Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance

To those who have never heard of me, this is my first Fire Emblem fic! As I love fantasy based games, I hope I can do justice to this game with this simple humour-based fic!

To those who have read my fics before, this is not an AU. Amazing, isn't it? XD My first POR fic, based on... you got it, randomness as usual.

To all who are taking the time to read this, I thank you, and I hope you enjoy this!

Disclaimer: Daidairo owns the Insane Brandy that made this fanfic, as well as the plot. And that's all she owns, though she would like to say that she owns Ike. And Soren. And Sephiran. And Stefan. And Zihark. And Titania. And Boyd. And Shinon. And Ilyana. But she doesn't. Too bad.

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A Seemingly Sane Morning And An Insane Night

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"I want everything to be PERFECT."

That single sentence stung repeatedly at nearly everyone's ears that morning. Everyone meant 'members of the Ike Mercenaries'.

Nearly everyone.

Mist had learnt how to be bossy; with Titania and Marcia behind many of her schemes, no one dared disobey their overpowering wills. Though some had threatened to knock them unconscious, Shinon and Soren were probably the only ones who was capable of carrying out his threat, and even so he had to follow the Ladies' orders. Indeed, they were a powerful trio.

The young leader of said mercenary group was blissfully ignorant of the running about his sister was making his men do. Naive and as thick as a brush, Ike had woken at the crack of dawn as usual, and gone out alone to hunt as usual. Not many knew that he visited the aftermath of the Daein War, helping the needy by hunting game for them, chopping wood, killing pests and other neccessary chores. All deeds, regardless of how big or small, were done anonymously, so that many even thought Ike's doings were from the goddess Ashera herself.

The children probably thought he was the tooth fairy.

Nonetheless, it helped. Crimea had mostly been restored to its former glory, thanks to a large amount of help from Gallia and Begnion. Queen Elincia had requested that some help be sent to the also broken land of Daein. Many had protested her actions, but others praised the queen for her generosity. It was said that Daeins had protested to taking help from Crimeans and 'sub-humans', but Jill and Haar did their best to see that everyone worked amiably with one another.

One and a half years later, though both countries were at peace, there are still certain peasant families who had trouble with moneytary problems, as there had been even before the war. Ike had relinquished his title, and the money that went with it, so his help came mostly in the form of food. Ike Mercenaries helped out daily in freelance requests as well, and many old friends who had left previously had returned to help them. When Begnion was free, Marcia and Makalov were regular visitors.

That day, Ike speared four hares for a family of six within a few hours. Feeling rather satisfied with himself, Ike mounted the dapple grey he had ridden out and made his way back to base.

Unfortunately, his short journey was not to be peaceful. Halfway down the road, two young men were arguing their heads off in the middle of the street, not caring that a crowd had gathered around them. Ike dismounted, and listened hard to the talk of the crowd.

"Thieves, they say..."

"Something about the tall one stealing the shorter's steal..."

"Whether daggers or poisons are more efficient..."

"They're just robbers."

"Stupid idiots blocking the way..."

"... the pheasant belongs to only one..."

"No idea who killed it first."

Ike sighed. A real thief would never stand in the middle of the road and bicker like the two amateurs were doing. Volke would've had their moneybags in an instant, Ike thought wryly. Wondering if the assassin was doing well, he stepped out and neatly plucked the pheasant from the ground. Both 'thieves' glared at him.

"The pheasant's bleeding," he said pleasantly. "Only a dagger can do that."

"Ha!" The taller thief smirked triumphantly. Ike pried the pheasant's beak open. White froth bubbled out.

"Only poison can do that," Ike said. The shorter thief smirked as well.

"But since poaching is a crime punishable by law, neither of you should claim this bird. In fact, you should be fined for setting traps," Ike said seriously. Blood drained from the thieves' faces.

"T-The bird's wild!" one of the thieves gasped.

"I don't think so. Pheasants don't usually live around this area; except for those belonging to Lord Marchall. You didn't travel a long way with this bird either; the body is still warm. So, would anyone care to handle this case?"

A smartly dressed man took the dead pheasant from Ike. "I'm the assistant of the headman. I'll take care of this."

"Good." Ike motioned for the grey to run on ahead before he melded into the crowd, slipping away from awed whispers about his sudden appearance. As soon as trees appeared, he mounted his horse and set off. Beneath his breath, he muttered, "Who would be stupid enough to poach pheasants in the morning?"

