Title - Crash
Rating - T, maybe not quite but I like to err on the side of caution.
Disclaimer - Gibbs, McGee, Tony, Abby, Ziva, Ducky, and Palmer are not my characters. Jasmine McGee is my creation.
Pairings - McAbby, Palmer and Jasmine
Author's note - While this story is in several chapters, it is still complete. Still trying to find a cane for the lame second chapter to Breaking Up is Hard to Do, so I hope this entertains in the meantime. ;-)
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Crash
Tony heard a moan as he opened his eyes. It took a moment, but he soon realized the moan was coming from his own throat.
"Unnnnngggggghhhhhh. Whadda hell happen?"
He was startled slightly to hear a pained voice answer weakly. McGee sounded like pure crap.
"Gibbs rolled the car. There's only one undamaged person in this room right now, and it isn't either one of us."
"Uhgee," Tony groaned. "We're inna hosbdol?" Tony heard a ragged breath. "Yup. We're roommates for a while. Ow. Not so tight," he was heard pleading.
"Hmmmm," Tony muttered. "Nurses cute?" He smiled as he heard McGee answer with a pained chuckle. "Hah… ah ah… owwwww. Don't do that Tony. Hurts to laugh."
"Nurses cute?" he asked again. McGee sighed painfully. "Mine is," he said, matter-of-fact. Tony suddenly understood what he meant, and grinned as best he could under the circumstances when he heard Abby say, "Hey Tony. McGee and I had a bet going. How long it would take you to ask about the nurses." Tony made the mistake of trying to laugh, with much the same result as McGee had had a moment before. "Owww. Don't do that Abs. Who won?"
"I did," McGee said. "Abby knows you well, but I'm a guy. I know you better."
Tony snorted in agreement. "How's Gibbs?" he finally asked. McGee groaned bitterly. "Not a damn scratch. So he says, anyway. You and me, on the other hand… I've got some cracked ribs, cuts and bruises, a pretty gash on my temple, and a sprained wrist. I also whacked my head pretty good, hence the gash. And my laptop bought it. I've got the company logo from the lid bruised into my chest now."
"What about me, then? I feel like I've been run over by a herd of stampeding elephants. Being chased by another herd of stampeding elephants… and my battered corpse fed on by starving hyenas."
"Funny you should mention that, Tony," Abby said. "That's kinda how you look." McGee snorted and groaned, then attempted a pained chuckle. "She told ME that I'm still the fairest in the land."
Abby went over to Tony's side, eyeing him up. "Well, you have a concussion too, cracked ribs, a nice big bruise on your torso from the seatbelt, and a broken leg they had to pin, that's why you were anaesthetised. Oh, and your shoulder was dislocated, too." Tony looked up at her sadly. "Am I at least the SECOND fairest in the land?" His chin quivered slightly. Abby leaned down and kissed his forehead, careful to avoid the bandages. "Of course you are, hon. You're a very close second to McGee." McGee glanced over and smiled sympathetically. "Listen to her, Tony. She lies really well. Great for morale." Tony smiled weakly as McGee winked.
They heard the door swing open as Ziva walked in. "Hey boys," she said brightly. "How are you doing?"
"Shoot me now, please," McGee said weakly. Tony protested. "Uh uh Probie. I have seniority. Ziva, shoot me first. That's an order."
Ziva laughed softly. "Men," she said to Abby. "They're such babies."
"Hey," McGee and Tony protested in unison. The two women glanced at their wounded, and rolled their eyes as the two men started to pout. "You're just in time for the pity party," Abby said to her.
"We ARE still in the room, Abs," McGee said, starting to sound tired. "What Probie said," Tony added, taking a painful breath as Ziva went over to him and eyed him, a critical expression on her face. "Tony, you look like hell." Tony made a face at her and stuck out his tongue. She turned to McGee, surveying his bruised and battered form. "Tim, you look only slightly less like hell than Tony does." McGee scowled at her, and said, "You're a real ray of sunshine, you know that?"
"Just being honest, boys," she said, shrugging.
"We have to go," Abby said, suddenly. She went over and squeezed Tony's hand, then went over to McGee and kissed his forehead. "No killing each other. And no plotting to get back at Gibbs. And no goosing the nurses," she said, looking at Tony in particular.
