A/N: So I've been having a lot of discussions over twitter with my gorgeous Addisam ladies and one of them (you Chará ;P) came up with a few theories/ideas that I kinda stole to use for fic writing! (naughty Kelly!) so this is the result of one of them, pretty amazed at how quickly I got this written! Please leave reviews and do the same for my other Addisam fics! :D
'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'
~x~
"Ryan should be here" Amelia said quietly as she looked down at the baby sleeping in her arms "I never wanted my kids to grow up without a Dad like I did, Ryan should be here"
"I know honey" Addison said softly "But this baby, she has a whole bunch of Aunts and Uncles all over the country who love her, and she has an amazing Mom, I know this isn't what you wanted but, you can do it, I'm right here"
"You're too good to me" Amelia mumbled "You should hate me right now, you probably do, I wouldn't blame you"
"I don't hate you" Addison said with a quiet laugh "I'm proud of you, and I am going to steal plenty of cuddles from you little one" she cooed, stroking the baby's cheek gently, she let out a shaky breath and wiped a tear from her cheek.
"Are you crying?" Amelia smirked.
"I'm fine" Addison sniffled "I'm fine, ignore me"
"Hey, what's going on with you?" Amelia asked with a soft laugh "Come on, the last few months you've only let us talk about me, what's going on?"
"I'm pregnant Amy" she whispered "Around 20 weeks, it's, it's Sam's and I, I haven't told him, I haven't told anyone and being here now, knowing how much you wish Ryan was here, it's just making me realise what an idiot I've been"
"Yeah, you have, a real idiot, why didn't you say something sooner Addie? You know I would've been there for you, frankly this makes me feel a hell of a lot better about getting pregnant" Amelia laughed quietly "So it's Sam's? When the hell did that happen? And why didn't you tell me?"
"When his sister first got here, I was all high off saving a baby and I missed him so I went over and, it happened, 6 weeks later I was throwing up all over the place but, I was concentrating on you, I wanted you to be ok, I knew you'd just start freaking out if I got upset and I couldn't, I couldn't tell Sam, he's in such a bad place Amelia and I didn't want to stress him out…"
"I think this is exactly what he needs" Amelia said softly "Sam loves you, always has, always will, yeah he didn't want a baby but now it's actually happening, he will be there, I know he will, and if he's not then send him to me so I can yell at him for being a moron"
"When did you become the responsible one?" Addison said with a tearful laugh "I really am proud of you y'know"
"I know" Amelia said with a soft smile "I'm pretty proud of me too, I'll be proud of you if you go out there and find Sam"
"I will soon, I just need some baby time with my niece if that's alright with her Mom"
"Go ahead" Amelia smiled, Addison carefully took the baby from her and smiled down at the sleepy baby "Y'know thinking about it, your boobs do look bigger" she mused.
"Thanks" Addison laughed "I have a bump too under the baggy shirt, it's getting pretty hard to hide now"
"Know the feeling" Amelia laughed quietly "I think, I think I have a name for her"
"Yeah?"
"Mmhmm" she nodded "Emily, Emily Addison Shepherd"
"You don't have to do that" Addison said with a nervous laugh "Amelia really, you don't, your mother would hate it"
"My mother hates a lot of the things I do, I can deal with her" Amelia smirked "Addison you're my sister, you've pulled me through so much, dragged me really" she laughed "I love you ok? And Emily needs to know who her best Aunt is, and who knows, maybe you're cooking up a husband for her"
"Maybe I am" Addison laughed softly "It's an honour to be your Aunt and possible future mother-in-law sweet girl" she cooed as she stroked Emily's cheek softly "You have a pretty great Mom, if you ever doubt that come straight to me and I'll list all the reasons why"
"God Addie, I still have hormones y'know" Amelia sniffled, wiping at her cheeks "Now go on, go and find your baby Daddy, I need my little girl to have a father-in-law too" Addison chuckled a little as she kissed Emily's forehead and put her back in Amelia's arms.
"Wish me luck" she breathed out.
"Good luck Aunty Addison" Amelia smiled "Tell Sam to stop by and meet Emily, y'know once you've stopped going through all your stuff"
"Ok" Addison smirked, she kissed Amelia's cheek before heading out of the room.
