Yearning for Sakaki
Author's notes:
English is not my native language, so please bear with me
Comments and reviews are most welcome
The obligatory disclaimer: Of course I don't own Azumanga Daioh
"I'm such a coward…" Kaorin sighed, staring at the ground. For how long could this go on? They had gone to school together for two years, and she hadn't gotten a single step closer!
She had it bad for Sakaki-san. And lately it had gotten even worse. Sakaki was the first thing on her mind when she woke up, and the last thing she thought of when she went to bed. She was fairly certain that she was even dreaming of Sakaki at night. At school it took great mental exertions to concentrate during class, and the same thing went for doing homework. Almost all of her spare time was spent thinking of Sakaki. Only her friend Chihiro, and astronomy club a couple of afternoons a week, was able to tear her mind away from her obsession.
Day in and day out she had been trying to get close to Sakaki-san. Or rather, nothing came of it except dreaming and hoping. And even if she succeeded in getting close enough to Sakaki to exchange a few words with her, Kaorin was usually so bashful that she ran away at once.
Sakaki, for her part, didn't make it any easier for her: She rarely spoke much herself, and her aura of condensed coolness was so… overwhelming! Kaorin was well aware that she could never be as cool, composed and fantastic as Sakaki-san – but if she could just get a little close to her… Kaorin had experienced a touch of this during Sports Day in their first year at the school: Through a divine miracle she had gotten to dance with Sakaki-san. These few moments had been the happiest of her entire life! True, she immediately afterwards had gotten to dance with that creep, Kimura-sensei, but even this nightmare faded in comparison to her dreamy dance with Sakaki-san.
Kaorin's world had fallen apart following spring break, when she wasn't placed in the same class as Sakaki-san, Chihiro and her other friends. And of all the possibilities she was even placed in Kimura-sensei's class. She had no doubts that this was because of his manipulations. And she was furious that Yukari-sensei had accepted this – why was she the only on who had to change class? It was just so unfair!
After a week of depression she had come to acknowledge that she had to pull herself together. Feeling sorry for herself didn't bring her any closer to Sakaki-san. On the contrary, she now had to try even harder to get in touch with her idol, particularly since now she wasn't even able to gaze at her during class.
Three weeks ago Kimura-sensei had announced that the class would be taking a trip to Okinawa, like the other senior students. Ever since then Kaorin had fantasized about enjoying the sunny beaches, blue skies and exotic surroundings of Okinawa together with Sakaki-san. And during those same three weeks she had been contemplating how the upcoming trip could be used as an opportunity to talk to Sakaki.
This very morning she had met Sakaki-san on the stairs on her way to the classrooms. Having rehearsed this conversation for days, Kaorin's whole body quivered nervously.
"G-good morning, Sakaki-san" she blushingly stammered.
"'Morning" Sakaki briefly answered, in her calm voice.
And this was all it took: The tension, the sight, and Sakaki's cool response caused a mental block in Kaorin. After a quick bow and an "ex-excuse me", she ran away to her classroom.
"Why am I such a coward?" she sighed to herself.
But I'm in love with you
Whatever that may mean
I believe we can be together now
And forever in my dreams
It's so easy
To say forever in my dreams (Pulp: "Forever In My Dreams")
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Another long day at school, during which Kaorin repeatedly had been the reluctant subject of Kimura-sensei's attention, came to an end. She hurried home to change out of her school uniform, so she could go to the mall and buy some summer clothes for the Okinawa trip. Looking forward to the trip, and humming happily, Kaorin was halfway there when suddenly she heard the most wonderful and calm voice in the world: "Hi, Kaorin."
Kaorin turned around to see Sakaki-san walk up from behind. "Sa-Sakaki-san?" Kaorin exclaimed flustered. Her tongue felt like it was glued to her throat, and she just stood there gawking at Sakaki, who gazed back at her. "Why are you such a coward, Kaorin?" she heard a small voice say, in her head. A glimpse of hundreds of defeats, like the one this very morning, flashed through her mind, and in this short moment she felt an unusual courage well up in her: "Are… are you going to the mall?" she burst out.
"Mmm" Sakaki nodded.
"I'm going there myself for some clothes for the school trip" Kaorin quickly said. "Would you like to go together?"
"Sure" Sakaki replied, a tiny hint of a smile on her face.