"Abs, sweetie?" McGee said, sounding pleading. "Could you help me sit up?" Abby raised a scolding eyebrow at him, then relented as he caught her gaze with his classic "sad baby face with pout." She cringed as she boosted him up and he winced painfully, then watched him take a careful breath, then open his eyes and gaze up at her. "Thanks, Abs. I can take it from here." Abby looked at him sadly. "Aw, my poor baby," she said, as she rumpled his hair and kissed the top of his head. Ziva grinned as Tony made a slight mock gagging noise.
"We'll be back later," Abby said to the both of them. "Behave yourselves. We're women. We will find out if you've been naughty." Ziva winked at them as she and Abby left.
McGee carefully turned himself around and slid off the bed. He peered out the window to make sure nobody was watching, then reached behind himself and clutched at the opened gown, trying desperately to cover his exposed posterior. "These things are evil," he muttered with contempt, as he carefully made his way to the bathroom. "Hey, where do you think you're going?" Tony protested.
"The bathroom. I have to tinkle, if you must know. And I," he said smugly, "Can get out of bed to do it." He grinned evilly at Tony. "YOU, on the other hand, have a bedpan. And please be generous enough to warn me before you need to use it so I can leave."
Tony tried to heave a heavy, disgusted sigh at his smug younger colleague, but only succeeded in sending jets of pain throughout his body. He coughed weakly. "I'm in hell."
McGee eyed him. "Yes, you are. As am I. And do you know who we've got to thank for it?"
Tony glared at him, a sneer creeping up from his mouth. "Gibbs," he said. McGee nodded at him affirmatively and pointed a finger in his direction. "Gibbs," he said, a bitter eyebrow starting to wiggle it's way up his forehead. He headed into the head and closed the door behind him.
Tony waited, silently plotting revenge on their boss, then realized he had a bit of a problem. He heard a toilet flush, and a tap run, and the paper towel dispenser handle being cranked. When the door opened, he gestured McGee over to his bed. "I need a big favour," he whispered conspiratorially.
McGee eyed him suspiciously. "What's it gonna cost me? Besides excruciating pain," he said, wrapping an involuntary arm around his aching chest.
"Nothing. I'm not using that bedpan. But I have to tinkle now, too. Can you help me into that wheelchair?" Tony was beginning to sound desperate.
"Ducky will kill me. And he's a doctor. He knows how to do it and make it look like an accident. And he'll get Palmer for his alibi. Nobody will ever believe that Palmer can lie." Tony started to pout. "C'mon, Tim," he said, trying to endear himself by using McGee's first name. "Buddy, pal, trusted colleague. Please? Have some pity on your fellow man?"
"Tony, I'm not even sure if I can. Besides, you wouldn't do it for me," McGee pointed out. Tony blinked sheepishly. "Well… admittedly… but, I'm not YOU. Lovable, generous, eager to please You." McGee glared at him. "You make me sound like a cocker spaniel, Tony." Tony started to quiver his chin. "I'm a bastard, Tim. You're not. I really really gotta go. I just need you to get me in the wheelchair and push me through the door. You can close it and wait for me outside. I promise. At least try? That's all I ask." He gave McGee a little pouty face.
McGee sighed, resigned, then said, "The pout needs work. Trust me." He then gingerly made his way to the door, still clutching at the back of his gown, to check for incoming nurses. "It's clear," he finally said, then turned and walked over to Tony's side. Then he stopped suddenly, and a bright smile crossed his face. He pointed a finger upwards, indicating to Tony to just wait a moment more, and opened one of the drawers in the stand by the bed. "Ah ha!" he said triumphantly. He reached in and pulled out another gown, then proceeded to put it on, robe style. He walked over to Tony's stand, under the envious stare of his older colleague, then reached into one of the drawers and pulled out another gown. "Here. I'm not totally heartless," he said, as Tony's face lit up. "Anyway, I don't want an eyeful."
"I take back every mean thing I ever said about you, Probie," Tony giggled, as McGee held his breath and bit his lip, as he helped him to sit up. Carefully, wincing at the pain from his sprained wrist and cracked ribs, McGee worked the gown around Tony, helping him to tie it up, then carefully and methodically helped him out of bed, and into the chair. Tony nearly wept with gratitude. "I love ya, man," he said, relief in his voice. "Yeah, yeah. Save it for when you're dying," McGee gasped, breathless from pain now himself. He wheeled Tony into the bathroom, then quickly, he retreated, and closed the door behind him.