"Welcome to the madness that is your family baby" Amelia murmured, laughing softly before kissing her daughter's forehead.
~x~
"Hey" Sam smiled as Addison knocked on his office door "How's Amelia doing? And the baby?"
"Amelia's good" Addison nodded "And the baby is, gorgeous, she's the spitting image of all the other Shepherd babies I've delivered" she laughed softly "Emily Addison Shepherd, her Mom is going to hate it"
"Well I think it's a beautiful name" Sam smiled softly "Is she ready for visitors?"
"Yeah but, Sam I, we need to talk" she said quietly as she closed his office door "I, I need to tell you something"
"Ok" Sam nodded "What's going on? Addison? Addie you know you can tell me anything"
"I'm pregnant" she said simply before tears started building "Around 20 weeks, I've known, I've known for a while now and, and I couldn't tell anyone, I tried but I couldn't I'm, I'm sorry Sam, I'm so sorry" she let out a slight sob but quickly swallowed it so she could speak again "That night, the night we were together, I didn't think it was possible, I still don't know how it was possible but, we didn't use anything and, and we made a baby Sam, I can feel them moving inside me right now and, and I understand if you hate me, I understand if you don't want to do this with me but, it's time you know, it's time" she sniffled and wiped tears away from her cheeks, her eyes looking at Sam even though he was looking away from her.
"I know I haven't exactly given you many reasons to have any faith or trust in me" he said quietly "But you, you shouldn't have kept this from me"
"I know that" Addison whispered.
"I don't know what to say" he sighed "I really don't know what to say right now, I just can't, I can't deal with this right now"
"Sam please, please just don't hate me"
"I could never hate you Addison, that's what's making this so damn hard" he sighed "Send Amelia and Emily some love from me, I need to think, I just really need to think" he grabbed his keys from his desk and left his office, Addison sat down on his sofa and cried as quietly as she could.
~x~
"Can I come in?" Sam asked quietly as he opened the door to the birthing suite over an hour later.
"Get your ass in here and don't wake them up" Amelia hissed gesturing with one hand to the crib where Emily slept and with the other to where Addison slept on the sofa.
"You're mad, I get that" he said quietly, he walked closer and peered into Emily's crib "She's perfect Amelia"
"Yeah, she is" Amelia said a little softer "It hurt like hell getting her out of me though"
"You did good" Sam smiled, moving closer to her bed and perching on the edge of it "Is she ok?" he asked.
"She's pretty upset" Amelia replied, knowing he was talking about Addison "I know she messed up Sam but, you understand why don't you?"
"Of course I do" he sighed "It was just a shock, I'm not going to leave again I swear"
"You better not, like I've already said to her, if it's a boy she could be carrying my future son-in-law, we don't need any more drama"
"Future son-in-law huh?" Sam laughed quietly "I would be proud to have Emily as my future daughter-in-law, I just know she's going to be amazing"
"I hope so" Amelia sighed "Sam I, I know this is a lot to ask considering what you just found out but, Emily doesn't have a Dad, not one that's alive anyway and I, I know how much that sucks growing up so, can you just, can you be there for her? I want her to have a guy in her life she can trust, I want that to be you, her Uncle Sam"
"Of course I'll be there" he said softly "For you and her"
"You're a good Dad Sam, I don't think it's a coincidence that Addison gave up on the baby thing after you guys broke up, she didn't just want a baby anymore, she wanted you and a baby, and I know you can do this, I know both of you can do this, I, I woke up and found the guy I loved dead, our stupid decisions broke us apart for good, but that doesn't have to be the case for you and Addie, you can be a family, you just have to believe that too"
"You've always been the voice in the back of my head y'know" Sam laughed quietly.
"Oh, I know" Amelia smirked "I'm the biggest Addisam fan, you should know that by now"
"Addisam" he chuckled "How does Addie come up with these things?"
"She gets inventive when she's freaking out" Amelia laughed quietly "Wake her up, take her home, there are plenty of people here to take care of me"
"You sure?" he asked quietly.
"Sure" she nodded, Sam kissed her forehead gently before going over to the sofa and stroking her cheek to wake her.
"What?" she mumbled tiredly with her eyes closed.