Indeed, more peasants were becoming ambitious. Tales of the Ike Mercenaries had spread far and wide. Many were enchanted with the stories; an increasing number imagined themselves as the next heroes. Dimwitted girls appeared, carolling their desire to be like 'The Great Lady Tanith'; farmers were telling of knights and fighters, and how even Farmer Brom had joined the Crimean Army; and of course, thieves who glorified Volke and even Sothe.

"If they who weren't nobles could do it, so can I!"

When Ike had first wondered at the number of skill-less show offs, Soren had imprinted the cause firmly into his mind. Now Ike was heartily sick of all the trouble that fame, fortune and glory had brought. He would give anything to be a nameless mercenary again. Of course, the anonymous times helped; no one knew his face too well. But sometimes...

"It's the Lord Ike!"

... people do recognise him.

And that was when trouble began.

Ike groaned inwardly as several girls in brown robes approached his still moving horse and waved. Two adjusted their hair and robes, while the other three poured out flattering greetings. None of them worried about their own safety, thinking that Ike would stop to talk to them.

Well, too bad. Ike was hungry, and he wanted breakfast. Lifting a hand, he waved, then leaped the horse over their heads. Ha, he may not be an excellent horseman, but he could still ride well. Though of course, it was mostly the horse's ability...

Screams echoed behind him; the girls had probably fainted. It wasn't like Ike to be uncaring; but as Shinon had taught him, there were always 'kind gentlemen' around who wouldn't mind an excuse to comfort the poor girls, who needed no healing anyway.

"Besides, even if you whack someone over the head with a bowl, the tales will still spread about you being a hero who had to defend the weak," Shinon had also said. No one seemed to care that he was no longer a noble; they called him Lord Ike anyway.

The grey horse thundered on as Ike's stomach began growling for breakfast. Happily, he began drooling over what Oscar might have prepared that morning. The base was in sight, and smoke was rising from the chimney.

Food, glorious food...

"IKE!"

Uh oh.

Ike ducked instinctively as a rice sack soared over his head. The grey reared indignantly and plunked him on the ground before leaving for the stables in a huff. Ike rubbed his bottom with a wince, then looked up at his attacker. A very pissed Shinon glared back at him.

"Morning, Shinon."

"Don't you 'Morning, Shinon' me!" Shinon growled. "Where were you all morning when you should've been HERE?"

"What exactly happened?" Ike asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The goddess of destruction has been wrecking harvoc on us!" Boyd complained, popping up beside Shinon. "She intends to burn our ears off and work us to the grindstone like slaves! She'll kill us all!"

"Meaning, in human words, your sister has been climbing over our heads," Shinon translated. "Do something about it. NOW."

"Er..."

"IIIIIIIKE!"

Well. That could only be the sister in question. Shinon glowered while Boyd hid behind the sniper, and Ike turned with a look of patient suffering to face his younger sister.

"Hiya, Mist. What have you been doing all morning?" Ike's stomach still rumbled.

Mist patted his arm. "No worries, Ike! I've got it all covered!"

"Got what all covered?"

"Tonight's feast, of course!"

"What feast?" Ike asked.

Shinon, Boyd and Mist all stared at Ike. With identical looks of disbelief.

"Are you crazy?" all three yelled at the same time.

"Well, at least you guys agree," Ike said, putting up both hands. "Why, whatever's the matter?"

Mist jumped down his throat, climbing onto the back of his neck and pulling at his hair.

"HOW-COULD-YOU-HAVE-FORGOTTEN-TONIGHT-IS-THE-NIGHT-WHERE-EVERYONE-IS-GOING-TO-GATHER-TO-EAT-TOGETHER-AND-CELEBRATE-OUR-PAST-VICTORIES-AND-EVEN-QUEEN-ELINCIA-IS-COMING-AND-WE'VE-BEEN-PREPARING-AND-YOU-FORGOT-AND-I-CAN'T-BELIEVE-YOU-CARE-THAT-LITTLE-ABOUT-PARTIES-THAT-YOU-EVEN-FORGET-THE-DATEEEEE!"

"You should go in for tongue twisters, Mist," Boyd commented.

"Owowowowowowww! Mist! Cut it out!" Ike yelped. "I'm sorry! I really forgot!"

Freelance requests had been popping up, and no matter how minor, Ike had overseen most of them. So with all the work, the get-together dinner to talk about past times and honour the dead had totally slipped his mind. With a jolt of realisation, Ike was filled with a growing panic from Mist's words.

"And even Queen Elincia is coming..."