"YES!" Kaorin almost burst out, though she managed to keep it solely in her mind.
"I'm really looking forward to this trip" Kaorin said, smiling nervously, as they entered the mall. "It'll be my first time flying…"
"Me too" Sakaki said.
"And now I really need some new summer clothes" Kaorin said. Out of the corner of her eye she looked at Sakaki, who kept a straight face. "Are… are you also shopping for clothes, Sakaki-san?" she asked.
"Yes…" was the brief answer.
"Maybe I should also look for a new swimsuit" Kaorin said, as much to herself as to the tall girl at her side. "The beaches of Okinawa really look wonderful in the catalogues…"
The two girls were both looking at swimsuits in one of the countless shops in the mall. "I wonder if this would look nice" she thought loudly to herself, holding up an orange bikini set. Sakaki glanced at her, for a moment regarding the garments, but said nothing. Kaorin blushed: "Maybe it's a bit too revealing?" she said. "After all, Kimura-sensei'll be there also…" she sighed.
"Mmm" Sakaki muttered, and it seemed to Kaorin that her eyes grew a bit smaller.
"Ah, that would really suit you!" Kaorin suddenly said, pointing to the light green bikini set that Sakaki held in her hand.
"Um… what?" Sakaki said, slightly confused. "Oh, this? You really think so?"
"Absolutely!" Kaorin eagerly said. "It's a nice colour… and… um… I also think the size'd fit you" she added, blushing furiously.
"Are you sure?" Sakaki said with hesitation.
"Why don't you try it out?" Kaorin suggested with conviction.
Sakaki nodded, and went to the dressing rooms. A short while later she had to admit that Kaorin was right.
Kaorin bought a pink swimsuit, a summer dress and a pair of light shoes, while Sakaki besides the bikini bought a sleeveless shirt. "It… it was nice to have you along" Kaorin stammered, as they were apart to part ways.
"I thought so too" Sakaki said with a little smile.
Her smile nearly melted Kaorin. "See you at school tomorrow!" she said happily.
"Mmm" Sakaki said, smiling.
"Bye bye" Kaorin said, and then turned to walk home, stopping at every five meters to wave at Sakaki. Sakaki waved back at her, a small smile on her face.
"Banzai!" she shouted to herself with joy. This had gone better than she could ever have planned, even dreamed. To dance with Sakaki-san, and winning the three-legged race with her, had been absolute high spots of her life. But this feeling, a mix of joy, agitation and relaxation, that she had had while shopping with Sakaki, was indescribably wonderful. Dreaming of Sakaki-san was one thing, but to be together with her like this – this was bliss!
"Kaorin…" she heard a voice call from behind. It was a voice she knew far too well, a shrill, creepy voice. In the split second it took her to recognize the speaker, the world changed from magnificent bright colours to sad grey, and where she, moments before, had been floating among the clouds, she now made a hard crash landing on the rough concrete pavement of reality. "Sensei…" she said, sighing as if life left her.
She slowly turned around to see her hated teacher stand behind her: Wrinkled grey suit, loose tie, unkempt hair, foggy glasses, and not least a limply hanging jaw: Kimura-sensei…
"Have you gotten any closer to her?" he asked.
"Ummm…" She loathed his entire existence. Why did her life have to be like this?
"In a week we'll be on Okinawa" the pervert said, leaning his head on one side. "Try to get in touch with her there!"
"Yes" Kaorin sighed.
"All right, I trust you" he said.
Like so many times before Kaorin tried to catch a glimpse of the teacher's eyes through his glasses, to interpret the look on his face – but in vain. With drooping shoulders, she turned around and walked home.
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The trip to Okinawa came (and passed) quickly, and the less than exciting school days returned. Not surprisingly, like the other students, Kaorin had mostly been with her six-piece group. Only for a short while she had had the chance to talk to Sakaki-san, and even Chihiro, Chiyo-chan or her other friends she hadn't spent much time with. Kimura-sensei hadn't been much worse than he used to, though it irked her that he had bought a t-shirt alike her own. And of all people, of course Sakaki had been the one to notice… Kaorin had thrown it away the second she had gotten out of it.
Monday morning, the first day of school after they went home, Kaorin met Chiyo-chan at the shoe lockers.
"Good morning " the young girl said, smiling cutely.
"Good morning, Chiyo-chan" Kaorin smiled back at her.