"Come on, let's go home" hearing Sam's voice Addison blinked up at him "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have walked out, let's go home and talk ok?"
"Amelia…" she said tiredly as she pulled herself to sit up.
"Go Addie" Amelia piped up "Seriously, just go, we're good here, this is on my orders and I just pushed a baby out of me so I get to make some orders ok?"
"Ok" Addison laughed softly as she stood and walked over the bed "But call me, if you need anything, and I'll be back to pick you up…."
"I'll get Violet to drive me home when Jake discharges me, I don't care about him seeing my lady parts if it means you'll leave now"
"You are so stubborn" Addison murmured as she pressed her lips to Amelia's forehead "Congratulations sweetheart"
"And to you" Amelia smiled softly, Addison left the room ahead of Sam and he quickly followed, Amelia yawned and before she knew it she was fast asleep.
~x~
"Are you going to talk to me now?" Sam asked quietly as he walked into Addison's house with her "Addie I know I messed up but, we have to talk about this" she turned to look at him and burst into tears, he stepped forward and pulled her into his arms "Let's go and lie down" he whispered "You're tired"
"I'm not tired" she sniffled "I'm just hormonal or something"
"You're both" he laughed softly "Come on, let's lie down and talk" Addison sighed and let him pull her to her bedroom, he lay down and patted the space next to him, she lay down and let out a sigh, wiping tears from her cheeks "I was mad" he started "At first I was mad that you hadn't told me but I know why, I know you couldn't trust me, I know I, I scared you out of telling me but trust me now Addison, trust that I'm here and I won't, I won't leave again, I promise, I love you so much"
"You do?" she whispered.
"Of course I do" he whispered back "That has never, ever been an issue, you are, you are the only woman I am ever going to love now, I couldn't ever, I couldn't be with someone else like I was with you, I will be honest, I did try, me and the guys we went out and, I went home with someone but the whole time, god the whole time I felt guilty and it just made me miss you more and I am, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"
"Jake wanted to be with me"
"What?" Sam frowned, pulling back a little more to look into Addison's eyes "When?"
"We met before, before we hired him, he was the guy I dated when we broke up, but I didn't even know his name, he invited me to Fiji with him but I couldn't go, I got to the airport and saw Fife and Naomi and I knew I had to be with you, so I came back"
"Well that's nothing, that was a long time ago, you didn't even know him"
"No it, there's more, there's more" Addison sighed "When we went to Palm Springs I got drunk and threw myself at him, and then I cried when he turned me down, and it was still all about, you, I missed you and, and then me and you slept together and Jake got upset with me and, and he asked me if there was more than just, flirting between me and him and I said yes, I said yes but I don't know why because, all I could still think about was you, Corinne was here and I was worried and, you're my family but, then he offered me it all Sam, he offered me love and a family and a future and, and I was going to say yes, I was going to settle with him but then I, then I found out I was pregnant and I told him to back off, he was upset but, he's pretty much stayed away since then, are you mad?"
"At you? No" Sam sighed, kissing her forehead "No, I'm not mad at you, I'm kind of mad at him"
"Why?" she mumbled, cuddling closer to his body.
"He knew how you felt about me, he knew that we'd only just broke up, he knew that all the things he offered were what you dreamed of, he took advantage, and what if you hadn't got pregnant Addie?"
"I'm sorry" she whispered.
"Don't apologise, don't, just promise me you don't have feelings for him"
"I don't" she said gently "I don't Sam, the only person I want is you, you are, the only person I can see myself having my dream with, I just hope you can be there for it all"
"I will, I promise" Sam whispered as he kissed her, Addison moved to lay her head on his chest, her bump pressing against his side.
"How are we going to tell everyone?" she asked quietly "They're going to be so angry at me"
"They won't, they'll just be shocked" he said quietly "They'll be happy for you, for us"
"Are you happy for us?"
"I'm, I'm happy you're getting what you want and that I could give that to you, I'm happy you're back in my arms but, I'm still a little, apprehensive"
"Are you going to leave Sam?" Addison asked nervously, burying her head a little so she didn't have to look at him.