"We can use the Hall! Food needs to be prepared for roughly..." he babbled.

"Enough," Mist said, her eyes sparkling. "Soren and I have got alllll the statistics covered."

Ike blinked. "You have?"

Shinon snorted. "Aye. Wait till you meet Soren later."

Ike made a mental note to avoid Soren. "What about-"

"There's nothing you need to worry about," Mist pressed a stack of parchment into her brother's hands. "Just read through this, and you'll see what a wonderful job we've done!"

Ike scanned through the parchment.

"Pink tablecloths?"

"Marcia and I thought they were cute!"

"... Cute?"

"Queen Elincia will doubtless think so too!"

"... Okaaaayyy... Fifty cakes and pies!"

"Rolf and I had the Case of the Sweet Tooth last night," Mist admitted.

"Do I want to continue reading...?" Ike moaned. Shinon had already stomped away.

Ike continued reading anyway.

"Wait, BRANDY?"

"Gatrie's, Shinon's and mine!" Boyd said brightly. "That's the only bit I'm happy about. No doubt Count Bastian will agree to it!"

"It's time Rolf and I tried some," Mist said just as brightly. Ike stared at them in disbelief.

"Excuse me..." he stumbled into the house.

"IKE!"

And he thought life would be easier once the war ended.

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"We thought there would still be food in the storehouses, but Ilyana ate nearly two thirds of what was in there yesterday, after she stole the key, so we have to stock up by afternoon," said Titania. Ike had rarely seen Titania bright, cheery and happy over arrangements for dinner. The aftermath of war and no fighting jobs must have taken its toll on her. That and the creatures named Marcia and Mist.

"Okay..."

"So I've told Stefan, Gatrie and Mia to go with you to cart back the foodstuffs Marcia and I have ordered," Titania pressed a list into Ike's hands. "Is that okay?"

"Do you even need to ask my permission?" Ike grumbled. Nowadays, it seemed like Titania...

"Nope."

... only listened to Mist.

"I was just double checking with you. If you had protested, Mist would've had something to say about that." Titania's eyes twinkled merrily. "She's got your mother's blood all right."

"I remember Mother as a much gentler person."

"Oh, but Elena's backbone was steel when it had to be, as she amply showed Commander Greil at times..." Titania's voice softened. "Go off for the food then. The others are waiting in the stables."

She walked off without a clank. That was another difference; Titania had taken off her armour. Nowadays Titania dressed in simple garments for comfort, and with the little rate of mercenary jobs, Ike knew that they were probably headed for a life of farming, and Titania probably didn't mind.

Stefan was clicking to the horses in the stables, Gatrie was polishing his armour with the tail of a gelding, and Mia was admiring Stefan's sword.

"Morning, guys." Ike called glumly. Stefan stared at him sternly.

"Dapplestreak came running in without a rider, and loose reins," he accused.

"Shinon threw a rice sack at me, and Dapplestreak threw me."

"Aw, ain't that just like Shinon?" Gatrie guffawed. "Mind you, after all that Mist and Titania were doing, I expected something like that. Those women are real frightening." The horse whose tail he was using kicked him hard in the legs, and Gatrie gasped suddenly.

"At least he didn't kick you any higher," Mia said in a matter-of-fact tone. "It'd have hurt you even more."

She led the first cart out, leaving the men to stare at her.

"Marcia's work, probably," Stefan grunted.

"You know what?" Gatrie moaned in agony.

"Females are scary," Ike said with a sigh. He led the next carthorse out.

To his relief, the rest of the shopping trip was uneventful. No one recognised him from the morning, and Ike only had to rescue Gatrie from one innkeeper whose daughter he flirted with.

And everywhere they went, it seemed that word of the Queen's coming had spread like wildfire. Many were thinking about what gifts to bestow on the ruler of Crimea as she rode through the village. Rumour went around that a baron had tried to court the Queen, and he was quite successful, did you hear? They actually whisper whisper... And of course, not forgetting the cook who had tried to seduce Queen Elincia by putting a love potion in her food. Now that was one who ought to be hanged for his deed. But by the Queen's grace, he had been sentenced to a quiet life of exile in a land far far away, and his treacherous name hadn't even been revealed.

"Which means, he doesn't exist," Stefan had said.

And lastly, there was talk about the mercenary group that had led the Crimean Army. About how the Lord Ike was growing more handsome with each passing day, and was soon to be engaged to a beautiful Lady Aimee, who was known by many for her ability to cook spicy food. She apparently cooked nothing else because the Lord Ike loved spicy food, and she loved pleasing him every night. Of course, some dropped their voices and whispered that she pleased him in some way other than food every night...

