. It was so hard to recall her original world. It seemed like a far away dream. She recalled a journey for a jewel, friends and adventure, love and heartache...
In the end she had lost her place with her original family and time and had made home with a half demon. She had stopped aging even then...as time went on feelings waned and old magic brewed. The jewel while no longer having a physical form still resided within her. Churning and building up power until it became to much and reacted to the well.
She had been fondly recalling her family, hopping to one day meet them again, when wisps of magic wrapped around her. Once again she had been dragged down the well and spat out in a whole new world. One with magic older then time itself and beings of folklore.
Once again she was a woman displaced.
Luckily she had been found and welcomed into the arms of a race so majestic it made even her brother in law look plain. While they assumed she was one of them, a side effect from her matting to the half demon all those years ago, she made no correction. She was not daft, she saw the prejudice that riddled the land, it seemed no matter where she was there would always be a form of prejudice of some sort.
So she lived as one of them, a normal woman of no noteworthy attributes, and she had been happy to live that way. Until the day it all changed, the day their king lost his wife and his son lost his mother. She had been near by, stumbled upon the dying woman, called to her by some unsealable force, and tried her best to save her. Yet it was to late and the woman died making her pledge to look after her husband and son.
It the grips of death she was able to see what she really was, what she had gone though and was to go through.
She saw the change she would bring to the world, her husband and son, and it was with a sigh of relief that she let death claim her, knowing all would play out as it was meant to be.
"Kagome." She blinked, a small startled gasp slipping from her pink lips, a slim hand reaching to rest above her rapidly beating heart.
Her face flushed as she gave a light chuckle. "Ah, sorry it seems I'm getting senile in my old age." She laughed at her own joke, missing the look that shot through her wards gaze.
"Age is just a number." She could only blink at his curt reply and gave a small hmm in reply. Age was just a number when you were immortal. It had no real meaning.
"I guess you're right. So tell me my dear Legolas, what has you so riled up?" He could only give a small sigh as she untangled her arm from his and sat at the low table, settling down on a large floor cushion. "Come now, tell me." She patted the spot next to her and gave him a large grin.
He could only sigh, she knew him so well. No one could read him like her, not even his own father. He furrowed his lips at the thought of his father. Just today he had mentioned scouting candidates for his wife.
He wanted no one but the small woman beckoning him to her side.
It was with a sigh that he settled next to her and let his shoulders slump. It was unbecoming of a prince to slouch, let alone grumble under his breath. Yet he was behind closed doors away from prying eyes with the one person who knew him inside and out.
With fluid motions she pulled him to her side, settling down and pulling him to lay with his head in her lap as she began to fiddle with locks so blond they almost appeared platinum. He sighed and leaned lightly into her touch, loving the way she automatically tried to comfort him. Part of him worried she did so seeing him as her son in need of a motherly touch.
While he did crave her touch it was not in a motherly way.
He pushed the thoughts down.
"Father wants to begin looking for candidates for marriage for me." He pouted like a boy being told that it was bed time and it took all she could to not giggle at him. It was easy to tell he was upset. Why she had no real idea. Sure, as a prince he had no real say in who he was to marry and honestly she would be pitching a fit if she was in his place.
Yet he had been groomed to be the next King, always the ever loyal son and proper prince. She had once lamented for him, wanting him to have a regular life, a normal one yet if he had he would not be the Legolas she knew and loved.
Yet this spark of teenage rebellion made her want to giggle. It seemed this was the one thing he would not just blindly listen to his father about. While she didn't want to stir his fire she also wanted him to be happy, what was a marriage without love?
Yes, she understood that being a royal he would be lucky to find friendship in an arranged marriage. Let alone love. Love was not a necessity but a pleasure to be had and how she wanted him to have that pleasure.
Her own marriage once held that pleasure but it had waned and while she still cared dearly for her once upon a time husband she wanted Legolas to know the joy that came with love.
In all her years of watching him grow from a small boy into a man she had never once seen him fancy a female. She honestly had her questions about his sexuality, not that it mattered to her, and worried she would have to find a way to make his father accept him should he fancy those of the same sex.
She was not stupid, her relationship with the king gave her some sway over his decisions. While she couldn't call it love they cared greatly for each other and often times took carnal pleasure from each other. It was a natural urge and one that they only gave into with each other.
They were exclusive.
Not an item officially but still loyal to each other.
Friends with benefits.
To think that once upon a time she could not understand those who had such arrangements, thinking that sex was to be had between two people who loved each other. While loving your partner made the act of love making much more personal there was something to say about having a sex partner who you trusted.
No words were needed, no admissions of love or pledges of any sort. They were great friends who engaged in mind blowing sex when the mood stuck them.
And damn was it mind blowing. For such a stoic man he held such passion when they were in the bed room.