"No, no I won't leave" he whispered "No matter what I won't leave, I'm just taking this day by day"
"We're doing this together" Addison whispered "Not alone, we're together and we're strong because I love you, ok? I love you and I, I have missed you so much" she let out a sob and cuddled into him closer "I don't want to feel broken anymore"
"Sshh, sshh baby don't cry" Sam whispered, holding her closer and kissing against her hair "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, I love you so much, I won't ever leave you again, just try and trust me, please try and trust me, I'm so sorry you've had to doubt me when I promised, god I promised I wouldn't hurt you and I'm, I'm just as bad as the rest of them"
"You're not" she sniffled.
"I am, I hurt you just like they did, and I promised, I promised you"
"And I put you in a position that I never should have, I gave you an ultimatum…"
"None of that matters anymore" Sam murmured against the top of her head "Can't we just have a fresh start? Please"
"That's all I want" she said softly "A fresh start for all of us" she pushed herself upright and pulled her layers up to expose her belly, she took Sam's hand and put it on her bump.
"How have you been hiding this?" he laughed quietly.
"If Amelia can, I can" she laughed "I can feel him moving around in there but nothing from the outside, I'm sure he'll kick for you soon"
"Pretty set on it being a boy huh?" Sam laughed quietly "Is that Amelia's doing with this whole marriage thing?"
"I kind of had a feeling before that" she laughed "My next scan is in a couple of weeks, we can find out then"
"I'd really like that" he smiled "Have you had an ultrasound" she smiled and took the picture from her nightstand drawer, Sam took it and smiled at the image "Wow" he whispered "That's our baby, we made that"
"We made that" Addison said with a soft laugh "Will you stay here tonight?"
"I don't want to be anywhere else" Sam kissed her and she responded eagerly, moving to straddle his lap "Addie?" he mumbled against her mouth "Addie are you sure you wanna do this now?"
"I have been needing you for weeks" she said breathlessly "Trust me, I want this, I love you Sam"
"I love you too" he smiled up at her, she kissed him again and he wrapped his arms around her.
~x~
"You're WHAT?" Violet exclaimed loudly as herself, Pete, Cooper, Charlotte, Sheldon and Jake all stood around the kitchen at the practice with Addison and Sam.
"I'm pregnant" Addison said with a small smile, biting her bottom lip shyly "20 weeks, I know, I know I should have told everyone sooner, believe me I've been going over and over this in my head for weeks but, I'm telling you now and, I'm so so happy this is finally happening for me and, and for Sam" she linked her fingers with Sam's and brought them to her stomach "We're both happy"
"But weren't you broken up…." Cooper started, trailing off a little.
"Break up sex" Violet smirked "God after all of the treatments and failed adoption and, the giving up, you get pregnant from break up sex? That's pretty priceless"
"Shut up" Addison grumbled, her cheeks blushing "Anyway, guys, please just, accept this and be happy for us, we've talked about this, we're happy, we just need you to be happy too"
"I'm mad that you didn't tell me sooner but, god I am so happy for you" Violet laughed, giving Addison a hug "Congratulations"
"Thank you" Addison smiled softly.
"Congratulations Sam" Violet said as she moved on to hug him "You can do this" she whispered.
"Thanks Vi" he whispered back.
"This is great news" Sheldon beamed "Have you told Amelia…."
"Addie told her first" Sam laughed "She's got it into her head that we're having a future husband for Emily"
"Of course she has" Charlotte smirked "Well congratulations and good luck with your future in-laws"
"Those poor kids are going to be tortured for years if it's a boy" Cooper chuckled "I get to be the pediatrician right?"
"Who else Cooper?" Addison laughed softly.
"You're going to be amazing Addie" Pete smiled, kissing her cheek "You're already amazing, Lucas is going to love having a little playmate when he visits his favourite Aunty Addison"
"Well they're going to be family" she smiled "Anyway, you should all be working, just because I'm taking a couple of weeks off doesn't mean I'm not your boss, ok?"
"Yes boss" Pete smirked, giving her a salute before everyone left leaving Jake alone with Addison and Sam.
"Congratulations" he said quietly, Sam couldn't help but roll his eyes a little, he kissed Addison's temple and left the room "You told him?"