"Really!" Ike muttered under his breath, his face crimson.

"Since when was Aimee a lady?" Mia asked curiously.

"At least the spicy part is true," Gatrie said. "Who spread that part of the rumour?"

Ike had a very uncomfortable recollection of a scene nearly a year ago.

"Food, however, would be much more effective than a staff. He's particularly fond of spicy meat dishes." Was what Soren had said.

So Aimee must have told the crowd that. But where did all the other 'information' spring up from?

"She has too much time on her hands to make up stories," Ike mumbled. At least now he knew better than to believe rumours. Ike had gone rigid when talk of Queen Elincia's suitor had come up. He supposed it was a natural feeling. After all, he had had to protect Elincia for a long period of time.

With four large cartloads of food, the four made their way back to base.

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Soren was angry. Very angry.

Ike squirmed under the cold scrutiny of fierce red eyes. They glittered at him, and Ike wondered exactly what Mist had done to his staff officer.

"Would you care to explain to me why your sister with her ridiculous ideas is in charge of this feast instead of you, Commander Ike?" Soren asked in a dangerously calm voice.

"Err... calm down, Soren," Ike said uncomfortably. "What did Mist say to you?"

Soren snorted. "She didn't say anything, she bellowed instructions at me! Mist ran into my room early this morning before the sun was out and dragged me off my bed into a meeting with Marcia and Titania about what they should wear tonight. And if that wasn't enough she put down a list of food items and told me to do 'all the random estimation you always do'."

Darn it, Mist... don't you know Soren well enough by now? Ike thought gloomily.

"That was half of it," Soren informed him.

"Truth is, Soren... I simply forgot about the feast..." Ike admitted. "Hence Mist put herself in charge, and I never thought..."

Soren's face was truly a sight to behold. It struck terror into Ike's heart, froze the walls around, and burned the rolls of parchment nearby.

"Ah... I know it's an important event and all! I'm sorry!" Ike apologised. Usually, Soren would understand that he had been working far too hard, and needed a rest. Usually, Soren would tell him to take a break while he took over.

Unfortunately for Ike, Soren was unusual that day. Thanks to Mist.

"You will REPLAN everything unsuitable. Now." A large stack of parchment was dumped in front of Ike. The commander groaned inwardly.

What about lunch? Soren doesn't care, but I doooooo...

Hence Gatrie and Shinon were sent out for slightly different foodstuffs forty-five minutes later, and Calill was told to get red and gold tablecloths instead of pink. Mist and Marcia were heartily dismayed at the sight of the changes being made in the storeroom, and ran in to complain to Ike.

One look at Soren, however, and both girls retreated hastily with calls of having forgotten to feed the fish.

At four o'clock in the afternoon, Soren was finally satisfied with the preparations for dinner. Half dead with hunger, Ike stumbled out and went to the kitchen. Unfortunately, luck did not favour him that day.

"All this food will be going to dinner tonight," Oscar apologised. "You'll have to find lunch in the village, I'm afraid. Mist's orders."

Groaning, Ike walked out, his body protesting with hunger. Stopping at an insignificant road stall selling fish, he began to drool and reach for his pockets, just to realise that his moneybag had been left behind.

Despair poured over Ike, before he realised he wasn't the only one. Ilyana stood beside him, the same action of one hand in a pocket and the other between her teeth.

"Commander Ike! Did you bring any..."

"No."

The two slumped to the ground and sighed, before a dark shadow fell across their feet. Ike looked up.

"Hey, what's the matter with you two?" Haar greeted. Ike and Ilyana stared blankly at him. "Er... not even a hello from either of you? After I flew here from Daein, too!"

The next moment, both Ike and Ilyana were clutching at Haar's robes, their eyes shining.

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"Oh, Haar's back! And he's found Commander Ike!" Jill called to Mist as she tended two dragons. Both had flown over from Daein to join in the short celebration, as well as to give a report to Queen Elincia on the progress of Daein. Daein was without a ruler now, except for Haar and Jill, and the Daeins seemed contented enough with that. As long as their lives were good, it didn't really matter who sat on the throne.

"Ike! Haar! And Ilyana too!" Mist waved from where she was conversing with Marcia and Titania. "You guys should go get ready for dinner!"

"Dinner?" Haar gasped. "They just cleaned up my moneybag, and you speak of dinner?"

