Author's Notes: Fixed a typo on July 28th, 2014. Hopefully I didn't mess anything else up in the process.
Warnings: cannibalism, gender issues, obsession, self-harm
Sora's hand in Kairi's own feels warm. They're back home, and they can be doing the most simple of things - jogging to meet up with Riku, watching the sky, cheering as Tidus wins his blitzball game, or out shopping together - and she will still hold it close to her. Having Sora by her side is the best feeling she has ever known.
It should seem obvious things aren't quite the same as they had been before they left the islands. But it really isn't, as Kairi dreams and murmurs to herself. She was devoid of either of her best friends - the inseparable trio - for a long time, living her life out on their islands. She went to school, and did her best to live a normal life as she waited for the need to ease. And it finally did. She remembered Sora.
Now, she sees something between her two best friends. It is not new, and it is not different. It just is. They seem a lot closer. Riku isn't anywhere near as scared to smile back at Sora, even if he thinks the jokes are "stupid." In return, Sora isn't afraid that Riku will pick on him for that anymore, either.
This scares Kairi, because as Sora holds her hand, he's smiling over at Riku.
As Sora sleeps, Kairi presses a gentle kiss to his sweaty forehead. They still haven't kissed on the lips yet, but she thinks that's okay. His lips do look tasty, though. She lies with him until his heart-shaped night light begins to flicker. Like Riku, Sora now no longer finds it agreeable to sleep immersed in darkness, so on one of their outings, she bought him the plug-in light. She pauses her nocturnal watch over him to quickly make her way over to the outlet, and flicks it with her nail. The light resumes its gleam, and she resumes her watch.
As Sora sleeps, he smiles.
When Riku asks Sora to come with him to their play-island, Kairi says she's coming, too. Riku raises his eyebrow at her, and the tiniest of a scowl curves upon his lips. It tells her all she needs to know: he wanted to be alone with Sora. She can't imagine why. She refuses.
Over on the island, they sit on the dock, waving their feet in the breeze. Except for Riku, who's standing off to the side with his arms crossed. This is almost like before the darkness had overcome the island, other than the facts that they're older, Kairi holds no embarrassment in intertwining her fingers with Sora's, and she really, really wishes he'd kiss her. More than anything. Right in front of Riku.
He doesn't, and as the seconds tick by, she tells herself his hand feels even warmer, but she's not sure if that's just because she feels so cold.
Kairi's beginning to wonder if Riku will ever leave them alone. Every time she's alone with Sora, their older friend ends up inviting himself in. Even as Sora is sleeping and Kairi is making sure he doesn't have another nightmare for a while before forcibly excusing herself - she doesn't want to be the reason for Sora being scolded, nor does she want to have to answer his parents' personal questions, like why is a teenage girl in their son's bedroom in the middle of the night - Riku will enter Sora's room through the window. Even at midnight. Especially at midnight.
She can't lash out at Riku for this, either. She can't wake Sora, so without a word, she wiggles the night light to make sure it's properly connected to the outlet, then turns to leave. Riku is hovering over his bed like a worried mother, which sickens her. Of course she can't stay, because she is a girl, and that would be inappropriate. She sees the sarcastic bite in Riku's eyes now, even as his eyes are on Sora. Like he means the world to him. But she knows this can't possibly be true, because Sora is her world.
On a Friday night, the trio order in pizza, and the two boys miraculously convince Kairi to chug a beer to help "loosen her up." There are no sideways glances between the two, and for the first time in a long while, Kairi smiles without regret or guilt. The inside jokes are shared all around, and she feels included. She feels the last of her darkness ebbing away as Sora begins to browse through Riku's movie collection, looking for something spooky for them to embrace the night with. Sora keeps reciting the titles of various B-horror films, to which Riku groans in response. Sora huffs, and this is the last of their interaction.
Kairi is so elated at this observation that she offers to refresh everyone's drink. She's pulling three cans out of the fridge when she notices a familiar canvas bag underneath the dining room table. It belongs to Sora. Before she can decide whether or not to take the leap, her small hands are slowly pulling the zipper open. Inside, she finds Sora's beloved night light. Her hand presses flat against the cool tile of the floor to steady herself. Her face is flushed and her vision is spinning. Sharply, she brings the nail on her thumb across her wrist and down her palm. Once, twice, three times.