"We were being honest" Addison nodded "He's not angry he's just, I guess he's a little disappointed and he did have that right, he does have that right Jake, he won't, he won't stop us being friends, he would never do that, but I think it's going to take a while for him to, trust you"
"Ok" Jake nodded "I guess that's ok"
"I'm having a baby" she said quietly, without being able to stop a smile.
"You're having a baby" he said with a soft smile "Congratulations Addison, you really deserve it" Addison smiled back at him before leaving and going to find Sam.
~x~
10 weeks later.
"Jake offered to be my OB today" Addison said as she sat cross-legged on Sam's bed watching him strip down to his boxers and t-shirt "I said I'd think about it, I thought I should ask you..."
"I don't really want him at the birth of our child Addie" Sam sighed "You know I won't stop you from being his friend, I'm going to try and be his friend but, him seeing you exposed when you were going through the treatments didn't exactly sit well with me and now, after everything I just don't want him at the birth, we can use the OB you have now"
"Ok" she nodded "I understand"
"That day is going to be about us" he said quietly as he sat beside her, his hand coming to her bump "Our family, me, you and the baby, nobody else, I want it to be just us"
"Ok" Addison said softly "We can set our birthing plan in stone at my next appointment, Dr Graham's practice has great private delivery rooms, you can be right there with me, holding my hand while I scream at you" she laughed.
"I can't wait" he smiled, kissing her temple "We need to get the house organized, it's time you moved in for real, so everything's ready for our little champ, Amelia's settled with Emily now, and we're right next door"
"I know" Addison yawned, cuddling closer to him "I'll talk to her when she comes back from her Mom's, do you think it's going ok?"
"She probably would've called you if it wasn't, trying to escape"
"True" Addison laughed "She's a great Mom, isn't she"
"Yeah" Sam smiled.
"I resented her, when she first told me she was pregnant, I really, resented her, I don't know how I would've coped if this baby didn't exist" she sighed "Does that make me a bad person?"
"Of course it doesn't baby, it's understandable, and it doesn't matter anymore, we've got this little one to think about" he smiled, he shuffled down the bed and kissed her bump "Daddy can't wait to meet you little man" he whispered, smiling as he felt his son kick in reply "I can't believe I ever doubted wanting this, I forgot about, all the amazing things having a child brings"
"Forget the past honey" Addison said softly as she put her hands on her bump "This is our future"
"I know" he smiled up at her "I love you gorgeous"
"I love you too" she laughed softly "Do you love me enough to massage me everywhere? My body is seriously aching"
"Sure I will babe" he smiled as he kissed her "Just strip off and relax, I'll do the rest" Addison laughed and took off her shirt, lying on her side as Sam worked his hands all over her body.
~x~
8 weeks later.
"You ok babe?" Sam called out, hearing Addison walking down the stairs as he sat on the sofa watching TV "How are you feeling?"
"My water broke"
"What?" he gaped as he shot out of his seat "It did?"
"It did" she nodded "My contractions aren't 5 minutes apart yet but, my water broke so, so we should go, I think we should go" she stopped and gripped onto the table as she passed it and a contraction hit her, she groaned loudly and whimpered.
"Ok, ok let's go" Sam said soothingly, he shut off the TV and walked over to her, kissing her forehead gently "You're ok, this is all going to be ok"
"I know" she breathed out "I expected him to be early, but it's only 2 weeks right? 2 weeks is nothing"
"You're right" he smiled "Come on" he kissed her again, picked up the bag from near the door and they headed outside to the car.
~x~
"Mmm, Sam?" Addison mumbled tiredly as she woke an hour or so after giving birth to their son "Sam?"
"Hey babe, I'm right here" he smiled, kissing her hand "Did you sleep well?"
"Where's the baby?"
"He's right here" he said softly, standing up so she could see the blue bundle in his arms "He's doing really well"
"Can I hold him again?"
"Of course you can babe" Sam smiled as she sat up and he put the baby into her arms.
"Hi my baby boy" she whispered "Did you have a nice rest with Daddy while Mommy slept? I'm sure you did, he gives the best hugs ever"
"Well his Mom gives pretty great hugs too" Sam laughed, kissing her gently "I called Amelia, she's going to stop by later with Emily, I hope that's ok"
"Of course" Addison smiled "Your Aunt Amelia can't wait to meet you sweetheart, and little miss Emily, I'm sure you're going to be great friends, you can play on the beach together, go to school together, and if me and Aunt Amelia have our way you're going to get married and have a family together, or we'll tease you about it anyway" she laughed "I apologise in advance"
"I'm sure he'll forgive us all one day" Sam laughed "Do you have a name in mind yet?"