Ilyana rubbed her stomach. "Sounds good, I'm still hungry."

Haar edged away from the mage.

"Get what ready?" Ike was in a far better mood now that his stomach was full. "I sorted everything out with Soren..."

"She means, get dressed, of course!" Marcia said, waving a finger. "You can't go to dinner looking like that!"

Ike looked down at himself. Blue tunic, grey trousers, dark boots, red cloak. "What's wrong? I look normal."

"Exactly! You're not SUPPOSED to look normal!" Mist smacked her forehead with one hand. "Titania?"

"It's in your room," Titania announced. "The clothes Mist and I chose for you."

"You chose- WHAT?"

"Don't complain, we got new clothes for everyone else too!" Marcia's mouth twitched. "Especially Soren, Stefan and Shinon. They always dress so strangely after all!"

Females. Were they fearless or brainless?

It wasn't as bad as Ike thought it would be. A shining white tunic over a elaborately designed blue shirt, brown breeches and black leather shoes were what lay on his bed. After staring at himself with raised eyebrows and wincing at the ugly and uncomfortable high collar, Ike pulled his old red cloak on. No doubt, he would get yelled at later, but it was either that or go out looking like he had a box for a neck.

Looking out of the window, Ike saw that the sun had set, and the sky was darkening steadily. The feast would began in an hour or so.

"Well... here goes nothing..."

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The feast was held in the big hall. Cushions, seats and benches had been laid casually but cosily around, with small tables to rest bowls and plates on. Gold and red tablecloths decorated the long tables that stood in the middle of the room, and colourful drapings hung from the walls.

Titania had put on her shining white armour, and looked a lot more like her usual self. Mist was dressed in a simple indigo dress that unconsciously reminded Ike of his mother. Feeling uncomfortable, he looked away, and nearly choked on his breath.

Shinon had been forced somehow into a lemon yellow suit, and someone, probably Mist, had plaited his red hair. If it weren't for his deadly expression, Ike would've laughed. As it was, he gulped and shifted his gaze to another corner.

Unfortunately for his eyes, that corner was where Soren had chosen to hide. Soren in very, very white robes that reminded Ike of Rhys. With Soren's dark hair and pale skin, the result looked pretty much like a ghost. Luckily for him, his hair had been left alone. As Soren met Ike's doubtful gaze, he shot Ike a very murderous look that meant that his days were numbered.

Ike turned away again, and seeing yet another furious mercenary in a lavender clad Stefan, Ike wondered if Mist's objectives were to turn the mercenaries against him."Wanting to be well dressed I can understand, but it is a bit much, isn't it?" Haar muttered at his side with a chuckle.

"It's not funny," Ike grumbled. "I'd rather not have on this... stiff and stuffy thing if I could help it."

"Ah, but you'd like to look handsome for your queen, wouldn't you?" Haar smiled a meaningful smile, and took off before Ike could ask what that meaning was.

Ike Merceneries filled the hall. Jill and Haar had arrived early to talk to Soren and Titania about certain troop statistics, but the laguz; Ranulf, Lethe, Mordecai, Reyson, Leanne, Janaff and Ulki had only just made their way in. They looked exactly the same as usual; wistfully, Ike could tell that no one had forced them into uncomfortable clothes.

Indeed, would Mist have been able to force Lethe to change into nobility clothes? The laguz preferred being comfortable after all.

As Ranulf amply showed, by his first few mocking words.

"Hoity toity, aren't we looking grand!" he commented.

"Oh, shut up," Ike grumbled with a grin. "Mist and Titania chose it."

"Well, it's only customary, after all. Thank goodness the king never insists on stuff like that. Wouldn't it be funny if someone made Master Giffca dress in bright colours?" Ranulf laughed. He looked around the room, then grinned. "Like your little staff officer over there. I'd hate to get on his bad side tonight."

"You're sharp as usual. Are you guys staying long, or does King Caineghis need you back?" Ike asked.

"Nay, we're free at the moment. Why? Fancy a date with Princess Leanne?"

"Of course not!"

"She's taken anyway," Ranulf grinned, then lowered his voice. "He won't admit it, but I bet my tail that King Kilvas is besotted with her."

"Naesala!"

Cocky, arrogant, hair-flipping Naesala was interested in Princess Leanne?

"Reyson approves of it?" Ike asked with a glance at the heron prince. He was currently escorting his sister around the food tables, showing her which fruits and nuts were edible for her.

"Nay. He doesn't know. I'll also bet my ears that when he does find out, he'll kick up a big fuss at the beginning, then get used to it later, after he attacks King Kilvas and injures himself, of course."

