Your name is Dave Strider. You're nineteen years old and you're slowly losing it. You've suffered from depression for too long without help. Your best friend is John Egbert. He tries his best to be there for you, but he has other important duties in his life aside from you. This is something you struggle to wrap your head around sometimes. You get lonely pretty easy when Egbert isn't around. You don't have any real friends that you're close to, not even your former best friend Rose Lalonde who you've become distant with over the last few years. As for Jade Harley, well, you were never that close to her to begin with. You didn't let her get close. So in truth, Egbert and Lalonde were your only pals, and you're scared that once Lalonde's out of the picture, Egbert will slowly leave you too.
You aren't sure if you can help it or not. You don't speak, in fact you can't speak, and you aren't down with learning sign language despite other's efforts. You figure why bother learning something few people understand. There's no fucking point. No one gives enough of a damn to try for you, and honestly you don't want them to. But you pretend to know what you're doing, signing random shit you don't even think is actually legit sign language, but it keeps others happy even if they're confused as fuck. When they ask for an explanation you say it's too hard.
Today is the one year anniversary of living with your pal Egbert. You guys aren't doing a whole lot to celebrate, you don't think it's a big deal. Egbert does, though. He's pretty excited and was spitting out ideas left and right over the last few weeks, all of which you declined. You wish you were more open to Egbert's fun ideas, you can't stand to see the sadness in his eyes when you turn him down and reject his ideas. You know what that's like, so why're you putting him through it? You honestly don't know. You're too miserable, too alone, too unmotivated and honestly so close to giving up everything.
Egbert has been there for you the best he can over the last few years, more so since you two started living together obviously. He's had a busy personal life, finishing up high school, ending two year relationship with some chick you never really got to know. You wouldn't admit you were jealous of how close the two had been, even though Egbert was happy, you longed for that sort of happiness. You don't recall the last time you were truly happy. Egbert always tried to make you smile but it always ended in defeat. He's probably seen your smile ten times at the very most over your entire friendship. That upsets him, but he's learned to live with it you guess.
Right now, your dorky friend isn't home. You wonder why this is, he made today sound like such importance and he wasn't even here. It made you a little uncomfortable for a couple of reasons. Was he hanging out with someone better than you? Maybe. Was he planning some shitty surprise? You almost hoped so, just so you could lie to him, act like you truly cared just to make him smile. Though you know that wouldn't end well, he knows you too well. He'd see through it like all that was protecting your lie was a thin glass window. You're left with your thoughts as per usual, unsure of how to handle Egbert not being around right now.
You figure what the hell, he doesn't seem to be coming home anytime soon so it's time to get out the alcohol and chill the fuck out for a change. You get off the couch in a sloppy manner, pushing your miserable ass to the kitchen. You stare out your dark shades, locking your hand around a bottle, not bothering to get a glass or anything. That shit is for dweebs. You don't even bother returning to the comfort and perhaps safety of the couch before you take a swig from the bottle, feeling sort of content as you swallowed the substance.
You don't get drunk too easily, something you've always admired about yourself, though before long you are getting a little tipsy, you're starting to feel a bit lonely. You're feeling lost, slowly angry. You're thinking about Egbert. You can't believe he went to such effort to make this day seem so important, then he wasn't fucking here. You take another swig. You're fucked off and don't want to think right now. You're pissed off with your so called best friend. Fuck him, fuck him and his bullshit, right?
An hour, maybe two later, you're so angry. You're fucking furious to be perfectly honest. Sure you blew off every idea Egbert threw at you but fuck, he could have at least been there. He left early in the morning before you even could say good morning or any of the usual bullshit. Your heart is fucking aching. Your blood boiling. You want to fucking hit something, someone. You're ready to kick that shitty glass coffee table Egbert bought at some dodgy garage sale sometime ago, but you just lean back, staring at the ceiling for a little, feeling sick. Great. You decide fuck it, it's time to sleep or something. Fuck finding the bed though, you just lay down and within say twenty minutes you're out.
It's a fair few hours later when Egbert finally fucking comes home. You're still asleep so unaware of the time, but if you were awake it wouldn't be hard to acknowledge it was early into the next day, it was pitch black outside, well it would be if those tacky looking street lights weren't brightening the entire street. Why were they tacky? It was nearly Christmas time, that should be a good enough description really.
You wake up to the sound of Egbert sneaking into the house, he isn't great at being quiet the fucking dweeb. You sit up slowly from the couch and look at him past your shades, you can't talk of course, so you just stare. You want to fucking scream at him, you aren't quite sober. Not at all really. You roll off the couch and hit the ground, a loud thump from you and a scream from Egbert.
"Shit Dave are you alright?" he yelps and rushes to your side, crouching down and helping you back onto the couch before walking back to the door where the light switch is. Obviously, he turns on the light and sighs heavily, coming back to your side and flicking out his 'Dave Notebook' which he gets you to write in when you don't have your phone to type out shit on. You take it and just throw it across the room, wish you could just scream at your best friend, asking where the fuck he was. He stares at you with those wide blue eyes that suit him so fucking well. You look at him, watching him, expecting some sort of react. But he just sits there staring at you with wide eyes. "I'm sorry Dave, I stayed behind at my course, I had heaps to catch up on since I was away last week... After that I went out with some guys from the course... Sorry I wasn't back sooner man," Egbert says a little flatly, he sounds disappointed and you aren't sure why. Is he disappointed in you or himself? You aren't sure what you hope the answer is.
You just lean back and hang your head, shrugging. You grab a random bit of paper off the coffee table and a pen (how convenient you think before remembering Egbert has this shit everywhere in case of some emergency or something, you aren't sure) and write down that you're angry with him for choosing some losers at his course over you. The logical response would be to shrug it off and be happy for him, but since when were you logical? Of course the answer was simply that you never were and probably never will be.
He just stares at you for a little while longer, it's starting to bug you. What the fuck does he want from you? You turn away and he sighs, "Time to go to bed Dave," and he lifts you. You have no idea how the boy does it, he looks like such a wimpy shit but regardless he, with struggle, carries you back to the bedroom which you two share. He lays you on your bed and you just lay there, staring at the ceiling, not moving. You fall asleep pretty quickly as your thoughts drift from your mind.