Legolas could only watch as she drifted off in her thoughts, her face reddening a bit as her eyes darkened a shade. He had been content to lay there, his head in her lap as she ran her fingers through his hair. Wanting to prolong the feeling of her body heat seeping into his own before he complicated things.
The clam before the storm.
Yet he knew that wanting look, it was a look that she shared with his father when they thought no one was looking and it upset him.
She was thinking of his father.
It stirred a green eyed beast inside of him that was unbecoming of a future king.
With a frown he sat up, ignoring her gasp, and turned dark eyes to her questioning ones. He almost felt smug as she looked down, ashamed to be thinking such things when she was supposed to be offering him counsel.
She felt horrid, here he was seeking her advice about something that would change his life and she was thinking about his father and the things they had done just the night before. With a sigh she shifted in her seat and offered him a small smile in apology.
"I'm sorry, I lost myself in thought. Anyways, I take it you're not happy about it?" He only nodded, not trusting himself to speak yet.
"You are of age." She paused, trying to gather her thoughts, for what really could she say? "As the prince you are expected to marry a noble, as such the screening process has to begin at some point. While I understand your ire at having no real choice in the matter I suggest getting to know the candidates. I would hate for you to be stuck in a loveless marriage. At the very least you should get along." She wrinkled her nose at the thought of him stuck in a marriage like her ex husbands father and his wife. While she had not seen it personally she had heard tales...and her ex husband was proof of how unhappy that marriage had been.
While she didn't look down on Inutashio for finding love in another it was still sad to hear of a marriage that fell apart and have both parties be so unhappy yet stuck together merely for power and saving face.
Not that she thought Legolas would ever cheat, he had to much pride for that. He was a good man, any woman would be lucky to have him.
He wanted to shake her, to grab her slim shoulders and shake her so hard her eyes rolled in her head. He had expected her to huff and agree with him, to lament with him and encourage him to defy his father. To find someone he loved and marry her regardless of her station or race. Yet when she offered only logic he could only seethe.
Not notching his growing ire she continued to prattle on, ignoring a small voice that vied to be heard yet as always was shoved down, hopping to offer him a few words of encouragement and wisdom that came with age."You are a fine young man, I'm sure any woman would be glad to be your wife. I just hope she's worthy enough. I'd hate for you to be unhappy."
With a great huff he grabbed her shoulders and gave her a light shake, her eyes widening at the action, "I can only be happy with you!" His words hung in the air between them as his fingers fell from her shoulders as if burned.
Her mouth hung agape at the flustered confession.
She-
He- and her...and...
"What?" Her word was whispered and it made Legolas want to grit his teeth and run from the room. He had not planned on his emotions getting the best of him, he had planned to broach the subject slowly, to build up to it and revel his feelings and here he had blurted it out like some small boy grasping at air.
Yet the words had been said, no matter how rushed and botched, and he could only move forward. He gathered what courage he had and leveled her with a sincere look. "It has always been you."
His words hit her like a punch to the gut. Deep down she had some inkling...a small fleeting thought that he did not view her like a mother or a sister as many would have guessed. She had dismissed the thought as nothing more than a silly if not momentary fantasy.
As much as she had tried she could not view him as a son, he did not call to her in the way Shippo had. Nor could she view him as a younger sibling like Souta. Sure at first she had tired so very hard to be one or the other to him and yet he had always looked at her as something else. She had shrugged it off, chalked it up to him not wanting her to replace his actual mother and she had accepted that. She had instead become his friend and confidant, and at times teacher.
He was a dear friend to her, he held a spot in her heart that was rivaled by none other then his own father. They were the only two men in her life that she could not live without. It was an unbecoming thought for an unmarried woman, let alone one who had been married once before, yet she never was one to follow the norm. She had resigned herself to being their friend, their confidant and nothing more.
She had been pleasantly shocked when Thranduil wanted more from her, and had easily allowed herself to tumble into his arms, an unspoken understanding between them.
At first they sought comfort from each other, using each other to forget their heartaches, over time they had just become two parts of a whole. While no words were ever whispered between them what they had...it was there.
Unspoken and unacted upon but still there.
So to hear Legolas confess that through all of it...he had only eyes for her...she felt guilty, giddy and ashamed all at once.
She was not blind to his charms, he was everything an elven prince should be. He had more than his fair share of admirers, all hoping to catch his eye, and for her to be the only one he saw...
She...she didn't know what to think or how to feel. Part of her wanted to accept his feelings, to fall into his arms just as easily as she had his fathers. Another was ashamed and disgusted by that part, had she really fallen so low as to trade in one for the other? Were the unspoken feelings she had for Thranduil so easily cast aside?
No.