Both Ranulf and Ike burst out into laughter. On the other side of the room, Ulki snorted, and Ike wondered what Reyson would've said if his ears were as good as Ulki's. The hawk made his way over to the blue haired young man.

"The carriage is outside the doors," Ulki said in his usual, simple manner. Just as he finished his sentence, the doors to the hall were thrown open. A very familliar count strode in.

"Queen Elincia, the wondrous ruler of our prosperous country of Crimea has arrived in her glory!" he announed. "Let us all rise on our feet and open our arms to welcome the pearl of the world, the wine of our tables, the light of our darkness!"

Behind Bastian, Lucia entered, shaking her blue head exasperatedly. Geoffrey, dressed smartly for the occasion, pushed Bastian to one side as the last member of their small group entered. Ike's stomach gave a lurch of pleasure.

With braids crowning her head, Queen Crimea wore peach to compliment her emerald green hair. Looking both regal and friendly at the same time, she smiled at all in the room, until her gaze landed on the one certain mercenary.

Their eyes met. Feeling his smile stretch his face, Ike pushed aside those around him and made his way across the room until he stood before the queen. Her smile was dazzling, and Ike could hardly take his gaze off Elincia's face. After all, it had been nearly four months since they last met.

"Queen Elincia. How have you been?"

"My lord Ike, things have been going very well for me," Elincia replied. "Thank you for your concern."She offered her hand. Uncomfortably, Ike noticed a stiff formality between them. Taking her small, slender hand within his, he bent and kissed it lightly, as was the custom. Unspeakable joy filled him at the contact, and as Ike wondered idly how many other lords had kissed those fingers, he was startled by the painful knock his heart felt.

Shaking off the feeling, he stood and released her hand reluctantly.

"Bastian, Lucia, Geoffrey. Have things gone well with you all?" Ike asked. The retainers bowed, making Ike feel itchy again. Never, ever would he get used to certain formalities.

Of course, he wouldn't mind kissing Elincia's hand.

Now where did THAT come from?

"Please, everyone, tuck in!" the queen was saying. Cheers of approval started and ended as food began to be devoured from the tables. Lucia escorted Elincia off.

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"Strong drink, Ike?" Janaff asked with raised eyebrows, settling himself down on a cushion beside Ike. "I didn't know you approved."

"Hey! It wasn't me! Gatrie and Shinon and the others..."

"Oooohh! Yes! Brandy and champagne are the only drinks for true men!" Gatrie exclaimed, twirling in front of them with a glass in hand.

"... See what I mean? He's already drunk," Janaff shook his head. He popped an apple into his mouth. The next moment, he was popping black seeds out onto his plate.

"Whoa! That's impressive!" Ike exclaimed. Janaff grinned.

"Ulki can do it with pineapples."

"What!"

"We laguz are so much more talented than you beorc," Janaff ended with a grin.

"Oh yeah? 'Snot as if laguz can do certain things only beorc can," Boyd objected.

"Beorc and laguz each have our own specialties, don't we?" Elincia sat down on the other side of Ike. "None's better than the other; we're just different, that's all. Right, my lord Ike?"

Ike nodded, suddenly at a loss of what to say. Why did he act so strangely nowadays? Why! Was it because he hadn't seen Elincia in such a long time?

"Well... the Crimeans haven't been giving much trouble at all about accepting laguz. Only a few families remain who insist that... um..."

"That laguz are sub-humans and half-breeds?" Janaff prompted. "Don't worry, words won't break our sanity! Well, it might break Lethe's..."

"I heard that, hawk!"

With a snarl, Lethe chased Janaff around Boyd, causing the mercenary to run for his life as well.

"I'm sure one day, everyone in Crimea will understand," Elincia said, clasping her hands together on her lap. "Father and Mother will bless us with that..."

Her face fell as she spoke of her late parents, and Ike reached out one hand to squeeze both hers.

"Don't worry, Elincia. Things will be fine. You've done a great job convincing the people, and I'm sure every Crimean will understand your efforts in the near future," he said. Elincia looked up and smiled. That smile again. Ike felt himself smiling foolishly back.

The spell was broken as Bastian approached them with two glasses.

"Come, my queen and my lord! Let's drink to the health of Crimea!" he exclaimed jovially. Ike eyed the colourless drink critically. It looked like water, so he took it.

"To Crimea!" he called, raising the glass. Elincia wasn't the only one who responded; half the room did. Then Ike downed his drink in one gulp. So did Elincia.

