Fandom: Slam Dunk
Summary: When not hugging you is the only way I could keep you... close to me... right here with me... forever... I am willing to take that chance
Title: Selfish
Author: Hana Rui
Genre: Drama / Death-fic
Pairing: Kaede Rukawa x Ayako [RuAya]
"A hug, Kaede?"
Please don't look at me like that.
"Hn."
Those eyes of yours are killing me. You are killing me.
"You are selfish."
Well maybe I am. But you leave me with no other choice.
"Just take a rest."
I am not a fool, Senpai. I will never fall victim to the same trap twice.
"You know I can't."
My mom used this trick on me once. And it's left me with such great feelings of desolation and betrayal that I've never really thought I could love again.
"Why not?"
Until you came into my life.
"Because... you won't give me a hug."
And now you're using this trick on me tonight. Just like how that other woman did. No more...
"You're just being stubborn."
I am not fool enough to fall victim to the same trap twice.
"And you're being your old, selfish self."
You leave me with no other option. What is a man like me to do...?
"I—won't..."
When not hugging you is the only way I could keep you... close to me... right here with me... forever... I am willing to take that chance.
"Kaede..."
You are the only one I've got left now, Senpai. You are all I've ever really had.
"No more..."
Please do not do this to me.
"You have to."
Please do not let me fall into this same trap twice.
"I won't."
Please do not make a fool out of me.
"I... need to rest now..."
Please...
"Stay with me."
Hold on to my hands.
"Hug me, Kaede."
Let me defy God, for you.
"I'm not letting you go."
Let me show the bastard He could not always have His way.
"I can't stay..."
Let me decide that for you.
"Don't... do this..."
Let me be the reason for you to keep living... Beyond the pain... Beyond the failed treatment...
"Please be strong for me, Kaede."
Beyond everything else...
"I am trying to."
Do not shake your head like that at me. Do not try to tell me what I should be. What I should do.
"You're not. You refuse to open your eyes to the truth."
The truth hurts. It doesn't even deserve the worst death glare I could give.
"You'll be... all right."
Please just let me be right. For once, let me believe in an illusion.
"You are not God, Kaede. You can't always have it your way."
But I've never really had it my way, have I?
"No..."
It always has to be His way.
"Hug me. For the last time, Kaede."
There won't be a last time, Senpai. 'Coz I'm not doing it.
"I... can't..."
I'm not giving you what you want... So you could wait for it forever.
"Kaede..."
Right here. With me.
"You're not... going there... Senpai!"
Your arms, they feel cold around my neck. Why are you doing this to me?
"See, it's this easy, ne?"
Your voice, like ice upon my ears. My arms feel stiff around an iceberg shaped in your likeness. Why do you keep on hurting me...?
"I love you."
You look at me, your smile like heaven on the face of sin.
"I know. I feel the same."
Your eyes... They're killing me. Just a moment more, and they would've done me in.
"Aya..."
But, you are the selfish one, Senpai.
"Thank you, Kae... chan."
You closed your eyes and left me here.
"A... ya..."
All alone.
"No..."
Falling victim to this same trap twice.
-end-
Note: Written for 52_flavours livejournal: Theme #39 The need to hold still
Thanks for reading! :)