When she returns to the living room with the drinks, she's smiling now, too.
"Please, Sora," Riku begs. Riku has never begged, and Sora isn't worried for himself. He's worried for his best friend. Since they've been back, the two most important people in the world to him have been glaring wildly at each other. Do they think they're being subtle? He's not worried so much about Kairi as he is Riku. When Sora is with Kairi, his heart soars and she looks into his eyes so passionately as if her heart beats for his own. And this makes him happy. But Riku doesn't have someone like this. At the end of the day, when Riku is sad, who will hold him?
"What are you so afraid of, Riku?" His voice is pitching higher in disbelief. Riku conquered the darkness. To him, Riku fears nothing.
"I'm scared of her. Scared of what she'll do to you."
Of Kairi? How can Riku be scared of Kairi? The most loving, caring person Sora has ever known.
"Kairi would never hurt me," he laughs. He thinks of Kairi's blue eyes and straight, burgundy hair.
"Sora, I know you see how different she is now. I'm just…" Riku raises his arms and clasps Sora's shoulders with his hands. He can feel his friend's collarbone through the soft cotton of his shirt, and his thumb chances a brief trail into the deep V of his shirt. The skin is warm and he leans forward, and down…
He kisses his best friend on the forehead.
Before her evening truly begins, she visits the boy she loves. He's winding down from a vigorous match of blitzball with a shower and nap. As the squeak of the faucet signals his coming approach, Kairi traces absent patterns into the purple carpet. Sora is rubbing his hair with a towel as he enters the room, his baggy shirt hanging low across his shoulders. They try to watch a movie together, but once Sora has curled up beneath the covers, he's fallen asleep. She runs her hands through his still-damp hair, and he murmurs a name.
The sun's light is barely visible through the window over Sora's bed, and she knows that, if she could ever have ignored or forgiven all of this, that time has passed. She pats Sora's head, and for good measure, grabs the precious night light out of the wall with a schick.
Outside, she crushes it beneath her foot.
They meet on equal ground. Across the water, the horizon is fading into a vengeful mix of pink and dark hues. Brushing away the foliage to make her way into the Secret Place, she comes to face Riku. He's kneeling in front of the drawings she and Sora etched of each other into the rock walls.
"We knew something was wrong," he says, so quietly and so devoid of emotion that she wonders if he hasn't been thinking the exact same thing as her these past few weeks. "Remember the night you and Sor came over?" Kairi wills her face to remain blank at the nickname. "We watched movies all night, and drank for the first time. Yeah, it was my first time, too." He touches the cave's walls with the back of his hand. "We thought we could act like we did before. Because that's when you changed. But that made it worse. You locked him up for days, Kairi. Forbidding him to see me! His best friend!"
The surprising spike in his tone is now laced with anger.
"I had good reason to," she replies. "I was trying to protect him! Can't you see what you've become? Riku…"
"The only things I can see are the things I don't have. All the things that make you, you, Kairi. The things he loves about you." Riku stands and turns to look deeply into her eyes. Something falls from the long-sleeve of his shirt into his palm, and he flicks it open, the sharp blade catching the light of her eyes. "It won't take much, I don't think. It won't take much of you to make him love me, too."
She screams, but who could hear? She runs, but who could help her? She trips in the twisting darkness of the cave - his domain - and she cries.
"Sora…"
Riku's wrapping his arms around Sora's waist, his lips ghosting over his ear condolences on Kairi: "so awful, to just disappear like that. Maybe someone from her world finally came to bring her home, where she truly belongs. Like we belong here, just like this. Right, Sora?"
"She wouldn't just leave like that," Sora sniffs, leaning back into Riku's arms, who comforts him with hums of "it's okay" and "I'm here." Barely above a whisper, Sora says, "I loved her, Riku."
Normally, this would have angered him, but now it is a salve to his ego.
Kairi's inside him.
Now Sora can love him, too.