As Bastian handed the queen another glass, Ike saw a shadow loom over his feet. Looking up, he saw a dark shape at the high window above him. Frowning, Ike quietly made his way outside towards the other side of the window.

The dark shape was barely visible in the shadows of trees and bushes. It stepped out in front of Ike.

"Volke!" Ike cried, startled. "What are you..."

"You've got a bit of a problem tonight," Volke whispered abruptly.

"Problem? I don't..."

"There's a heavy drink called Insane Brandy, mixed from extremely lethal herbs and fruits. It warps a person's mind temporarily, causing them to do and say things they would not dream of doing normally. A rebel group mixed it into your brandy tonight, hoping that when the Queen is seen drinking it, many other peasants will buy the drink from its brewers. Do not touch the brandy. Drink only plain water tonight."

"I can't believe this... Volke, are you sure?" Ike asked. Thank goodness he hadn't touched the brandy.

"Positive. You have to stop everyone from touching the drink. It's extremely potent, and even Mist will run out into the streets like a madwoman if she drinks that. So if anyone touches the drink by accident..."

"I LOVE MY TOES!"

"... lock them up immediately." Volke sighed. "Does that sound like Shinon to you?"

"Oh noo..." Automatically, Ike ran back into the base, followed closely by Volke.

"Ike! The brandy's poisonous!" Rolf cried as soon as he appeared. "Mist is... Mist is...!"

"I was once a beautiful buncha meerkats!" Mist was on the floor, tugging at Rolf's foot. "Meeeeeerkyat with me, Rolfie! Huzzah!"

"Volke! What do we do now?" Ike demanded. He glanced swiftly around the room.

Gatrie was on top of Ilyana, tickling her nonstop. Queen Elincia, Lucia and Mia were singing a hiccuping song with Jill and laughing hysterically. Even Oscar was dancing Titania, Bastian and Boyd around the room to their screeches.

Worse of all, or so it seemed, Stefan and Shinon were behind the curtain, pointing at each other's bare feet and looking as if they would start undressing each other any moment. Ike felt sick. The laguz were unaffected, and stared around in a mixture of despair and amusement, along with the few sane ones left.

"I suggest we tie them up first, then leave them to fall asleep. Where's Soren? He can probably knock a few noisy ones out with Wind or..."

"Soren?"

A more careful scrutiny found Soren curled up like a kitten beneath a cushion, with a red nose and half shut eyes.

"Hic... I'm sober, Ike, I'm sober..." he whispered. Then he rubbed his already red nose and mewed.

That did it. "Volke, we HAVE to do something about this. At once!"

Before Volke could reply, a loud gasp was heard from the door.

"What on earth is going on here?"

Turning, Ike saw Sephiran staring in amazement at the mess inside the hall.

"Sephiran!"

"Empress Sanaki and other courtiers are coming along within a few minutes to join in the celebration!" Sephiran warned. Ike stared at him.

"Crud."

"The apostle will be fine. Her talkative people now... they're bound to spread rumours," Volke said. "Sephiran! Keep an eye on the ones down here, all right?"

He tugged at Gatrie's arm. "Ike, come on!"

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A couple of minutes later, the drunk ones had been squashed into the small storeroom on the second floor with the hastily kept Insane Brandy. Only Sephiran and Volke would be around, to explain that the guests had gone home early, and Ike Mercenaries had been invited off to Gallia with the Queen.

Ike pushed the grumbling, noisy group behind him further into the small storeroom and closed the door. The limited space was already taken up by barrels of the drink, so everyone was just squashed against each other. Luckily, the laguz had made off for the forest with the undrunk mercenaries for an early night, or space would be even more constrained. Only Ike remained to see that the drunkards were safe.

Behind Ike, someone poked him. Ignoring the poke, Ike put a ear to the door and listened hard.

"Yes, Empress Sanaki. Unfortunately. Maybe we should find an inn somewhere to settle down for the night."

That was undoubtedly Sephiran's voice.

"Unbelievable! How rude can they get! The only place remotely fit for the apostle is the Crimean Royal Palace! Yet they just left this place without a..."

"You forget, this was supposed to be a surprise visit. There was no way Queen Elincia could have known of my coming. It is not Crimea's fault."

"Of... of course, Empress."

This time, the jab was so painful that Ike gasped and turned. Elincia was grinning at him, with a half full glass in her hand. Why didn't Volke notice she was holding the glass when he carried her up? She was squashed up against Ike's back by Gatrie, who was taking up a lot of space.