"Aww, our school trip ended much too fast" Kaorin sighed and smiled sadly.
"Yes, it was really fun" Chiyo-chan said. "One more week would've been nice…"
"Was it fun at Iriomotejima?" Kaorin asked.
"Oh yes" the cute girl said. "It was really nice in the jungle and there were lots of beautiful flowers. We even saw some Iriomote cats!"
"Ah, that sounds exciting" Kaorin said with a touch of envy. "We went to Miyakojima, and that was fun as well. But I would still have preferred to go to Iriomotejima… with you guys, and with Sakaki-san…"
"It was Sakaki-san's idea to go there" Chiyo-chan said. "She really wanted to see Iriomote cats…"
"Yeah, she told me."
Chiyo-chan smiled. "Did she also tell you that she met her own personal Iriomote cat?"
"You're kidding?" Kaorin said in surprise.
"Sakaki-san's crazy about cats" Chiyo-chan explained. "And even though there wasn't any guarantee that we'd see Iriomote cats, she wouldn't miss that chance. Just fancy, not only did we see a cat – it became attached to Sakaki-san! She looked really blissful" Chiyo-chan laughed. "So happy! Sakaki-san called it 'Yamamaya' – it was only a half-grown kitten. Alas, they had to say good-bye when we left the island. But I've never seen Sakaki-san so happy…"
"Aw, Chiyo-chan, now I really regret that I didn't go with you to Iriomotejima" Kaorin said, smiling sadly. "I'd really love to see Sakaki-san like that… I don't suppose you have any photos from that trip?"
"Sorry, none of us had a camera" Chiyo-chan replied.
Sakaki-san, happy, and with a cat in her arms. What Kaorin wouldn't have given to see that! Then, in a moment of divine inspiration it hit her: Maybe the situation could be recreated? Not with an Iriomote cat, but with a copy! Kaorin recalled that Sakaki-san had seemed quite carried away with the penguin suit that she and Chihiro had sewn for Chiyo-chan for the last Culture Festival at school. Maybe she could sew an Iriomote plush cat!
"Um… Kaorin?"
"Eh, what?" Kaorin exclaimed confusedly.
"You seemed a bit distracted" Chiyo-chan said.
"Sorry, I just… remembered something" Kaorin said and smiled. "What did you say?"
"I asked what you saw on Miyakojima" Chiyo-chan said and smiled back at her.
Kaorin started to tell about her own field trip, until they arrived at the class rooms and had to part ways.
For the rest of the day at school, Kaorin thought of how she could realize her idea. Oh, if she could just sew a plush cat that looked like a real Irimote cat. Even though it wouldn't be alive, it might make Sakaki-san happy anyway! And if Sakaki-san would be just a tenth as happy of this as Chiyo-chan said she had been of Yamamaya, it would… it would almost be her raison d'être! And maybe it would also bring her closer to Sakaki-san…
After school, Kaorin ran to the school library, to find some pictures of Iriomote cats. Having found a few good photos, she hurried to the fabric shop before they closed for the day.
All evening, and the two next evenings, she worked hard to realize her project. Should she had asked Chihiro to help her? Sweet Chihiro would probably understand her, and would surely had offered to help. But this was something Kaorin would like to do herself, for the girl she admired.
And finally, after three days, her hard and difficult work paid off: She had an exact, full-scale, 3D reproduction of an Iriomote cat. The pattern of the fur had been the hardest thing to get right, as it naturally was different on every cat. But she hoped that it would be close enough.
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The next day after school, Kaorin waited for Sakaki at the school gate. At last, there she was! "Sa-Sakaki-san" she faltered blushingly, bowing slightly. "Would you… would you like to walk home together?"
Sakaki looked at her, somewhat puzzled. "But… isn't your house in the opposite direction from mine?" she asked.
Kaorin blushed furiously. "Y-yes… I'm sorry" she stammered. "But… I have something…" – Kaorin swallowed hard – "that I would like to give to you…"
"Oh?" Sakaki said. Then she nodded, and started walking slowly, with a very nervous Kaorin by her side.
Kaorin was far too tense to speak, so they just walked in silence, side by side. Now and again Sakaki cast sidelong glances at her, but said nothing. Ten minutes had passed like this, when Sakaki spoke at last.
"Kaorin?" she asked gently.