"No, do you?"
"No" he smirked "I had so many in my head but now he's here, I just don't think they fit"
"Yeah, me too" she sighed "We'll pick one, a perfect one, something strong"
"Just like his Mom" Sam smiled, stroking her cheek gently.
"And his Dad too" she smiled back, he reached down and kissed her as their son slept on.
~x~
"Hey" Amelia said quietly as she put her head into Addison's room an hour or so later "Can we come in?"
"Sure" Addison smiled, Amelia walked into the room with Emily in her arms and laughed a little as Sam snored from the sofa "I don't think he slept at all even when I was" Addison laughed softly "He was great Amelia"
"I'm sure he was" Amelia smiled "And you, so how did it feel?"
"It was the most painful yet amazing thing ever"
"But so worth it" Amelia added "Have a little hug with Em while I get cuddle time from my future son-in-law"
"Come here Em" Addison laughed, taking the happy baby into her arms, Amelia walked over to the crib and picked up the sleepy newborn.
"Oh Addie" she whispered "He's gorgeous"
"Yeah" Addison smiled "He looks just like Sam right?"
"It's like I'm looking at Sam's baby picture" she laughed "Have you got a name for him yet?"
"No, we can't settle with one, it'll come to me"
"It will" Amelia smiled "Can you believe this? That we're both Moms now? I mean how crazy is that" she laughed "We're raising our kids together Addie"
"We are" Addison smiled softly "I couldn't think of anyone better to share all of this with"
"Me either" Amelia smiled, looking back down at the baby in her arms "You've got great parents baby boy, really, they can get a little stupid at times but don't worry, I'm right next door if you need me"
"And I am right next door for you Em" Addison laughed, tickling Emily under the chin and making her laugh loudly, Sam woke up startled and rubbed at his eyes "Sorry honey" Addison laughed softly "We have visitors"
"You should've woken me before" he yawned.
"You're tired, we both need as much sleep as possible while he's sleeping"
"Trust me, you really do" Amelia laughed quietly "Sam he's amazing, congratulations"
"Thanks" Sam smiled as he stood and walked over to them "Addison did most of the work"
"You put in your fair share" Amelia smirked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.
"Even motherhood hasn't stopped you being inappropriate" Addison laughed.
"I've changed but I haven't changed that much" Amelia chuckled "Do you guys need anything? Some food? You must be hungry"
"I'll go…" Sam started.
"No, me and Emily will go and pick up something, you stay here with your son" she said as she placed the baby in his arms "And decide on a name, I can't keep calling the poor kid Baby"
"Your Mommy is bossy" Addison laughed as she kissed Emily's forehead.
"Damn right I am" Amelia smirked, taking Emily into her arms "We love you guys, congratulations, say congratulations Em" Emily giggled as Amelia tickled her.
"Thank you Miss Shepherd" Addison laughed, Amelia waved a little before leaving the new Bennett family alone.
"So…a name" Sam smiled as he perched on the edge of the bed, Addison shuffled over a little so he could sit on it next to her, he pulled his knees up so her could rest the baby on his legs "What do we think champ? What name is the best one for you?"
"What about, Leo" Addison said quietly after a moment.
"Leo" Sam repeated "Leo Montgomery-Bennett, I like that"
"Leo William Montgomery-Bennett"
"William?"
"Dell" Addison smiled "Nobody ever, talks about him anymore, but he did a lot of good things, and if it wasn't for everything that happened that night, I don't know if I would've found the courage to be with you, I know that sucks because he died and Maya got hurt but, but it's true"
"I know it is" Sam said softly "I think Leo William is perfect, my strong little lion of a son" he smiled as he brought Leo to his chest and kissed the top of his head "I love you Addie"
"I love you too" she smiled, kissing his cheek "I love both of you, my handsome Bennett Boys" Sam turned his head to kiss her and they sat together in content silence, watching their son sleep.
The End.