While never spoken they were real, she cared far too much for him to cast him aside for his own son. While she had feelings for Legolas they paled in comparison to those she held for his father. So it was with a heavy heart she gathered her senses and the courage needed to rebuke him. Hoping that he would not grow to hate her or his father.
She was far too old for him.
Far too bagaged.
To damaged.
Not worth the backlash, for should anyone find out his feelings they would look down on him. She could careless what they thought of her, already she was the rumored concubine of the king, she would not have his name slandered.
The thought of him being looked down on and ridiculed for loving her, someone who was unworthy of his love, stirred feelings of anger guilt in her.
He could tell.
Just by the way she sat there her eyes darkening and her very aura shrinkingly away from him. She was going to rebuke him, to refuse his love.
He felt his heart stop in his chest as she looked away from him, he didn't want this. He knew it might happen, that she would reject him yet he didn't want that! He reached out and grasped her hands in his own, making her look at him in the eye.
"I know of your relationship with my father." The words were rushed out and it made her flush the way he spat out the word relationship. Quickly she tried to come to his fathers defense yet he beat her to it.
"I know you hold some feelings for my father." She could only nod, not even to him would she admit what she felt out loud. She knew it was childish but she felt should she ever voice what she felt that it would change things.
Even as the relationship between her and Legolas changed, for the better or worse, she did not want to lose what she had with Thranduil. Should Legolas come to hate her she did not want to be left completely alone, and should he hate her for rejecting his feelings she would take it in stride. He was meant for better than her, she was damaged goods.
Relying on a carnal relationship with his father to help her get through the lonely nights.
She was a horrid person.
A horrid, horrid person.
He could only grip at her hands, willing her to feel his emotions through the contact. He could see the emotions she was feeling play out on her face, guilt, fear, and worst of all self hate. "Please Kagome...just give me a chance. Let me love you, let me show you the love you deserve." He was grasping at water.
Oh how she knew she should rebuke him, crush his feelings and nip them in the bud but as he looked at her, so upset and distraught she wanted to pull him into her arms and hold him close. To whisper words of comfort to him, but to do so would give him hope where there should not be any.
Oh there should not be any...yet deep down there was but a spark...and she had to put it. Oh she had to put it out.
"I can't." Her words were whispered yet echoed in the room around them. Tears gathered in her eyes as he let her hands drop from his. Hurt flashing though his eyes. She looked down, not wanting to see that hurt change into hate, for it was bound to happen.
She had lost him.
He was gone...
So dark were her thoughts that she didn't realize he moved until he gripped her chin in his fingers and made her look up at him. He had kneeled before her and in one quick motion pressed his lips to hers. It was a desperate kiss, full of everything he felt and it left her breathless as he pulled away, his gaze locked on hers.
His face set in firm determination.
"I won't give up." With that declaration he stood up and stalked out of the room, ignoring his father who had just entered the room. The battle was on and he was not going to lose, not her...not to his father.
Not to anyone.
Teary blue eyes meet narrowed steel gray ones. In an instant she rose, to make her way to him, to try and explain what he had stumbled upon. Yet before a word could fall from her lips he had her gathered in his arms, his own lips sealed over hers. It was a forward if not startling action and it made her gasp. His tongue eagerly entered her mouth and roamed about, as if trying to remove the taste of his own son from her moist cavern.
The world spun around her as he pulled back and held her to him, his grip was tight, almost desperate. Blood rushed in her ears yet she was still able to hear his muttered words and it made her heartbeat speed up. "Damn cheeky boy...I won't lose you to him. You are mine." She could only flush and cling to his silken robes, her mind trying to process what had happened.
Thranduil could only scowl as he held his lover to him, he was no fool. He saw the way his son looked upon his caretaker. He could see the feelings blossom in the boy before he even knew what they were. So before his son even had a fighting chance he had taken the woman to his bed, used her warm loving touch to heal the wound left behind by his wife's death.
Over the many years they had spent together she had healed the hole, filled it with herself and over flowed from it. While he had never voiced what he felt he showed it in ways that while not obvious to others should have been blaring obvious to her.
It would seem his arrogance had given his son a way to wiggle in. Well, if it was confessions of love then he would give them to her. He would not lose her, the thought of her not being his anymore...it stirred an ache in him that he never wanted to feel again.
He would never let this small woman go.
Even if she grew to dislike him and crave the touch of his son he would not let her go.
Never.
If he had to share her heart with his own son, no matter how loathsome it would be, he would do so. Yet he would not give up a single inch of space in her bruised and battered heart without a fight. He had not spent years helping her piece it back together only for his son to step in and snatch it away.
As much as he cared for his son, there was something about the woman in his arms that stirred something primal and needy in him.
He needed her like he needed the air around him.
Life without her was impossible.