Kaorin jumped with fright. "Yes?" she said flustered.
"You said you had something…" quietly Sakaki said.
Again, Kaorin blushed furiously. "S-sorry…" Nervous and tense, she had followed Sakaki like in a trance, not remembering the purpose of them being together. Quickly, she looked around. "How about sitting down in the park over there?" she suggested. Sakaki nodded, and they went into the park and found a free bench under a large ashtree.
Kaorin opened the bag she had been carrying along with her school bag, and with hesitation she pulled out the plush cat. Sakaki gasped when she saw it. "P-please take this" Kaorin stammered, and cautiously handed the plushie to the tall girl at her side. "I'm sorry, it's not very good, but it is a… gift… for you" she added, falteringly.
Tears came to Sakaki's eyes as she stared at the plush cat, spellbound. Very gently she raised her hand and touched the soft plush fur. "Yamamaya" she whispered, almost inaudibly. Kaorin held out the cat, and cautiously Sakaki accepted the plush ball and embraced it. Gently she stroked the brown fur and cuddled the cat. "Thank you" she whispered happily, as a couple of tears rolled down her cheeks.
For the next couple of minutes Sakaki cuddled and caressed the plush cat, and gently kissed it on the snout. Kaorin was just watching her, and was overjoyed! Sakaki-san had liked her work, she even looked happy – just like Kaorin had imagined she had been on Iriomotejima.
"How were you able to recreate Yamamaya?" Sakaki asked at last. "This really looks like him!"
Kaorin blushed, and looked modestly at the ground. "Umm… it wasn't that hard. Chiyo-chan told me about your field trip to Iriomotejima, and I found photos of Iriomote cats at the library, and on the internet."
"This is really amazing!" Sakaki said with a smile. "It's like he was here with me…" She stood up, and bowed formally to Kaorin. "Thank you very much!"
"Oh no, don't mention it" Kaorin said, a bit embarrassed, and quickly bowed as well.
"Kaorin, I don't know how to thank you enough for this!"
Kaorin smiled embarrassed. "Oh, don't mention it… I'm glad you like it!"
"Would… would you like to come to my house, for some tea or juice?" Sakaki asked.
"Yes!" Kaorin shouted, so eager that Sakaki drew a bit back. Kaorin blushed, and stammered: "Y-yes please… I'd love to…"
So, the two girls walked to Sakaki's house together, chatting about their experiences on Okinawa. Sakaki led Kaorin to her room, and Kaorin gasped as she entered, and stood still. The whole room, including the bed, the bookcase and the desk, was filled with all kinds of plush toys, in every form, size and colour. "Wow!" Kaorin exclaimed with admiration. "I don't think I've ever seen so many plushies in my life!"
Sakaki blushed a little, and looked at the floor. "Tea or juice?" she asked.
"Juice, please!" Kaorin answered. While Sakaki went downstairs to the kitchen, Kaorin admired the collection of plush toys, one cuter than the other. Soon, juice was on the table, and the two of them sat down on the bed. Sakaki started again to pet Kaorin's plush cat, and stared spellbound at it. "I see you are really good at sewing" she said.
"Oh no, I'm not very good" Kaorin said and smiled embarrassedly. "Chihiro is much better than I am…"
"Oh yes, you are good at it" Sakaki insisted. "And you – not Chihiro-san – made Yamamaya here!"
Kaorin blushed, and looked at the floor.
"I wish I was as good at sewing – or drawing…" Sakaki sighed.
"But you are good at drawing, Sakaki-san" Kaorin exclaimed enthusiastically. "And you are creative – after all, it was your ideas for our school Culture Festivals!"
This time it was Sakaki's turn to blush.
"I have no idea how to thank you for this" she said, after a moment of silence. "He's so cute… and looks so much like Yamamaya! And as I, unfortunately, didn't get a photo of him, this is the best memento of him I could have!"
"I… I'm glad you like him!" Kaorin said with a smile, blushing slightly.
"I want to reciprocate!" Sakaki said.
"Oh no, don't mention it!" Kaorin said embarrassed, shaking her hands.
"But, surely there must be some way for me to requite your gift!" Sakaki said, and looked at her.
Kaorin's blushing intensified. "Umm… would you… would you like to go to the movies with me?"
Sakaki smiled gently and nodded: "Sure!"
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