"Ike! We're together again!" she squealed happily.

"Er... yes..." Goddess Ashera! What has happened to Elincia!

"We'll always be together, right?"

"Er, yes..."

"Always and always!"

"Y-yeah..."

Elincia giggled and hugged Ike around the waist. Ike knew he was turning red, even without a mirror.

"To Crimea!" Elincia shouted, raising her glass. Her voice echoed through the house.

"What was that?" Duke Lekain asked sharply.

"A blackbird singing," Sephiran replied promptly. Sanaki made a strangled noise.

"Well then, as I see no reason to prolong our stay here, let us depart."

Please go away, please dooo go away! Ike prayed ferverently. He turned around to face a yawning Elincia, who was beginning to nod off. Ike took the glass of Insane Brandy from her, holding it high out of her reach, when Gatrie shifted and knocked his arm. The glass tilted, and the liquid fell into Ike's mouth.

Crud.

The Begnion visitors' footsteps died away, and Volke made his way up to the second floor. Debating whether to unbolt the door and let Ike out, Volke heard the young commander mumble and pressed his ear to the door.

"Forever and ever as you say, hic! For no low mountains and no shallow seas shall separate us. Right, hic! Elincia?"

"My lord Ike..."

Well. The other drunks were much safer locked up anyway. With a roguish grin, Volke decided to leave Ike where he was.

"You'll thank me tomorrow, young Ike," he said out loud. "Now, have fun."

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Ike was doomed. He knew he was doomed. As he opened his eyes drowsily, he found himself leaning against the door, looking up at the ceiling. And he could remember exactly how... terribly he had acted the night before.

Looking down, he groaned. It wasn't a dream after all. Elincia was lying in his arms, sleeping as if she had not drunk Insane Brandy at all. Sleepily, she opened her eyes and stared at Ike.

"Er... Good morning..."

"My lord, I ..." Elincia clutched her hands to her head. "My head... it hurts...!"

"It's called a hangover. Don't worry, it'll be over in a while," Ike soothed, stroking her hair softly. The first time he had a hangover, Mist had done the same. Luckily, he hadn't drunk much the previous night.

Elincia relaxed, leaning against Ike with closed eyes. Her quiet breathing was the only other sound in the room besides Boyd's tiger snoring and Gatrie's lion snoring. Everyone else was asleep.

"Elincia...?"

"Hm...?"

"Do... you remember what happened last night?"

Elincia grew still. Ike's stroking stopped.

"If you mean my terrible off-tune singing, yes," Elincia giggled nervously. "And... the others..."

"... About the staying together bit?"

"You said yes..." Elincia looked away shyly. "And... Um... All the rest of it..."

'All the rest of it' referred to both of them exchanging affectionate embraces and loving kisses. As Ike and Elincia recalled every little detail, their faces grew hot.

"Er... Elincia, I..."

"... Did you mean it?" Elincia asked suddenly. "What you said and did, I mean."

For once, subtle hints and Ike's own actions were enough; there was no need for Soren to explain. In answer, Ike bent his head and kissed Elincia for the fifth time in twenty four hours.

They were the only ones happy about being drunk. Most of them had hangovers, but others had worse.

"STEFAN! WHAT IN ASHERA'S NAME WERE YOU DOING LAST NIGHT? WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING NOW? GET OFF MY SHIRT!" Shinon.

"... Never... ever... will I go near alchohol again. Never." Soren. "Ban it. Ban it. BAN IT."

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Insane Brandy was banned. The culprits were caught and fined for their crimes, and a little chamber session with Soren and Shinon made sure that they would never touch a single drop of liquor for the rest of their lives.

Empress Sanaki accepted Queen Elincia's apologies for her absence, and invited the queen and the laguz to visit Begnion. Her mouth twitched as she added that Elincia should bring her consort along.

The Queen and her Lord weren't the only ones. Prince Reyson did indeed rage for three days and three nights sometime later.

But that, of course, is another story.

As all stories must end, this one will give the usual satisfying ending.

And they lived happily ever after.

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Well, that's it! The little oneshot based on random musings. Maybe the first part was mostly random rubbish, and not part of the main Brandy storyline, but as I said, it's mostly random musings.

Ha. After all that, guess who my favourite character is.

Hope you've enjoyed this! Now, be a kind soul! See that delicious purple button sitting below? It pleads for you to click it... so oblige it, all right?

To Crimea!

Daidairo